He is a genius! He said so himself! Why would he lie to us about that?

Good point, nobody lies on the internet.

Atom Apple
Good point, nobody lies on the internet.

I know I never told you guys this, but I'm actually a 50 ft tall space raccoon.

You amateurs don't read literature or watch good movies at all do you?

Call me Ishmael.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but this was the winter of our discontent.

There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, and we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

I believe in America

I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be ‘Sir!’ Do you maggots understand this?

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.


Those are off the top of my head. So come on then, lets see what you've got. You want to learn about satire? Read penis. On a good day. Sometimes not so much satire, more parody.

I'm guessig your mom's annoyed because you spend the time you should be working on that essay whining about it on the internet. I know my mom would be annoyed at that. If I were 15 again.

Honestly…what was inappropriate about my submissions, Convenience?

marine
You amateurs don't read literature or watch good movies at all do you?

Call me Ishmael.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but this was the winter of our discontent.

There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, and we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

I believe in America

I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be ‘Sir!’ Do you maggots understand this?

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.


Those are off the top of my head. So come on then, lets see what you've got. You want to learn about satire? Read penis. On a good day. Sometimes not so much satire, more parody.

You're a wizard, Harry!

…Oh, wait, good literature.

marine
You amateurs don't read literature or watch good movies at all do you?

Call me Ishmael.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but this was the winter of our discontent.

There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, and we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

I believe in America

I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be ‘Sir!’ Do you maggots understand this?

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.


Those are off the top of my head. So come on then, lets see what you've got. You want to learn about satire? Read penis. On a good day. Sometimes not so much satire, more parody.

GREATEST.DIRECTOR.EVER.


I srsly just watched both those movies not two days ago…

You sir are a TRUE psychic!

Sometimes I wish marine would get his head out of his own ass so the rest of us can see what is so god-damned fascinating about it. Is there alien technology in his colon or something? And that was a random response marine, since NONE of those things dealt with the titles at hand and those were quotes anyhoo, not a starter. Gonna get on you high horse then give a sentence. Or lend him the alien technology.

I thought Midge's were good as parody, but I really don't understand what Cov is after anymore.

And no I guess I don't want Cov's rep.

When is this thing due? This thread was started days ago.

Ok, answering Ink. One of my weak points is that if I can't come up with a starting sentence for anything written, I can't do a thing. I really can't get over this problem because I can't identify the source. And also be serious guys and original; I just have to have starting sentence and I can role with it. (And when did this thread start to talk about my rep? this is so I can get some homework done before the semester is over)

TheMidge28
Honestly…what was inappropriate about my submissions, Convenience?

The story can't have anything that deals with alcohol, drugs, crime, etc. I go to a public high school, so I can't write whatever I want.

what are you talking about the only one which dealt with any of that was the Samuel Adams one which is funny because of the context and double meaning which would get you an A. The others I listed were right where you need to be and looking for.

here is an example of something I wrote (the topic a deal with the devil story)

A man step out of an artificial fog, and he says, “So I went into a bar.” Moans, wines, and complaints are made that the comedian before them needs some new material. Oh, how he looks into the back of his mind to find a new joke, one that will make his career, but finds nothing. He decides to cancel the show and give a partial refund, for he was nearly broke.
Always a good man, never one to tarry in a punch line, he was always the life of the party. Until recently when the puppet comedian showed him up. He had since had a big drop in his joke lines. He had fewer shows and many cancellations. He was at the end of his rope, for he spent weeks on new jokes but something always made him tell those old, over-told ones.
He finally said, “I'd sell my soul to finish the jokes I have.” Just then a tall thin man appeared before him, he wore black and crimson red right down to his socks which had a small pitchfork logo. “My good man, I can give you what you want for the price you said. There are some restrictions but you'll have your wish.” The man was obviously not to be trusted but the comedian agreed. The deal was he be the best comedian for the next five years and after the stranger will collect on his price.
The next five years went great for the man. He was the best comedian world-wide, but upon the last year, he realized what to happen to him. He found a person who had said they dealt with demons and the devil. The person was shocked by what the man had told him, not because it was true, but because the devil had forced the bargain. The man was shocked but was still worried. The person agreed to help him get out of it.
Upon the devil's arrival to collect the dept, he was shocked by the person before him. “Wh-wh-wh-what are you doing here.” “I am here to release this man from his forced contract.” “Fine, you are free since you found out I forced the deal.” From that day on the man was still the best until he hit rock bottom and end up on luxury cruise as the cheap entertainment.

the answer is 19

Are you kidding me? I went to public highschool and on a paper I wrote about honesty or soemthing I talked about making atom bombs put inside scooby doo lunchboxes and coverign myself in red paint and killing people with an ax. It was one of the most popular papers ever written in the school with the teachers. I had almost every teacher there, most of whom I didn't know, come up and joke with me and quote the paper at me. You can get away with a lot in a public school, especially if you're known for dark humor. Even if you're not I'm sure you could get away with it, unless you go to a pretentious school.

Do us all a favor, and NEVER post your stories here again.

Seriously, a word processor is your best friend.

Also: you need to work on composition.

And finally: For a genius like yourself, it may make more sense, but to a lesser individual such as myself, that seemed like unintelligent garbage…

But hey, YOU'RE the genius.

I thought you were talking about me X__x I was thinking “Ouch” til you started in with that genius thing.

I can talk about death to an extent. but the topics each have to be different. I do know about dark humor but I can only use it if I have starting sentence. Read through the green in my last post, there is more dark humor than it appears. I was only able to do that one because the first sentence was the first thing that popped into my head. Also they had to be one page long and I can't do much in that space.

that paper I mentioned was only a 5 paragraph essay. About a page long. And I don't read green things. Against the CODE.

That story lacked humor of ANY kind, it was simply the most cliche thing I have EVER read…

You have successfully made a short story on par with a Uwe Boll movie…

Congratulations.

The story got me the points (and it's a deal with the devil story, of course it's going to be chlique), so it's okay. Now I can do a lot but I have too short of an attention span to use 12 point font (I use 16 point, takes less time). This is what I am currently working on, it is Cooper's reply to Mark Twain's Cooper's literary offenses

Mr. Mark Twain, or Samuel Clemens, is seen as one of the greatest American writers. Bah I say, he does not have the refined dignity of my own work. He seems to think that the Indians and Blacks of our society maybe smarter than I am. He does not see that I am much better at grammatical fortuity than they are. They have no sense of tone.
I do not see the resemblance to what you say about my work. I use those expressions to convey that the characters are not of low standing but are not of high standing. They speak in a manner that prevails the reader notice that. I saw that they could talk in tone befitting both high and low society. If you say that there is a middle tone of society then you are wrong sir, for there is no middle society.
I may be an adult of 35 but I know that I can write better than any second grader. My writing style follows all the rules of literature.

Coveinant
The story got me the points (and it's a deal with the devil story, of course it's going to be chlique), so it's okay. Now I can do a lot but I have too short of an attention span to use 12 point font (I use 16 point, takes less time). This is what I am currently working on, it is Cooper's reply to Mark Twain's Cooper's literary offenses

Look I can wright! ZOMG I rOXXORZ SO HARDDD! CANT U See iM A GEniuSSS!? DURF HURF BLARGALARG!

Fix'd.

Did you yourself write that Red text? Cuz if you're 35 and in highschool something is wrong. Or did Cooper write it?

It's from the perspective of Cooper. The red text is to distinguish the story form my post. now seriously, I just need those three starter sentences. I may have this thread locked or keep it open if there is a topic I can't think of a starting sentence for.

You're not gonna get a serious response here man. Look elsewhere.

Seriously Quickie Mart, the original post asked for parody and satire which I provided an intro line for each of your subjects and all of it acceptable for you school writing projects. But now you are just posting examples of crappy writing assignments you completed which have nothing to do with your original post and all it shows is bad writing. I mean no offense but its bad. Now are you seriously wanting help on the original post or are just wanting attention? If you want serious help concerning your original post then please explain what you are truly looking for instead of reiterating how hard it is to get started, dismissing what others have posted or posting these poor examples of your prose.

I'd forgotten about that! Yeah, Midge's were good. Even though I really wanna see that Crucible movie….That'd be awesome.

Either way, I've got serious reservations about doing someone's homework for them. That'd be like me asking people to do page layouts for assignments and such.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, Cov. Apparently that… er, for the sake of convenience, let's call it a “story,” was good enough to get you a good grade. And if that counts as a decent-grade story, then I'm pretty sure you could probably just turn in whatever and your teacher will pass you.

Conglomerate
The story got me the points (and it's a deal with the devil story, of course it's going to be chlique).

With that kind if attitude you'll never be a decent writer.

Stop making excuses, do you actually want help or are you just whinging for the sake of it?