tell us how stuff really works:
note: it has to be a JOKE, unreal, fictional, almost ridiculous (not gibberish, please, make it creative)

drunkduck ranking

voltee pressing up and down arrows

becoming a mod/admin

After trekking through the harsh arctic, you will find The Council. The Council will ask you three questions. You will need to answer all three with two sentences without the letter ‘e’ included. Achieving this will then lead you into a one to one fight to the death with God. Which is pretty hard. After that we then have to roll a thirteen on a seventy sided die. It is then we become a mod/admin.

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Writing a letter.

The letter must be written in a secret code, known only to you and the receiver of the letter. The letter is then sent to a lab, which ensures that no one may read it except the receiver. Then, they spill stuff on it, erasing all the work, and just send it as is.

The US voting system.

votes don't count, it's a bingo game

craving control

you spend 80 years working on a time machine, and you finally get it to work and go back in time and slip on monkoy crap while for some reason accidentaly carrying a life size version of the masemune and impaling everyone and their brother upon it…




#1 wecomic on DD

Some boy in Kryganibyzanstan trains a goat to use an ouija board. The board names a person somewhere in the world who will choose the #1 webcomic, write it on a slip of paper, and seal it in an envelope. Then he must hitchhike to Antarctica and fight of an army of seals and PETA members to get to an old hermit who will then burn the envelope for heat. The ashes are sent to DD headquarters where it will be mixed with water blessed by the Pope, the Dali Lama, and Master Li Hongzhi. An errand boy will dunk his head in the mixture and keep it there until he can divine the name of the comic that was once written on the letter.

A microwave

they line it with nanoscopic nuclear warheads that make little mushroom clouds no taller than an inch, and it cooks your food…and gives it a funny taste too…




velcro

Tiny gnome-elves live in the bristles, and when you use velcro you kill about fifty of them and there blood keeps the velcro together. No, I am not sane :evil: .

Sanity is just an illusion to make you feel better.

Being legally drunk

legally drunk implies you drinking but it does not state what so therefore you can drink whatever you want and be called drunk, drink something tht is not alcohol but pretend it is an elixar for eternal bliss which grants you the vision of two's and blurrs, or drinking up in a tree in the nomadic golmore jungle and not getting caught

LIFE

There is no life, it's just a dream.

Dreams.

there are no dreams, just illusional sensations that we yearn to have and work in our brains to morph our views of the world

HOW DOES THAT FREAKEN CHILD-SAFTEY LOCK WORK THAT THEY PUT ON DOORS! {i couldn't figure it out sadly :( }

it doesn't, you place it on a door and it never opens again. there are tiny leeches on the inside that attach to the door knob and keep it from moving. yeah… leechs… cool…

how do they get all those people to fit in the tv so i can watch my shows?

They are genetically bred of Mars and shipped over in the shells of walnuts.

How is icecream made?

Yeti children are hunted in the Himalayas. They are then pureed and frozen.
Remember, icecream is murder.
Tasty, tasty murder.

How do lightbulbs work?

Tiny, microscopic wizards live inside the glass, and when you flip a lightswitch, they come out of there houses and use there staffs to make lightning bolts, wich turn on the lamp, or light fixter, wich is why you shouldn't leave the lights on for too long otherwise the light bulb could blowup and set your house on fire.


how the HELL do they get the curser to move where you move the mouse?

The mouse is actually an ancient creature with psychic powers. After loosing a game of Go Fish with Lucifer it was forced to use its powers to make comptures work… or not work depending on which can be used to promote sin. Treat your mouse well else one day it might turn on you.

How does a boomerang come back?

When you buy a boomerang it automaticly is fond of you, so when you thro it it comes back.So when it doesn't come back, you have obviously offended it in some way, so that it doesn't like you any more.


cameras.

chuck norris commands them to….



chuck norris

This magic cricket thing fairy-dusts him so that he can kick ass.

Radios.

First you take some tin foil and you wrap it around a fork. You squeeze some lemon juice on it and put it inside an empty case with a speaker on it. then you summon multiple demons from the underworld, and they possess the fork and feed on the lemon juice. this gives the radio the power it needs to work.



A car battery

When the car battery is being used, it releases a group of midgets who move your wheels and give power to your radio by singing themselves.

Digital Watch.

The watch is filled with octupus ink. The quartz crystals make the ink arrange itself in the form of legible numbers for no good reason.



A flat screen TV

The flat-screen TV is really a fatass TV… You cannot tell because of mirrors… and also the human eye is naked.

Optical Zoom.

It works by the arranging of 300 squirrels doing menial tasks.


A lawn mower

A lawn mower is powered by small Roombas… which will ultimately control us all…

WE MUST DO SOMETHING!!! THE LAST STAND IS NOW PEOPLE!!!

Mutant Powers.

Fluffy radioactive bunny gods bite of a part of the human brain to release special powers.

Umbrellas

Umbrellas work not through science but through religious beliefs. When it rains, it means God is taking a shower, so you must use your God protecting-half-circle devices… Powered by God of course.

God.

There is no God. Only Cthulhu.

Cthulhu.