Debate and Discussion

Age and Marriage
Walrus at 5:21AM, Jan. 21, 2008
(online)
posts: 1,159
joined: 2-18-2007
Adariel
It suddenly hit me yesterday, im turning 27 in a couple of weeks. A good majority of my friends are getting married or have kids already. This getting hitched and all itch hasn't struck me yet and i was thinking, “is there something wrong with me? or are my circle of friends suffering from a wedding frenzy?”.

With that premise, id like to survey you guys (so i could feel better/worse whichever), how old are you now and are you married? If Yes, at what age did you get married? If No, at what age do you think you'd be or do you plan on not getting hitched at all?



I'm 12, almost 13. I'm not married. And I don't know.
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:45PM
Lokidoll at 11:02PM, Jan. 22, 2008
(offline)
posts: 77
joined: 1-21-2008
No, I'm not married. I think it just depends on the person and the couple, some can get married at 18 and some need to wait until they're 30+ years old. Nothings wrong in waiting. You'll get married when the time is right for you.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:38PM
lastcall at 10:03AM, Jan. 23, 2008
(offline)
posts: 1,358
joined: 11-3-2007
Lokidoll
You'll get married when the time is right for you.

Couldn't be said better!!!! 8D

…Now can this thread pleeease be locked before people start ripping each other's heads off?

I mean, you can only say so much about this topic….it started turning into a debate about 2 pages ago.

:cry2:
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:27PM
Product Placement at 11:28AM, Jan. 23, 2008
(online)
posts: 7,078
joined: 10-18-2007
Eviltwinpixie
One factor in my decision was the fact that I couldn't stay here in the US with him for more than 3 months at a time without a Visa, and pretty much the only way to do that was to get married.

Oh? Where are you frome? I'm curious because I'm in a similar potition being that I'm married to an American as well. We are currently living in my country but have been thinking about moving to the states so that she can get a better job. It's hard for foreigners to climb up a carrier ladder where I live.
Those were my two cents.
If you have any other questions, please deposit a quarter.
This space for rent.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:49PM
keithmccleary at 12:02PM, Jan. 23, 2008
(online)
posts: 123
joined: 7-18-2007
Croi Dhubh
No, I wasn't kidding. If you read what I said, it's actually very flexible in my desires with someone, and logical in the questioning.

If you're not going to go to school, have a job, or be a house wife, what's in it for me? So, what, you want to spend my money while watching TV, getting fat, and being a lazy bitch all day? Not going to happen….




Yiiiiikes.

I think attempting to have a “flexible, logical” understanding of the gender roles of men and women in relationships while repeatedly referring to women as “lazy bitches” within your argument is sort of like attempting to have an “equitable” discussion about race relations in which every time you refer to African Americans you call them “lazy n-ggers.”

Seriously, that's just messed up. I mean, you did occasionally use the word “women,” but you had enough other colorful names within that post to just creep me right the hell out.
Now updating without interruption, starting 2/16.

last edited on July 14, 2011 1:14PM
lastcall at 12:25PM, Jan. 23, 2008
(offline)
posts: 1,358
joined: 11-3-2007
Really, are any mods watching this thread? It's getting evil.

This calls for a superhero….a hero by the name of….Ozone!

OZONE, HEEEEELLLP!!!

OZONE! I…I'll give you a c-cookie if you lock this thread!

COOKIE!

…ozone?
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:27PM
Eviltwinpixie at 2:56PM, Jan. 23, 2008
(offline)
posts: 426
joined: 3-6-2006
Product Placement
Eviltwinpixie
One factor in my decision was the fact that I couldn't stay here in the US with him for more than 3 months at a time without a Visa, and pretty much the only way to do that was to get married.

Oh? Where are you frome? I'm curious because I'm in a similar potition being that I'm married to an American as well. We are currently living in my country but have been thinking about moving to the states so that she can get a better job. It's hard for foreigners to climb up a carrier ladder where I live.

I'm from England. The immigration process for the US was IMMENSELY difficult for me, though. It took about a year to get permission to marry, and then another year (almost) for a work permit/green card. It was very stressful and a lot of the time I felt like the bureaucracy of it all was set up to keep people out.
But it was worth it in the end. It all worked out fine. :)

If you want any advice or more info or anything, feel free to PM me.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:24PM
Product Placement at 2:20AM, Jan. 24, 2008
(online)
posts: 7,078
joined: 10-18-2007
Hmmh… thanks. I'll keep that in mind. I was aware of the crazy bureaucracy. Right now we're working on getting my wife a citizenship in my country. Once that is done, she'll have full freedom to live anywhere in the EU as well as the states. After that we might think of giving me a US citizenship. It's normally easy if you can prove that you've been married to American for a while abroad prior to applying.
Those were my two cents.
If you have any other questions, please deposit a quarter.
This space for rent.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:49PM
dinges at 11:08AM, Jan. 24, 2008
(online)
posts: 38
joined: 8-14-2007
I'm 19, so marriage isn't really something i think of much
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:11PM
Pixie at 8:15AM, Jan. 25, 2008
(online)
posts: 391
joined: 12-16-2006
Eviltwinpixie
Product Placement
Eviltwinpixie
One factor in my decision was the fact that I couldn't stay here in the US with him for more than 3 months at a time without a Visa, and pretty much the only way to do that was to get married.

Oh? Where are you frome? I'm curious because I'm in a similar potition being that I'm married to an American as well. We are currently living in my country but have been thinking about moving to the states so that she can get a better job. It's hard for foreigners to climb up a carrier ladder where I live.

I'm from England. The immigration process for the US was IMMENSELY difficult for me, though. It took about a year to get permission to marry, and then another year (almost) for a work permit/green card. It was very stressful and a lot of the time I felt like the bureaucracy of it all was set up to keep people out.
But it was worth it in the end. It all worked out fine. :)

If you want any advice or more info or anything, feel free to PM me.

Eviltwinpixie - it's strange to hear you say that, ‘cause I didn’t think I'd meet another one of us here… but yeah. I just did the exact same thing as you! :) I'm british, and my husband is american… we spent the last year getting my K1 visa, and that was hard hard work. Being apart for so long as well as dealing with all the stress of the paperwork and interviews and medical and all the rest is no joke. (But now that bit is over!) Married two days ago! :D And I'm about to start filing the paperwork to change my status now, so I can work and pay tax and yadda yadda…

I completely understand what people are saying about not wanting to get married - it's true that if you love someone, you don't really need a piece of paper to prove it. However, for some of us, we really don't have a choice. It's marry the one you love and want to love for the rest of your life, or split up. That's no choice at all. Perhaps, if I hadn't had all this visa stuff to worry about, I would have waited a little longer to marry him - but I would still have married him, eventually.

Cliched, but true - when you meet the one, you know. You don't have to think about it, you just know. :) So when you start thinking about marriage, there's no hesitation. You just know it's right.

Also, it's not just the fact that it keeps us in the same country, it's also that if we plan to have kids, the legalities of being married make life easier if one of us, god forbid, gets hit by a bus tomorrow. This is why gay marriage is such a huge debate, more than anything else - I don't think gay couples really give a toss about religious weddings (well, most of them)… more that they want the same tax breaks and legal rights as any other couple. I rest easier knowing that if something terrible happened to me, my next of kin is legally my husband. Everything that he could need or want is left to him. Including my life insurance. That's really no consolation for losing a loved one, but it's better than having to deal with a lot of ridiculous legal issues and fighting to get rights to a person's things after they're gone - the last thing you want to deal with when you've just lost the love of your life. Imagine if we had children… legally, if I die and he's not my husband, they don't count as his children. He would have to be granted by a court the right to genetically test my children in order to prove that they were his and gain custody. (But if we're married, none of that nonsense at all - they're just his).

So yeah, it's more about thinking in the long term. Making a commitment like marriage is all about thinking in the long term. Well, that's how I feel about it, anyway. :)
Alaka-bwee-oop! Old school.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:45PM
mlai at 10:40AM, Jan. 25, 2008
(online)
posts: 3,035
joined: 12-28-2006
All this marriage talk is very depressing and aggravating in many different sorts of ways.

FIGHT current chapter: Filling In The Gaps
FIGHT_2 current chapter: Light Years of Gold
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:06PM
Eviltwinpixie at 12:19AM, Jan. 26, 2008
(offline)
posts: 426
joined: 3-6-2006
Pixie
Eviltwinpixie - it's strange to hear you say that, ‘cause I didn’t think I'd meet another one of us here… but yeah. I just did the exact same thing as you!

Hooray! I love meeting someone else like me. ^_^ Someone who actually understands all the BS it takes to make this stuff happen. ;) You know, about a month before the wedding was planned, when I was due to go for my Visa interview in London, they changed the law and needed more info on my husband. Delayed it by 3 months, so our wedding wasn't actually a legal marriage. :)

…However, for some of us, we really don't have a choice. It's marry the one you love and want to love for the rest of your life, or split up. That's no choice at all. Perhaps, if I hadn't had all this visa stuff to worry about, I would have waited a little longer to marry him - but I would still have married him, eventually.

That's EXACTLY how it was/is for me. Long distance was driving me slowly insane.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:24PM
ozoneocean at 12:42AM, Jan. 26, 2008
(online)
posts: 25,020
joined: 1-2-2004
…Isn't it strange that Pixie and EviltwinPixie are in the same boat…?
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:29PM
Rori at 1:56AM, Jan. 26, 2008
(online)
posts: 471
joined: 12-3-2006
Adariel
It suddenly hit me yesterday, im turning 27 in a couple of weeks. A good majority of my friends are getting married or have kids already. This getting hitched and all itch hasn't struck me yet and i was thinking, “is there something wrong with me? or are my circle of friends suffering from a wedding frenzy?”.

With that premise, id like to survey you guys (so i could feel better/worse whichever), how old are you now and are you married? If Yes, at what age did you get married? If No, at what age do you think you'd be or do you plan on not getting hitched at all?



I kinda just glanced over the previous responses, so forgive me if I repeat.

The biggest thing about marriage is to realize that you're in a legally binding contract with another individual, and no matter how much you may want something, that other person has to agree to make it so. If you find that person insufferable, they can delay a divorce, they can also abandon you, and no matter how hard you fight, it's up to them to take you back. they can ruin your credit and your relationships, or blame you for ruining their's, and you're still bound to them.

I got married when I was 22 and divorced when I was 29. It just didn't work out and I knew I had to let him go if he wanted to go. I can't say i regret it, that's not really my personality, but conflict and growing apart should always be considered as much as growing old together. I may get married again someday, but there's no hurry or pressure. In some ways I feel weird about it, like it's something I can only do once, but who knows what time will bring.

As to your friends, there probably is a little bit of “wedding frenzy” involved. I've noticed in friend groups that a few people's decisions can tip the balance for people on the fence about something. If they're good friends, they won't exclude you or patronize you. If they do, tell them about it. If it continues, aquire some new friends. ;)

Hope that helps.
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:11PM
Lord Shplane at 2:08AM, Jan. 26, 2008
(offline)
posts: 7,978
joined: 6-3-2007
I'd like to just say something.

People have said that “Marriage” worked out for them.

“Marriage” isn't what worked out. What worked out is the PERSON you're married TO. “Marriage” is only what the two people who are married make of it.

Marriage is just fluff. What's really important is the person you're married too. A ceremony and a contract aren't important. What's important is the person. You loving them and them loving you worked out. And that would work with or without you getting married.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:44PM
Eviltwinpixie at 4:14AM, Jan. 26, 2008
(offline)
posts: 426
joined: 3-6-2006
Lord Shplane
“Marriage” isn't what worked out. What worked out is the PERSON you're married TO. “Marriage” is only what the two people who are married make of it.

Marriage is just fluff. What's really important is the person you're married too. A ceremony and a contract aren't important. What's important is the person. You loving them and them loving you worked out. And that would work with or without you getting married.

Like Pixie and I have said, though, some of us are in a position where the legalities of marriage are necessary for the success of the relationship (without having to remain long distance, at least), and do bring HUGE changes in the relationship (the ability to live together for more than 3 months at a time without having to leave the country).

For me, marriage itself was a big risk, and something I put a lot of effort into being allowed to do and really FOUGHT for. It really isn't just fluff for me.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:24PM
lastcall at 5:39AM, Jan. 26, 2008
(offline)
posts: 1,358
joined: 11-3-2007
I like pie.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:27PM
mlai at 6:17AM, Jan. 26, 2008
(online)
posts: 3,035
joined: 12-28-2006
Rori
I got married when I was 22 and divorced when I was 29. It just didn't work out and I knew I had to let him go if he wanted to go.
Call me naive… but did you know him well, did you feel like you truly truly loved him, that he's “the one,” when you married him?

I can pinpoint the exact moment in time and place when I fell out of love, and it was the strangest sensation. It was like a human-shaped blob, pulled by gravity, melted out of my body through the skin of my back, fell through the chair, fell through the floor, never to be seen or felt again. I literally felt a chill, not of fear, but of a “W..T..F..?” Like I was suddenly exorcised.

FIGHT current chapter: Filling In The Gaps
FIGHT_2 current chapter: Light Years of Gold
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:06PM
HalJones at 6:48AM, Jan. 26, 2008
(online)
posts: 46
joined: 10-30-2007
I've been married 27 years, now, quite happily. It's never easy. It's always work. It's always rewarding. And the sex is great. Long live marriage!

H.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:42PM
Rori at 10:57AM, Jan. 26, 2008
(online)
posts: 471
joined: 12-3-2006
mlai
Rori
I got married when I was 22 and divorced when I was 29. It just didn't work out and I knew I had to let him go if he wanted to go.
Call me naive… but did you know him well, did you feel like you truly truly loved him, that he's “the one,” when you married him?

I can pinpoint the exact moment in time and place when I fell out of love, and it was the strangest sensation. It was like a human-shaped blob, pulled by gravity, melted out of my body through the skin of my back, fell through the chair, fell through the floor, never to be seen or felt again. I literally felt a chill, not of fear, but of a “W..T..F..?” Like I was suddenly exorcised.

Well, (mr or ms) naive: Oh yes! I felt it intensely. He was my first love and my best friend. I think it's the estrangment from my friend that is so tramatic. I can't say I can pinpoint when I fell out of love, because I still care for him in a not-romantic-love kind of way, but I can certainly pinpoint when I realized it wasn't going to work. It was like being in the eye of a hurricane, like crystal clarity, so I think I know what you mean.

People are fluid, and life can only be understood looking backward but must be lived moving forward. Long-term relationships are always a risk, but I still think they're well worth it, whether you have a contract or not ;D
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:11PM
Croi Dhubh at 10:50PM, Jan. 26, 2008
(offline)
posts: 1,202
joined: 11-16-2007
My mother is still a citizen of the UK as well. However, her family came over when she was still in grade school. She married my father really young, for obvious reasons of the day, and after they got divorced, it still wasn't an issue if she had to leave the country or not. She has her green card and all that, of course.

She's remarried now, actually for quite a long time, so I don't know what the difference there is with other people's issues.



keithmccleary
Croi Dhubh
No, I wasn't kidding. If you read what I said, it's actually very flexible in my desires with someone, and logical in the questioning.

If you're not going to go to school, have a job, or be a house wife, what's in it for me? So, what, you want to spend my money while watching TV, getting fat, and being a lazy bitch all day? Not going to happen….




Yiiiiikes.

I think attempting to have a “flexible, logical” understanding of the gender roles of men and women in relationships while repeatedly referring to women as “lazy bitches” within your argument is sort of like attempting to have an “equitable” discussion about race relations in which every time you refer to African Americans you call them “lazy n-ggers.”

Seriously, that's just messed up. I mean, you did occasionally use the word “women,” but you had enough other colorful names within that post to just creep me right the hell out.
You're not paying attention to what I'm saying, are you? Obviously not, because you're trying to find error in my statements by acting like I'm saying things that I'm not.

Why don't people on the Internet actually read, comprehend and then post anymore?


Fine, let me spell it out for you people:

1. Not going to school; AND
+
2. Not working; AND
+
3. Not doing house work;
+
4. Spending the money of the person making the money with no contributions
—————————————————————————
Lazy Bitch


Get it? Do you see anywhere here, or in my previous post, that I said women are lazy bitches? No. SO GET A FUCKING CLUE NOW. That goes for everyone.

READ, COMPREHEND, POST
Liberate Tutemae Ex Inferis
Moderatio est Figmentum: Educatio est Omnium Efficacissima Forma Rebellionis

http://weblog.xanga.com/CroiDhubh - Home to the “Chuck E. Cheese Terror” stories
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:54AM
Pixie at 9:39AM, Jan. 27, 2008
(online)
posts: 391
joined: 12-16-2006
Eviltwinpixie
Pixie
Eviltwinpixie - it's strange to hear you say that, ‘cause I didn’t think I'd meet another one of us here… but yeah. I just did the exact same thing as you!

Hooray! I love meeting someone else like me. ^_^ Someone who actually understands all the BS it takes to make this stuff happen. ;) You know, about a month before the wedding was planned, when I was due to go for my Visa interview in London, they changed the law and needed more info on my husband. Delayed it by 3 months, so our wedding wasn't actually a legal marriage. :)

…However, for some of us, we really don't have a choice. It's marry the one you love and want to love for the rest of your life, or split up. That's no choice at all. Perhaps, if I hadn't had all this visa stuff to worry about, I would have waited a little longer to marry him - but I would still have married him, eventually.

That's EXACTLY how it was/is for me. Long distance was driving me slowly insane.

*hugs tight* I know exactly how you feel. Hardest thing I've ever done, and I had to change my entire life to do it - move to another country and change everything. I've never regretted a second of it, though. I am quite certain I've made the right decision! :D

Hey, whereabouts are you based, EvilTwin? :) If you wanna email me or message me here on the boards and chat I'd love to speak to you! We both belong to a very small and exclusive club, after all! :D

Oh, and I have one more thing to say about marriage, in very general terms. And I guess this applies to all relationships, not just marriages. Things always break down when one or the other just gives up on it. When they turn around and decide “I don't want to work on this any more, I'm tired and pissed off and I've had enough”, and then they give up. I've seen a couple of the marriages of my friends go down the tubes for this exact reason - one of them just refuses to work at it any more.

I figure all relationships will have their ups and downs - no marriage is perfect, and you can't live with a person without getting on their nerves occasionally, or without them getting on your nerves! Hopefully, if you're prepared to make a commitment like marriage, you've picked someone you have a lot in common with, and are fairly compatible with - but even then, there'll be times when you clash and argue and shout and hate one another…

And the trick is to just not give up on each other. Don't let the thought that it might be over enter your head. Argue and scream and shout all you want, but don't for a second admit defeat, never for a second forget that you love them, and you married them, and all the good things that have come of that. If neither party gives up on the marriage, then it's sticking around - and you can survive anything together, as a team.

Of course, there are some very obvious examples of when one member of a couple very definitely should give up on a relationship - if one of the partners is abusive, for example, or a habitual cheater… but most of the problems marriages come across are far more minor than this. I think if you make that commitment to a person, you really need to know that neither of you ever intend to give up, no matter how hard it gets.

Just knowing that got me through the last year of being apart from my fiance (now husband). There were probably a hundred times when I felt utterly exhausted, depressed, and miserable - and desperately wanted to escape from my situation and find an easy way out. But the only easy way out was to give up - and that wasn't something that ever crossed my mind. It was never an option. So I got through it, and now here I am! :) Deliriously happy! XD

Nothing worth having ever came easy. ;)
Alaka-bwee-oop! Old school.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:45PM
PIT_FACE at 9:52AM, Jan. 27, 2008
(online)
posts: 2,589
joined: 4-21-2007
22,not married.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:44PM
Ladyknight17 at 6:18PM, Jan. 27, 2008
(online)
posts: 89
joined: 12-18-2006
I'm 21 and happily married.

I enjoy marriage, but i don't think theres anything wrong with someone who isn't married, or has no desire to be. LOL.

Marriage isn't something to be taken lightly, so if you don't feel like it now or ever then simiply don't. If you do…let it come in time. There's really no rush.

I was married at 20, and it wasn't popular choice. Our families weren't happy. But we are. So it's completely up to you. It's not about anyone else. Your friends, sometimes even your family. Or whats popular or not popular. It's about whats right for you, when it's right for you, sometimes even if it's right for you.

Bottom line, don't worry about what other people do. Just about whats right for you.
Tired of messing with a banner. Just visit the comic at…


www.drunkduck.com/red_poems/
Thanks.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:27PM
CoyoteLongshot at 10:42PM, Jan. 27, 2008
(online)
posts: 162
joined: 10-10-2007
The best way I've ever heard marriage summed up:

Why is it that people get married?
Because we need a witness to our lives.
There's a billion people on the planet.
What does any one life really mean?
But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,
All of it, all the time, every day.
You're saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness.”

20 points to whoever knows where it's from. :)
I'm on the Hairway to Steven, baby!
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:47AM
Product Placement at 12:06AM, Jan. 28, 2008
(online)
posts: 7,078
joined: 10-18-2007
It's from a movie called Shall we Dance. Mind you that I have not actually seen it. But it only took me 5 seconds to look it up. Just pointing out how hilariously easy it is to circumvent any test of knowledge on the internet.
Those were my two cents.
If you have any other questions, please deposit a quarter.
This space for rent.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:49PM
Lord Shplane at 12:24AM, Jan. 28, 2008
(offline)
posts: 7,978
joined: 6-3-2007
Eviltwinpixie
Like Pixie and I have said, though, some of us are in a position where the legalities of marriage are necessary for the success of the relationship (without having to remain long distance, at least), and do bring HUGE changes in the relationship (the ability to live together for more than 3 months at a time without having to leave the country).

For me, marriage itself was a big risk, and something I put a lot of effort into being allowed to do and really FOUGHT for. It really isn't just fluff for me.

See though, it IS fluff. Marriage was just a tiny piece of nothing that allowed you to be with someone you loved. The marriage part was a means to an end, a stepping stone, and no more important than anything you did to GET married.

The end result was you being with someone you loved. Like I said before, THAT'S the important part. Marriage was just a way to allow that to happen for you.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:44PM
mishi_hime at 2:18AM, Jan. 28, 2008
(offline)
posts: 1,769
joined: 7-17-2006
Well, yes. but I mean it's easy to just date, but when come out and announce that “this is the one i always want to be with” …seems like that would be a big deal. But that's only a guess because i never experience such romantic things.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:03PM
mlai at 9:42AM, Jan. 28, 2008
(online)
posts: 3,035
joined: 12-28-2006
CoyoteLongshot
Why is it that people get married?
Because we need a witness to our lives.
There's a billion people on the planet.
What does any one life really mean?
But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,
All of it, all the time, every day.
You're saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness.”
This is effin beautiful. Nice quote. Is the movie any good?

FIGHT current chapter: Filling In The Gaps
FIGHT_2 current chapter: Light Years of Gold
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:06PM
Adariel at 5:59AM, Jan. 29, 2008
(offline)
posts: 915
joined: 1-1-2006
lastcall
Really, are any mods watching this thread? It's getting evil.

This calls for a superhero….a hero by the name of….Ozone!

OZONE, HEEEEELLLP!!!

OZONE! I…I'll give you a c-cookie if you lock this thread!

COOKIE!

…ozone?

ozone is not here, so i guess ill just lock it myself…..hey wait a minute, im not an admin……and i cant lock my own started thread?! rats….
last edited on July 14, 2011 10:45AM

Forgot Password
©2011 WOWIO, Inc. All Rights Reserved