Bones: A Brief Biography

PIT_FACE on June 19, 2013

BONES:
A Brief Biography
by Pit-Face











PART
1: The birth of Bones
Bones
was born to a Simon and Barbara Timbucker: A seemingly average, middle class
suburban Septican couple. They had tried to have a child numerous times and
werent getting any younger, but no go. The couple seemed that they would be
doomed to be barren until, in their staling marriage, they found they had a
hidden lust for adventure. They began to concoct a heist in order to scratch
their itch for the wild side, but miraculously, and ill timed, Barbara finally
got pregnant! A baby would only slow the now daring couple down now though, so
as soon as he was born, Timothy Timbucker (AKA Bones) was dropped off at the
orphanage and Simon and Barbara went on to begin their exciting lifestyle. They
were both incarcerated within a week.

PART
2: Early Life
Bones
in the meantime stayed in the orphanage until he would be transferred to
military school when he was 15. While he was living in the orphanage, he was
adopted and returned 3 times for being an utter terror.
He
also met Puke while he was there during a field trip to the zoo. Puke had
fallen into the ape pit as a small boy and was being raised by the gorillas
there in. Bones snuck off from the nuns in order to find a place to read his
smut mags in peace; entering the brush of the ape pit to do so. That's where he
met Puke. Puke, finding a new male in his territory, started kicking Bones's
ass. So in order to spare himself from the situation, Bones offered his mags to
Puke who was so intrigued by them, he escaped the confines and left with Bones.
The two would soon become fast friends- Bones frequently sneaking from the
orphanage or his adoptive parents to hang out and scheme with Puke who was
living on the street.
This
is also about the same time that Bones developed his high tolerance to alcohol,
as he would sneak into a local tavern and nip booze behind the counter. The bar
owner became wise to him and would swipe the alcohol out with rat poison and
leave it for him to guzzle, but the dosage was never enough to kill him, so
instead, he just developed a very high tolerance.

PART
3: Early Teens
Bones
DID search out his birth parents once. He found himself intrigued by their wrap
as “big time criminals”, as they were portrayed by the news and broke
them out of prison to accompany him on a “parent-son bonding crime”.
His plan was to break into the hide out of a local voodoo gang and steal a
valuable medallion the leader was said to possess. What Bones didnt realize
though, was that the news hype about his parents was just that-hype. They were
horridly talentless criminals. Simon had grown lethargic and dull again and
Barbara was flighty and unable to cope with stress. Together the three did
manage to break in though, and Bones was able to grab the medallion, but on the
way out, they were found and he was abandoned by his parents once again,
leaving Bones to be brutally beaten by the gang. Barbara and Simon escaped the
hide out unscathed, but only to be arrested again right after. Bones however
was taken captive and presented as a sacrifice for the “mother-goddess”-a
giant snake that the voodoo gang worships. He is saved at the last moment
though by Puke who broke in at first to steal the medallion before bones (Puke
was jealous that Bones invited his parents along instead of him), but once he
found Bones, he gave into his more brotherly instincts and rescued him.

The
last poor soul to try and adopt Bones was a rich old woman named Ms.Potter who
was a widow looking for an heir. Hearing about the unscrupulous young Bones,
she decided to adopt him herself and devoted herself to making the boy turn a
new leaf. In her quest she would turn him from a mannerless, social derelict to
a prim, propper, and contributing member of society; giving him the unfortunate
name of Harry in the process. That's right. He was Harry Potter. Needless to
say, Ms.Potter was not victorious in her pursuit. But she did give it a good
try! She hung in there for two years, longer than any of Bones's other foster
families and was forced to succumb on account of a fatal heart attack. The
heart attack came on the heels of a rather entrepreneurial operation by Bones
and Puke, in which using his new found social skills, Bones orchestrated a
putrid meat smuggling ring (literally). See, in Septica, the dead are sent to
what's called a “Ferta-Corpse” station. There the deceased are left
in a large underground storage tank to ferment and are eventually reused as
fertilizer and animal feed.
Bones,
15 years old, had been pillaging cuts of meat from the particularly rancid dead
and selling them to the highest bidder. The unsuspecting public fell in love
with the mystery meat and because of its exotic appeal and short supply, it
became a delicacy…until the operation was uncovered and busted up. Bones
escaped the bust, but was sent back to the orphanage after the death of Ms.
Potter. Her last words on her deathbed were “If he's Septica's future, I
chose the fires of hell over THAT little shit. Cut the life support, doctor!”
Bones received no inheritance.

PART
4:mid-teens
Upon
returning once again to the orphanage, Bones found that the nuns had signed him
over to Septica's military academy and as to be expected, he did not enjoy
himself there. He came to odds with all of his instructors and hated his
classes….with the exception of one. A female instructor by the name of Dava
found potential in young Bones and guided him well! She found he was gifted
when it came to combat and prowess so instead of punishing Bones for acting
out, she instead encouraged him to use the things he was taught and for a few
years, he actually became a formidable student when it came to military studies
and stayed out of major trouble.
However
though, Bones's nature got the better of him in the end. near the age of 18, he
accomplished the impossible task of stealing a tank with the help of Puke, who
by now had become employed as an attack dog for a large impound lot. They
smuggled it into the sewer (to this day no one knows HOW they accomplished
this) and used it as an all access rampage-tour across the city. The sewers
also back filled due to the waton destruction and oozed onto the streets causing
a huge mess on top of it. The two boys were virtually untouchable. They were
only stopped when running out of frozen pizza, they boys had to reemerge for
food. When they did so, they were ambushed by Septicas finest. Puke escaped,
sensing the danger with his sharp ape-senses, but Bones was captured and faced
dire charges. Dava though, stepped in and pulled strings for her favorite protg.
Instead of life in prison without parole, Bones was instead only dismissed from
the military academy at the age of 17.

PART
5: Late Teens
The
next years were relatively quiet for Bones, committing more petty crime and
living his life for the first time as an adult. He also met Charlotte;
Charlotte was a not yet TOO cynical high school graduate, still searching for
her lot in life. She was considering business school, but then she met Bones.
They met in a little dive one night and Bones, in an effort to get laid without
having to pay for it, told her pretty much everything i've written about to you
here, but with a sympathetic spin where he was but a parentless victim of
society. This inspired sympathy in Charlotte and so she invited him to bed. The
two had a VERY short, transparent relationship and the experience, Charlotte
vowed to never sleep with a man for sympathy or any other sentimental reason
again, and that they would always have to pay her.
Cash.
Upfront.
This
rompted the beginning of her career as a prostitute one Bones never had the
money to afford. He remained in contact with her though; dropping in from time
to time to elicit begrudgingly given advice and moral support.



PART
6: Current
He
rose up the ranks as a dead body disposal garbage man, became the unofficial, self-dubbed
“Mayor of Septica”, was executed just before officially inheriting
it, since the true king of Septica, King Felix now feared for his life. Bones
was executed for sleeping with Felix's wife, Gretchen during the negotiations
for Septica, rose back up from some old lady's vegetable garden a few years
later, found that Exis was now in command and decided that he wanted the power
he tasted BACK. After a mucked up effort to take Exis down, he was shipped to
the re-education facility, broke out and now is making his way back to Septica
with the help of the other escapees in order to take down Exis AND RECLAIM HIS
RIGHT AS KING!