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Worst Movie ever?
SpANG at 12:08PM, Feb. 20, 2006
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Inkmonkey
Worst movie ever? Okay, this one takes a little explaining…

My friend Sean has a netflix account, and he loves stop-motion animation. While perusing some stop-motion netflix stuff, he came across Alice in Wonderland. Apparently a… I believe it was Norwegian film group, decided to make Alice in Wonderland wherein the Wonder part (talking animals, cards, etc.) was all done in stop-motion. Sounds interesting, right?

….

Oh…….. Uh……. Ummmmm.

Okay, we have a winner! I didn't even see it and it makes my skin crawl a little.

.: SpANG! :.
“To a rational mind, nothing is inexplicable. Only unexplained.”
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:51PM
Puff at 5:38AM, Feb. 23, 2006
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No, no, no, you guys are thinking of stuff that could be mistaken for bad. Here's some hardcore suck.

Napolean Dynamite. Why did ANYONE like this? The movie has absolutely no plot, at least until the last 30 minutes! The jokes were lame, Napolean was a wholly unlovable character, and I got so bored during the movie that I let it continue to play while I blew it off. I didn't have enough respect for that movie to stop it, only ignore it. Dear God, and SIMON PEGG liked it! Et tu, Simon?! Anyways, the movie was blown out of proportions by the other children in my school insessently ranting about how much they love the actor with the white-man's fro and how he got in a car accident and they all wanted to nurse him back to health. Then someone had the odacity to buy a pen that talked like him every time you wrote, AND MY TEACHER MADE THE GIRL USE THE PEN FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES STRAIGHT! RAAAARGH! But ND is only slightly above two other movies that never should have existed.

Practically EVERY Sci-fi Pictures Original movie is acceptable, but I'm going to put forth these two: Return of the Living Dead 4 and 5. Whoever wrote these was a crackbaby! They sucked beyong belief, and the zombies could talk! I mean, there was no need for them to say stupid one-liners. Ya know what? I'm also pitching in ROTLD 3. It should have been about vampires. Or cutter emos who only WISHED they were zombies. I mean, I'm a zombie movie fan, so I've become pretty callous to most lame movies, but these two (three) wanted to make me tear my eyes out! TEAR THEM OUT! I weep thinking about them.

… But I liked The Fifth Element… << >>
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last edited on July 14, 2011 2:54PM
Tyrapendragon at 6:51AM, Feb. 23, 2006
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For two truly terrible movies try:

Dracula, Dirty Old Man / Guess What Happened to Count Dracula

This is a double feature I got from Netflix because the reviews made it sound funny. Perhaps I'm a bit prudish but it was softcore porn that I didn't funny at all.

This movie is so bad that the women who do the dubbed voices during some scenes must have refused to do dubbing for the scenes where Dracula has them naked in the cave. The dubbing suddenly changes to a guy doing a falsetto.

I couldn't even watch more then two minutes of “Guess what Happened to Count Dracula.”
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:35PM
blackaby at 9:56AM, Feb. 23, 2006
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Big Fish.



Oh. Oh. Oh god. Big Fish.

I still have horrible flashbacks of the pure badness of that movie.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:23AM
Eggbert at 10:50AM, Feb. 23, 2006
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I'd have to agree on Napoleon Dynamite. That movie was filled to the brim with… nothing. You'd think there would be a joke or two. That movie just wandered about aimlessly for an hour and half and then just ended all of a sudden. The ending completely caught me off guard, because it just sort of happened. There was no build up or anything.

The wierd thing is, that outside of the context of the movie, many of the lines from it are hilarious.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:19PM
Puff at 3:13PM, Feb. 23, 2006
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Squeegee
Land of the Dead. George A. Romero is just getting lazy. And somewhat senile.

Thinking zombies. Psshaw.

His giant glasses are invading his mind…

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last edited on July 14, 2011 2:54PM
Ian Jay at 3:21PM, Feb. 23, 2006
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Eggbert
I'd have to agree on Napoleon Dynamite. That movie was filled to the brim with… nothing. You'd think there would be a joke or two. That movie just wandered about aimlessly for an hour and half and then just ended all of a sudden. The ending completely caught me off guard, because it just sort of happened. There was no build up or anything.

The wierd thing is, that outside of the context of the movie, many of the lines from it are hilarious.

Well, yes. That's because it was a movie made almost solely for the production and sale of quirky novelty T-shirts.

But I liked it, personally. It had a good sense of timing in its comedy, and it introduced a plotless, avant-garde style of filmmaking to a previously ignorant audience. Plus it made Idaho cool again!

~IJ

PS: I will say this, though. That kid Jon Heber, or whatever his name is, is totally gonna get pigeonholed into the same type of role for the rest of his acting career.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:56PM
CORY at 5:02PM, Feb. 23, 2006
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Quite a few things here.

Did anyone know Napolean Dynamite was a SEQUEL?!

Because I learned about that back when i was reading the reviews. One of the professional reviewers said he'd already gotten to know the characters on account of him seeing an independent film about the characters from ND.

Next thing: A bad movie was Conan The Barbarian. I don't want to describe it for you like Inkmonkey did so well with his bad movie, but hey, I calls ‘em as I sees ’em.

Things I disagree with? The Fifth Element for one.

That scene from Lord of The Rings.

Almost Famous was absolutely FABOLUS.

And I didn't see the “Pail Kids” or whatever one.

I'm agreeing with Inkmonkey on the Alice in Wonderland one, even though I have not seen it, and I'd assume Dirty Old Dracula would be horrible also.

If I can think of anything else, I might post it later.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:46AM
Whirlwynd at 6:22PM, Feb. 23, 2006
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I'm a fan of The Fifth Element - but I remember when I saw it in theaters, I came out thinking “OK, that was way too weird for me to ever watch again.”

I'd say the movie at the bottom of my list is Freddy Got Fingered, but I don't think that counts because I didn't see the whole thing. The group decided to watch a different movie about a quarter of the way through.

Mortal Kombat Annihalation is the next one that comes to mind.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:48PM
Hawk at 9:40PM, Feb. 23, 2006
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Puff
Napolean Dynamite. Why did ANYONE like this?

I agree with you. I also didn't like Napolean Dynamite. Part of it was that I'm an Idaho resident and I felt like it made Idahoans look like bizarre hicks. Part of it is because I'd already heard everyone else go ape and quote it way too much so that I was underwhelmed when I actually saw it. Another part of it was that Napolean reminded me of my brother, who is a little slow and endured some pretty awful bullying at school. The movie made it look like bullying was funny and acceptable.

Last of all, you're right. Practically NOTHING happened the whole movie. Napolean himself was completely unlovable. I didn't care if he succeeded or failed. He was like a walking charicature, not a person.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:45PM
Inkmonkey at 9:51PM, Feb. 23, 2006
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Whirlwynd brings up an interesting point; are we allowed to list movies we haven't seen all the way through? I noticed a few people mention that movies were so bad that they couldn't even sit through them, but can you truly understand the horror if you haven't seen the whole movie? I mean, I knew my Alice movie was horrible 8 minutes in, but if I hadn't forced myself to sit through it I wouldn't have seen her eat the doorknob, or face the stop-motion animated slab of raw meat (seriously, it crawled out of a jar).
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:59PM
CORY at 10:07PM, Feb. 23, 2006
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Inkmonkey
…seriously, it crawled out of a jar…

This movie keeps sounding better and better.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:46AM
Inkmonkey at 12:08AM, Feb. 24, 2006
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THe movie was disturbing at best. It was the kind of thing you would see if you injected LSD into your retinas and subconsciously hated your own brain.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:59PM
Coydog at 12:15AM, Feb. 24, 2006
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Are we allowed to go into subgenres? like, how about children's tacky old holiday/matinee flicks? Now, I thought Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was the worst movie ever in that category, but I was wrong.

Holy @#!$, was I ever wrong…
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:47AM
jalford at 12:27AM, Feb. 24, 2006
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It was funny when they grilled it on MST3K though. Christ, I miss that show! We need something like that for this millenium.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:06PM
Ian Jay at 12:10PM, Feb. 24, 2006
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God dang it, I'm trying! Just keep your friggin' pants on!

Anyways, as for holiday movies, they probably shouldn't count, seeing as what most movies consider “tacky and over-emotional” they consider “heartwarming and sweet”. And they have this weird thing for badly made stop-motion animation.

~IJ
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:56PM
Crazy Dutchman at 12:56PM, Feb. 24, 2006
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I love stop motion animation! Bad Stop Motion sucks of course, but that Alice in Wonderland sound VERY great! You're talking about the Jan Svankmajer version right? I'm a fan of his work! Altough I only saw a few shorts. They are so freakin' weird.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:47AM
Puff at 1:23PM, Feb. 24, 2006
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tyrapendragon
For two truly terrible movies try:

Dracula, Dirty Old Man / Guess What Happened to Count Dracula

This is a double feature I got from Netflix because the reviews made it sound funny. Perhaps I'm a bit prudish but it was softcore porn that I didn't funny at all.

This movie is so bad that the women who do the dubbed voices during some scenes must have refused to do dubbing for the scenes where Dracula has them naked in the cave. The dubbing suddenly changes to a guy doing a falsetto.

I couldn't even watch more then two minutes of “Guess what Happened to Count Dracula.”
Your movies bring this to mind…
“How can anyone sleep when ASSISTED LIVING DRACULA'S on?!”
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last edited on July 14, 2011 2:54PM
Inkmonkey at 5:06PM, Feb. 24, 2006
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Crazy Dutchman
I love stop motion animation! Bad Stop Motion sucks of course, but that Alice in Wonderland sound VERY great! You're talking about the Jan Svankmajer version right? I'm a fan of his work! Altough I only saw a few shorts. They are so freakin' weird.


No. Just… just no.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:59PM
jalford at 2:24AM, Feb. 25, 2006
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tyrapendragon
Your movies bring this to mind…
“How can anyone sleep when ASSISTED LIVING DRACULA'S on?!”

And Vegetable Man, and the cool PBS kids show that let's you know “You're gonna die!”
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:06PM
ozoneocean at 9:06AM, Feb. 25, 2006
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Almost famous… Someone who liked that de-sexed freakshow? That movie is like the lap dance scene in Showgirls where Hurley's vagina has been removed, but multiplied a million times over.

It was sad, bad, and rotten. It's like ice-cream with all the sugar removed! Fish and Chips without the grease, batter, slat and vinegar!
A farce.
Cameron Crow is a moron.

Conan the Barbarian however is a true classic of the genre :-D
And just a classic generally. Hey, it's better than most of the classic “Spear and Sandal” epics of Hollywood's hey-day… Spartacus, Prince Valliant, Ben Hur, The Vikings etc…

But it depends on the situation in which you see a movie I suppose. I just watched the Scooby Doo movie with my young niece and despite the terrible computer animation bits and the twee silliness of the whole film, I was actually able to appreciate it for what it was: a good, fun kids movie.
Plus, they made Scrappy Doo the ultimate villain and they had a farting competition, so those are some SERIOUS redeeming features.
Scappy Doo was always such a little c^*%
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:23PM
Thevampire_kain01 at 4:09AM, Feb. 27, 2006
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I agree with the dracula thing…. that isn't even realistic…. jezz.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:28PM
Bitto at 10:46AM, Feb. 27, 2006
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I can't believe nobody has mentioned the 1971 Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. The first time I watched it, just looking at the Oompa Loompas gave me nightmares for days, not to mention the cheesy songs and dances. -__-;; The Oompa Loompas weren't even short, for god's sake!

They even took out the squirrels, and replaced them with what…Geese?! If that wasn't bad enough, they turned the whole thing into a musical, with songs that I don't even get (either the words were too jumbled up and I couldn't hear the words or I don't get why they put the song there ‘coz it sounded out of place). I just don’t understand why people think it's a good family movie. :x
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:23AM
Inkmonkey at 12:36PM, Feb. 27, 2006
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The original Chocolate Factory book was actually quite musical, and it made sense to have the film adaptation be musical as well. As for the height of the oompa loompas and the squirrel thing; that was more of a technical problem than anything else. Digital technology wasn't at the level it is today, so they couldn't just shrink down a normal guy for as regular a basis as they would need (they could barely handle the Mike TV shrink sequence), so they just hired midgets; who were reasonably short and easy to work with. The same thing happened to the squirrels; there's a lot of small moving parts to get a decent looking squirrel puppet up and about, and really no way to do it with real squirrels. So they just changed it to geese, which are fairly easy to work with and easy to replicate in puppet form (a ball of feathers and a neck).
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:59PM
mechanical_lullaby at 2:07AM, Feb. 28, 2006
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Bitto
I can't believe nobody has mentioned the 1971 Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. The first time I watched it, just looking at the Oompa Loompas gave me nightmares for days, not to mention the cheesy songs and dances. -__-;; The Oompa Loompas weren't even short, for god's sake!

They even took out the squirrels, and replaced them with what…Geese?! If that wasn't bad enough, they turned the whole thing into a musical, with songs that I don't even get (either the words were too jumbled up and I couldn't hear the words or I don't get why they put the song there ‘coz it sounded out of place). I just don’t understand why people think it's a good family movie. :x
yeah, well the new one wasn't that great either, what with the oompa loompas and their new cheesy songs and dances and honestly the technology effects in the new movie drew me away from the storyline and made me care less about what was happening. Though they did do a good job of making the children more competitive, all of the things that could and did make the newer version more vibrant or longstanding kind of took it down a notch in my opinion. I grew up with the 1971 version, and it is a classic. As for a family movie, Roald Dahl happened to be a very very dark person. If you look at the undertones of his books, you'll see some kind of hatred for parents and people doing nasty things to eachother. Matilda, for example, spawned her telekinesis by her hatred of her family/father. The Twits are just this nasty couple that tries to kill eachother all the time. James and the Giant Peach features good parents, but apparently their goodness got them swallowed up by a rhino so he had to live with his two twisted aunts that treated him like a slave. That all being so, you can't exactly expect the movies based off his books to be the perfect family movie.

Agreeing with Inkmonkey too, in 1971 they didn't have that technology, and everyone would be complaining if they tried to make the squirrels. Try not to compare the book to its movie counterpart, because sometimes things must be changed to accomodate what's happening in that day and age and if it flows well with a story. If they could make it work. They tried their best and the acting's great. Gene Wilder anyday makes that day.

Often classics are better than the remakes.

Now, I would have to say a bad movie is the remake of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho with Vince Vaughn and William H. Macy. Let me tell you, they tried to film it like it was set back in time, but with color. It was horrible. Just… I don't even want to go into it. They should have filmed it in black and white or they should have made it seem real. It was a homage to Alfred Hitchcock, but I can't even tell you how ridiculous it was.

last edited on July 14, 2011 1:56PM
Ian Jay at 2:02PM, Feb. 28, 2006
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Dang. I liked the new Willy Wonka movie. I liked it better than the old one. Does that make me… perish the thought… uncultured??

~IJ
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:56PM
mechanical_lullaby at 2:10PM, Feb. 28, 2006
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I liked it too, but when you compare the old one to the new one, they end up leveling eachother off. They're both the same amount of good and bad because the Wonka's were being portrayed to different extremes. One was conserved, sing-song, and snide. The other was upfront, expecting others to entertain him and childish. They're on the same enjoyment level basically.

last edited on July 14, 2011 1:56PM
billyleake at 3:01PM, Feb. 28, 2006
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Anybody see The Weather Man with nicholas cage? It has 2 or 3 “funny moments” but dear god in heaven it was the longest most drawn out boring piece of tripe i've ever seen.
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:22AM
jalford at 3:16PM, Feb. 28, 2006
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Pretty much all the post-Home Alone 1 John Hughes movies sucked too. He went from doing really cool teen movies to overdrawn family flicks. I was thinking Kevin Smith was going the same route when he did Jersey Girl, but thank the Maker that Clerks 2 is coming out.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:06PM
Thevampire_kain01 at 4:09AM, March 1, 2006
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another movie that sucks is “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” god that movie is gay…. i mean it is so gay!
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:28PM

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