Eviltwinpixie - it's strange to hear you say that, ‘cause I didn’t think I'd meet another one of us here… but yeah. I just did the exact same thing as you!
Hooray! I love meeting someone else like me. ^_^ Someone who actually understands all the BS it takes to make this stuff happen. ;) You know, about a month before the wedding was planned, when I was due to go for my Visa interview in London, they changed the law and needed more info on my husband. Delayed it by 3 months, so our wedding wasn't actually a legal marriage. :)
…However, for some of us, we really don't have a choice. It's marry the one you love and want to love for the rest of your life, or split up. That's no choice at all. Perhaps, if I hadn't had all this visa stuff to worry about, I would have waited a little longer to marry him - but I would still have married him, eventually.
That's EXACTLY how it was/is for me. Long distance was driving me slowly insane.
*hugs tight* I know exactly
how you feel. Hardest thing I've ever done, and I had to change my entire life to do it - move to another country and change everything
. I've never regretted a second of it, though. I am quite certain I've made the right decision! :D
Hey, whereabouts are you based, EvilTwin? :) If you wanna email me or message me here on the boards and chat I'd love to speak to you! We both belong to a very small and exclusive club, after all! :D
Oh, and I have one more thing to say about marriage, in very general terms. And I guess this applies to all relationships, not just marriages. Things always break down when one or the other just gives up on it. When they turn around and decide “I don't want to work on this any more, I'm tired and pissed off and I've had enough”, and then they give up. I've seen a couple of the marriages of my friends go down the tubes for this exact reason - one of them just refuses to work at it any more.
I figure all relationships will have their ups and downs - no marriage is perfect, and you can't live with a person without getting on their nerves occasionally, or without them getting on your nerves! Hopefully, if you're prepared to make a commitment like marriage, you've picked someone you have a lot in common with, and are fairly compatible with - but even then, there'll be times when you clash and argue and shout and hate one another…
And the trick is to just not give up on each other. Don't let the thought that it might be over enter your head. Argue and scream and shout all you want, but don't for a second admit defeat, never for a second forget that you love them, and you married them, and all the good things that have come of that. If neither party gives up on the marriage, then it's sticking around - and you can survive anything together, as a team.
Of course, there are some very obvious examples of when one member of a couple very definitely should
give up on a relationship - if one of the partners is abusive, for example, or a habitual cheater… but most of the problems marriages come across are far more minor than this. I think if you make that commitment to a person, you really need to know that neither of you ever intend to give up, no matter how hard it gets.
Just knowing that got me through the last year of being apart from my fiance (now husband). There were probably a hundred times when I felt utterly exhausted, depressed, and miserable - and desperately wanted to escape from my situation and find an easy way out. But the only easy way out was to give up - and that wasn't something that ever crossed my mind. It was never an option. So I got through it, and now here I am! :) Deliriously happy! XD
Nothing worth having ever came easy. ;)