Get the butcher.
Have a barbeque.

——————————————————–

Your friend is hooking you up on a blind date.
When you meet her, you shit yourself.
mello-yello asks: how would YOU stay cool?

“sorry, I've been having a dierrirria problem. I think I better go home now.”

and then thank god that you got out of that one because she was way ugly.
———————————

you fall asleep in class, and when you wake up.. it's the end of the class but there's a huge puddle of drool on your desk and on half of your face.
and your crush is laughing, staring at you.

what do you do?

Go back to sleep, of course.

———————————–

Due to some serious messup on the merry-go-round at a nearby theme park, you get sent flying off into a nearby pond, and your pants rip off on a fence that you flew over.

how would you explain to someone about your soaking-wet pantlessness?

Come on Barguest and Radec, you're sucking the fun out with those stupid short answers. You're meant to give at least a slightly entertaining response. Try and put in a little effort ok? :?

was that your question?
hmm.. well the answer could be very complex.
Due to the frequency of the light waves reflecting off of the third moon of Jupiter, several incongruities in the time-space slipstream develop.
said incongruencies influence the matter around them to a minute degree, almost infinetisemally. Such influence can result in mild dissimilarities in the course of history, allowing for electrons, protons, and mooptrons to be transferred between dimensions, resulting in complex arrays of molecular matrices, often made of proteins, amino acids, and strands of ionized gas compressed into solid form. Such form could then coalesce into a living organism, ordinarily of the subspecies protozoa. These singler-cellular organisms may occasionally produce enzymes that assist in the digestion and assimilation of nutrients.
And that, my friends, is how the color blue was invented.

Any questions?
(happy now, Ozone? :-D ) : :smt075

(edit) Situation: You are currently driving down the highway in the rain at night, and a girl jumps out from the side of the road into your path. You swerve to avoid her, but end up flipping your car on it's side and go skidding off the highway and into the nearby brush. you get out and with your herculean strength that only comes from incredible agitaion for girls jumping out into the middle of roads, you drag your car back onto the highway. As you continue on your way the same girl decides to jump out again, and you decide to just run her over and be done with it.
Later, back in your home town you take your car in to be serviced, and to have it's tires rotated. While they are doing that, they notice that there seems to be something caught up in the undercarriage of your car. How can you explain what happened without getting yourself lynched, arrested, or locked in a padded white room?

Look very, very carefully under the car. Prod various organs hanging out of the corpse wrapped around your muffler. Then turn to the mechanic and, with a great deal of surprise, say something to this effect:

“Well, it's obvious what happened. Some cannibal must've forgot to close his trunk all the way, and his groceries spilled out all over the highway.”

If the mechanic inquires further, say this:

"Well, I don't know! I figured it was probably just a squirrel or something!“

If that doesn't work, point quickly to the sky and exclaim, ”Hey, is that a seagull?" Then crack him over the head with a nearby wrench. Stow his body in your trunk and put on his clothes. Totally assume the identity of the mechanic you have just killed. No one will ever know.

~IJ

NEXT SITUATION:

You met Fred Segal at a debutante ball.
You gave him your number; he gave you a call.
He told you to meet him at the corner at eight.
You met him at nine! That's right, you were late!

What do you do?

“sorry about that… I was busy making myself look good for you. you know how we girls are, teehee!”

—————

It's the day of the gymsiast competition and you're in your best white outfit that you wore when you won 4 times before…
after you go though your rotuines, everyone's staring at you.. but not in the good way. you wonder why until somebody points out a certain blood stain down there…
unfounetely, your period just arrived!

and everyone saw that. what do you do?

Aurora Moon
“sorry about that… I was busy making myself look good for you. you know how we girls are, teehee!”

—————

It's the day of the gymsiast competition and you're in your best white outfit that you wore when you won 4 times before…
after you go though your rotuines, everyone's staring at you.. but not in the good way. you wonder why until somebody points out a certain blood stain down there…
unfounetely, your period just arrived!

and everyone saw that. what do you do?

Pretend to faint from blood loss and weakly ask for an ambulance

—

(This one is from self-experience… except I didn't get caught. I was smart enough to shove it straight into my school bag)
Your friends like the comics you read and ask if you can get them some hentai. They readily agree to pay you for it, so you print off a finished hentai comic and fix it up so it looks like a pro manga comic. You leave the book on your dressing table and go off to have a shower. When you come back, you discover that your grandmother has found and read it

I already had an explanation planned if it was ever discovered, who can guess what it was?

“oh dear, you shouldn't really read that. it's nasty. no, it's not mine.. I was holding it for a friend of mine because it's spring cleaning over at his house, and he didn't want his mother to discover it and therefore get in trouble for it. I don't really read the stuff, and I don't understand why he likes it though. just let me put it away in my schoolbag where I can give it back to him later.”

((was that even close?))

———

you really have to go to the bathroom really badly.. so you head for the nearest toliet. unfountely it just happens to be in the oppsite sex's locker room. as you fhinsh reliving yourself, and walk out of the toliet stall, the people of the oppsite sex has just came in and saw you in the locker room, where you shouldn't be.
what is your explaination?

Say your a cross dresser and get out of there as quickly as you can.

—

Your In the pool and you have to use the bathroom but the stalls are too far, you feel like your gonna burst, Turns out its Diareah, Your afraid to use the stalls because people dont lift those toilet seats when they piss and some people might have sat on those with hepatitis C, So you go in the pool, A lifeguard come right next to you and sees the brown gloopy stuff floating up from inside your bathing suit.
What do you do?

take out a snickers bar and drop it in, just to add to the effect. and to make everyone run out of the pool screaming.

__________________________________________


You're in a loud party and have to fart, and at the moment you do, someone cuts off the music to make an announcement and you rip off the loudest fart in the world.

What do ya' do?

Blame it on the fat guy.


Your at the beach and you see all the girls in bikinis, then you see one sunbathing topless, this aroses you more then you already are, Well looks like your having an erection and its almost breaking your bathing suit, people are staring like you like your radioactive, what do you do?

shout “oh no~ This large wang-shaped item appears to be lodged in my shorts! I hope nobody is thinking anything PERVERTED about it…”

and run away as they avert their eyes in shame

_________________________

you're a 13 year old girl in a strappy WHITE dress about to confess your love to tucker james (ooOOooo Tuuuuucker is sooooo hawt!!11) when your period starts and stains through the back of the dress. now what?

wrap a sweater/jacket around your wrist to hide the period stain, and say it's the latest look!

—


Your exemetely cute neighbor that you've been crushing on intives you to go to a bike ride. naturally, you're pyshced and say yes.
you go along with him/her, and you're attentive to him/her to show how much intersting she/he is to you, trying to look intersted in what your negihbor's talking about. but you paid a little too much attention to what your neighbor was saying and not enough to the road, because as you two speeded around the curve you crashed into an parked car.

what do you do?

Say “Gah! I need to work on my car-jumping trick!”

New Situation
You're in the mall and spot a cute girl. You follow her around, waiting for the opportune time to ask for her number. Just as you walk up to her, about to ask her out, she puts her arm around her girlfriend, kisses her square on the lips, turns to you and asks “Can I help you?”

“…No thanks. I'm cool.”

—

You're a robber running away from the scene of robbery. You used to be the fastest marathon runner in High School and you see someone actually trying to outrun you.
You suddenly feel challenged and start to run with all your might. You managed to outrun him, and you stop.

You stop right in front of the police station, with all the policemen looking at you with a mask, an empty gun, and a nice sack of money.

“Yeah, I couldn't help but wonder… were you in any Tv shows? because you look so familar!”

—-

you're late for an interview, and you have to take an sucky subway train whose doors have a tendecy to close too fast for tiher own good. at the stop you leap out fast as you can, but the door was too fast for you, taking a hold of your skirt/pants. as it moves away, it rips off the skirt/pants you had on. you're standing there speechless, in public, skirtless/pantless…

what do you do?

damn, he posted before I did!

to answer Dan's scenerio, though it's not a embrassing moment more than it is an stupid moment…..

just say “I'm an actor in an tv show where they poke fun at the sterotypes of robbers and cops!”

now somebody answer my embrassing scenerio above. how do you surive that embrassement?

I repeat:


you're late for an interview, and you have to take an sucky subway train whose doors have a tendecy to close too fast for tiher own good. at the stop you leap out fast as you can, but the door was too fast for you, taking a hold of your skirt/pants. as it moves away, it rips off the skirt/pants you had on. you're standing there speechless, in public, skirtless/pantless…

what do you do?

You walk inside, completely calm, if s/he raises any questions just remark on how you're relieving yourself of worldly possesions…and now you have to go relieve yourself again.

Say your friend asks you to ask someone to a dance, and you do, but you already asked a girl to the dance, what do you do?

The Mediocre one
Say your friend asks you to ask someone to a dance, and you do, but you already asked a girl to the dance, what do you do?

tell the second girl you asked out that you were merely asking her out for your friend, who's very shy around girls but can be a very nice, funny buddy once she gets to know him.

—


You hear a goofy song on the radio, can't help but get up and dance very goofy to it, and all the meanwhile you put an very wacky hat on yourself, with giant glasses and the whole works. youre dancing to this crazy song in this very crazy get up for a while. and when the song stops, you realize that you're being watched by your crush who was looking at you though the window of his/her house. what do you do?

I wave because they wouldn't be too suprised .

you're watching people breakdance, suddenly your friend pushes you in and you're stuffed right the middle WHAT DO YOU DO!?!?!?!?
DUN DUN duuuunnnn

The Mediocre one
I wave because they wouldn't be too suprised .

you're watching people breakdance, suddenly your friend pushes you in and you're stuffed right the middle WHAT DO YOU DO!?!?!?!?
DUN DUN duuuunnnn

proably get my face kicked in by the breakdancers, and never speak to my friend again.

—

exemetely bored one day, you start posing and stuff in front of the mirror, and saying a lot of silly things to yourself.

then suddenly, you find that some people you know was staring at you, as seeing they praobly came in at one point.

what do you do?

(this happened to me once).

Girls: run off screaming

Guys: say I'm practicing for the hoes and bitches later tonight .

You're in a library and you pull on a book that catches your eye, but it's stuck, then in true comedic fashion, the shelf falls over (you're fine and all) you stand up from the mess, covered in now broken boos and everyone is staring at you.
What DO you DO

(ack! that happened to me once too! only expect the books weren't broken at all. they're much more hardy than you give them credit for).

Um, sorry! I'll clean it all up I promise! But can I get to check out this one book first?

(also what I said).

–

you and your friend dedice to have a three-way chat on the phones with your crush. you three have a great time, but (s)he has to put you two on hold while somebody else is calling. so your friend suppsedly disconnects your crush from the line while you two are on hold, and you start talking about how great your crush is, and even reads the notes your crush gave you to your friend.
but suddenly, you hear your crush voice speak up on the line: Say, do you read all the notes from me to your friends?
it turns out that your friend didn't properly disconnect the three-way conversation! what do you do?

Laugh becaue I fail at life at that point. And then ask them out. .
This is all after a startling amount of cursing has taken place.

(wow, you have horrible luck, aurora.)
————————————————————————————

You get home and make sure no one's there except your parent's room (I mean, seriously, who wants to check around in there? Then you start singing your lungs out then your parents bust in and start applauding you (with obvious and painful sarcasm)

I would bow and say Thank you! Thank you! What a great audience! sarcastically.

___________


You are tired of people busting in on you all the time. So you decide to install locks on all your doors. Unfortunately you have to install locks while completely nude. Right as your finishing the last door lock, all of the sudden your parents and neighbors bust in through the windows and see you locksmithing in all your naked glory. What you you do!?

fuck man! haven't you heard of using the doors? you'll have to pay for those windows you know.

—-

you and your crush is about to kiss for the first time on an trampoline. but his/her little brother chooses that time to come bouncing on the trampoline just as you two started. you two bounced, and your teeth stabbed his forehead and sliced it open!

what do you do?!

Throw the little brother off the trampoline, fly him to the hospital, and fly back to the trampoline and kiss my GF before she could say “chitty chitty bang bang”.

Nxt Situation: As you're flying in an airplane, three out of 4 engienes explode, taking the wings with them. The shrapnle kills the pilots, and there are only 5 parachutes, three taken by a lawyer, a retard, and a hermafradite. the plane is 15 feet from hitting a mountain. what do you do?