Er, right. Anyway, I thought it was just your usual “magick” retailer; send her twenty bucks and she'll mail you a candle with some runes scraped into it. But on further investigation we found that she's not one of those witches who sits back and lets her customers have all the fun; she actually does the spells herself! And for a hefty price, I might add.
She doesn't describe how the spells are performed, or as far as I'm aware, provide any proof that she's actually done anything on her end. And just to make things extra fun, she'll also give the customer tasks to perform on their end during the spell-casting process. Tasks she doesn't actually describe in the spell layout on her site.
"This spell is the spell to use when all other spells have failed. I cannot tell you what school of magick this spell comes from or how it works. You will be called upon to perform several actions that have to do with the spell and this spell needs your focused belief more than any spell I cast. You must be so completely focused on your goal and your love that there is no room for doubt. You must believe in magick implictly for this spell to work. This will be your final love spell, in your heart you must know this. It will give you a definitive answer one way or another and you must be willing to accept whatever the result is. It can only be cast AFTER you have exhausted every possibility - either through me or through another spellcaster.
Your willingness to give yourself over to the power of this spell is paramount. You must ask no questions of me and must be willing to turn your attention from the spell once it is cast. You cannot deviate from my instructions. We will make this happen together but your trust is my ally and must be given freely."
That's $600 by the way, for her to perform an action she refuses to describe, of a nature she won't give, and that requires you to perform actions not laid out in the product description. Bonus points for laying all the blame on the paying customer if the spell kinda sorta doesn't do anything.
Maybe I'm just a skeptic. It didn't help to go her Altar Photos section and check out what she's got on display. Such as her “Holiday Tree”. This particular one is dragon themed, because putting dragon dolls on a Christmas tree is a nice way to get Christmas gifts every year without losing your Wicca street cred. Also of note is her Tablescape (known to non-witches as a “centerpiece” ) . I'll let D to the S describe this one… (emphasis mine)
"Here is the tablescape from Halloween (Samhain 2007). This was after the feast, so the candles have burned down quite a bit. The tablecloth is a Celtic sarong, black roses were used as party favors for the guests, the mummy candle-holders came from TJ Maxx,the candle mosiac lanterns from the Cracker Barrel gift shop, the pumpkin Jack O'Lanterns from Williams-Sonoma and the pumpkin tealight holders and 3 little witches candle-holderfrom the Yankee Candle Company. The witch snow globe, which you can barely see is from a local witch shop called Black Dragon Gifts."
Magickal feats are afoot, dear reader. Magickal feats indeed…
So, what're your thoughts? Is this a woman a real, honest-to-goodness witch? Is she a delusional woman who has no idea what's going on? Or, as is my guess, is she the greatest businesswoman on the planet? ‘Cuz I don’t know about you, but I wish I had gotten in the ground floor of the “make people do crazy things halfway across the country while I buy an Xbox with their $600” business. Hell, like Lady Dragonspell I'm also an ordained minister… (from the Universal Life Church, so that's not saying much)