NARRATION ONE, THE BEGINNING OF AN ADVENTURE!

Samelox decided that enough was enough. Our hero was tending to the Flying Cows one day, when he realized how boring his life was. The small village of SomeVillage was perfect, lush grass, clean air, happy people, abundant crops, and Flying Cows. Actually, the Flying Cows were pretty great, but whenever he tried to organize a rodeo, the village elders shut it down. So, one day he left a note explaining that this place bored him to hell, and he was going to seek new adventures. So, with three of his most insane Flying Cows, and a nanocube filled with seeds, and a picture of the village to throw darts at, he left SomeVillage forever.

Then, for no reason in particular, the village burst into flames. So shruging it off, Samelox started up his cows, and flew! On the horizon, he saw two places to go, a lush forest, and a city filled with explosions, gunfire, and planes dropping bombs. Oh, and there was sceaming. So, a utopia to ruin, or a warzone to play in? Make your choice!

->Lush Forest

->City Warzone

Flying along on his cow samelox looked at his choices. The lush forest looked boring. But someone had already ruined the city. He placed his favourite aviator goggles on his head and made his way towards the lush forest. Deciding to spice things up for its inhabitants.

NARRATION TWO, CITY OF THE GOODIE-TWO-ROOTS!

As Samelox landed in a clearing, he looked around. He saw nothing but trees, dirt, and…sexy women clad in plants? Oh, wait, there were men as well, thank god they had actual pants. One of the women, who was wearing plants, walked up to Samelox and said,“Welcome to our paradise, we are the people of The Everlasting Forest! We are a peaceful people, and make sure to respect nature and our fellow creatures, a mistake the Past Ones made was to ignore this golden rule. We produce as much as we take, and love each other as much as ourselves!” Seeing Samelox's horrified expression apparently had no effect on her, as she continued,“We worship the sacred gods of the earth, and we make sure to do as our fellow creatures do.” And then, seeing a chance to make an arse of himself, Samelox said,“You mean to make children?” The woman smiled and said,“You catch on quickly stranger, yes we do! As much as we can! For we need more people as much as we can, to help work the land, and for Glory! Would you like to rest and gather supplies?”

Say whatever you want, this ain't a choose your own adventure, it's a roleplay. So say something! Anything you want really, just stick to character.

Samelox got back onto his flying cow. After much thought he knew what he must do. He picked up a torch and burned the village to the ground. Takingthe biggest breasted women hostage he got back onto his cow and flew off elsewhere.

“Glorified whorehouse” he muttered to himself as the hostages tried to shout under their gags.

“Shut up woman. Or would you prefere to stay as a baby machine?!”

They flew further into the forest. Samelox was mad. But this was only the tip of the iceburg. God only knows what he would plan to do next.

PLANTS VERSUS ZOMBIES!

Samelox flew deeper into the forest, with flying cows and slutty hostages in tow, he descended onto the ruins of what seemed to be a factory with nearby towers. As he tightened the bonds on the hostages and loosed the strings, creatures of a sort emerged from the buildings. They seemed to be people, but with dried up skin, clouded eyes, and pieces of flesh missing.“Haha, you guys are crippled!” The lead zombie, lets just call them that to support the title joke, okay? Anyways, the lead zombie wearing a hardhat, slacks, office shirt and tie walked up to Samelox and spoke to him.“Sir, we are from before this wasteland, before the war. We were industrious workers, creating ammunition and warheads, jeeps and planes. Now it's rusted and gone, but the ammo makers still work. We no longer have any need for food or drink, as the radiation of the bombing has preserved our vitals.” Samelox looked slightly surprised,“Radiation? But then why am I not a zombie?” The ghoul seemed to cringe at this word,“We are not zombies, those are something else. Those that have lost their minds to the glow. Anyways, we exist for two reasons. One, to bring back the good 'ole Government, and second…without the need for food nor drink, our third need has grown quite considerably. Lust, and that need is almost as present in our minds as pulling together this mess of a world.”

Samelox smiled a bit, these men…he assumed if they were lusting they still had what was needed to be called that, were alright folks.“But we have a problem. On the other side of the forest, there are these freaks who call themselves ‘The Followers Of The Everlasting Forest’, and all they love to do is have knickers, which we understand, and slaughter. They make love AND war.” Our hero stops in the middle of trading the first slut that spoke to him for some cigarettes, and asks,“Them? They seemed like a glorified whorehouse, not a war-factory.” The ghoul chuckled, well, more of a raspy cough was what he could manage,“They make a blood sacrifice every year or so, and they come to attack us and carry off either us or visitors. They call their attacks, ‘The Glory’, Anyone who visits them they ask if they would like to rest there, then they seduce and sacrifice them. Or they come and steal away our guests.” A ghoul with a welding mask, overalls, and who was missing an arm called out,“The only reason we can't just bomb them out, is because they are the only source of sluts for hundreds miles around! Otherwise, this war would be over and done with! And we are going to stay straight, so all we can do is fend them off and hope they don't take too many of our people…”“I have all their sluts, I burned down their stupid Plant-Palace.” After a awkward silence, a ghoul yelled out,"The plant-people are coming! They're missing the women in their ranks, and they lookin' awfully pissed!

Decide what to do, will you help these undead playboys? Will you leave them to die, again? Defend just to kill off the remaining plant-people? It's all up to you, because so far we are a one-player game.

(Oh, and the answer to why you are not a ghoul cuz of the radiation is the cows. They don't just fly, they do much more. Like shield you from lethal levels of radiation)

During the confusion as the ghouls prepared for battle Samelox and his cows entered the armory for a short time. Placing his aviator goggles back on he flew with his cows through the roof of the building. He had fitted machine guns to the side of the cows and tied bombs under his own. Flying over the top of the battle he squinted his eyes and looked for his target. He signaled to his cows and they flew in two separate directions.

The plant people began dropping like flys. Samelox flew high above the battle and unleased his a few of his bombs. All he saw were clouds of dust where the bombs had hit. The dust eventually cleared. He had wiped out a lot of both sides. He swooped down to the last few survivors from both sides.

“Who's team are you on!?”
A ghoul yelled as he defended himself.

Samelox put a cigarette to his mouth.
I am my own team.

He threw a grenade into the small battle. It explodes sending shrapnel into both sides survivors leaving them crippled or dead.

He hoped onto the cow to depart. And off he flew with a pack of cigarettes and a grin on his face.

NEW MEMBER TO TEAM!

Samelox stopped his cows and landed to refuel on his hostages and to find some hooch. Luckily there was a old gas-station/fire-arms store by a large carter in the mountainside.

After ten minutes in the ruined building, Samelox walked out with his captive in fresh bonds (old ones got ripped off in, erm, refueling), and a large amount of liquor. As he made his way back to the cows, he heard an explosion. “HEY!” A large man with a hardhat and huge sledgehammer leapt out of the crater, smoke rising around him.“KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY SUPPLIES!” Samelox knew when was time to fight, and when was time to add an asskicker to the team.“I'd say I was sorry, but I'm not, it's the way it goes out here. As a payback, hows about a few of my whores?”As the large man stood there, perhaps in outrage, perhaps considering the deal, Samelox said,“You know, me and you, great team. Think it sounds good?”

“HAHAHAHAAA! I accept your offer red-head who smells of sky-cows! I am Jaydac Thunderbeard, the miner of… um mines I suppose…” I stroke my beard and jump upon the back of an unladen cow.

TWO ARE MORE INSANE THAN ONE!

There was a brief trade-off, which ended up with Thunderbeard receiving two of the three cows and a few of the whores, and then they flew into the air! As they were flying, a flock of Seagulls started to cut infront of them. Jaydac yelled,“STICK ON YER SIDE OF DA ROAD!”, and then shot a laser beam from his sledgehammer. The birds dropped like roasted birds, and he tore into one as it fell on his beard. AS the birds fell onto the ground below, they exploded into giant mushroom clouds. Samelox looked over to Jaydac, waiting…he belched. But then Samelox said,“Let's look for someplace to destroy, I look left, you look right.” They scanned the horizon, and found two landmarks. There was the city Samelox found before, and then there was a GIANT worm. Big, green, had these arm thingies, and nasty. So, where will you go?

–>City Warzone (Last time this will appear)

–> HUGE Worm Thing

Jaydock laughed deeply as he looked first at the worm, then the city. "I bet we could level that place in no time… on the other hand, there is glory in fighting a giant worm… My vote is on the city though, there is the chance for looting and more smashing!

The worm.

As the two argued on where to go and which place would have better loot, a small robot flew between them without being noticed.“HEY!”, the two turned their attention the the mech,“Thank you, I am the Judge-Bot, and my job is to help tip the favor when votes or executions anywhere are tied. So, I'm feeling bored today-”“How can a bot feel bored? How can ya feel anythin'?”“…it's the future, we have advanced AI ya know. Anyways, bored, so tell me a joke! The funnier joke, wins the vote.”

So, tell a joke, preferably future-like, but best joke decides where you two go.

I say we kill the robot and fashion armor from its parts.

“He-Hey! Let's not get too hasty alright?…oh, that was a joke! Haha, that's a good one, really good! You win, the worm it is then!”

Soon, heading to the worm!

Samelox places the robot on his head. “You shall be my new helmet.”

(also could you not make the text different colours? Im having problems seeing it. Im colour blind.)

INTO THE ABYSS!

“Fine, suppose it's better than flying around settling bets. But be prepared for annoying advice!” Samelox has equiped the talking helmet. This device cannot be damaged, turned off, or removed. Enjoy. Weeel, until I decide otherwise.The two heros…the two men made off to the giant worm, although what they could find in a giant worm was impossible to tell.

As they made their way to the giant writhing creature, they became bored. Much time passed, so they started telling tales, and then arguing about the tales, and then one of the sluts said,“Where did the worm go?”Samelox looked behind and said,“How did your gag get off? Remember what I said, every letter you say is a extra ‘refueling’!”“But she has a point”, said Jaydac,“Where did that thing go? It was massive, we can't have possibly missed it!” then too late, they looked down to see the worm swallow them up.

A few hours later, the cows mooed as one, and exerted a light source bright enough to light the entire cave…wait, it's inside the worm. Inside the worms mouth. You are now in the mouth, explore and then monsters will attack later.
(Sorry, thought it made it easier to distinguish characters.)

Samelox thinks up a cunning plan.
Putting his head between the cows teeth he kicks her in the udders. The cows jaws come crushing down on his skull. Blood everywhere in this bitch!

DON'T BRUSH, THIS HAPPENS!

Jaydac jumped back at the explosion of brain matter and such, the whores whimpering in fear. But hell, he still got them all before he died, multiple times on most! The bot scrambled itself out of the mess, and stated,“Well, that was certainly a rush. In fact, all his brain matter rushing into my circuits, I have recieved all information of his life and past even- amazing, very interesting, repulsive! Hm, so that's what she looks like…so, what say you we carve our way out of this giant mostrosity, eh?” Jaydac looked down the worm, seeing lights and such further down,“I dunno, Samelox wanted to check out this worm, maybe there's something worth finding in this thing.”

The bot sputtered for a bit, then exclaimed,“What is there to find? Floating shit logs in a lake of stomach bile? Or maybe some intestine lining? Or giant cavity monsters?”
“Actually, that possibility sounds pretty cool.”“
”I said that because they're right behind you! Lets just bust out of here, and go to the city, it must be full of exciting things there!"

Make a choice, stay and fight the cavities, and explore the worm, or go to the city you wanted to go in the first place.

I look first to the robot, then to the corpse of Samelox. “He had the right idea”. Jaydoc quickly took his laser sledge and crushed his own skull like a ripe mellon.
I simply can't do an RPG with one man. I'd sooner die… oh well there you go.

ESCAPE!

Demitri heard noises behind him, with a bolt he jumoed up and peered out of the hollowed out tooth he slept in. There appeared to be two dead, headless corpses, rather big ones at that, freshly smushed heads. Demetri assumed they had killed each other, then peered out of the tooth even more. He then saw three cows with wings, who were glowing, and…big boobed, naked women, gagged and tied up. Who were also doing some things I will not describe. Demetri decided that the fates were giving him a gift, and a sign. It was time to leave big ‘ole Jeramiah, and explore the world. Demetri packed up his insta-talking waffle mix onto one of the cows, the women on the next cow, amd one the last cow he sat himself, and put the two dead bodies on the side holding. They would get a good funeral, for pure and right heros they must have been, to try and enter ’ole Jeramiah. But is Demitri a good, honorable, and noble hero? You can do somethin with the tied up hoes before you leave, if you want, or leave them saddled on the cow. But hell, after your decision, it's onto the city!

-> Start of with some fun!

-> No, a noble and righteous man I am!

Demetri decided to leave ,after all he didn't want to get any unspeakable diseases from something so dishononoring and so he flew off towards the City on Ole Jerimiah with the women on one cow his waffle mix on the other and him on the last,Demetri knew not who these two men were doing to get themselves killed nor what kind of Journey he was in store for