alright, so let's see how this whole forum thing works then. let us start with finding a name for the comic, so we can make forums under the comics name instead of this placeholder (of sorts).

while i'm at it… lets see how to add images into the forum.


edit: okay, that's actually disturbingly easy. this is the world map as of right now…. no names or whatever, but i'll add them as we need them.

Alright, this is the basic gist of the character i have created: He is an elderly man. Lives in one of the larger cities on the Gray Army controlled continent. Inspired by a hearing an old song, and because he really has nothing better to do, he decides to travel to the southern continent (the one on the map) in order to see one of the ancient cities. He does plan on returning, this trip is not a last ditch pilgrimage before he dies. He will travel mostly by craft (whatever is available, still don't quite know the details of technology, etc, of the world), and a little by foot. He will visits most big cities and cultural and historic sites along the way. Again, this is not a harrowing journey. I plan to make the focus of the story the areas through which he travels, and the occupation and/or confrontation of the Gray army in different lands/areas, and their effect on these different sites. The old man just serves as a perspective from which to view the outside events and different areas. I figured this would be a good route to take to get me back into the creative process and to help flesh out some of the “gray” areas of the continent and culture. I can tell you now that I am almost certain that the old man will die a mundane death during his travels, and that I will continue the perspective type tour through the eyes of the person who indirectly (or directly) caused his demise. I plan on continuing in this way (picking up with the person who causes the death of the last) for a bit. I am totally excited for this, please respond with any questions or comments. I hope to have the first few pages of storyline and art ready by Fri next week.

sounds great. as far as the technologies, i believe it'll be sort of a tech vs. magic system. and for that, i am guessing that there will be cities of great technological wonder, but that technology rarely escapes the boundaries of the city itself. beyond city walls and wards are the wilds.

the mapped continent will certainly be like this. the cities will be self contained (and probably walled) but their tech can range from mid-evil to futuristic. magics and walking demons will be the balance i think. beyond the cities the world is very dangerous.

that being said, you can have fun with the travel methods. i would like to keep airships generally for the highest tiers, kings and wizards and things, as if the air is sacred, perhaps (which can be explained in various ways, military advantage, religious convictions… definitely within the gray army, to build a plane or flying craft without sanctions from the high lords would be considered hubris and severely punished. only those elected by the mouth of elish ahn would be allowed the privilege of “rising above their fellow mortals” )

we'll need to name that pass along the north of the continent (it's a place where two shear bluffs have come together to form a land bridge) the gray army will likely travel by any method imaginable since they'll need a constant stream of supplies until they secure necessities. so, mechanized war machines are very likely, but so are horse and buggies. probably they would not cross the desert directly, but go to the west, toward the greener mountains, and then south. alternately they could use ships to sail along the eastern or western coasts, and probably run into more resistance that way too. probably the eastern islands (one with the volcano) will have folk that are adept at sailing, and may have a fleet of their own.

Ok, so i will probably have inter city movement by some sort of railcar. The city to city travel will probably be by trade caravan or by expensive magics? i will start working on the travel route that the old man takes. I would like to see the Gray Army controlled areas in the northern with heavy military or religious elements, but it should seem normal not overbearing or dictating. Later the differences between the cultures should become apparent.

okay, since you're starting out in the north, i've been thinking on the center of the grey army and how it works. at first, i was thinking to have the leader, or voice of the grey army to be some horrid type creature, like a human with grotesquely large body parts, that maybe had to be dragged about on some type of train with all manner of mechanical hookups resembling breathing machines (sort of like the nasty space spice things from dune, or the plant gods from green legend) however, i think that leads to too much of a crazed cult like following.

at any rate, lets start at the center of the grey army and radiate out as far as building this society goes.

in my mind, elish-ahn is an evil deity, but most of her followers should believe she is pure and innocent. i'm also leaning toward the idea of a “sleeping god” motif with elish-ahn. and that “eyes of” “hand of” “heart of” “voice of” approach to the tier/hierarchy system that i spoke about as a wow guild. it'd be nice to tie elish-ahn's story in with the dark thing that is awakening on the planet. to that end, i thinking we have a physical body residing at the center of the grey territory. lets say, a hub city, sprawling, walled, at the center, a wall around a large (2 mile diameter) flat area. in the center is a massive tower, white or grey in color. a little past midway, some static ships that resemble feathered wings, set out in a circle around the tower. then at the pinnacle a glass orb (though oval in shape maybe) with a sleeping woman curled in the middle. and i mean massive. she will have the stature of a god, 60-70 ft tall… we can call the tower, the “crown of elish-ahn”. and this will be the resting place of the deity's physical body. i figure, the closest folk, the high priests of elish-ahn and what-not can be the horrid looking things, as if proximity to elish-ahn corrupts them in some way. the general public will never see more then a glimpse of these people though.

for the history part, the legend and myth that the people of the grey army might circulate… let me get back to that, i have some ideas, but want to write them out from a different perspective from my own, so as to give it justice.

OK, i see what you are saying now. do you want the tower that high up, will it be that much taller than the rest of the buildings surrounding it, or will it just be clearly the tallest tower (sorta like the World trade center was in N.Y). I also think that the religion should have a commonly used public symbol, and nothing mystical or arcane, but a symbol that most people would have on their necklace or bracelet, etc. Something that reminds people of her “light” and goodness. Since I will not be dealing with the inner working and such, the public opinion that i seek to show and flesh out, will be a positive common view. Therefore I am going to need help making it seem believable. Obviously we can reference current popular religion for help. Maybe also a few common expressions, curses, or supplication remarks would be helpful (by elish-ahn's light, the dawn remains, etc).

As for the old man I have decided that he used to be a small time merchant. He will have heard of many places and many rumors regarding different countries and people. The song that inspires him will be a tune that he once overheard while loading a foreign merchant caravan. At the time he found it incredibly different, and hearing it again in his old age inspires him to find the culture that it came from. I have not decided what or where the final destination will be, but the old man will know where he has to go, he is not going on a wild goose chase.

What kind of magic will there be in the city, or will magic be reserved for priests. Is it taught by apprenticeship, etc. I know these are a lot of questions and we have not even tackled the city part yet. Anyway, that's all i got for now.

I love the idea and design for the sleep goddess. If shes up that high I'm guessing there would have to be some way for them to sheild the tower. Or perhaps have her using her own magick as some sort of force feild. On top of that I feel like there would have to be a designated group of security . First thing that comes to mind would be a warrior preist(ess). I guess the way I'd imagine them would be more like warrior mages.

What I'm working on is mostlikely a culture off our current map. I'd like it to be about as technologically advanced as modern day in the poorer sectors and only somewhat futuristic for the rich.
As far as the “Red” army goes I'm favoring the idea of romantic ideals for a warrior caste. Most of the technology will be used in transportation and armor, but as far as actual warfare goes they'll still be hand to hand. Of course there will be the necessary forces inside the military. Archers, heavy infantry, etc. I'm still designing the heavy infantry armor. I'm still looking for a way make it believable to have this armys old school way of battle to be able to withstand a conventional gun toting military. I want them to be legendary in the eyes of other countries but still vulnerable.

sounds good. as far as grey army defenses (that picture doesn't do the tower due justice, i simply can't get the file upload to work today so i can't update it) they likely developed their tech with a healthy does of magic. one major defense mechanism for the tower itself are the little wing shaped things that circle about near the top. i haven't worked out exactly what kind of defense system it is (i'm focused on maps and such at the moment.) and although the grey army does not condone the unsolicited search for the stars, their are those “chosen” by elish-ahn to seek these paths, so their are a few powerful airships in the grey army's arsenal. when we consider the defenses of the main cities, i think it's important to realize that beyond city walls, any army needs to contend with the wilds, and the wild creatures and magic that lie therein. supply lines will be important part of any defensive or offensive move.

i was playing with the idea of the grey army's main reason for warring with the red army as a throwback to the sacred nature of flight for the grey empire. that and the bid for unclaimed technologies of course.

however, take a look at the Luxxites Will has posted about and see what you think. an energy source like that would certainly be advantageous. it would change the supply line equation for sure. even more importantly, if the luxxites could be wielded to provide armored assault as well, it would give the red army chance to close into sword distance. work with him on the idea.

from the sound of it, the only real threat to the red army is the grey army, and that is pretty much what we had planned for. certainly any of the civilizations of the currently mapped continent would have reason to fear them.

redid the crown of elish-ahn sketch, one from the air, one from street level.

aerial view
street view

working on the map to the north… drawn about 1000 little trees, hehe, still 1000 more to go <.<

edit: alright, finished the north map finally… 12 hours from concept to colored version so i'm done with maps for at least… like… a week. hehe. i added it to the lower map and threw a few labels on it. of course i forgot the distance scale…lets just say the southern continent is about 600 miles across at its widest for now. the planet is only around 17000 miles in circumference (vs earth's 24000), but for right now, i'm saying lets leave the axis and orbit and rotation the same as earths (if only to keep the symbolism and comfort of an east rising sun for narrative purposes) weather patterns on the north continent generally move west to east. their is a continental plate breaking the north and south continents apart, i tried to develop the terrain accordingly. the equator likely runs a little south of the salt flats on the southern continent, but that isn't for sure.

Will, i added in a placeholder for the edo'ossis on the northern continent. it should be topographically suitable for a fen/bog. its a low level land near the main lake, not much fresh water coming off the back of those mountains, so a lot of it is back flow from the lake itself, the climate is mild, the wind maybe a little chill from the north-western wind through the canyons. the lake itself has a lot of crevices and such in the lake bed which release methane and other gasses, which on rare occasions might catch fire and appear to burn on the lakes surface (rare rare occasions, mind you) still enough to give the lake its name.

The path the old man takes will be the Crown of Elish-Ahn to kaver's pass, south to the waterfall and land bridge and then south into that large city.

I have a question. If I decide to write a storyline, does anyone want to illustrate it? It occurs to me that the folks that can actually draw something might like to draw their own ideas and not spend time on a storyline of mine that may or may not interest them. If we were to collaborate, what would the format be? I'm semi-familiar with screenplay format. Although that's obviously quite different from comics, I understand the principals of telling a story visually. Would I storyboard panel by panel, just without the pictures? Am I getting too far ahead of myself? This stems from me having a couple of specific characters in mind, which might be hard for someone else to write. I dunno, spitballing here.

probably a panel by panel type format would be good (i can try and find some examples of comic scripts for you, typically, its a short description of the setting, camera angle, characters and their actions or expressions, and then text for each panel) a few things to keep in mind though, you need not write it for your typical mainstream comic format. single panel pages as a theme can work well. and further, it need not be in comic format. this project, while it will have comic work, can be used in any way. regular novels, or illustrated short story formats are just as well as the comic format.

for starters, i'd write out a good bit of the story, maybe approximately one to three 30 page comic's worth of information in a novel format. this will be a good way to present it to us (prospective comic artist types). this will also make the translation to comic script much easier on yourself. my personal comic scripts are typically just a page number and the dialogue, which is a messy, broken manner to write in (a lot of my work suffers for it) best way is to have a huge chunk of pages worked out in novel format, then decide how much information goes on each comic page, and then what angles and backgrounds and things to work with.

found a link to a nice format for a comic script here. this is a pretty good example of how to set one up for the artist.

i personally am not against doing the art for you, though my own skill level is the main limiting factor. plus, i'll wanna do some of my own work too, so things will get slow, heh.

edit: wrong log in… whoops.
edit again: added link.

Ok, cool. Thanks for the link. The writer has a bit more artistic control than I thought, but these things typically turn more collaborative anyway. And you nailed my second concern pretty well too. I know it must be time consuming to draw and ink everything, and you have your own thing going too. I guess at some point I'll just start throwing together a few pages at a time, and then folks can peruse them, draw them, or work them into one of their own stories.

The story of Elish-Ahn

In the time before the dawn, the god descended upon the world as fire and shadow. The people were frightened by the god and bowed before him. The people built statues and temples and cities and gave to the god their sons and daughters. These things pleased the god.

Because the god was pleased, he chose some among the people and imparted a portion of his wisdom into them, and the few became his chiefs and their technologies grew. The people bowed before the chiefs and the god's will was done.

After a time, the god decided to cast man in his image, and so he instructed the chieftains to bring him sand and rock and various precious metals. The god built from these things a great construct that towered near the heavens. The god called the construct, man. The god took the blood of the world and poured it into man, that man might rule over the world through blood. And when man was complete, the god pressed his spirit into man, possessing it. He then commanded the people to bow before him, Makesh, the first and mightiest of men.

((Some versions add here “And Makesh lay with the people of the world, producing sons and daughters. The first sons and first daughters, born of Makesh, possessed a portion of the world's blood, and so through blood, the first sons and first daughters had command over the world. This blood passed down even to this day, wielded by the few as blood magics. But Makesh was not satisfied with the first sons and first daughters, for though they possessed a portion of the world's blood, their command was weakened by the impure flesh of the people. And so…”))

Makesh decided to create woman, born of his blood, to serve him and bear to him children worthy of the world's blood. Using the whitest marbles and the brightest diamonds, ribbons of gold, and lines of precious gems, Makesh built woman, and placed one of his lungs into woman.

But before Makesh could breathe life into his creation, the spirit of Elish-Ahn fell from the stars and entered woman. And Elish-Ahn became woman. The people bowed before Makesh and Elish-Ahn, singing and dancing before them. And Makesh said to Elish-Ahn, ”Bear to me children worthy of the world's blood.“ But Elish-Ahn refused to bear children to Makesh, and he became furious, unleashing a swarm of fire and shadow upon the earth.

Elish-Ahn fled from Makesh and hid herself from him, and some of the people followed with her. The people exclaimed ”What can we do? Surely Makesh will destroy us in his anger.“ But Elish-Ahn calmed them and told them of her descent from the stars, and of the three great beasts of the world she had seen.

The beast of earth, she said, wore armor that even the great mountains could not crush. The beast of the sea, she said, wielded a shield that could part the greatest of waves. And the beast of the sky, she said, held a mace that struck like the mightiest of storms. Then she said, ”I will collect these things from the beasts of the world, and strike down Makesh, and you shall be free of his rule. With the shield I shall break through his swarm of fire and shadow, with the armor I will withstand his blows, and with the mace I will shatter his image and his rule.“

And so, Elish-Ahn traveled first to the mountains, where she had seen the beast of earth. When she found the beast of earth, it lay sleeping under a blanket of rolling hills. Elish-Ahn woke the beast of the earth, and the beast of the earth rolled over, crushing trees and valleys as he did. ”What is this?“ the beast of the earth asked, ”Why does woman awaken me such?“
”I wish to wear armor such as yours,“ Elish-Ahn replied.
”But my armor is far too large and would likely crush such a frail form as yours,“ the beast of earth responded.
”Then make for me armor like yours,“ Elish-Ahn said.
The beast of the earth growled, ”This armor helps me move the earth, build the mountains and break them down again. Prove to me that you have such strength and I’ll make you armor like mine.“ Then having said this, the beast of earth went back to sleep.

Elish-Ahn traveled up into the mountains, and finding the source of a large river, she moved a boulder over it, making the river move down into the valley where the beast of the earth slept. Then in the valley she dug a great hole, where the river emptied and became a lake. After the lake had filled, Elish-Ahn told the people to till the earth and plant a great forest. When the beast of the earth woke and saw how the land around him had changed, he was pleased and made for Elish-Ahn a mighty set of armor.

Next, Elish-Ahn traveled to the plains, where she had seen the beast of air. She called out to the beast of air, for it was out of reach in the sky. ”What do you want woman?“ it asked.
”I heard you're mace could hurl ice and lightning, but I do not believe such things.“
This angered the beast of air, and so he swung the great mace, and a shower of hail and lightning fell from the sky. Elish-Ahn fell to the ground, though secretly she had been protected by the armor of the earth. The beast of the air came down close to the ground to inspect the woman, gloating over her. But when he was close enough she quickly leapt up, grabbing the mace from his hands, and unleashing it against him. The beast of air was startled and fled from Elish-Ahn, leaving the mace of air in her hands.

Next, Elish-Ahn traveled to the coast, and with the people, she began to construct a great boat, with which to sail to the ocean where she had seen the beast of water. But before she could finish one of the people, Omak Usk, went to Makesh and told him of Elish-Ahn and her plan. ”You shall be rewarded greatly, Omak Usk,” Makesh said, quickly gathering the people that served him still and setting out to stop Elish-Ahn.

Makesh found Elish-Ahn near the sea, the great boat still unfinished. The swarm of fire and shadow descended upon her, and without the shield of water, she could not part them. So Elish-Ahn fought the swarm of fire and shadow, until none remained. A great portion of her strength was used to fight the swarm, but still she stood against Makesh, and those who had followed Elish-Ahn stood against the chieftains of Makesh. They fought for five days and for five nights without rest. The armor of the earth protected Elish-Ahn from Makesh, and the mace of air brought a great storm upon him, and finally Makesh fell.

Seeing Makesh fall before Elish-Ahn, the chieftains and the people of Makesh (who would be known from that day forward as the Tathe) fled from the battle and scattered. All except Omak Usk fled from Elish-Ahn. But seeing Elish-Ahn’s strength, Omak Usk stayed to plead for her forgiveness. Elish-Ahn looked at him with pity and said “Neither you, nor any who follow Makesh may see the dawn, or enter the grey kingdom. Forever will you and your children and your children's children be outcasts in my lands. You will wander the wilds forever, and you, Omak Usk, shall never know death, even though your body rots away.” Thus Elish-Ahn cursed the betrayer.

Then Omak Usk left and Elish-Ahn stood over Makesh. The battle left Elish-Ahn weak and exhausted, and she had not the power to kill Makesh. So instead, she took his eyes and buried them in the earth, that he could see not but darkness. She took his tongue to the canyon's, where his voice might be lost among the whispering winds. She took his heart and dropped it into the deep oceans, that his desires might be held by the waters. She took his hands, placing one in the ice of the north, and one in the ice of the south, where the frost would bind them. She took his genitals and buried them in the great salt dunes, that his seed should not flourish. And she chained his body beneath the earth, in the fires of its core, such that his rule would end, and dawn would shine upon the world at last.

Having done these things, Elish-Ahn lead the people inland, to the deep forests, when lay the city of Alamesh. With the final portion of her strength, she washed the stain of Makesh from the city, leaving it shades of white and grey, and being pleased with this, she led the people into Alamesh. She lay down the mace of air, and she took off the armor of the earth, her ribs and breasts bruised from the great battle, and she went to sleep, walking as spirit once again, and leaving the people with the promise that she would never be far. She spoke to them in dreams, and her dreams could be heard by the people.

Wing of Elish-Ahn

Pictured here- Wing of Elish-Ahn

A few bits about the wings. Most people think only two of them exist, though some believe as many as six wings are likely in the grey army's arsenal. The wings are practically the only air-born ships in the grey army, because of the general belief that the sky and stars are not to be sought after without the consent of Elish-Ahn.
The wings are half alive, the whale is thought to otherwise be extinct. The wings have substantial technological upgrades (some perhaps dating back to pre-elish-ahn times) including a massive air to ground energy weapon. The creature itself gathers air up into its body, filtering out the heavier airs while retaining the lighter air, often resulting in a ‘song’ reminiscent of its sea-born cousins. Most of its mass actually acts as a giant balloon. Also within its mass is housing for a parasitic community of drones (or the swarm… not shown in the image) that filter out of tiny holes along the creatures side and attack hostile intruders in a mutually beneficial trade off.

Still working out how the grey army controls them, it will have more to do with the will and mouth of elish-ahn.

Teysa Tawn Intro Comic

this is a work in progress, only the first fourteen panels are “finished” and i added in some text just to see if i liked it… probably i'll do the text by hand for the final versions. we'll see, still a lot of work left before i'll have a finished intro story.

let me know what you think, still early enough to make major changes and such.

EDIT: added this to the narratives thread.

The Old Desert Cities

These are two of our ancient cities, suspected to be from the time before Makesh, and in possession/protection of the Tathe or slaves of the Tathe. They would appear uninhabited at a glance, maybe some random tribal peoples have taken up residence (though at risk of alerting the Tathe.) Both likely have a water supply of some kind. And of course, both are thought to have some lost magic/technology that the grey/red armies could exploit.

Merith Sin: the eastern city (as seen on the map) mostly built of sandstone, a lot of the city is buried beneath the sand, the bits still visible are worn heavily. Paths leading into the city structure reveal a broken labyrinth centered around a large oasis that resides inside the larger dome. Hidden pathways take you to the underground.

Kasid: the western city, appears higher tech from the outside. Very broken up close, most of the buildings are ready to collapse. A large oasis has dried up into smaller pockets of water. Greenery has overtaken parts of the city. Deep desert tribes hide among the ruins, most without affiliation. The main superstructure is locked shut with no obvious way inside.

the pics are older ones from this projects infancy. but i wanted to throw em up here anyway.

Kallen’desh

“She was the fifth angel to fall, and the world shattered under the weight of her sin. Kallen’desh, the tear of god.”

The mountain was known in ancient texts as Gorramalt, standing tall on the edge of the sea, a pinnacle that rose high into the sky, a staircase to the very stars, thought to be a kingdom and sanctuary of the men before gods. Kallen’desh fell from the sky, some claimed it was a star or meteor, a shining speck of light boring into the side of the mountain. And Gorramalt was obliterated in a moment, an explosion that blanketed the land in a dark cloud of ash and fire, covering everything to the east, as far as Alamesh and the great lake of Telas’fi, and as far south as the Atellon Steppes and the ancient city of Kasid. The mountain was no more. In its wake was only destruction. Even the ground around the mountain was shattered, becoming soft and sinking, staggering like a great staircase of lakes and forests.

Today Gorramalt is a distant memory, mentioned only in passing, or at thought of ancient gods. The broken land named now after its destruction, Kallen’desh, the tear of god. It is a land of a thousand lakes, with lush, thickly forested wetlands, and mild climates. The many lakes team with life, and the center ‘tear’ supports vast coral reefs. A great molten rift exits at the bottom of sea of Kallen’desh, and is thought to be the reason for the increased water temperature and general flourish of life in this area. Even in the winters, the whole of Kallen’desh is still mild in temperature, creating thick fogs inland as the cool air mixes with that coming from the warm water ways.

Kallen’desh is difficult territory, with broken stretches of land that vary in elevation, dense forestation, and its share of larger predators. It is mostly uninhabited, but for a few small and scattered tribes that have learned to live and maneuver the land.

There are various exotic goods to be found in the lands of Kallen’desh, including rich minerals broken free from the depths of the once great mountain and rock bed, and curious plant life which only grows in the area around the lakes. The Thane lily, for instance, is widely sought for its hallucinogenic properties, often burnt and ground up to make the drug known as ash.

Kallen’desh is a place of ancient gods, though no such entity has made itself known. Broken temples of stone are scattered about the entire area, overgrown by the forests, or sinking into the watery lakes, most hidden or forgotten. Some of the tribes speak of the mountain spirit of Gorramalt, wondering fitfully as the mist that blankets Kallen’desh on occasion.

From a scientific perspective, Gorramalt is thought to have been a volcano that erupted so violently that it destroyed all of the visible mountain, covering a large area with clouds of dark ash and fire. Beneath the waters of Kallen’desh, the volcano mouth is thought to have been relatively inactive since this great explosion. To this end, many of the cultures within range of the ash cloud have some myth that can be read as “shadow and fire” of a super eruption. Certainly the Casel-clem and Xuur-dunda have a cultural recollection of such a destructive force, though the myths are much more pronounced for the people of the dawn.

Myths of grey army say that Gorramalt was the mountain of Makesh, the center of his vast empire, where he sat on a throne above all men, but that the mountain was destroyed by Makesh in a fit of rage when Elish-ahn refused to bear him children.
S
ome Tathe legends, however, state that Kallen’desh was a sister of Elish-ahn, and that Elish-ahn tricked her sister into observing the marriage of Makesh and herself. When Kallen’desh came at her sister’s request, Elish-ahn betrayed her, flinging a great boulder into the sky and knocking Kallen’desh from her seat among the heavens. Gorramalt was destroyed by the fall of Kallen’desh and in the aftermath, Elish-ahn was able to escape from Makesh.

Question: What happened to Omak Usk? Do you have plans/ideas for him? If not, mind if I use him? As ideas are starting to come, I'm thinking I may have to run with a Martin-esque format, where the “chapters” bounce around between characters and story lines.

no plans for that guy really, go ahead and use him if you like. every since you asked i've been thinking of a few ways i might use such a character, but none of them really pan out in the long run, mostly they are just “oh, that'd be neat… except how it totally undermines the character i'd be applying such title too.”

go ahead and use him if you can.