May I be the first to say: “ew”

And as far as dying…. You'd be hung by the person whose lingerie you stole.



Object: A bottle of Deodorant

After thousands of years living in somebody's armpit, you are crushed by an incoming bar of deoderant.

Object: A cross-dress prostitute.

Stain thinks he's taking home an atractive young homosexual man for some happy-bum-fun… But as soon as they walk into a shadow the drag-king reveals herself and kills him in the name of radical millitant feminism!

Object: a non-functioning network printer.

Go get angry as you were to print a 32 page essay that would secure you an A+. You punch it and all of the sudden, it works. Overtime. It shoots out paper like ninja stars. Unfortunately, you get caught in the crossfire.

Snowglobe.

You see a pretty snowglobe and shake it dislocating your arm. In the process you drop the globe on your foot causing you to fall sideways. Then an old woman runs over your head with a shopping cart.

bug zapper

get drunk, REALLY drunk, cover your hand in in mountain dew, let it dry, stick Pop rocks all over your sticky hand touch the bug zapper. Shock forces your to trip over the wire and run your head through an electric outlet. You pronounced dead because of cancer.

Coconut monkey

get drunk, REALLY drunk, cover your hand in in mountain dew, let it dry, stick Pop rocks all over your sticky hand touch the bug zapper. Shock forces your to trip over the wire and run your head through an electric outlet. You pronounced dead because of cancer.

Object: The Dragon's Tear.

Someone stole the Dragon Tear from Valerie, you set out on an adventure with your best friend, called Jack. during all your adventures to get it back. You start to realize that nothing is what it seems, Jack's plans to get the Tear back start to go strange, into place you don't agree with, after a while you realize Jack was only you, you stole the Dragon Tear. At a showdown in an office buliding where the Dragon's Tear is said to be kept, you and Jack face off, you tell him he doesn't exist, weird David Lynch movie-type dialouge follows between you and Jack, after a fight, you shoot yourself in the head, finally killing Jack.

Your found dead the next morning, by your game console. The police report stated that you started to play Breath of Fire 2, after 3 days of playing non stop, you developed your own world, your one society. You became one and you become nothing, your mind deformed. You shoot yourself, The lack of sleep killed you.

Object: Yes's Tales from Topographic Oceans, Disc 1 and Disc 2

.: Myxomatosis :.

Apparently you cant eat CDs, nobody told YOU that.

Jon snow (the Channel 4 news presenter)

A horrible factory explosion in New York sends about a million Basketballs in to space. You are walking on the street when out of nowhere, you are crushed by millions and millions of Spaceballs.

Object: Small font.

.: Myxomatosis :.

Umm… a monkey….would…use it to shoot you in the head…. with an arrow full of were-monkey serum…. turning you into a were-monkey. During the light of a full moon, you turn into a monkey and attack the local 18th-century village… and you get banged in the head by a silver frying pan which cracks your head open and you bleed to death.

Object: A drumstick (take that into any definition you feel like using)

You decide to eat the drumstick. The CHICKEN drumstick. Being rather cocky, you decide to swallow it whole to impress your spouse and friends. Unfortunately, the chicken is still attatched (and very much alive, come to think of it). You manage to eat the chicken, but not before it has laid several little eggs in your stomach which later hatch. BAM! Chestburster chickens.

Object: A Red and shiny graphics tablet.

You are getting ready to draw on your new shiny red graphics tablet. You sit down….make a cup of tea…..a little candle light. Then a CRAZY MIDGET that likes shiny red things ….kills you….sad huh?

Chunky Beef Stew

One chunk to chunky for your throat. Oh look, you've landed in your stew.

Emo.

The emo is another personality of yourself, and it keeps making you cut yourself until you bleed to death.

A stuffed poodle.

due to a terrible mix up a Mafia owned Drug filled poodle was accidently delivered to a stuffed poodle emporium, you purchase said poodle unknowingly and thus embark upon a great adventure filled with car chases, gunfights and hot women with your wise cracking black sidekick, but eventually you are caught and executed by a mafia boss for stealing his drugs.

Object: Holland.

You purchase tickets for “Holland”. Unbeknowenst to you, the country is actually called the Netherlands. Mid-flight, you realize you are actually not on a plane. You fall to your death.

Object: Wikipedia.

You have a big date. You want to show off your pretty new shoes….BUT WAIT….GASP….one is missing. You go insane from now finding it and beat yourself to death with the other.

object: jar of mayo

You didn't specify an object, so I'll come up with one: googlie-eyes.

You stick them to your real eyes. You walk off a clif. You die.

Next Object: Calculator

Your calculator is soular powered. Whilst attempting to do a maths exam, the vast amounts of power required by the calculator forces it to consume your soul! You pass the exam, only to be branded a soulless abomination by the church. You are subsequently burned at the stake by the inquisition.

Next object: A webcam

you get your brand new webcam and you are like….man this is hot. You get a message from a sexy person wanting to chat. You can't wait since their name is hotbaby69. So you bring up the image of the other person to talk and BAM it is Volte in his underwear and he is not clean (sorry volte…all in good fun right?) You FREAK out falling back in your chair and cracking your head open….dead

object: happy goldfish crackers

You are somehow allergic to happiness. When ingesting a goldfish, the smile of it causes you throat to swell up, cutting off your breathing and killing you.

Next Object:

Popups.

You choke on your on fluids after ejaculating a lot of stuff.


Object: A blade of grass.

you are eating soup with a plastic spoon and suddenly it gets stuck in your throat. so you give yourself the hiemlich and the spoon flys across the room and smashes a window. while you're cleaning up the glass a meteor flys down and smashes right through your ass. you have to go to the hospital (thankfully it's two blocks away) and after weeks of intensive care and surgery, you are healthy as a horse.

then, as you're walking out of the hospital a plastic spoon that someone fifty miles away dislodged from their throat hits you in the head and kills you.



object: DrunkDucks server.

“Gravity is fun!”

Three ton'd


Object: Ice cream

It gives you such a severe AND LASTING pain in your forehead, right between you eyes, that in despair you perform a frontal lobotomy on yourself with an icepick.

…the pick wasn't sterilised and you contract meningitis. This causes you even more excruciating pain, and then kills you…


Object:
30mm Bushmaster chain driven autocannon.

While attempting to mount a brand new 30mm (you were considering a the 40mm version but in the end you decided that the ability of the 30mm version to defeat light armored targets was sufficent for your needs) bushmaster Automatic cannon to the roof of your mini cooper you are interupted by the police, a uniformed police officer walks over to you and asks if you have a permit for that, you reply "of course officer, I'll just go and get it) but as you step off the roof of your tiny car the bushmaster (which isnt properly secured) falls off the roof of your car and onto you crushing your right thigh. The police officer calls and ambulance but unfortunatley you bleed to death at the scene.

Objekt: saturn

The abandoned upper stage of a Saturn 5 rocket peacefully orbits the globe in the deathly quiet dark of space… But what's this? A small asteroid fragment diverted towards the Earth as the result of a collision, all the way out in the distant Oort cloud, strikes the stage at such a vector as to cause its orbit to rapidly deteriorate…

You're sitting at home, quietly watching TV when you hear a roaring howl outside your house… The Saturn rocket stage, reduced by friction with the atmosphere to an 60kg lump of molten steel, rips through the roof of your house, plummets through the ceiling and crushes you so flat they'll need a paint scraper to get you out of the crater.

–
Object:
A double edged sword.

The Sword has no handle, but in your infinate stupidity you still attempt to pick it up, upon picking up said large bladed object you notice that you have severly injured both of your hands somehow, you are so shocked you drop the sword which inbeds itself in your groin, you fall over in agony and bleed to dead, But its okay because you deserved it for eing so utterly dense.

Objket: Electronic Arts.

You play all the EA games Harry Potter series and think you canfly so you jump out of the window on a convieneant broom. you fly for a while then get churned up in a planes engine.

New object: A sexy lady.