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The movies you don't know why you're watching them: oh, yeah, right.
mechanical_lullaby at 3:16PM, March 23, 2007
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I was watching The Island the other day. The ridiculously campy message aside, I really enjoy this movie's plot. I also happen to be that rare girl you'll catch saying “Die Hard is the best f$*#ing Christmas movie ever.” But I was watching it the other day and when they got to the point when —if you haven't seen the movie yet and want to, stop reading here because I don't know how to put up a spoiler code thingamabob– they find that they have the wrong body and you see Lincoln running. I said to myself, they could have made a twist here. They could have had the dude shoot to kill, with you not knowing who the clone was and then keep on with the “Hey, Mr. Lincoln, could you come back to the base so we can rescan you and create a new policy for you.”
But even that could have been easy to spot coming, you know?

And of course, there are always those movies where they could have made it better, especially the bad ones. I was watching Venomous which I watched because I love Treat Williams. The basic plot of it is that these snakes were genetically altered to carry an infectious disease, and the movie practically oozes cliches. People reaching into things and getting bitten/grabbing kittens, and the army general who has his own motives despite what the president says. Frankly, I think they tried to approach something like that with as much of an intelligent look as possible, but in the end it was just me watching it because Treat Williams was in it.

One movie I can name that isn't something I can change? Eight-Legged Freaks is my favorite monster movie. It doesn't take itself seriously, and Mr. Arquette is one of those actors who do very well in bad movies.

What are the movies that you can point and say “dude, why didn't you put a twist there?” or “why am I watching this… oh, yeah?”

last edited on July 14, 2011 1:57PM
subcultured at 3:18PM, March 23, 2007
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eight legged freaks was da bomb. i like all the fun characters and the radio DJ was the funniest.
J
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:01PM
Crazy Dutchman at 3:58AM, March 24, 2007
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I'm in love with the Critters' movies.


But… it's sooo bad! I don't know why I love it, but every time I see those little creatures I fall completely in love again
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:48AM
LIZARD_B1TE at 7:27AM, March 24, 2007
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subcultured
eight legged freaks was da bomb. i like all the fun characters and the radio DJ was the funniest.

“GET BACK YOU EIGHT-LEGGED FREEEEEAKS!”
:)
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:36PM
Rich at 8:37AM, March 24, 2007
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The original Dune falls smack into the middle of movies that I don't know why I watch.

It took EVERYTHING awesome about the book and fucked in the ass in a very similiar manner to what you may see in prison showers. EVERYTHING that could go wrong with the movie went wrong with it.

To start? THe movie is OVERBEARING AS HELL! The ENTIRE movie it plays this sickeningly melodramatic and shitty theme that makes you feel as though the movie is just closing in on you. It is too damn overdramatic and badly acted.

Acting? It was almost universally terrible. FOr some sick reason, they cast Patrick Stewart as Gurney Halleck. Now, I know Stewart is an amazing actor, but he makes such a poor Gurney that it is almost insulting. It says a lot about how bad the movie is if even Patrick Stewart put in a shitty performance.

And the other characters? TERRIBLE! The Baron Harkonnen was rewritten from being a classy and manipulative floating fat gay pedophile to being a maniacal floating fat guy who does too many evil laughs. This ruins the Baron by making him stereotypical and incredibly not badass like he should have been.

Thufir Hawat? His role in the movie is almost completely cut down to nothing and you get NO closure for his character. How hard would it have been to kill him in the end like they did in the book instead of leaving us wonder WTF happened to him? And somebody trim that fucker's eyebrows, they are ridiculously oversized!

Duke Leto, Yueh, and Lady Jessica all fall into similiar pitfalls, making them unlikable and boring.

Hell, the only characters done even remotely well are Paul Atreides and Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen.

And the story? BASTARDIZED TO HELL! The wierding way is replaced with a fucking sound wave powered laser gun. Wait? Laserguns? Powered by sound? It's about as dumb as it sounds (lolimaekpun!). So many important events (such as Jessica taking the water of life) are stripped to being just a minute or so. And I hope you didn't like Chani much in the book, because she has about 10 lines in the whole movie, IF that much.

And the friggin' guildsmen aren't floating whales! They are still supposed to look vaguely human. That pisses me off so bad! The friggin' guildsmen are so badly done that it is unreal! THEY DO NOT BEND SPACE! They chart out the path that will allow the ship to get to its destination unharmed! How do you fuck something up THAT bad?!?!?

And worst of all? At the end of the movie, it rains on Arrakis. Rain. On Arrakis. This would kill the sandworms, thus destroying the source of the spice. No spice = guildsmen go blind and can no longer navigate space, utterly breaking apart the empire into individual planets that can no longer travel amongst themselves. What the fuck was Lynch thinking when he put that in the movie? Now I understand that by ‘Children of Dune’, there is rain on Arrakis, but there is no reason for rain at this point in the storyline, nor does it make any damn sense.

And a small thing that irked me was the way the Fremen were done. They run around in their fucking stillsuits with their mouth and forehead uncovered, no cloak, no gloves or anything of the sort. And worst of all? THey run around like this in the desert IN THE DAY! The book is VERY SPECIFIC! FREMEN ARE NOCTURNAL! THEY DO NOT TRAVEL IN THE DAY! THEY DO NOT OPERATE ANYTHING IN THE DAY! AND THEY USE KNIVES, NOT FUCKING ‘WIERDING MODULES’! And they do not walk without rythm! Running like they do would attract a friggin' worm and get their asses eaten!

The sandworms were done ok though. They were about as badass as anyone could have hoped. Not even the worst director could have fucked up the sandworms.

And here is a small clip from the movie. You'll be able to pick out dozens of wrong things just in this clip alone.



EDIT: Another clip! Paul drank the water of life ALONE in the book! He did not do this stupid emo bullshit, nor did he do this in the middle of the desert! And the worms would have ripped those Fremen to shreds! Shai'Hulud doesn't just fucking sit there and watch people get wasted off of friggin' water of life!



LOL I MAEK LOTS OF EDITS!!!: Here is another clip, featuring a meeting between the emporer and a guildsman. Note how the guildsman looks like a floating whale or some stupid shit like that. Apart from serving no purpose and having basis on anything from the book, this scene STILL sucks. I want to stranlge whoever turned the guildsmen into fucking whales!

last edited on July 14, 2011 3:07PM
Terminal at 7:30AM, March 25, 2007
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mechanical_lullaby
I was watching The Island the other day. The ridiculously campy message aside, I really enjoy this movie's plot. I also happen to be that rare girl you'll catch saying “Die Hard is the best f$*#ing Christmas movie ever.” But I was watching it the other day and when they got to the point when —if you haven't seen the movie yet and want to, stop reading here because I don't know how to put up a spoiler code thingamabob– they find that they have the wrong body and you see Lincoln running. I said to myself, they could have made a twist here. They could have had the dude shoot to kill, with you not knowing who the clone was and then keep on with the “Hey, Mr. Lincoln, could you come back to the base so we can rescan you and create a new policy for you.”
But even that could have been easy to spot coming, you know?

Yeah, I can relate. I was watching The Island and was enjoying it.

Another movie? Volcano. The concept is just so ridiculous, so scientifically wrong, that it's just so fun to watch. Anyways, any disaster movie is a win.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:11PM
ozoneocean at 9:52AM, March 25, 2007
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Rich
The original Dune falls smack into the middle of movies that I don't know why I watch.
Yeah, Lynch's Dune got it all wrong, but it looked good. :)
They really picked the wrong director for such an epic project. Lynch isn't a “big movie” guy. He's better at making small stories big. He's a “small story” man and he's brilliant at them.
Still, as I say, everything looked great, those still-suits were fantastic. I've seen the first movie in the made for TV remake and it's a lot more faithful, but the still-suits don't look nearly as good. lol!

(heh, you're quite a fanboy to know how to spell all those names ^_^)

I know a movie that could have been a lot better with some tweaks: Tank Girl.
Despite being very different from the comic, I still loved it. But it could have been a lot stronger if they were a bit clever about things. The plot with good Tankgirl verses Bad Water and Power was just stupid. Funny that even though the basic premiss sucked badly I still loved the movie anyway… It just had so much funkiness and lovely genuine artistic touches: The tank was decorated like an art instillation, all through the film there was grooviness!

But really, the film would have been better if it was just a neutral anarchical Tank girl against a reasonably benign thoughtlessly corporate representation of organised society. That'd be a better set-up for her character, more room for fun and insane craziness that is TG's hallmark.

Then there were small touches that were handled badly in the final edit;
The brilliant dance scene at Liquid Silver was cut right down and bastardised into crap… You can still see the original on the director's website.

Iggy Pop's cameo as an evil paedophile was too small…

“Sub girl” the weird artist lady had her part cut down so much that do didn't even know what she was doing in the movie…? Just some weirdo interfering in the plot and then pissing off again.

Niomi Watt's acting as JetGirl was REALLLLY ropey, sort of embarrassing… I don't know why because it wasn't like her first acting job or anything.

Yeah, but apart from that it all looked good and it's still fun to watch. Lori Petty and Ice T were both Brilliant.
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:26PM
mechanical_lullaby at 10:37AM, March 25, 2007
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I remember Tank Girl. It was a really awesome movie for me when I saw it because I hadn't read the comic and it was a fun movie and I was twelve and so that kind of movie was really avante garde for me. But all I can remember coming out of it was awesome. If I do read the comic… will that ruin it for me?

last edited on July 14, 2011 1:57PM
ozoneocean at 11:03AM, March 25, 2007
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mechanical_lullaby
If I do read the comic… will that ruin it for me?
Not really, it's still a cool movie in it's own right. ^_^
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:26PM
mechanical_lullaby at 11:42AM, March 25, 2007
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yay! I know what I'm buying.:kitty:

last edited on July 14, 2011 1:57PM
LIZARD_B1TE at 4:16PM, March 25, 2007
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I'm surprised no one's mentioned Army of Darkness yet.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:36PM
subcultured at 4:29PM, March 25, 2007
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OH i know WHY i watch AOD, cause it's hilarious!
J
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:01PM
LIZARD_B1TE at 4:37PM, March 25, 2007
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That's true. lol!
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:36PM
Generic Human at 5:34PM, March 25, 2007
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Army of Darkness is fantastic! It's so quote worthy! This is my boomstick!

A movie I don't know why I watch: The Crow. I really love the story, but I thought the director did a bad job.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:34PM
subcultured at 9:05PM, March 25, 2007
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well, the star did die along the shooting (no pun).
rip brandon lee
J
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:01PM
Crazy Dutchman at 3:32AM, March 26, 2007
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Generic Human
A movie I don't know why I watch: The Crow. I really love the story, but I thought the director did a bad job.
Are you serious??? The movie looked great!
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:48AM
Generic Human at 3:33PM, March 26, 2007
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Crazy Dutchman
Generic Human
A movie I don't know why I watch: The Crow. I really love the story, but I thought the director did a bad job.
Are you serious??? The movie looked great!

No…as stupid as it sounds, it wasn't brooding enough. The movie was far too bright. Granted, I've only flipped though the comic, but I got the impression that it was far darker and more serious than they made it. The movie just screamed cheesy. Granted, I still liked it, but it could have been loads better. Some of the actors couldn't act worth a damn, either.


…RIP Brandon Lee
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:34PM
Neilsama at 11:26AM, March 27, 2007
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A few years ago, I would habitually watch all those bad movies they would play on Comedy Central. Usually, they would get hit with every bad comedy ever produced. I must have seen Car 54 at least three times. Horrible movie, and yet I didn't have the sense to turn it off.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:10PM

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