Until one day an old man asked Tommy if he wanted to be a ‘real boy’.

Confronted with this shady, nicotine stained, pervert, Tommy immediately knew what to do!

Just as years of playing Kang in MK videogames taught him to do, Tommy leaped into the air, taking five full minutes to reach the old man with his bycicle kicks.

Fortunately, it was just so damn awesome that the old man stood stunned motionless until Tommy's kicks arrived at their intended target, sending the aged devaint realing in a shower of blood and broken teeth.

Tommy was about to inflict a finishing blow, when the old man sputtered, “Tommy I am your Grandpa!”

“But Ben said my grandfather was dead, he told me you killed him,” said Tommy.

“Tommy, Ben killed your grandfather,” Said the old man as he showwed his ghostly form.

And then a giant cookie appeared and fell on top of them,killing Tommy.

The cookie which was nut-flavored then attracted a horde of squirrels.

The squirrels decided to take over the world.

And the moral of this story is that all squirrels are bastards.

And since all squirrels are bastards,we should kick'em in the nuts.

And that's what we did, we kicked and kicked and finally kickend 'em some more.

But the squirrels are planning revenge.

so lets look at the story:
The Amazing adventures of Ben, the Paperclips, Neo and Tommy
Ben sat on the end of the bench and sighed. He knew he shouldn't have ignored that “Wet Paint” sign. When Ben tried to stand he heard a loud rip, he was standing but his pants were still part of the bench. He was wearing boxer shorts with love hearts on them. People stared as he he tried to run away. They stared even more when he tripped over the nearby trash can and fell into the fountain. Some people started to laugh while Ben hid in shame. It was then, under the crushing weight of yet another public humiliation, that Ben finally snapped. “Oh, I'll give you all something to laugh about!” yelled Ben. The crowed stopped laughing as some looked at Ben with a shocked face, others were scared but others kept on laughing. Ben stood up. He got a cream covered pie, and threw it at an old man. After a few seconds the pie blew up and the old man's corpse bursts into flames. The crowd pointed and laughed at the corpse. Ben took this chance to… Pull a grenade out of thin air and pulls the pin and throws it and runs. “That really isn't that funny,” said a small girl in the crowd as the grenade hit the ground. Suddenly, the girl's eyes began to glow as she flug the grenage back with her phenominal psychic powers. The small girl then levitates and flies after Ben. He should have reacted at this point, but the man's brain had so thoroughly snapped that he thought she was a flying Pikachu made out of lollipops named “Archibald.” Ben yelled “PIKACHU!?!?!?!?”,the grenade blew up and nobody could see due to the smoke. As the smoke cleared the two could be seen lieing down, both exausted, but neither defeated. Ben laid there repeating over and over “Pikachu. Watching the sorry spectacle, the girl decided to end this once and for all. The girl decided to appologise and agree to get along, the two of them then decided to go to an amusement park. However, it was just a clever ruse to get her revenge, and once they reached the top of the roller coaster she kicked him over the side. Ben Screams while he falls while the Girl laughs evily. But Ben was fortunate enough to fall into a pond right next to the roller coaster. The little girl yelled ”WHY DON'T YOU DIE MOTHER F***er“ The girl then levitates out of the roller coaster car and starts to scream at the top of her lungs…. only to find out that she's lost her voice. She continues cursing from the anger. As the girl starts to look in her pockets for her voice Ben flees into the night. Ben asks himself ”Why did it suddenly turn night?“ ”Because I was bored“ said God. Ben, understandibly surprised to be speaking with the creator of the universe, couldn't think of anything to say. Ben stood there with an ”OMG“ kind of look. After a few awkward seconds, God coughed and asked ”Um… was there anything else?“ Ben asked God if he could take him far away from the the little girl. So God whisked Ben away to the planet Lesbino III. He was dissapointed to find it wasn't really filled with lesbians. .. nor breathable oxygen. Seeing that Ben was choking and gasping for air, God said… ”Here, I will grant you air,“ God farted, then he laughed. Ben asked ”If this place doesn't have any lesbians…what does it have?“ A voice from behind answered, ”The name Lesbino III is a tad misleading, since we're all pirates here.“ Behind Ben, there was this green 7 foot tall man, dressed in fancy pink and purple pirate outfit. ”Now I will do some prating, arrrr,“ the man sat down at his computer and inserted a blank DVD, ”arrrr.“ Next to the computer was a mountain load of pirated ”MAMMA MIA! - The Movie“ DVDs. Horrified, Ben called out to God and asked ”WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?“ And God replied : ” It is because of your weird porn addiction.“ ”Hey! What's wrong with Formicophilia?“ replied Ben. ”Everything“ God replied. ”yarrrrr,“ said the pirate, ”I be having DVDs the plenty for a formichophiliac such as yourself, arrrrrr is the rating on most of them.“ Then Ben said ”oh you do, can I whatch them with you?“ ”First we need to watch all the MAMMA MIA. DVDs for quality inspection, only 238 left“ said the pirate. ”Have fun,“ said God as he disapeared in a whisp of smoke. Ben was obligated to watcth MAMA MIA 238 times. He later died from the resulting trauma. Later in heaven he had another conversation with God. ”God, why did you leave me alone to watch all thoos awfull DVDs,“ said Ben, ”they were really really bad.“ There was a moment of silence. God just stared at Ben, and Ben just stared back at God. This continued for a good long time until the devil showed up with a subpoena. ”FINALLY!“ said God ”That was getting REALLY old!“ The devil then gave God a phone book sized folder titled, ”Heaven and Hell contract, chapter 12, article 25, sub paragraph 23B“ where he'd highlighted a page stating that all formichophiliacs should go to Hell. ”Yes,“ God stated, ”But there is the MAMA MIA clause in chapeter 98, article 1567, sub paragraph 13JJJ, which states: Any formicopiliac that watches MAMA MIA 239 times or more is exempt from the eternal damnation.“ ”Well this was the first time that Ben has seen the film so it's a darn shame that he only watched it 238 times" said the Devil.

Ben screamed “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOT MAMA MIA, NOT AGAIN!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!” However, The Devil interrupted and laughed “You HAD your chance already, bub!” “Wait a minute,” said Ben, “I saw the broadway musical last July, I'm saved!” Both the Devil and God look at Ben in shocked dismay, “What are you gay?” they said in unison. And Ben said “no, but it was a bet, I made 200$ by seeing that show.” “Was it a bet on how gay you could be?” said the Devil making God laugh. Then Ben started crying and ran away. “Aw, man,” said God, “now I feel kind of bad… NOT!” Ben fell through a hole in the clouds. “Damn it Jesus,” said God, “you said you fixed that!” Ben fell downward from Heaven for 35,678,975,123 days. By the end of his fall Ben had grown to be the wisest man in the universe, he had had years of solitude to understand everything, he was now wiser then God himself, he was also quite sore from hitting the ground so hard. In a sickeningly ironic twist, the fall also gave him amnesia and locked his new found wisdom deep in his fractured psyche. He also got a fractured, femur, tibia, fibula, sternum, radius, humerus, and ass. But the bear he grew during his fall was in one piece, that was the important thing and all the doctors in the hospital told him that. Then a Doctor with a british accent put Ben into a wheelchair and wheeled him into a strange police box. The doctor and Ben travelled the universe togehter, untill Ben threw up in the Tadis like 5 minutes after take off and the doctor kicked him out. Of course, 5 minutes of OUR time equaled 50 years of time traveling TARDIS time. “Worst 50 years of my life,” said ben, as he realized he was back on planet Lesbino III. “Oh, there you are,” a nearby pirate exclaimed, “We still have 567 copies of The Princess Diaries that need to be watched.” Ben let out a primal scream of pure pain, that shook the very universe itself. And a small dwarf out of nowhere appeared with a digital camera saying “YEAH! That's the selling look” and ran away. Once the dwarf was a mile away, a dragon came from the sky and land next to him. The dragon, about to speak, gets crushed by a bus created for whales which was, coincidentially, built in Wales. The driver of the bus leaned out the window and asked Ben “Excuse me, have you seen a dwarf with a camera anywhere around here?” “He went that way,” said Ben, who was now held at gunpoint by the dwarf. The bus driver asked Ben who that was holding him at gun point, Ben replied, “this is a vertically challenged human being, not a dwarf.” Silently, Ben wondered how the heck he was being held at gunpoint by someone who was a mile away, but after all the other crazy stuff that'd happened to him so far, he didn't feel it was worth mentioning. “My mistake,” said the bus driver, “it seems you and that vertically chalenged person have buisness to take care of and you probably have a lot on your mind, what with all the crazy stuff that has happened to you so far.” And a unicorn flew by them. And then, at subsonic speeds, the unicorn makes a U-turn and impales the dwarf saving Ben! “Thank you for saving me,” said Ben, the unicorn gestured for Ben to hop onto its back. But Ben said, “Frickin unicorns!”, and shot a small child in the face. The bus driver looked on the scene, horrified at the events he had just seen, “holy shit.” Then Ben, who had for some reason just magically pulled a gun of his own out of his ass, decided to take a cab to the circus cuz he felt like eating peanuts. But alas, he lost his temper once more and blasted a rodeo clown right between the eyes. The rodeo clown drew his final breath, and Ben realized with horrible shock that the man he had just killed…. was his mother. “I could never reconize who my mom was after she was turned into a man by god,” Ben said as he ran to his mothers side. With tears coming to his eyes, Ben cried, “Thank God.” and went to get some peanuts by shooting the nearest elephant. Before Ben could pull the trigger the elephant trampled him to death so the story could move on to another character who didn't have a strong desire for peanuts. This character was Ben's babyt brother, Bill. But then Bill came back as a ghost to haunt Wordweaver_Three by throwing spirit peanuts at him for all eternity, and Ben ate some peanuts. After 130,000,053,890,876,564 years of haunting Wordweaver_Three, Bill finally said “About time some DD users get involved in this.” Then Cool Guy did three backwards somersaults in the air and saved the world from doom somehow! But then the world blew up and all that survived was a piece of cheese and two paper clips. “Hello cheese,” said paperclip A, “have you seen my sister around anywhere?” Paperclip B exclaims, ‘I’m gonna git you suckah!' and then attempts to chase paperclip A with a minigun around the world, which is futile as they are inanimate. Also because the miniguns didn't survive, but most importantly, it was actually the Matrix, and Neo woke up with a start and got a burrito with SUPER KUNG-FUCKERY! “what a strange dreams,” said Neo, but then he looked on the end of his bed and sitting there were two paperclips and a block of cheese, “NOOOOOOOO!” The cheese said “See Neo, this is what you get when you drink 2 gallons of Vodka”Then the paperclip flipped the fuck out and stabbed Neo in the eye, because he wasn't sure how long he could drag this sentence on for. And in completely unrelated news, India is now ironically full of Native Americans, once called indians. Whilst the real Indians are thrown in the Brit Pit, er, I mean, a reformatory. Will smith and chuck norris then team up and blow up the refomatory. Will Smith get shot in the eye and when the unknown person tries to shoot Chuck Norris, Chuck grabs the bullet and throws it back. But then Will Smith punched Chuck Norris in the face with his amazing protagonist powers, because this thread isn't going to be filled with Chuck Norris jokes. Did you know that when you punch Chuck Norris you explode? But then suddenly *gasp* Chuck Norris turns out to not be as cool as he says he is, and dies like the old man he is!

(Finally!)

Then Will Smith becomes the next celebrity deity and actually lives up to the legends. This happens because he is Legend. Indeed he is, and he goes on to defeat global warming and economic struggle by punching them both in the faces. BUT THEN SUDDENLY A ZOMBIE APOCOLYPSE HAPPENS. He tries to punch every zombie in the world in the face but he can't because his hand starts hurting. So he sacrifices himself with a grenade and blows up a crowd of zombies, but unfortunately, it wasn't a very big crowd. but then the marvel zombies show up and bite his punchin' hand off, to which he then cried, “CARLITO, FOOORRRRRGIIIIIVVVEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!” But only one of those happened, and mine was first, so it was mine. DAMNIT!!!
……i have failed you…….
if you zoom in on that last thing i said REEEEAAAALLLYYYY close it says:

….i have failed you…….
And then umbledijum started playing this game right because Will Smith's torched carcass punched him in the innanet. umbledijum cried out in pain while wondering what the hell an innanet is. and that's when the power rangers came onto the scene… The Red Ranger then proceeded to raping Will Smith's lifeless body. But then he remembers that he has no genitalia, and goes to hide in the corner and cry while yellow ranger laughs at him and black ranger starts making racist jokes. But then pink power ranger has a PMS attack and everybody explodes. Except for a crusty banana… The crusty banana laughed maniacally and says, “Everything went exactly as planned.” To which Gary Bussi walked up and said, “OH NO!! NOT ANOTHER TALKING BANANA!! THEY TOLD ME YOU WEREN'T REAL!!!” then ran off crying about zombie pickles and monkey pirates. Then Will Smith's ghost punched Gary in the face. But Gary Bussi's insanity was to much for Will Smith's weak non-corporeal form to handle, so he exploded, thus starting a exstensive online debate whether or not ghosts can explode. They can't. Theese left many unanswered questions, such as, “why did will smith's ghost explode if ghosts can't explode?” But none of that mattered because this game went to shit, so we started a new storyline about a mafia leprechaun named Isaac. isaac pulled out his shelaili, and knew that it wouldn't pretty. But then a paper clip smacked him in the face and he blew up. “Damn it,” said Neo, “you promised me and cheese that you would stop doing that!” and then cheese was eaten by a fat man, giving him gas. The fat mans gas caused a second big bang, ending all life on earth, that is for one crusty old man and his magical tricycle. And so the old man rode his magic tricycle through the rainbow plains of the ethereal, searching for somfin' ta eat. when suddenly he was greeted by an oddly colored crusty banana peel…


(DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!)
And they both questioned the fact that only crusty things survived each apocalypse, but wrote it off as coincidence. “Hi” said the old man to the banana peel. The banana peel then said “Hi” back, awkwardly. The old man steps on the banana in his random outburst of rage, slips, and breaks his back which turned out to be a nuclear device that is activated by the impact on the ground destroying every city, town and all other civilization in the United States except the small town of Bursby somewhere in Arizona. The lone inhabitant of Bursby, a deaf, dumb, and blind kid named Tommy, said of the apocalyptic nightmare, “…..”Tommy saw the only surviving creatures were cockroaches. He then became a pinball wizard, and formed his own cult.

:D
He continued leading the cult for 5 years till the roaches rebeled. The roaches, looking back into history and realizing that, by all rights, they should not exist as the second big bang, cuased by the mysterious god known only as Fatman had caused the death of all beings in the universe save for the crusty old man and the crusty oddly-colored bannana peel, ceased to exist, leaving deaf dumb and blind Tommy alone with the single most challenging and unwinnable pinball machine in the netherverse. Tommy slit his throat causing his blood to sprout new life. The new life expanded all over the world, which took about half a minute. The creatures which emerged in this new creation were known as Dwiimlings. Then suddenly… For no good reason, Ben comes back to life. The Dwiimlings turn Ben into a perverse slave whith which they do horrible, horrible things. Now, horrible, horrible things aren't very nutritious, you understand. Not only that, but neither was dropping the soap while in the lavatory of a state penitentiary with ten large inmates, which, sadly, Ben eventually did. And out of his recently violated anus sprang a leprechaun. “It is a miracle!” cried the masses, and now half of the Jews had found their messiah. Little did they know he was really a duck in a Messiah costume. And Ben hated the duck. Ben hated the duck so much that he shot it out of a cannon. This cannon was made out of wood. But it was magical so Ben shot him away anyway. Jews hated Ben for killing their Messiah. Then the real Messiah came in. The Messiah accidentally broke a mirror, and now Tommy could see, hear and speak and he was the REAL real Messiah. The Jews then ask for proof. In response, Tommy said “See me feel me touch me heal me” which made no sense so they kicked him off of the intertubes. Tommy then flipped them the bird, and continued being banished. Out in a desert forest he found something shiny. He then picked it up and noticed that it was a piece of a broken mirror. And, in said piece of broken mirror, he could see the person stalking him was…Edward Cullen! Edward said in the faggiest voice ever heard “Oh My God!!! You're like sooooooooo cute!” And Tommy wondered why the desert sun did not set his unwanted companion aflame. Edward explained, “REAL vampires sparkle! We're basically disco balls. It's a nature thing cause we're always so bored.” It was then that Tommy and Edward had the magical idea of inviting everyone they knew to a great disco in the desert. Meanwhile, the creatures of the desert were not happy with this plan, and prepared to ruin it. To thwart the desert creatures' plot, Edward sent out an invitation to all the desert creatures so they would stop being angry. The creatures asked if it would be at night, as most of them are nocturnal. Edward said “ I can't be the disco ball at night.” Edward then cries and runs away, leaving Tommy all alone in the desert. Again. Tommy shrugged and just kept on walking through the desert. untill heran into a cactus. Tommy screamed to the heavensBut the cactus was an evil cactus, and it said “There is no heaven here, mah boi!” and showed Tommy the severed head of poor young Edward. The sparkle from the head blinded poor Tommy. But now that he was blind again, Tommy could once more be the pinball wizard. Untill the cactus chopped his hands off. At this moment, Bruce Campbell appeared and replaced Tommy's hands with chainsaws. Tommy then chops down the cactus. The jewz came out of nowhere and told Tommy that the cactus worked for Zombie Hitler. Tommy decided to kill Zombie Hitler so he decided to find his way back to a city and buy a motherfuckin' AK-45 to blast that bitch's head off,motherfucker! After a few hours, Tommy got to the pawn shoppe and bought an AK-45 not questioning how he got the money. Tommy face palmed when he realized what he needed was an AK-47 and not an AK-45 and that he had just bought a boat. shun was a regular boy until one day he was riding home and he heard his best friend tommy was in an accident, he went to the hospital and kissed him for what he hoped wasn't the last time. Tommy wasn't entirely comfortable with the fact his best friend was kissing him, and it caused the two of them to grow apart. Until one day an old man asked Tommy if he wanted to be a ‘real boy’. Confronted with this shady, nicotine stained, pervert, Tommy immediately knew what to do! Just as years of playing Kang in MK videogames taught him to do, Tommy leaped into the air, taking five full minutes to reach the old man with his bycicle kicks. Fortunately, it was just so damn awesome that the old man stood stunned motionless until Tommy's kicks arrived at their intended target, sending the aged devaint realing in a shower of blood and broken teeth. Tommy was about to inflict a finishing blow, when the old man sputtered, “Tommy I am your Grandpa!” “But Ben said my grandfather was dead, he told me you killed him,” said Tommy. “Tommy, Ben killed your grandfather,” Said the old man as he showwed his ghostly form. And then a giant cookie appeared and fell on top of them,killing Tommy. The cookie which was nut-flavored then attracted a horde of squirrels. The squirrels decided to take over the world. And the moral of this story is that all squirrels are bastards. And since all squirrels are bastards,we should kick'em in the nuts. And that's what we did, we kicked and kicked and finally kickend 'em some more. But the squirrels are planning revenge.

The End?