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YOU STUPID DONKEY - Lets have a Hell's Kitchen thread!
lefarce at 11:31AM, July 25, 2009
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I'll admit that up till this season I had no desire to watch the hilarious adventures of Chef Ramsay and his bumbling crew of “cooks”. However, after much convincing, I was finally suckered into checking out the new season. Needless to say, I'm hooked right off the bat. So why not make a thread to discuss the latest season of Hell's Kitchen?

Lets meet the latest cooks (red means they've been eliminated, green means they're on the chopping block but not yet gone, blue means "Joseph is a retard and will probably be some insane bonus elimination):

Amanda Davenport - Amanda had the great idea to put the main course back into the freezer, making it impossible to use. She has a bright future in Hell's Kitchen. Although she cant possibly live this down, she's yet to be eliminated, and for the most part is a decent chef.

Andy Husbands - Andy is like some bastard cross between Kevin and Van, both speaking out yet remaining reserved. He too fucks up very little, and will probably make it to later rounds.

Ariel Contreras - Ariel has yet to do anything to really stand out, nor is she the red team's greatest member.

Dave Levey - Dave despite his laid back attitude seems to know what he's doing. Despite minor errors (and apparently hurting himself later on), he's got a good chance of making it far.

Joseph Tinnelly - You can tell he served in the Marines, cause he “Aint no ones bitch”. The last episode was a cliff hanger where Joseph was apparently going to start a round of fisticuffs with Ramsay.

Kevin Cottle - Kevin (or “baldy” cause I suck at names) seems to be the only one who really knows wha he's doing. He rarely speaks out against fellow cooks, but seems to be more focused on winning the game for himself.

Louie - Already eliminated for being a massive fuck up, and the only moron to serve biscuts and gravey to Ramsay. IT TASTES LIKE MUCK YOU COW!

Lovely - The fact that Lovely has even made it this far is astounding. She seems high all the time, and likes to just dissapear from the line for 45 minutes without telling anyone.

Melinda Meaney - Former CILF, until she was voted off the show for… well just take a look:



Sabrina Gresset - This girl has yet to really stand out, at least to me. She's a chef or something and I guess she cooks but whatever I dont see how important that is to this show :V

Suzanne Schlicht - Suzanne seems hellbent on getting things right, throwing her sassy attitude around like it's no ones business. Although she isnt that bad, and for the most part fucks up less than everyone else on her team.

Tek Moore - Tek is a CILF. Thats a Chef I'd Like to Fuck.

Tennille Middleton - Although not a total disater, her name reminds me of Captain and Tennille.

Tony D'Alessandro - I'm pretty sure that Gay Tony is gay. This is just a hunch.

Van Hurd- I like to call Van “Meathead”, since he about sums up that word. A complete hick who is eager to fight anyone with an opposing viewpoint, he can however make some great dishes and will probably be around for a while

(I'll update with photos for them later)





RECAP___________________________________________________________________________________

The season has already become and Louie gets kicked off mid-dinner for just being a massive waste of time, later followed by Melinda during a formal elimination. Apparently she thinks it ok to dump a mountain of noodles into the trash and expect Ramsay to never find out. She was frozen the rest of the night like deer in headlights.

Robert, a chef who had to leave Hell's Kitchen mid-season due to heart complications, was invited back by Ramsay to fill in on the red (womens) team. This helped make up for the bonus elimination of Louie.

The next night was even more insane, resulting in a shouting match between JP and Van, and also resulting in the phrase “Vantastic!” Both teams were such failures during the second night that Ramsay descided to replace both teams with actual donkies, making the above list pointless.

Ok well he actually didnt do that (as rad as it would be). Instead he chose that two eliminations would take place, asking both teams to submit their picks. Van was nominated only briefly before showing off his attitude and making his team back down. Andy and Gay Tony were put up for the blue team, but the elimination process was cut short thanks to Joseph (a former marine).

Joseph's reply to Ramsay when asked to annouce the two nominations and why was “they know who they are and what they did.” Ramsay had to coach Joseph through this several times until Joseph threw off his coat and got in Ramsay's face, shouting “I AINT NO BITCH LETS TAKE THIS OUTSIDE.”

Apparently in the next episode Hell's Kitchen blows up or gets sucked into some of of vortex, as the fire department is called in (and by fire department I mean more fire trucks in one place than I've ever seen since 9/11). Maybe terrorists are attacking Hell's Kitchen or something, I dunno.

For full and possibly more accurate recaps, check here.

New episodes air on Fox, Tuesdays nights.

 
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:33PM
Product Placement at 4:03PM, July 25, 2009
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Don't really care that much for Hell's Kitchen but I do like the Kitchen Nightmare show that Ramsay is also doing.

In them, he's visiting restaurants that are about to go under and he turns their business around without spending to much money like they seem to do in most of those makeover shows.

Basically all he does is clean the kitchen and yell at the staff allot. It's just great.

What I love the most, is that in 90% cases, he's successful in helping them out and the business starts to thrive. About month after the episode airs, the owner usually sells his restaurant for way more money then he would have gotten for it otherwise.
Those were my two cents.
If you have any other questions, please deposit a quarter.
This space for rent.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:51PM
lefarce at 10:40AM, July 26, 2009
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I watched The F Word for the first time last night. Ramsay makes for great TV. He had some british dude named James on, who like me in almost every way :3

Not only does James get drunk while cooking a fucking FISH PIE, but he writes COCK in peas on the top of it and still wins 3 - 2 against Ramsay's classy dish. Plus he easily makes it through Ramsay's “Man Challenges” of drinking snake whiskey, eating a bull's penis, and meat that's been rotting for quite some time.

Also



Vote for me, pard'ner.

 
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:33PM
Sea_Cow at 11:26AM, July 26, 2009
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Lefarce is such a man.
I am so happy to finally be back home
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:27PM
lefarce at 11:33AM, July 26, 2009
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Sea_Cow
Lefarce is such a man.

His cooking style is just like mine. I usually get drunk and just throw random crap together. Also cock.

Snake whiskey though, I would totally try that. In fact I tried to buy some but apparently you cant import into Utah. This is the desert though, plenty of snakes, so I wouldnt be surprised if I can find some locally. They cram the bottle full of dead snakes, and the whiskey has this sort of green tint to it. But the limit is bull penis and rotten meat. I'll live with the shame of never putting an animal's wang in my mouth I guess. :V


 
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:33PM
lefarce at 12:31PM, July 30, 2009
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So Joseph is off the show, even though this really shouldnt come as a shock to anyone. However, Gay Tony got his gay ass kicked off shortly after (leading me to believe that Ramsay just really hates gay people, considering how fast Wil was off last season).


Also Kevin and Frito hurt themselves. Kevin's a manly man though, and unlike Ji he didnt puss out and cry in a wheelchair. No, he worked on TWO bad ankles and still kicked everyone's ass.

No one but me is gonna post in this thread I can already tell.

 
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:33PM
Dragonizer at 6:21PM, July 30, 2009
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Well damnit, if you'd have told me about this thread I would have posted earlier. YOU WON'T PARTY ALONE IN THIS THREAD, SIR.

Joseph. Gods, that guy's got so many problems. Apart from the obvious shouting match between him and Ramsay earlier, the fuck's with him and his “We're MEN” thing? Guess it must be some sort of Marines thing, durp.

And fuck yes, Kevin kicks ass. What kind of irony is it that the guy with the two bum ankles would move faster than the rest of his team? He'd better make it through or I'll rage. Unless he does something stupid.

Also I have no idea why, but Lovely sort of reminds me of Lacey from last season. It's probably those stupid ass names.
K.A.L.A.-dan! Morality Pet >:3
The end of time will be the end of guilt.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:16PM
Sea_Cow at 9:33PM, July 30, 2009
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lefarce
Sea_Cow
Lefarce is such a man.

His cooking style is just like mine. I usually get drunk and just throw random crap together. Also cock.

Snake whiskey though, I would totally try that. In fact I tried to buy some but apparently you cant import into Utah. This is the desert though, plenty of snakes, so I wouldnt be surprised if I can find some locally. They cram the bottle full of dead snakes, and the whiskey has this sort of green tint to it. But the limit is bull penis and rotten meat. I'll live with the shame of never putting an animal's wang in my mouth I guess. :V



I was going to make a cockmeat sandwich joke, but then I remembered that's a pie, not a sandwich. Points for effort?
I am so happy to finally be back home
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:27PM
lefarce at 9:45PM, July 30, 2009
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Someone
Also I have no idea why, but Lovely sort of reminds me of Lacey from last season. It's probably those stupid ass names.

I'm trying to figure out whats worse:

Lovely spending 45 minutes trying ot find a bottle of wine, or Lacey going off the line for 45 minutes to eat a hot pocket.

They're so similar not because they have terrible names, but because they're both dim as all hell. Thankfully it makes for great TV! HAR HAR

 
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:33PM
Dragonizer at 11:20AM, Aug. 3, 2009
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lefarce
They're so similar not because they have terrible names, but because they're both dim as all hell. Thankfully it makes for great TV! HAR HAR

It almost makes you wonder if they pick some of these idiots on purpose. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
K.A.L.A.-dan! Morality Pet >:3
The end of time will be the end of guilt.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:16PM
lefarce at 11:55AM, Aug. 3, 2009
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joined: 2-9-2006
Dragonizer
lefarce
They're so similar not because they have terrible names, but because they're both dim as all hell. Thankfully it makes for great TV! HAR HAR

It almost makes you wonder if they pick some of these idiots on purpose. I'm not sure how to feel about that.

They do. It's reality TV show casting 101; you pick who is the most exciting, not talented.

 
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:33PM

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