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Life in "The Slammer" is a heck'ova lot "Simpler"
maritalbliss at 3:01PM, May 9, 2007
posts: 1,045
joined: 4-15-2007
Last night during the news, I don't mean “entertainment” news either; but, the real “news” they were goin' on and on about “Paris Hilton.” I am sick of hearin' about that little “Turtle Squirt.”

Accordin' to, several different “news” sources and soon to be scrapped Nancy Grace (Oh, no where will I get my condescending female ancorage?) Paris is beggin' on-line like Screech tryin' to pay the rent. (By the way, he seems like a real A-HOLE from the Celebrity Fit Club commercials. Luckly, my television viewing habits prevent me from provin' that it isn't so.)

(For those that may not be aware, you are the lucky ones.) Hilton was sentenced to serve 45 days in jail last week, for violating the terms of a DUI arrest charge in 2006.

Most people polled ( again, according to the “news” ) think Hilton should have to serve her time…As mentioned earlier the heiress (brain trust that she is) directs people from her MySpace page to an on-line petition that says the American People are shocked and appalled that she is bein' used as an “example” and asks her “fans” that they sign the petition. The petition, which can be reached through Paris Hilton's MySpace Profile: calls to The Terminator, requestin' him to “pardon” her because of all the hope she provides for young people in the US, neigh—the hope she instills in young people throughout the world. The petition claims Paris to be the “beauty” and excitement“ in ”our" otherwise mundane lives. The document goes on to beg the thirty-eighth Governor of California, to find it in his little 'ole Austrian-American-Kennedy Lovin' heart to pardon her for her “mistake.”

It goes on even more to cast blame on other celebrities and their indiscretions, making' Paris try and look like Cupie McAngel; not really acknowledging the fact that Paris did indeed break the terms of her probation. This ridiculous (which has an even more ridiculous amount of signatures) petition “hints” that if the honorable Gov'ernator sees fit to pardon the socialite he will be akin to Ford pardoning Nixon after his “mistake(s).”

You know, when you put it like that, reckless drivin' while blitzed seems like somethin' to blow off. So what, that the next time a SUV full'a nuns'll be splattered over whatever automobile Paris might be drivin' that week. She's sorry. Oh Well, she's sorry, that just changes it all—Lollypop Lane is open for business! She does provide “hope.” I hope my daughter can aspire, at twenty-six to be a herpies infested cootchy lush. That's a goal.

The Simple Life—-Jailhouse Rock! is somethin' I might actually watch one episode of. ONE.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:53PM
ccs1989 at 5:23PM, May 9, 2007
posts: 2,656
joined: 1-2-2006
If I considered Paris Hilton to be the “beauty” and “excitement” in my “mundane life” then I would shoot myself.

Anyway I hope they make her do hard labor in prison.

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
-Henry David Thoreau, Walden
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:38AM

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