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125 Things Never to Say During Sex
diana_m at 1:02PM, July 13, 2008
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125 Things Never to Say During Sex

1. Is it in?
2. That's it?
3. You've got to be kidding me.
4. (phone rings) Hello? Oh nothing and you?
5. Do I have to pay for this?
6. Do I have to call you tomorrow?
7. Oh momma, momma!
8. Oh dadda, dadda!
9. You look better in the dark.
10. This is much better than my last girl/boyfriend.
11. I thought that goes in the other hole…
12. Don't tell my husband/wife.
13. You have the same bra my mom does (worse if the girl says it).
14. This sucks.
15. Can you finish now? I have a meeting…
16. I hope you don't expect a raise for this…
17. I think you might get the job for this.
18. Damn! Is that all you know how to do?
19. Did I tell you I have herpes?
20. Now we must get married.
21. Hurry up, the game's about to start.
22. I'm hungry.
23. I'm thirsty.
24. zzzzzzzzzzzz.
25. Are you trying to be funny?
26. Can I have a ride home after this?
27. Are those real?
28. By the way, I want to break up.
29. Is that smell coming from you?
30. Haven't you ever done this before?
31. Wow!! I've never seen those before (then grope wildly).
32. Do you know what some female spiders do after sex?
33. You're so much like your sister…
34. Your mom's cute.
35. What's your name again?
36. Do I have to be here in the morning?
37. A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time!
38. But you just started!
39. You're about as good as a 9 year old, and I should know!
40. Don't touch that!
41. Can we order a pizza?
42. I think my dad is listening at the door.
43. Smile for the camera, honey!
44. Take off that damn monkey glove!
45. Get your hand out of there!
46. I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.
47. I knew you wore a padded bra!
48. Cover me boys, I'm going in!
49. DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!
50. Fire one!
51. God, that is small!
52. Hold on, let me change the channel…
53. Who smells like fish?
54. Is it OK if my mom (and/or dad) joins in?
55. Your best friend does it much better.
56. Hope you don't mind I left my boots on.
57. Hurry up, the motor's running.
58. You're fogging up the wind shield.
59. Can I borrow 5 bucks?
60. What the hell noise was that?!
61. Stop moaning, you sound so stupid.
62. Shut up, bitch! (worse if the girl says it)
63. You know, you're not really attractive.
64. I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
65. What, oh yea, I love you too, now let me concentrate!
66. Stop interrupting me!
67. I have to take a shit.
68. Did I leave the iron on?
69. Your breath is funky.
70. (start singing Green Day)
71. Is it OK if I call someone, its OK though, keep going…
72. Its OK honey, I can just imagine that it's bigger.
73. God I wish you were a real woman.
74. Why can't you ever shave your legs?
75. By the way, when I drove over here, I ran over your dog…
76. Oh Susan, Susan… I mean Donna… Shit.
77. Your breast milk is like my mom's…
78. You're hairy!
79. Your “happy trail” led me to a dead end.
80. Is it OK if I never see you again?
81. Did I forget to tell you I got worms from my cat?
82. Don't make that face at me!
83. All of a sudden I have a headache.
84. You're boring.
85. I like your tits.
86. Suck my dick, bitch.
87. How much do I owe you?
88. How come we each have a penis?
89. Of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'll kill me!
90. Your ass is hairy (the guy says this).
91. Just use your finger, its bigger.
92. Does your family have to watch?
93. We'll try again later when you can satisfy me too.
94. Get off me, I'll do it myself!
95. Can you hold this sandwhich for me?
96. You're as soft as a sheep, inside and out.
97. The only reason I'm doing this is because I'm drunk.
98. My mom taught me this…
99. How cute… Peach fuzz!
100. Damn girl! My tits are bigger than yours!
101. Should I ask why you're bleeding?
102. This is my pet rat, Larry…
103. If you can't do it, I'll find someone else who can!
104. I haven't had this much sex since I was a hooker!
105. I was once a woman…
106. Wanna see me take out my glass eye?
107. No I don't love your mind, I can't grab that!
108. Is it OK if I tell my friends about this?
109. I'm sobering up and you're getting ugly!
110. You wanted me to use a condom?
111. You're no better than my brother!
112. Mooooo!
113. Fire in the hole!
114. I wanna see how many quarters I can fit in there.
115. Hurry up, I'm late for a date.
116. OK start… Oh! that feels so… YOU'RE DONE?!
117. You ever see Basic Instinct?
118. I'm out of condoms, can I use a sock?
119. Don't squirm, you'll spill my beer.
120. Did I tell you where my cold sore came from?
121. You got boogies showing.
122. (start reciting the 10 Commandments)
123. I think I just shit on your bed.
124. Of course I don't love you.
125. Let me spell it out for you, b-r-e-a-t-h m-i-n-t.
./\_/\ I'm a wolf.
/.o.o\ I ate the bunny.
\..o../ It was tasty.
..v.v..

last edited on July 14, 2011 12:10PM
humorman at 1:39PM, July 13, 2008
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126. Swallow, or it's going right in your eye!
127. Don't worry, we don't need condoms. The AIDS will kill the baby.

Billy vs. Tree – The epic struggle of boy versus tree.
Sonic Colores – It looks like it's going to be a good game because I love how the way it makes me grow.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
diana_m at 2:02PM, July 13, 2008
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joined: 7-8-2007
Nice,Humorman.
./\_/\ I'm a wolf.
/.o.o\ I ate the bunny.
\..o../ It was tasty.
..v.v..

last edited on July 14, 2011 12:10PM
bluebot092 at 3:08PM, July 13, 2008
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128. i dont have a codem but i got this milky way wrapper
129.lemme put on my ipod
I don't have ADD you're just boring me.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:28AM
flapjack1995 at 6:10PM, July 13, 2008
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joined: 11-29-2006
130. (Power Rangers theme song plays) Hold on for a minute, I love this song! (start singing along)
|GTR|FJ|MSC|
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:29PM
Aurora Moon at 1:32AM, July 14, 2008
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lol, some of those lines would be creepy as fuck to actually hear in reality.

I wonder if there was anybody who ever actually said those… ^^;
I'm on hitatus while I redo one of my webcomics. Be sure to check it out when I'n done! :)
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:10AM
bluebot092 at 6:36AM, July 14, 2008
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131. OH MARTHA- OOPS I MEAN JAMIE JAMIE I SAID JAMIE
I don't have ADD you're just boring me.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:28AM
Atom Apple at 9:38AM, July 14, 2008
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posts: 6,921
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132. *

Anything you say will sound lame and cheesy as Hell, proven fact.
i will also like to know you the more
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:07AM
HippieVan at 10:26AM, July 14, 2008
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bluebot092
131. OH MARTHA- OOPS I MEAN JAMIE JAMIE I SAID JAMIE

That's already on the list.
Duchess of Friday Newsposts and the holy Top Ten
Have a comic milestone, a community project or some comic-related news you’d like to see in
a newspost? Send it to me via PQ or at hippievannews(at)gmail.com!
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:48PM
bluebot092 at 10:58AM, July 14, 2008
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:o IT IS????????
I don't have ADD you're just boring me.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:28AM
HippieVan at 1:16PM, July 14, 2008
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posts: 2,363
joined: 3-15-2008
Yes.

the list
76. Oh Susan, Susan… I mean Donna… Shit.
Duchess of Friday Newsposts and the holy Top Ten
Have a comic milestone, a community project or some comic-related news you’d like to see in
a newspost? Send it to me via PQ or at hippievannews(at)gmail.com!
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:48PM
diana_m at 2:22PM, July 14, 2008
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Very nice job everyone.

And I think 76 and 131 are slightly different.It can stay.
./\_/\ I'm a wolf.
/.o.o\ I ate the bunny.
\..o../ It was tasty.
..v.v..

last edited on July 14, 2011 12:10PM
diana_m at 3:08PM, July 15, 2008
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133.Boobies!I only saw then on the net!This is the first time I see them live!(Worst if the girl says it.)
./\_/\ I'm a wolf.
/.o.o\ I ate the bunny.
\..o../ It was tasty.
..v.v..

last edited on July 14, 2011 12:10PM
subcultured at 8:51PM, July 16, 2008
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THESE PIPES ARE CLEAAAAAAAAAN!
J
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:03PM
Poke Alster at 12:26AM, July 17, 2008
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Wow these jokes are kinda wierd . . .
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:46PM
rhaneshadow at 10:10PM, July 24, 2008
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135.boy-every mournin i wake up look over and see my favourite christmas song in your eyes.
girl-yeah
boy-yeah for in sobriety, “I wouldnt touch you with a 39 1/2 foot pole”
All hail the three wise men-Larry Moe and Curly(:
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:06PM
cool guy at 10:49AM, July 25, 2008
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joined: 11-22-2006
136-(GIRL SAYS IT)If I don't get knocked up I'll Kill myself

I ony got up to 91 And i'm ROTFLOL-ing
This life we live shall soon be past,only what's done for Christ shall last! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:44AM
Sea_Cow at 7:57PM, July 25, 2008
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137-Wait, you're a chick?

138-You taste like dinner!
I am so happy to finally be back home
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:26PM
Stain at 5:44PM, July 29, 2008
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posts: 1,869
joined: 2-4-2006


Harold: “Claauurice!”

Claurice: “Haaaarold!”

Harold: “Claauurice!”

Claurice: “Haaaarold!”

Harold: “Claauurice!”

Claurice: “Haaaarold!”

Harold: “Haaaarold!”

Claurice: “Wait, who the hell is Harold?!”
Dirk Zephyrs
Stain is also pretty hot.
Lawl @ Homosexuality

K.A.L.A.-dan! Trap!
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:57PM
Sea_Cow at 2:27PM, July 30, 2008
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140-Is that a penis?

141-We should do it quietly so your kids can't hear us.
I am so happy to finally be back home
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:26PM
kennatsu at 4:08PM, July 30, 2008
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#142: “I'm gonna draw us doing this in my Drunkduck webcomic later…”

couldn't think of another way to put it…
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:14PM
Sea_Cow at 11:42AM, July 31, 2008
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143-Now, smile for the webcam!
I am so happy to finally be back home
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:26PM
Stain at 9:57AM, Aug. 1, 2008
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144- Okay, now take off the eyepatch.
Dirk Zephyrs
Stain is also pretty hot.
Lawl @ Homosexuality

K.A.L.A.-dan! Trap!
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:57PM
thefightingstranger at 3:38PM, Aug. 1, 2008
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posts: 20
joined: 3-22-2008
145 - Do you mind signing a release form?

146 - Done? The pill I took is good for 4 hours.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:16PM
jmt at 9:27PM, Aug. 1, 2008
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147: did you see a roll of duct tape on the night stand?
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:09PM
Stain at 1:19AM, Aug. 2, 2008
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148: Wait a minute… Mom, can you bring us some lube!
Dirk Zephyrs
Stain is also pretty hot.
Lawl @ Homosexuality

K.A.L.A.-dan! Trap!
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:57PM
Sea_Cow at 4:28PM, Aug. 2, 2008
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posts: 2,687
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149-*orgasm* That reminds me, I need to buy some condoms!

150-Ugh, you look a lot older under your clothes.
I am so happy to finally be back home
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:26PM
kennatsu at 8:01PM, Aug. 2, 2008
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I don't know if this counts but…

#151: “Let's get married and start a family!”

I think you say that to a partner who's afraid of commitment… :)
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:14PM
diana_m at 12:13PM, Aug. 10, 2008
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#152:Wait,wait,wait!Let's stop for a moment.My favorite show is going to start!
#153:Do you mind if I think of Nami from One Piece while I fuck you?(Worse if the girl says it.)

(I used Nami because that's the only one I could think of.This will work with any anime girl.)
./\_/\ I'm a wolf.
/.o.o\ I ate the bunny.
\..o../ It was tasty.
..v.v..

last edited on July 14, 2011 12:11PM
bravo1102 at 12:54PM, Aug. 10, 2008
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posts: 3,224
joined: 1-21-2008
#154.(from partner on bottom) Blue, I think I'll paint the ceiling blue.
#155. Hey, careful, you'll stain the upholstery!
#156. Could you put this bag over your head?
#157. Wait a minute, I thought you were somebody else!
#158. You sure you're doing it right?
#159. Don't just lie there, do something!
#160. Damn, I just hit my head on the head board. (actually happened)
#161. You know silk doesn't leave any rope burns.
#162 (From partner on top) Don't you ever vacuum?
#163. You really gotta change your sheets.
#164. But teeth marks just mean I love you!
#165. Could we get up on the bed? I think I'm getting rug burns. (also really happened)
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:33AM

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