I see a few things wrong with this story, Uber (which is what I have decided to call you). Kinda makes me wonder why Satan would do such a thing. ;)

You said:

It was one HOT night in the city of El Paso, Tx. Me and a couple friends decided we would beat the weather at the local strip joint, “Jaguar's”. I grabbed my stash of alcohol, and hauled ass there.

First of all, why the hell would you try to “beat the heat” with alcohol? You as well as I know this is quite silly. Alcohol dehydrates you like crazy. If you're gonna go to a strip club to beat the heat, you nead loads and loads of chocolate pudding. DUH. ;)

Secondly, you made the bitch cry because she had PMS. That's all. It wasn't your fault. Strip club equals house full of PMS-y bitches. Men are just askin' for it, says I.

….(hoping Uber gets the fact that I'm trying to be funny)

This thread is such a happy place

This is the best place EVER! Satan is here, the Guardian Angel of Hell is here, hell, even I'm here!

I just remebered, one time, I rreeaallyy had to use the bathroom one night, so I was waiting out side the bathroom to get in there frist after the person in there got out. Well, my brother f-ing cutted me! He just jumped right in front of me when I've been there for awhile with a full bladder! He wouldn't move, so I took my right hand, and stiffend my fingers, and dddrrraaagggeedd them down his back neck to his shoulders slowly in a straight line. I can still remeber how loud he screamed, as my middle finger cut right into his skin and TEARED it out sslloowwllyy.
When I finally felt he learned his lesson, I whiped my hand away so he could run to Mommy, and to be left there standing with a strip of his bloody skin on my middle finger. The bathroom door opened, so I droped the skin, used the bathroom, and went to bed.

He still has the scar. >=3 Teaches him to cut me in line!

Next time shoot. Teaches the same lesson but with more bloodloss.

Try baseball bats. Wooden though, ‘cuz they break to tell you you hit hard enough.

If I actually did the stuff I come up with sometimes, I’d be the hero of this thread…

I have you all beat. I already posted my evil deed, but apparently it was so evil, the mods removed it from this thread. If you want to hear about it though, I'll be glad to give you all the gory details in #drunkduck. Not that any of it's greusome. I think Sub-C's turning into a prudish old hen as he gets older… :D

All true of course. And no, Andrew, it was not a personal attack. It was all in the name of debate and I love to debate. I could argue Hitler's side in a debate about the 3rd Reich. Doesn't mean I believe in Hitler or Nazi-ism, I just like taking opposing sides. For the record, I supported the other oppressive force that fought the Germans using segregated forces. Yes. In WWII, Jim Crowe laws kept our brave white soldiers and brave black soliers from dying together in the name of truth, justice and liberty. (but that's getting off topic.)

*not my first evil confession, the one that used to be in page two of this thread.*

Someone
Sub-C's turning into a prudish old hen as he gets older

it has really nothing to do with me, but if a person PQ's us that they felt personally attack…we have to do something about it. just like if somebody is joking around and calls someone a “fag” which some people might find funny, but others don't.

We try to keep DD friendly.
if you have problems with each other resolve it on PQ or ignore each other. don't do it in the forums cause more than likely it will get erased and/or punishments will be hand out.

Man that Randal guy whines a lot. What a whiny little whiner. I'd sure hate that guy if I knew him.

Great. Now I'm a gay-basher. Thanks sub. (NO, despite what sub typed, leaving you all to draw your own conclusions, I did NOT call anyone a fag.)

I take umbrage to that and ask you to remove your own post. I feel like I'm being personally singled out as a heckler. Of course… you'd have to remove this one too or I'd just look like a raving lunatic.

On second thought, I request it all be left here intact, warts and all. I have nothing to hide.

:/

(To keep this on topic, I once rubbed my brother's face in dog shit when we were kids… I feel kind of bad about that.)

umm…
the word “like” is in my post meaning “as an example”, nothing to do with what happened.

subcultured
umm…
the word “like” is in my post meaning “as an example”, nothing to do with what happened.

I know that… but since you deleted my post, other people could think “Like” just meant you were using me as an example, because the post is no longer there for them to read.

(Um… on topic… on topic… I once took Catholic communion without being Catholic. I don't find this evil or even wrong, but tell that to the priest who took my wafer away from me.)

Rutger
Try baseball bats. Wooden though, 'cuz they break to tell you you hit hard enough.

A friend cracked me in the ribs HARD with a metal bat once. We weren't fighting, just chatting. She was telling me what a strong swing she had – demonstrating. It hurt. She laughed. I told her I was okay, but that was a lie. I slept on big bruises for a couple weeks.

(I'm on the receiving end of “evil” fairly often, but I have so few stories to tell on myself. Damn it. :( I do lie a lot, and I cuss a lot – in my own house when we don't have guests. Is that evil?)

that's horrible, usedbooks…

by the way, where do you live? I need a new outlet for my evilness. *looks for his Louisville slugger*

Randal
that's horrible, usedbooks…

by the way, where do you live? I need a new outlet for my evilness. *looks for his Louisville slugger*

Hey now… I only let my friends and family beat the tar out of me!

Semi-joking. ;) I'm not “beaten.” I just end up the victim of many accidental screw-ups – like when my roommate left a can lid in the garbage disposal, and I didn't know about it until it flew past my ear.

how do you know they're all innocent accidents?

If I had that much blunt force trauma coming my way, I'd re-evaluate my situation.

;)

I'm so glad that I was able to get out all your evil deeds into public. Ahh, I can feel tear drops falling of my eyes out of joy.

One thing I remembered, I almost made my brother swallow a pebble. I, almost, placed my cat in the microwave.

Dammit, I'm so going to hell.

I was five.
I had a party.
I stepped in somebody's ice cream.
I was too embarrassed to tell them.
I watched them eat it.
I can never eat soft scoop again.

put glue on ma mates chair lol

Years ago, 15 or more, my little brother always used to want a cup of water next to his bed. I once peed in the cup.

Got my ass handed to me by my mom…Never will I pee in cups ever again.

Used, I got that beat! My fiend hit me in the chest with an AX. Broke a couple ribs. Hurt like HELL!

Sidwarrious
Used, I got that beat! My fiend hit me in the chest with an AX. Broke a couple ribs. Hurt like HELL!

Typo? fiend = friend – or… not a typo at all… Ouch. One of my roommates has a weapon collection and a poison/herb collection. She worries me a little.

I listened to Pauly Shore comedy in high school….

…I'm so ashamed.

typo. I have an old keyboard, sometimes keys do't go in when I hit them. And other's I'm trying to be ironic. It USED to work but now more often then not it's a true mistake.

Doesn't beat anyone's tales of awesomeness, but I've got one of my own.

Every now and then some bible-thumpers come to Louisiana State University and preach damnation at us. They also bring their kids and make them hand out pamphlets.

I was talking to a friend in the crowd that gathered last year about how much I hate how they bring the children, and I said I'd cus ‘em out. He said he’d give me a free meal if I did, so I did.

Those kids were crying for a nice, long while, too. I turned down the meal because the satisfaction of a job well done was enough.

Wow - all these confessions make me feel very pure and innocent. Or maybe that should just read “boring”. I've not done anything especially evil.

My cousin and I did take a bunch of garden gnomes from people's front lawns when we were kids. But that was only so we could put them in the gardens of other people who didn't have any, so it was a kind of charitable act really.

Oh, except I do still laugh at the disputes we may have caused between neighbours … I suppose that makes me a tad evil!

Yeah… this “evil” stuff makes me think twice about some of these guys. :)
Well, the fact that they actually acknowledge these things as “evil” and confess them here is something, buuut not much when there's an element of competition to it.

Heh, I'm not evil, but I remember some naughty stuff I did.
Once when I was a little kid in primary school, I stepped in a big pile of fresh dog crap without realising it. I also walked it into the classroom on the brand new carpet and only clued in to what I did when I saw my shitty footprints, and smelled that smell… Quickly, before anyone else noticed it was me, I surreptitiously rubbed it all off on the carpet underneath someone else's desk. So this poor innocent bastard had a trail of ground-in, stinky dog-turd going all the way to his desk and the rest of it underneath.

He got blamed, everybody laughed and the teacher got angry at him. I felt relieved and a bit guilty, but now I just find the whole event amazingly hilarious. lol!

The way I rationalised it then was that it was just random bad luck that could have happened to anybody… It could just as easily have happened to him as me, so what did it really matter if I made it happen that way instead?

ozoneocean
The way I rationalised it then was that it was just random bad luck that could have happened to anybody… It could just as easily have happened to him as me, so what did it really matter if I made it happen that way instead?

Heh - I suppose you do know that - contrary to popular belief - the road to Hell is not paved with good intentions … but with good justifications!

I disliked my brother so much when I was a little kid (ya know, the whole “sibling rivalry” thing), I tried to push him down a flight of stairs one time. …And he has a wooden leg, and he had it off at the time, so it was hard for him to keep his balance. Lucky for me, he didn't fall down the stairs and die. …Cuz I think I kinda would've been scarred for life if that would've happened.

I just did a semi-evil thing. I stole one of my roommate's cans of cola. I did it because it is the only good cure for a migraine. I never buy pop, my roommates are away, and I'm desperate. I made things right by calling my roommate (after the fact) and asking if I can have one of her sodas. She said I could.

(Okay, so I did things out of order, but it isn't stealing if you get permission; right?)

usedbooks
I just did a semi-evil thing. I stole one of my roommate's cans of cola. I did it because it is the only good cure for a migraine. I never buy pop, my roommates are away, and I'm desperate. I made things right by calling my roommate (after the fact) and asking if I can have one of her sodas. She said I could.

(Okay, so I did things out of order, but it isn't stealing if you get permission; right?)

Your coming down to hell with me for that one.

Don't worry! The heating is very cheap down there!