It has finally come to your attention (due to my letting slip that I can make fish) that I am a goddess and should have a religion based around me.

However other people are making up the rules for my church and that isn't nice!

So the rule is, everyone gets ONE Favor. You can use your Favor to set a Tenet for my church. You can TRY and be as specific as you like with Tenets (ie, a requesst for choir girls, their ages looks and outfits) but if I think you are trying to be too greedy or weird I may not accept the full Tenet! No wishing for more wishes here. :] If your Tenet contradicts someone else's, then yours will be the new one and theirs will have gone away and they'll have to use another Favor to change it back. (Yes you can collect more Favors.)

Favors can be used for other things but I haven't decided what, make me an offer! For example: A special role in the church like Inquisitor or Divine Sushi Chef; burning a heretic; receipt of a relic of divine origin; etc.

You CAN sell your Favor to someone else for whatever price/action you see fit. If you sell your Favor to someone you have to say so in this thread so everyone knows.

You can also Win a Favor from me by giving me an offering I like. Offerings take the form of funny jokes, interesting web links that aren't viruses or screamers, jpgs dug up in Google, etc. So theoretically, you can have infinite Favors, though I'm guessing this won't be fun for that long. Offerings can be posted in this thread or PQed to me if you're one of those shy worshippers or have a lot of them.

You can use a Favor to gain a church role (like High Priest)- no positions are for life, someone can come along and replace you! New roles will be added (if accepted) as people request them. However I will be the one to set the special privileges!

High Priest/ess
Special privileges of the High Priest/ess:
- 10 Favors (which he may use him/herself or give away in any way s/he sees fit). If not used during the term as HP, they are lost.
- The role of interpreting miracles and commandments
- The High Priest/ess cannot accept proposed Tenets, however, they can interpret already-accepted Tenets
- Fancy outfit
- Invulnerable to fire (granted for life)

OH great Munkee!
As your most devoted servant I humbly beg but one favour:
That you grant this lowly worm, who is barely fit to be seen in the presence of one as exalted and magisterial as yourself, the position of High Priest, so that I may better serve, show my devotion and provide an example for others.

This I humbly beg.



Blessed is the Fish-Maker.
So it is written.

OK you got it! Now all we need are followers!

Edit: This is a pretty informal church so no-one has to wear a dress on Sundays or use the business style when writing letters. However people might think you are classy if you do.

*sacrifices a goat*
bring me a picture of a blond, blue eyed woman.
oh great sage googler

You got it backwards man, you can give me a google picture (or other stuff) and if I like it, I grant you something you ask for!

Unless you really want to sacrifice a goat for a picture of a blonde?


Edit: Timezones are working against me. OK, like all dieties, I can't pay attention all the time (to what? you say. Nothing is going on!) so I'm going someplace mysterious and divine for 8 hours and definitely NOT to sleep. But the goddess is watching wooOOOooo! Meanwhile she hopes you can manage on your own and not cause too much world-melting chaos or let Oz's power go too much to his head. Or maybe you should? At 7am GMT… she will return! To grant Favors requested in her absence and stuff! (Oz, you are in charge while I'm gone, try not to have anyone killed or stuff.)

dear Skoolmunkee,

please gimme some more beer along with a some whiskey while yer at it. and some plane tickets on a NON DOOMED FLIGHT to somewhere cool. and then if you'll just post that Putrid Meat has 100 pages in yer news post then we'd be about square. you or yer high priest Ozone that is, since yer almighty PQ's dont seem to do what i tell em to. the end.
Pit_Face


EDIT: smite the PQs, Skooles nominus, and smite them well.

oh yeah, and please let Ann Coulter get kicked in the butt by an elephant. thank you.

PIT_FACE
oh yeah, and please let Ann Coulter get kicked in the butt by an elephant. thank you.

Looks like it missed and hit her face…

haha! wicked! ask and you shall receive….

You can make fish? Praise be to the exalted one, before whose luminescence all must be prostrate!

Can I use my one favour to request the role of official soothsayer?
Or I can make chips?

You're not one of those “dieties” who claim to be “completely, utterly perfect”, are you? And you're not a diety who demands worship just because she says so, right?

…

I always question the so called “dieties” who show up wanting worshippers. And yet they're not so great at all. I mean… look at Thor for example! He was such a hothead!!! And then there's Pele, that fire crazy woman who burnt everything that made her mad. And then there's Zeus! He wanted to spend nights with women hundreds of years younger than himself! And Aphrodite would go after any human who had a large bulge in its crotch…

So, yeah… I've just about had it with them.

I hope I'm not offending anyone here… :)

hey, Lonne, if i wanna go around flinging fire when that time of the month comes around, THAT'S MY CHOICE! as a matter of fact, I HOPE YA DONT LIVE BY ANY VOLCANOES ASSHOLE!

oh the great munkee of skul, he creator of fish and mermaids(yup,I had an vision about that, and something ABBA :S ), I have one but small request from thou…

Could you get me more of the delicious Betty Crocker vanilla cake frosting :)?

On second thoughts, can I be Witchfinder General? - Lonnehart appears to be some kind of Warlock:

skoolmunkee
This is a pretty informal church so no-one has to wear a dress on Sundays

Or any other time! Woot!

ALL NUDE CHURCH!

-Admission 5 dollars, Beer half price between 12:00 and 1:00am. People in funky hats admitted free. Floor show with Chorus girls nightly.

—————————-

Sub- Gets nothing. His request was too strange and not worth wasting my favours for.
So speaketh the high priest of the Fish-Maker.

PIT_FACE- YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR NEWSPOST!
Don't forget to attend church. >:
…No one can kill Coulter. She's a Muppet. But once Hitler removes his hand from her bottom she will cease to be animated.

Ironscarf- as High priest I am granted the ability to hand out the favour of our Goddess. As such you are now our soothsayer!
And no, you cannot make chips. You must by them from the Church Fish and Chip shop.

Lonne- You are wrong. The Fish-Maker IS perfect and demands worship come what may!
You will be sacrificed. Remove your clothes and begin eating lard! Your death will be hilarious and self imposed. Such is the fate of ALL who oppose the Fish-Maker! :gem:

Gullas- Search that on the internet, find the recipe, buy the ingredients, mix them, bake the cake and make the icing, or “frosting” as the heathen American tongue has it. There is your cake! Favour granted.
The Munkee helps those who help themselves.

Ironscarf- Only if you are prepared to kill people. A lot.

ozoneocean

skoolmunkee
This is a pretty informal church so no-one has to wear a dress on Sundays

Or any other time! Woot!

ALL NUDE CHURCH!

-Admission 5 dollars, Beer half price between 12:00 and 1:00am. People in funky hats admitted free. Floor show with Chorus girls nightly.

I don't think I can come up with a favor to sweeten that one.

That whole selling favors thing sounds a lot like simony. Which I would guess means that this church probably fully endorses wild parties, scantily clad people in cakes and drinking just like the good old pornocratic popes.which is a totally awesome name for a rock band.

Can I just make my favor a posting of skool's choosing, as a reward for the discovery that helped found this church?

For the ever lovely goddess!
may you shine brighter than a million stars digested by a dead beat dad black hole!

Question…

If I give you chocochip cookies and milk, would you grant me superpowers?

You know, just the standart Superman combo…

PIT_FACE
alcohol, plane tickets, newspost, PQs, Coulter

Newspost and Coulter getting kicked in the butt are freebies, anyone can have those!

I hereby grant you a charter jet good for one (1) round trip to a location of your choosing. Any room not taken up by people you wish to bring shall be filled with crates of alcohol of your choosing, which you may remove from the jet before giving the jet back. Also you will not have to pay duty on said alcohol. It isn't duty-free however: Your duty is to drink it.

The PQs are a bit beyond my scope but once I have an official Smiter I will put them right on it.

Ironscarf
soothsayer, chips, witchfidner

Granted! You are now the official Soothsayer AND Witch-Finder (because neither of those is a full time job on their own).

Soothsayer - special privileges
- 5 Favors (lost if not used before leaving the role)
- the ability to predict the weather
- the effective use of the reasoning “I read it in the stars”
- recieves 1 divine vision per night
- can absolutely disregard facts up to 2x per day in order to get what you want
- increased personality, persuasiveness, and conniving-ness
- a magic box from which hot chips can be produced

Witchfinder - special privileges
- 5 Favors (lost if not used before leaving the role)
- two company horses and a wagon
- the ability to declare someone a witch or warlock and have them burned at the stake without using up a Favor
- can absolutely disregard facts up to 2x per day in order to get what you want
- increased personality, persuasiveness, and conniving-ness
- A canvas sack full of witch-finders tools, souveniers, and diploma

Lonnehart
Me as a diety

I'm an easygoing kind of diety, my major concern is that everyone has a good time and that life is easier for worshipping me, not harder. There's no tithing, non-consensual sacrifices, etc. I just ask for a little recognition so no-one thinks I'm the kind of god who gives things away for free. I'm not a monotheist so you're free to worship in other places (like this lefarce god I hear so much about). I'm certainly not perfect, which is why it's so important that I have a lot of official people like High Priests and Soothsayers to do stuff for me.

Or you could listen to what Oz says about me. It seems like only one of us is right!

gullas
delicious Betty Crocker vanilla cake frosting :)?

That stuff is good. OK, I'm having a barrel sent over right now!

lba
Which I would guess means that this church probably fully endorses wild parties, scantily clad people in cakes and drinking just like the good old pornocratic popes.which is a totally awesome name for a rock band.

Can I just make my favor a posting of skool's choosing, as a reward for the discovery that helped found this church?

That party thing sounds pretty fun, let's do that. I think my High Priest will be behind that all the way.

I'm not sure I understand the Favor, but I've decided what I'm going to do anyway. Stay tuned.

TheMidge28
For the ever lovely goddess!
may you shine brighter than a million stars digested by a dead beat dad black hole!
KITTENS

Midge you are my favorite. Not only do you know how to talk to a Lady but you come bearing adorable kittens. For you I grant:

Goddess's Favorite
- Unlimited Favors
- ability to conjure adorable animals on demand
- your own barbecue chef
- Neuschwanstein Castle
- the ability to get away with anything, even if it upsets other people in the church, because I am blind to your faults

Dark Pascual
If I give you chocochip cookies and milk, would you grant me superpowers?

You know, just the standart Superman combo…

Yes, absolutely. But only if they are the soft melty kind of cookies and not the hard crunchy ones.

Damn, Midge got a good deal…
I want to be Midge now, as well as myself.
That's my new favour Oh goddess of unlimited power.

May your radiant beauty, compassion, kindness and generosity forever light up and enrich the sallow grey, pathetic shells that are the lives of all who are not you!

Blessed is the Fish-Maker.

I think you overlooked the part where he brought me kittens. Kittens trying to climb out of a box and getting bopped!

Favorite is going to be a hard one to win, as I'm blind to his faults, which by extension implies that I probably don't think anyone could be a better favorite than him…

Besides, you have direct power over other people AND a cool hat… oh wait I forgot to put that didn't I? The High Priest also gets a cool hat. And I mean a REALLY AWESOME hat.

I ask nothing and I want for nothing as I bask in thine glory. Bless mine blade and mine tank so I may smite thine enemies in thy name.

Glory be to Munkee the fish-maker, most beauteous lover of kittens, soft cookies, icing and granter of blessed favors upon her followers.

I bow before the might and power of her blessed servants and honor them and ask their blessings upon this poor unworthy soul.

Please if mine supplications do offend thee I do seek thine forgiveness as the humble who doth only seek thine blessings.

Blessed be.

skoolmunkee
And I mean a REALLY AWESOME hat.

My new High prest uniform



I thank you for your benificience oh divine Perfection!

bravo1102
Blessed be.

Join the church party, Floor show at 9 sharp! Leave your clothes at the door.

ozoneocean

skoolmunkee
And I mean a REALLY AWESOME hat.

My new High prest uniform

OMG that is 14,000 kinds of awesome, sir.

I am adding “prepare fitting offering” to today's to-do list…

Just to clear up any possible confusion, are we saying it's ok to burn Midge, or it's not ok to burn Midge?

bravo1102
I ask nothing and I want for nothing as I bask in thine glory. Bless mine blade and mine tank so I may smite thine enemies in thy name.

Her Smiting Knight
- gets 5 favors, but only if they serve munkee's glory
- ability to Smite blasphemers, heretics, witches, unhelpful helpline employees, etc.
- right to make arbitrary decisions as to determining above people
- 1 large horse, or 100 small explosive horses
- can glow in the dark at will
- receives a warm and soft blanket made from righteousness
- 1 batch warm cookies

Ironscarf
Just to clear up any possible confusion, are we saying it's ok to burn Midge, or it's not ok to burn Midge?

Confusion is what makes things fun. :] He does have the ability to get away with everything, but that doesn't mean you can't TRY to burn him, and see what happens when you mess with the goddess's favorite…


Edit: When I get home from work I'm totally gonna pimp things up a bit

skoolmunkee
TRY to burn him, and see what happens when you mess with the goddess's favorite…

What happens if Ironscarf declare Midge a witch? o_O

In that case the smiting knight will be forced to smite the favourite and both of them will suffer your divine wrath!

Which I will watch gleefully. >:)

——

Party starts now. Put on your roller-skates people!

I'm hateful, bitter and jealous of my fellow man.
Surely with those kind of skills there must be a role for me in this religion?

I'd good at joining angry mobs and shouting down those who disgree with me as well!

And I've never tolerated anyone elses beliefs in my entire life!

harkovast
And I've never tolerated anyone elses beliefs in my entire life!

Sounds promising…
Do you have a favour to request of our Goddess?

-clothes at the door please

Shameless plug for my comic?

Thats pretty much what I always want…..

( I dont think you want me to remove my clothes….that could send everything in a worryingly furryish direction!)