Abby – the main character of the comic. Works at the “Gamer's Cove,” a gaming haven for geeks, which also happens to be a pirate ship. She relieves stress by going to The Poop Deck (a bar on the top deck of the pirate ship), and getting a couple of shots of Jack every so often. Abby thinks that everything happens for a reason, even if it's the little things.
Beau – Abby's husband. Works for some top-secret government agency and can't tell anyone about it. He likes to cook, but is extremely picky, so he won't eat what he makes. Beau enjoys life to the fullest and always has a smile on his face, even when he farts. He loves puppets and tends to communicate through them as often as he can.
Lily – Abby's alter ego (or “inner animal,” or “Tyler Durden” )–an alcoholic succubus. Lily does all the things that Abby wants to do, and more: goes bar-hopping, works the corner down the street, has a weekly orgy-fest, etc. Lily is basically a party girl times ten. She tries to get Abby to join in on the fun, but it almost always never works. No one can see Lily, they just see Abby having conversations with herself. …But Abby doesn't know that (yet). She just thinks Lily is a costumed mascot working at the Gamer's Cove who likes hanging around the bar and yelling out obscenities.
Shawn – Abby's manager at the Gamer's Cove, and an ultra-gamer-geek. Shawn knows everything there is to know about video games, and then some. He loves pirates too, so he built a gaming haven out of a pirate ship and asked Abby to work for him. It sounded like a great idea at first, but little did she know how stinky and lousy it would get. Shawn has a pet parrot on his shoulder named “Dubloon,” but he's really just there for decoration.
Dora – Abby's fellow pirate wench at the Gamer's Cove, and extremely pessimistic. Nothing good ever happens to her, and a permanent cloud of misery has enveloped her life forever. Kind of like “Eeyore” from Winnie-the-Pooh.
Caroline – The marketing director of the Gamer's Cove, Caroline likes to think out of the box and then blow it up. Abby wonders if sometimes she is on crack, but Caroline swears she is simply high on life. She occasionally sits with Abby at the bar and they talk about nothing in particular, yet it passes the time.
JR – The charismatic bartender of The Poop Deck. If there was a real-life “Jack Sparrow” in this world, this guy would be it. He gives Abby worldly advice every so often, and Lily thinks he's kind of cute. Unfortunately for her, he's gay.
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