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comparisons ( Political / Funny )
freefall_drift at 10:56AM, Sept. 16, 2008
(online)
posts: 260
joined: 6-19-2007
I love the comparisons

If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a “token hire.”

If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a “game changer.”

If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you're a “baby daddy.”

If you're the same in Alaska you're a “teen father.” (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you're an F'n redneck that don't want any kids, but that's too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).

Black teen pregnancies? A “crisis” in black America.

White teen pregnancies? A “blessed event.”

If you grow up in Hawaii you're “exotic.”

Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential “American story.”

Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you're “unpatriotic.”

Name your kid Track, you're “colorful.”

If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fulling vetting the individual you're “reckless.”

A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a “maverick.”

If you say that for the “first time in my adult lifetime I'm really proud of my country” it makes you “unfit” to be First Lady.

If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession that makes you “First Dude.”

A DUI from twenty years ago is “old news.”

A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is “relevant information.”

And, finally, if you're a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife's reoccurrence of cancer you're a “questionable spouse.”

If you're a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn with Downs Syndrome… Well, we don't know what that is ‘cause THAT'S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK!

If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you're a “phoney.”

Get 100,000+ people to vote you governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you're “well loved.”

If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to “get to know you.”

If you're white and from a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you're “one of us.”

If you give your wife a dap on stage, it's actually a “terrorist fist jab.”

If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child's hair on national TV it's an “adorable moment.” (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some grooming skills).

If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America, you're an “extremist.”

If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you're a “fundamentalist.”

If you're a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law Review, you're “uppity.”

If you're a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate (it might be five more school over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Palin was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, you know how shady people are who ever attended any kind of school in Hawaii).

If you're 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant “life happens.”

If you're 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you're a “registered sex offender.”


If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of “Change,” it's just “empty rhetoric.”

If one week before your party's national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about “Change,” that's “red meat.”

If you are a Democrat, an Independent, or even a moderate Republican, if you're female, male, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, bi-racial, multi-ethnic, or GLBT, if you're a Jew, Gentile, Muslim, agnostic or atheist - “Yes, we can!”

If you're a pitbull with lipstick from Alaska, “Yup, yup!”

If you are a Democratic male candidate who is popular with millions of people you are an “arrogant celebrity”.
If you are a popular Republican female candidate you are “energizing the base”.

If you are a younger male candidate who thinks for himself and makes his own decisions you are “presumptuous”.
If you are an older male candidate who makes last minute decisions you refuse to explain, you are a “shoot from the hip” maverick.

If you are a candidate with a Harvard law degree you are “an elitist-out of touch” with the real America.
if you are a legacy (dad and granddad were admirals) graduate of Anapolis, with multiple disciplinary infractions you are a hero.

If you manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign, you are an “empty suit”.
If you are a part time mayor of a town of 7000 people, you are an “experienced executive”.

If you go to a south side Chicago church, your beliefs are “extremist”.
If you believe in creationism and don't believe global warming is man made, you are “strongly principled”.

#

If you're a 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton, the right-wing press calls you “First dog.”

If you're a 17-year old pregnant unwed daughter of a Republican, the right-wing press calls you “beautiful” and “courageous.”

if youre Jamie Spears your parents are pinheads because you got pregnant (O'Reilly on Fox) but if youre Bristol your mom is eminently qualified to be VP …


If you are a conservative and reveal that your son will be deployed on Sept. 11, but that is only the date of the deployment ceremony, you are the mother of a patriot who is doing the best to confuse the terrorists and protect the troops being sent over.

If you are a democrat and would announce the same thing, you would be called as pandering to the public and trying to garner public emotion through a lie.

If you're a Democrat and compare a Hockey Mom to a Pit bull you are sexist.
If you're a Republican and compare a Hockey Mom to a Pit bull you are Sarah Palin.

If you are Barack Obama, your trips to Iraqi war zones don't count because you disagreed with the surge.

If you are Sarah Palin, a refueling stop in Ireland counts as foreign policy experience.
Freefall Drift - A sci fi space opera of a starship's mission of stopping the Endless Kings.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:31PM
ozoneocean at 5:50PM, Sept. 16, 2008
(online)
posts: 24,789
joined: 1-2-2006
That was a lotta reading… Good though, so very true. :)

Such a pity about McCain though. Before he took on that fool Palin, he seemed to have some credibility. :(
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:32PM
HippieVan at 6:39PM, Sept. 16, 2008
(online)
posts: 2,361
joined: 3-15-2008
freefall_drift
If you're 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant “life happens.”

If you're 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you're a “registered sex offender.”


Doesn't that depend on where you are? No matter what your race, where I live, a guy who's 18 can impregnate a 16 year old girl and nothing really happens because that is the legal age of consent. In fact, that age was just changed from 14 1/2 last January.

Good job on these, though. Looks like you spent a lot of time thinking about them. Aren't these sorts of comparisons called “double standards?”
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last edited on July 14, 2011 12:49PM
freefall_drift at 10:19AM, Sept. 17, 2008
(online)
posts: 260
joined: 6-19-2007
Double standards would have been a better title. I wished I had thought of it. I didn't come up with these, I found them on another site, and thought I'd post them here.
Freefall Drift - A sci fi space opera of a starship's mission of stopping the Endless Kings.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:31PM
kyupol at 6:29PM, Sept. 17, 2008
(online)
posts: 3,712
joined: 1-12-2006
hey. life's unfair.
NOW UPDATING!!!
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:26PM
bravo1102 at 8:02PM, Sept. 18, 2008
(online)
posts: 3,224
joined: 1-21-2008
You forgot:

If you're a Republican you can do no right and if you're a Democrat you can do no wrong. ;)

Sheesh, bloody talking points… (yes, that is what they are. A matter of playing party politics with language. Biden and Palin? Who made the worse choice? lol! Honestly, I can't decide.) At this point I'm voting for ozone's Red Swingline stapler.

At this point it would have been better if McCain had picked Michael Palin as his running mate, at this point would it matter that Michael Palin wasn't born in the USA? At least he's funny.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:33AM
ozoneocean at 8:17PM, Sept. 18, 2008
(online)
posts: 24,789
joined: 1-2-2006
My Stapler will decide what's right for the free world!

This is interesting…

Apparently conservative people have a greater startle response… So that's why they tend to be conservative.
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:32PM
BffSatan at 6:50PM, Sept. 24, 2008
(online)
posts: 1,478
joined: 3-2-2008
If your a democrat strong on her opinions then your Hittlery Clinton.
If your a republican strong on her opinions your a strong woman who knows what's best for her country.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:20AM

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