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"I wish i had a hero like Edwar Cullen"
same at 10:57PM, July 6, 2010
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Bad writing, bad acting. Both the book and the movie suck.
Im now convinced that this series of books was intended to
cause endless parodies and mocks.
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:21PM
Sariling Mundo at 4:37AM, July 7, 2010
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My comics and their REAL ratings:

The Intrepid TORPEDO! - T+

Painkiller - M

ZetaMax - E
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:24PM
alwinbot at 3:55PM, July 7, 2010
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It's just a popular Romance novel.


Turned into a movie.


The strange thing is… the girls who liked the Twilight books who saw the movie try to rationalize its crap and try to find the good things about it. They know everything about it sucked and they keep going back to the things that are below average. Like the settings.



I just don't like vampires. Except for Dracula in the Castlevania games, he's pretty badass.
Read this comic. It is the greatest journal comic ever written and drawn. Trust me.
last edited on July 14, 2011 10:50AM
Mondo_Funky at 4:21PM, July 8, 2010
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MicMit
Also, Spike.


You don't even have to explain what's great about Spike.

Spike simply IS.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:07PM
F Y R E 13 R A N D at 10:03PM, July 14, 2010
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I recently was made to watch the first Twilight movie. It may well be the worst movie I have ever seen, or will ever see, in my entire life.

* The story is practically non-existent. A miserable troll of a girl meets a vampire, and they fall in love for some reason. She meets his family, they play baseball, and a bad vampire shows up. They beat up the bad vampire, and then there's a cliffhanger ending where we find out that there's still a bad vampire out there, as if I care.

* The characters would have to be fleshed-out more to get to “one-dimensional.” I seriously could not tell you a single thing about Edward's personality, interests, or values, apart from “he's a vampire, but he doesn't want to kill people.” The thing is, most people don't want to kill people, so that isn't much of a character trait.

* The relationship between Edward and Bella is so shallow it borders on inexplicable. In lieu of a scene in which the two of them bond in any meaningful way, the camera just pans over them from 50 feet in the air while piano music plays. During this time, it is supposed to be assumed that a really good conversation is being had, and we're to imagine that the relationship between Edward and Bella just leveled up. It's like this was just a placeholder for a chapter that never got finished. They might as well just put up a test pattern and the text: “Scene Missing.”
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:25PM
ozoneocean at 7:12AM, July 15, 2010
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Mondo_Funky
You don't even have to explain what's great about Spike.

Spike simply IS.
I'll admit that guy convinced me as British, even though I know he wasn't. …but he was always too skinny for the “bad-ass” thing the writers were going for with him, and those stupid, shapeless, untailored baggy coats didn't help the impression.- You don't put a skinny man in stuff like that, it can make him look childlike with the wrong angles. (ie. teen not grown into his brothers clothes).

Plus, the Buffy vamps, and all their monsters really, were just humans with uglymasks on:



The guy who played Angel looked the same weather he had it on or not.
(that's spike there looking exactly like Angel normally does, only with different hair :P)




…Sarah MG was hot though.
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:36PM
blindsk at 12:20PM, July 15, 2010
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So I was browsing through a page dedicated to the new Twilight movie (don't ask) when all of a sudden, I abruptly stopped skimming due to one small little fact: the director for that movie also did Hard Candy.

What is this?!
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:25AM
Mondo_Funky at 8:44AM, Aug. 9, 2010
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He's just earning money to fund Hard Candy 2: The Second Castration.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:07PM
Mondo_Funky at 8:48AM, Aug. 9, 2010
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ozoneocean
I'll admit that guy convinced me as British, even though I know he wasn't.

I was so dissappointed when I found out James Marsters wasn't British. It was like finding out there's no Santa Claus, or that Scarlett Johansson breasts are fake. :(
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:07PM
DrLuck at 11:54AM, Aug. 9, 2010
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Because of this movie/book series, whenever I mention I like vampires, I must always clarify, “No, not Twilight ones.”
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:17PM
The Gravekeeper at 10:19PM, Aug. 9, 2010
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Quick question for people who have seen the first Twilight: does the whole movie have that greenish tint to it? Seriously, it looks like they're underwater, the film itself is midly nauseous, or like the film really wanted to be used for a movie like The Matrix but got stuck with this gig instead.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:14PM
F Y R E 13 R A N D at 7:14AM, Aug. 10, 2010
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The Gravekeeper
Quick question for people who have seen the first Twilight: does the whole movie have that greenish tint to it? Seriously, it looks like they're underwater, the film itself is midly nauseous, or like the film really wanted to be used for a movie like The Matrix but got stuck with this gig instead.

I don't know about a green tint, but it might improve things if you fiddle with the brightness and volume adjustment. Like, put them all the way down to zero.


Actually, most of the movie is kind of weirdly pale-looking, now that you mention it. I think they do this because the movie takes place in a town where it's always cloudy and misty – so cloudy and misty that it blocks out the sun. See, when you write a script about a vampire who goes to high school and likes to be out during the day, you have to situate him in a magical town with no sunlight.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:25PM
I Am The 1337 Master at 8:09AM, Aug. 10, 2010
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maycroft
And still, Meyer must be counting bills on his desk right now
It's a chick.


By the way, it's not the worst book or movie ever. It has just been made to be the worst book and movie ever.



And my hero is…


Ozzie!
Not.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:54PM
Giratinasaur at 6:43AM, Aug. 11, 2010
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Oh teh noes, it's Dick Dastardly's face superimposed over a picture of a little girl.
…Unless I'm missing something, which I probably am considering it's 1337 we're talking about.

Anyhow, having read the entirety of the book series and seen the third movie, I think that the story needs to be judged on two levels: the main characters and everything else. It's obvious that Meyer was babying Bella and Edward, and that is just pathetic. However, because of Bella and Edward's dominant presence in the narration, everything else looks much much worse by default. Truth is, the other characters are distanced enough from Meyer herself to at least be treated properly, and most of them got a backstory - no matter how vague it may be. The plot - ignoring Bella's desire to get hypothermia from Edward's deliciously cold and stony skin and Edward's insistence that “IM A KILLER BELLA >:I” - is mediocre, no more, no less.

The House of Jirachi: the only webcomic that has static rats and ebony felines working together in tandem.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:36PM
I Am The 1337 Master at 11:21AM, Aug. 11, 2010
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Giratinasaur
Oh teh noes, it's Dick Dastardly's face superimposed over a picture of a little girl.
…Unless I'm missing something, which I probably am considering it's 1337 we're talking about.
Psst. It's a picture of ozoneocean.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:54PM
Tantz Aerine at 2:15PM, Aug. 11, 2010
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I usually don't hate on other authors' works, but Meyers just can't qualify for that rule of mine.

I actually feel bad that I must call her um, ‘books’ book. *cringe*

Plus she has beset little teenyboppers with extremely dangerous notions about what is cool and what isn't, what is an attractive or suitable boyfriend and what is bad and what is good.

She is a pedagogical menace!

…and she artistically um, well… sucks. *sighs*
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:07PM
ozoneocean at 1:16AM, Aug. 12, 2010
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I Am The 1337 Master
Giratinasaur
Oh teh noes, it's Dick Dastardly's face superimposed over a picture of a little girl.
…Unless I'm missing something, which I probably am considering it's 1337 we're talking about.
Psst. It's a picture of ozoneocean.
LOL!

Giratinasaur ge's teh perma-ban and 1337 gets a truckload of cookies, cake and pie!
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:36PM
I Am The 1337 Master at 9:22AM, Aug. 13, 2010
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ozoneocean
Giratinasaur ge's teh perma-ban and 1337 gets a truckload of cookies, cake and pie!
I do like pie.

But are you fattening me up?
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:54PM
ozoneocean at 10:04PM, Aug. 13, 2010
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I Am The 1337 Master
But are you fattening me up?
How did you know…? >_>

Psst- Skoolmunkee lives in a gingerbread house.
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:36PM
I Am The 1337 Master at 9:37AM, Aug. 14, 2010
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ozoneocean
Psst- Skoolmunkee lives in a gingerbread house.
Doi.

last edited on July 14, 2011 12:54PM
Giratinasaur at 4:55PM, Aug. 14, 2010
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo…

/tossed bricks at, runs away screaming

The House of Jirachi: the only webcomic that has static rats and ebony felines working together in tandem.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:36PM
lefarce at 11:59PM, Aug. 14, 2010
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same
WHY?!



Because he is a megahunk.

 
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:34PM
Warpedwenger at 7:10PM, Aug. 15, 2010
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I want to speak for the record I agree with the principles of the movie “Vampires Suck” but am strongly against the existance of said movie itself as it looks to be absolutely retarded. I would have deep sympathy for the writers that they had to watch Twilight in order to make that movie but I think it was their punishment for writing Meet the Spartans.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:47PM
Dark Pascual at 1:02AM, Aug. 16, 2010
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Warpedwenger
I want to speak for the record I agree with the principles of the movie “Vampires Suck” but am strongly against the existance of said movie itself as it looks to be absolutely retarded. I would have deep sympathy for the writers that they had to watch Twilight in order to make that movie but I think it was their punishment for writing Meet the Spartans.

Man, I'm not looking forward to “Vampires Suck” AT ALL.

Mostly, because I HATE Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg with the blazing fury of a thousand suns.

I just hate their half assed, poorly written, sex-and-poop “comedy” driven that seem to have the parody grasp of a teenager that just saw his first Victoria's Secret catalog and laughs at the word “analogue” (dude, you said “anal”… I wanted to murder my cousin right there…).

Worst of all, is the wasted potential. The concept can be done successfully, It HAS BE DONE successfully in the past. But seems to be that these two hacks just write not seeing nothing more than trailers of the last movies.

To me, Twilight parody perfection has been reached by the Rifftrax.

Only reason for me to wait for the “Eclipse” DVD.

YES, I KNOW THAT I SOUND OLD… I WATCHED MTV WITH MY 17 YEARS OLD SISTER… MAN, I HATE THE 15 TO 21 DEMOGRAPHIC RIGHT NOW!!!

DAMN!!!
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:07PM
I Am The 1337 Master at 5:23AM, Aug. 16, 2010
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The saddest thing is VS looks like it actually may be funny.



heh…suck…
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:54PM
Warpedwenger at 7:16AM, Aug. 16, 2010
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Their movies regularly score 2% on RT :/ I doubt anybody is worst than that.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:47PM
I Am The 1337 Master at 6:54PM, Aug. 17, 2010
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Warpedwenger
Their movies regularly score 2% on RT :/ I doubt anybody is worst than that.
What I meant to say was that SOME parts looked funny. Word dropped.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:54PM
PIT_FACE at 7:53PM, Aug. 18, 2010
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dude, just introduce her to Lemmy! she wont be talkin about Edward Cullen anymore. ;)

last edited on July 14, 2011 2:45PM
Giratinasaur at 12:48PM, Sept. 1, 2010
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To be honest, anyone who wants a boyfriend named Edwar is probably off their rocker.

The House of Jirachi: the only webcomic that has static rats and ebony felines working together in tandem.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:36PM
alwinbot at 9:52PM, Sept. 26, 2010
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Giratinasaur
To be honest, anyone who wants a boyfriend named Edwar is probably off their rocker.
Ed+War sounds badass. I don't know what you're talking about.

Edward though, is an even more badass name. Given to a fake vampire.
Read this comic. It is the greatest journal comic ever written and drawn. Trust me.
last edited on July 14, 2011 10:50AM

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