Debate and Discussion

Racial Attraction
FanGurlZ at 7:04PM, March 4, 2008
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First let me start off by saying that I am a 16 year old, African-American female. That being said I have a strong attraction for Asian males.

I never thought much about my attraction for Asian boys until one day, a Philippine boy transfered into my school. As soon as I saw him I completely went crazy. I couldn't talk around him because I would be so nervous, I would try to figure out his class schedule so I could meet him in the hallway, and I would always try to get a sit next to him in class. My friends made fun of me for doing these things and appropriately called me a stalker, but it was only until I over heard a girls conversation about how she only dates Latinos that I took a moment to think about what I was doing. I thought that girl was stupid for saying that but I couldn't help feel like a hypocrite because I basically had my eyes set on this one boy and just because of his race.

To me my attraction to Asian males are no different then a guy/girl attraction to blonds, but is it right to see it that way?

So my question is: Is it wrong to be attracted to somebody because of his/her race.

Sorry for any misspelling. I'm very tired.



Homophobia: The irrational fear that gays will break in and re-arrange your furniture against your will.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:25PM
Kilre at 8:23PM, March 4, 2008
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About as wrong as you yourself think it is.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:15PM
dueeast at 8:31PM, March 4, 2008
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As a white male married to an African American woman for nearly 13 years, I knew when we got involved and married that my preference was for African American women. There was nothing wrong with that, although people opposed us for prejudice reasons. We are still happily together and have two biracial sons who are happy and healthy, too.

Oh, and any relationship that is worth anything will quickly go beyond appearance-based factors anyway. B)

Btw, we co-write and I draw a webcomic on DD that's about an African-American woman who married an Asian/White male and have two daughters. It's called Due East (link in signature).
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:17PM
FoxmanZEO at 8:46PM, March 4, 2008
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I can't see how. Unless you refused to even consider giving anyone else the time, on the grounds that they were of some ‘impure, non-asian heritage’.
No exaggeration there, wanting for a certain look, simply because you find it appealing is hardly spitting in the face of racial equality, or whatever else it's called. On the other hand, if you secretly harboured the opinion that every non-asian was generally an unfit or defective human, I'd say you had some issues.
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last edited on July 14, 2011 12:30PM
Aurora Moon at 10:10PM, March 4, 2008
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FoxmanZEO
I can't see how. Unless you refused to even consider giving anyone else the time, on the grounds that they were of some ‘impure, non-asian heritage’.
No exaggeration there, wanting for a certain look, simply because you find it appealing is hardly spitting in the face of racial equality, or whatever else it's called. On the other hand, if you secretly harboured the opinion that every non-asian was generally an unfit or defective human, I'd say you had some issues.


I'd have to agree there.

Right now I have an African-American boyfriend…. and he seems to have a thing for white women, especially really pale ones like me.
When we were first dating, he really emphasized how much he was into white girls… which actually weirded me out at first to be honest.
I was actually worried that he might feel that there was something wrong with black girls or other girls of ethic origin. And of course, as an strong supporter of racial equality, I felt that if that was the case then he would be basically a unhealthy person who hated the way he looked because of his race.
Thankfully, he assured me that wasn't the case as seeing he had dated plenty of black and Latin girls. He just liked how “exotic” white girls looked in comparison to people of his ethic background which he had been so used to seeing his whole life.

I think having an attraction to people who look different than we're used to seeing is normal. I confess that I also have a thing for Asians myself… *blushes*
My friends have joked about how funny it was that I wound up with a black boyfriend when I seemed to love Asians so much. I suppose in a way it's kind of funny. But in the end it wasn't the appearance or skin color that mattered to me… I just simply loved how well we played together. :)
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last edited on July 14, 2011 11:10AM
ozoneocean at 2:47AM, March 5, 2008
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Ah race.. what a bizarre conceit.

As for being attracted to people from a certain culture, or with a particular skin-tone, accent, or set of facial features, it's probably exactly the same thing as having a “type” that you have your heart set on, nothing more.

Forget the baggage tied up in the myth of “race”, you just have preferences based on appearances and the “idea” of someone, like people have always done. ;)
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:30PM
SpANG at 8:29AM, March 5, 2008
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Interesting question. And people seem accepting to it. I find it funny, because if you just tweak your POV to read like this (because this would also be true)…
Is it wrong to be repelled by somebody because of his/her race?
… some people would have a problem with it.

Would you consider a black man that only dated white females racist?

I always thought the “race” thing sounded a little selective. I am attracted to all races of human female, I'd never want to limit my options like that.

But physical attraction is like this for everyone on similar scales. You can't help feeling the way you feel, but I disagree with ozoneocean on one point. There probably is some psychological reason for it as well.
“To a rational mind, nothing is inexplicable. Only unexplained.”
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:53PM
mapaghimagsik at 9:19AM, March 5, 2008
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I think you nail it on the head, Spang. So does Ocean, in regards to determining if its cultural or its features.

I sometimes wonder about Asianophiles. One of the scariest things to hear is “I only date asians” why? Because it means there's some sort of weird preference and expectation set there. Its not *always* the case, but that weird exclusivity usually is hiding some really serious prejudices.

Imagine the shock when they expect the typical asian female to be submissive.

There's nothing wrong with going for someone that's physically different from your usual fare, and some feature combinations are stunning. But I have yet to run into a physical trait that I find attractive that cannot be overcome by that person being a jerk. Or Republican, for that matter.

We all have our biases.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:51PM
Roguehill at 10:33AM, March 5, 2008
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(Conservative Republican here)

Wrong?

There's nothing morally wrong with being attracted to someone of a different ethnicity, heck, biologically, there are lots of genetic strengths that are transferred to children of such a relationship.

Socially, it can be trying, depending on the attutudes of each respective partner's families…but it's nothing that can't be overcome.

Like any relationship though, make sure there's more than just “attraction” if you want to consider something long term.

As far as the subject of “race” being a real thing or not, of course it is. The same biological differences happen in animals, we just call them “breeds”. It's just natural.

-Dave

GHOST ZERO
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:09PM
FanGurlZ at 12:01PM, March 5, 2008
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SpANG
Interesting question. And people seem accepting to it. I find it funny, because if you just tweak your POV to read like this (because this would also be true)…
Is it wrong to be repelled by somebody because of his/her race?
… some people would have a problem with it.

Would you consider a black man that only dated white females racist?

I always thought the “race” thing sounded a little selective. I am attracted to all races of human female, I'd never want to limit my options like that.

But physical attraction is like this for everyone on similar scales. You can't help feeling the way you feel, but I disagree with ozoneocean on one point. There probably is some psychological reason for it as well.

The “Would you consider a black man that only dated white females racist?” question has always been brought up where live. My answer is no. Stupid, yes, but not racist. Most likely he had some bad experience with black females in the past, so he must have thought to himself that white females would be easier to deal with. But this question has also made me think of another one.

“Would you consider a black man that only dated black females racist?”

Also I've been attracted to white/Latino/black/etc man in the past but I never had a same urge to start a relationship with them as I do when I see an Asian male.
Homophobia: The irrational fear that gays will break in and re-arrange your furniture against your will.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:25PM
freefall_drift at 12:19PM, March 5, 2008
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This is always an interesting topic.
I'm a white gay man who tends to like black men the most. When I come into the room, I'll check out the Black guys, then the Asian guys, then the Mex guys, and finally the White guys, looking for the ones I find are most cute. Do a quick ranking.
Not saying I won't find a white guy attractive, I just won't look at him first.
My partner of 14 years is black.
I was raised in virtually white community. We didn't have almost any ethnic types. I've always attributed my attraction to subconsciously wanting to date someone new, someone different and black was as different as I could find. Maybe the opposite is why some white guys only want to date blonds, they want sameness.
What I get creeped out by is the white guys who make a Fetish of the black guys they desire. They want a Mandigo lover, usually in a weird power role. They want a dumb scary black thug to dominate them, or that they can control.
I've also known white guys who ONLY date Asian guys.
I think that people limit themselves significantly and are mentally stunted if they obsess over one physical look or cultural type and won't even consider other options.
Is it racist? In the pure sense of the word, I think so. But I don't put this in the same class of racist that will resist a family moving into their neighborhood or won't consider working with/for/under someone of a different race.
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last edited on July 14, 2011 12:31PM
Hawk at 12:20PM, March 5, 2008
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Roguehill
Socially, it can be trying, depending on the attutudes of each respective partner's families…but it's nothing that can't be overcome.

I know several American guys who have married Japanese women and gone to live in Japan with them. While their wives were perfectly good ladies and the marriage seems good, I couldn't shake the feeling that most of the guys weren't happy. I think for many of them it had something to do with the fact that they didn't feel at home in Japan and the work environment was a lot more harsh. I know at least one was bothered by the philosophical differences of his wife, though he loved her. And I know one family that was perfectly happy, raising cute kids and doing well. But they eventually moved to America.

Naturally I'm guessing how happy people are and I could be wrong, but I knew these people and you can kind of tell when somebody's unhappy. But seeing these cases showed me that while sometimes forces working against an interracial marriage are external (prejudice and such), there can sometimes be internal influences.

I agree with you, these kinds of problems can still be worked out. But if your spouse's philosophies differ enough from your own, you may simply be mismatched, just like a same-race couple can be.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:46PM
FanGurlZ at 12:42PM, March 5, 2008
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freefall_drift
This is always an interesting topic.
I'm a white gay man who tends to like black men the most. When I come into the room, I'll check out the Black guys, then the Asian guys, then the Mex guys, and finally the White guys, looking for the ones I find are most cute. Do a quick ranking.
Not saying I won't find a white guy attractive, I just won't look at him first.
My partner of 14 years is black.
I was raised in virtually white community. We didn't have almost any ethnic types. I've always attributed my attraction to subconsciously wanting to date someone new, someone different and black was as different as I could find. Maybe the opposite is why some white guys only want to date blonds, they want sameness.
What I get creeped out by is the white guys who make a Fetish of the black guys they desire. They want a Mandigo lover, usually in a weird power role. They want a dumb scary black thug to dominate them, or that they can control.
I've also known white guys who ONLY date Asian guys.
I think that people limit themselves significantly and are mentally stunted if they obsess over one physical look or cultural type and won't even consider other options.
Is it racist? In the pure sense of the word, I think so. But I don't put this in the same class of racist that will resist a family moving into their neighborhood or won't consider working with/for/under someone of a different race.


Thats exactly how I feel. 70% percent of my school is black though they are usually mixed with something else, 20% is Latino, and 10% are white. I guess I just wanted to date someone different from me, though I can't really say I have any fetishes that involve Asian males.
Homophobia: The irrational fear that gays will break in and re-arrange your furniture against your will.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:25PM
kyupol at 1:05PM, March 5, 2008
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It is a big big mystery.

I speculate though that we are attracted to people closest to our genetic makeup.

As a mixed race person (Asian-Caucasian… specifically Filipino-Chinese-Spanish), I get more sexually attracted to women who are mixed race with the same genetic makeup. Filipinas and Latinas to be specific. Because I have a strong feeling that southeast asian and the indian races in the Americas are the same genetic strain. I realized that when I worked at a retail store and got mistaken for a Latino (a customer spoke to me in Spanish… lol).

I also get attracted to asian and white women because they contain parts of my genetic code. Maybe. I dont know.

I dunno… but I just have a hard time getting sexual attraction to women of south asian or african origin.

Its a mystery I must say. lol :)
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last edited on July 14, 2011 1:26PM
ozoneocean at 1:50PM, March 5, 2008
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kyupol
I speculate though that we are attracted to people closest to our genetic makeup.
Perhaps, but then not many of us want to have sex with our parents or sibliblings, so that only goes so far. Most studies I've seen one this seems to show that it's familiarity, “what we know”, that attracts us generally, and a “Familiarity breeds contempt” sort of thing happening to prevent incest.
Roguehill
As far as the subject of “race” being a real thing or not, of course it is. The same biological differences happen in animals, we just call them “breeds”. It's just
The genetic differences are much smaller. The differences separating you from your neighbour (even from exactly the same background for a few generations), are bigger than the things that make a person “black”, or “white” etc.

Dog breeds have far more fundamental differences. Besides, if “race” were a real thing, it'd be a lot more complicated than the moronic “Black, ”white“, ”Asian" etc geographical and aesthetic idiocy people go for now. As if all people in Asia have that many similarities, or all Africans… It really breaks down when you look at the diversity of people in the world.
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:30PM
freefall_drift at 2:40PM, March 5, 2008
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kyupol
I speculate though that we are attracted to people closest to our genetic makeup.
I don't agree. I think some people want sameness, and some want a challenge. Each approach works for some people, and for some people it doesn't.

However, I do think there are elements of Chemistry and Pheromones involved in attraction. They are great for getting one's initial interest, long enough for a relationship to happen, if you are compatible. Thinking in the context of racial attractions, over my 25 years of dating. there have four guys that I couldn't explain my attraction to. They were not the type I generally like, they didn't have my interests but I had a crush on them so bad. I was not sure if I liked them, but I wanted them. Two were Black, one was White and the last was Japanese/Filipino guy from Hawaii.

I wonder if some guys who only want a certain race (or reject a certain race) can claim that the pheromones don't work for the other types?
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last edited on July 14, 2011 12:31PM
ozoneocean at 2:56PM, March 5, 2008
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freefall_drift
I wonder if some guys who only want a certain race (or reject a certain race) can claim that the pheromones don't work for the other types?
No, they couldn't, since people aren't different enough for that to work. Not by so called “race” anyway. ;)
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:30PM
kyupol at 3:13PM, March 5, 2008
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Familiarity, chemistry, pheromones, though could be a factor.

I remember during my initial years as an immigrant, the only kind of women I'm attracted to are Filipinas (both pure breeds and the mixed race types. The Philippines has alot of mixed race people in there). Since those were the only women I was exposed to.

It was only after about 3 or 4 years where I learned how to be attracted to white women. Yes. The initial years, I would't get hard even if I saw a white woman (or any other non-Filipina) naked.

Its possible that its learned behavior. Or adaptation to the environment or something.
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last edited on July 14, 2011 1:26PM
mapaghimagsik at 6:25PM, March 5, 2008
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Perhaps, but then not many of us want to have sex with our parents or sibliblings, so that only goes so far.

Thank you ozone. I love my parents dearly, but now I must go gouge my eyes out with crochet hooks.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:51PM
crazyninny at 7:15PM, March 5, 2008
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I'm racist againist ugly guys. I'll only date good looking guys becuase ugly guys sssmmmmeeeeeeelll.

Cures for me for being so selfish like that! Curses curses CURSES!!!

I say its just your prefernce. You could actually have been attracted to guys of other races, but you just seem to be really attracted to Asian men.
It isn't a bad thing unless you reject any guy who likes you no matter how kind and nice they are just becuase they ain't Asian.
But other wise, its just your prefernce in guys, just make sure you date them if they are nice and kind to you. =3 If not, kill 'em.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:49AM
freefall_drift at 8:08PM, March 5, 2008
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mapaghimagsik
Thank you ozone. I love my parents dearly, but now I must go gouge my eyes out with crochet hooks.
Thank you for this post. I nearly fell out my chair from uncontrollable chuckling.
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last edited on July 14, 2011 12:31PM
dueeast at 10:36PM, March 5, 2008
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I'll second that! lol!

freefall_drift
mapaghimagsik
Thank you ozone. I love my parents dearly, but now I must go gouge my eyes out with crochet hooks.
Thank you for this post. I nearly fell out my chair from uncontrollable chuckling.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:17PM
DAJB at 1:16AM, March 6, 2008
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SpANG
Would you consider a black man that only dated white females racist?
Or, more pointedly perhaps, what about a white man who only dated white females?

I think the issue is one of intent. If you just happen to be attracted to certain people because of their race, I don't see that's any different to being attracted to people because of their hair colour or any other physical characteristic (height, breast-size, gender etc). You like what you like.

If, on the other hand, you actually disapprove of people with different characteristics, that's when it becomes a problem.


last edited on July 14, 2011 12:03PM
D0m at 4:56AM, March 6, 2008
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I'm a black guy. I love white girls with black hair and latinas (latinas have that pale skin+ black hair contrast that drives me nuts sometimes). My girlfriend's white. But I also like black girls with hazel eyes. I also like asian girls, indian girls, I don't really care.

I don't think I'll ever say I ONLY like a certain type of woman. There's just too much to appreciate from all “groups”. Sometimes, I have to admit I only frown upon the type of person who'll only be able to see what's good in a person from his or her own “ethnic group” and all that. It just doesn't sit right for me.

Ozone said to forget the baggage of race. He's right. People are going to want to separate you. Your job is to date who the hell you like, as long as you don't hurt anyone in the process (and I don't mean racist grandmothers having heart attacks).

Wow. I think I agree with -everyone- on this forum. It's quite incredible. I love how DrunkDuck has managed to keep a great level of maturity and sanity across the board.

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last edited on July 14, 2011 12:03PM
VegaX at 2:35PM, March 6, 2008
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I used to look for “my type” a lot, but one day it just clicked with this girl that was basically the complete opposite of what i wanted. Attraction is one thing but I'd like to think that when it comes to love it doesn't matter. Attraction is important, yes, but in the end personality has something to do with it as well. God damnit. ;)

Limiting yourself to a type or a color is silly. Look for a person instead.


last edited on July 14, 2011 4:39PM
bobhhh at 7:56AM, March 8, 2008
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There are many factors that go to your type. We are the sum of our experiences, and somewhere along the way you gather a set of criteria of what constitutes a desirable mate. A lot of that is instinctual programming to how you want to best use your genetical material for procreation.

Very often we use these accumulated physical attributes as a baseline for sexual attraction. It's not always a deal breaker though. Some guy who likes Asian chicks may meet a fascinating latina and become smitten with her personality. Ultimately compatability is the deciding factor in a relationship, but the odds are in favor of you findind someone in your type if you narrow your selections based on those physical criteria.

In short, no its not racist to be attracted to Asian guys just cause the are.
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last edited on July 14, 2011 11:29AM
trevoramueller at 10:54AM, March 10, 2008
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I'm a tall / skinny / bald white guy, and I dated a Malaysian girl for about 2 years in college. She was gorgious, but we didn't start dating because I have “yellow fever” or something. She was very attractive, and very intelligent, and we just hooked up during study sessions and started dating. She wasn't my type because she was asian - it was much more social and less physical / racial in nature. We had similar interests and tastes in movies, music, etc.

Also, at the time I had a driving need to learn more about other cultures and communities outside of my own - and she has a similar thirst for knowledge and cultural experience. It made hanging out with her enjoyable and unique.

Unfortunately, we broke up when she graduated and went home. I still keep in touch with her, as she's currently in Hong Kong doing financial work.
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last edited on July 14, 2011 4:33PM
blntmaker at 10:12PM, March 11, 2008
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What an intriguing discussion…

That said, I firmly believe you cannot help who you're attracted to or to whom you give your heart. Love is indeed color blind.

That aside, I have to agree with someone else mentioning the social ramifications - particularly in the area of “self-love”. In many instances, I've seen and heard people pursue relationships outside their own race because they saw the beauty of another culture - yet couldn't see the beauty within their own. Therein lies the tragedy.

I have a niece who comes from a bi-racial relationship (my sister being black of course, her father is Caucasian). She is named after my mother (My mother has a very culturally specific). My college-educated niece does not go by her first name in the professional world…she goes by the more, “Americanized” middle name she bears - “Anne”.

Imagine our surprise when we would call her place of work and they told us…“There is no Lakisha at this office”. Then again, when you see my niece, you do indeed see a “white woman”. It didn't seem to stop her from applying for “minority” scholarships to help her through college.

When she was younger, she made my mother - her grandmother, pick her up from school blocks away from the campus - after a while we decided to sit her down and make her watch “Imitation Of Life”. The battle within her identity obviously rages on…

That said, I wish you all the best in your relationships - As long as you're able to recognize the beauty inside and outside of yourself as well. Its the only love that really matters anyway…;).

Peace be with you.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:26AM
Eunice P at 1:18AM, March 12, 2008
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Perhaps it's more of a “curiosity” attraction than a racial attraction. I read from some article that some white guys tend to go for Asian girls because they think Asian girls are exotic, even though the Asian girls do not practice any so-called “exotic” lifestyle.

Then again, I live in an all round Asian society and everyone I meet are all Asians, Asians and more Asians. I have very rare opportunity chatting with a white or black person, so I wouldn't know much about racial attraction.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:23PM
miss_matanza_1 at 8:47PM, March 17, 2008
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I'm Latina and I've felt attracted for white guys and some asian and black guys, … It's only hormone things… I guess… O_o
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:04PM

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