hahaha! use the word “titacular” somewhere in the introduction of the podcast when you do it, Oz.

PIT_FACE wrote:
haha, that's a great idea oz! id be up for reading if other people sign up.

Me, too!

* I could collect recordings and piece together . . . It would keep the czarina alive*

I've sent ozone a recording of me reading out his first post

With due feeling of dread I say I'll read out stuff too. ;)

imo, there are several posts (at least two of mine) that should not be read because they don't develop the plot.

So Genejoke has the first read. I call dibs on skoolmunkee's (there's a NickyP update inbetween). Tantz: call your post!

Some are short and could be merged.

Genejoke wrote:
Some are short and could be merged.

true. But I do suggest people dib on what they'll be sending in as a recording - otherwise . . . And I also think first focus should be on those posts that move the plot along, versus the commentary ones.

—

got “mine” done (skoolmunkee's post - tried to sound evil, but - well, not so much)

And suddenly everything came to a lurching halt. Every character pulled out a laptop and a microphone and began to narrate.
“Hey guys we got minigun wielding BATTLE GOATS here…and ozone on a quest and epic love and time travel…”
“Don't bother me, I'm trying to sound eeeveeel here,” Ayesinback snapped.

My wife is always wondering who I'm talking to because I read my installments out loudto test the narrative flow.:D

Do you even have to ask? Of course I'll narrate a part or two.

Tantz Aerine opened the hatch on her tank and scratched her head. “Wasn't there a nuclear holocaust when the music started playing?”

Harkovast put his breastplat back on now that his chest was back to normal. “No, that was nuclear Hark-o-vast.” Bullets splattered everywhere from the Battle Goats and Pit_Face's Gegundus 1000 gun.

Tantz grimaced at the vastly horrid pun and closed the hatch on her tank.She jumped down into the gunner's seat to adjust the controls forthe coax machine gun. For the first time she noticed scribbled in the corner ofthe gunner's controls Bravo was here 1992 Armor rules. She was inside Bravo1102's original tank. (This could actually be true as some of the M60A3's I served on were sold to Greece)

I would be up for recording if I can ever get this silly computer to pick up my gorgeous voice.

Meanwhile, some place entirely untouched by madness and extra pairs of breasts, an incredibly talented young writer finds his hopes of ever writing a brilliant radioplay crushed by the sheer madness forced upon him by those participating in the quiackcast community soap. The random and magnificent ideas that sprout from the minds of these idiots, madmen and morons completely dwarves any inginuity that might possibly be present in one such a radioplay.

ayesinback wrote:
imo, there are several posts (at least two of mine) that should not be read because they don't develop the plot.

So Genejoke has the first read. I call dibs on skoolmunkee's (there's a NickyP update inbetween). Tantz: call your post!

Ah, I don't mind! I'll take whichever you guys think you'd like me to read. (my accent is very flat and Greek, just saying)

In the basement of a rundown tenement house on Locust Street, a street so small and dark that it's often confused for an alley, the Powers-That-Be gathered for a discussion of who was to read what, and some good ol wine and beer swilling.

"Herk - I didn't know I was a Power,“ hiccupped Lonnehart. (Although he does not imbibe, he does hiccup).

”Yeah, well, I did know I'm a power; just didn't know any one else knew it,“ announced RPGgrenade, who was imbibing without hiccupping.

skool, the ultimate power that everyone knew about, was teleconferencing. ”Get on with it," she advised.

"Oh! Yeah. yes, skoolmunkee! Yes, Ma'am. er, sir,“ came the assorted voices. skool sighed: ”Can you please just go on and decide who's reading what?“

”Sure. So, I see the line up: as Genejoke, Niccea, Nicky, Pit, Tantz, ayes . . ..“ rattled off seventy-2.
While everyone was still trying to guess when 72 showed up, bravo1102 countered: ”Nah - don't think so - ayes says she's already done the 3rd one, evil-like.“

ayes spoke up: ”That's right. and I said it ages ago. So is it Genejoke, Niccea, ayes -“

Hark interrupted: ”READ HARKOVAST! sorry – habit. Anyway, who said Niccea does the 2nd? That's NickyP's post. I think PIT should do it“.

With that, the room went amuck, with El Cid as Prime Minister of Iceland tapping his fingers together looking more than pleased.

”Why Oh Why,“ said sweet-voiced Hippie Van, ”Can't people decide for themselves which post they will record and then just let everyone know what it is so we can move on with it."

and skool was pleased. we have to believe. she had hung up on the teleconference call some time ago.

A distraction like this in a round robin story usually spells the end of thestory line. Just saying.

And silence decended upon the field as every one scattered to record their bits and the BATTLE GOATS and burning airships and wilted boob trees were left to rot in the sunshine of another day.

Then a light snow began to fall as the flames died down and the goats began to peacefully graze as still no one appeared to add to the story. Bells and carol singing were heard off in the distance as an empty trunk bobbed to the surface somewhere in the South Pacific with a tiny sign attached.

“Merry Christmas, be back in the New Year.”

Bravo wrapped himself in his camouflage snuggie and aimed his remote at the TV, settling in to watch a marathon of all the different remakes of A Christmas Carol.

And a merry Christmas to all and to all a happy and safe New Year.

And while the Powers That Be continued their spirited discussion of hooo-keeled-hooo (oh no no, wrong story), of who would read what, and while Bravo luxuriated in his most thrilling eBay purchase EVAH (the camouflage snuggie), NickyP turned on the broadcast, just in case there was something awesome going on.

and there was.

All the powers heard it. NickyP was on the ethernet (and sounding damn good. Again).

“Wait!” cried PIT_FACE, deflatedly - “You mean, the Whole Story is Out There? Already?!!” and she grabbed her bottle of tequila - something she could trust - and did what must be done (she took a swallow, folks. hmmm).

“Yeah. The Whole Story,” repeated Product Placement. “Well, alot of the beginning anyway. THIS is no accident.”

Meanwhile, ozoneocean was tapping his fingertips in a most Mr-Burns-ly fashion. “Time travel,” thinks the Mr oz man, “not for the timid.”
When suddenly HouseofMuses breaks down the door!! "There's F'n Battle Goats out there!“ she screams.

Tantz Aerine takes a break from her ouzo. ”Uh-huh. Big news report, like something from ancient Greece. And I know what I'm talking about."

Pit-face strode out onto the goat devastated battlefield in her Wendy O Williams get-up, looking decidedly hardcore and very spiky, as she crunched over the red gravel in her huge studded black knee high leather boots.
A hot breeze ruffled her impressive blonde Mohawk as she checked the sights on her enormous big-gun, calibrating them jusssst right.

“Now… What happened while I was Away?”
“…Ah, FORK it! All that matters is NOW and I'm gonna do sum blastin'!”

With that she raised her enormous firearm and began picking the tops off distant mountains with surprising accuracy.

Meanwhile, back in Duckam city, the dark knight Kroatz broods atop an unaccountably Gothic styled art-Deco themed skyscraper…
“I really need a crime to solve, or some bad guy to harass, but first I have to work out how to get DOWN from here!” -he moaned.

Meanwhile, several floors bellow him, in the very same skyscraper, in her posh penthouse apartment Ayesinback spooned instant coffee and sugar into a mug, adding some milk and then poured in water from her electric kettle. Bringing the cup to her lips she took a sip…
“Fhwaaar!” She spat.
"It's COLD! …and why would I ever drink instant coffee anyway?“ she finished perplexedly as she hurled the miss-made concoction and cup against the wall with startling force.

All the way up on top of the tower the sound reached Koratz' ears.
”Crime is afoot and there is a mystery to solve" he hissed as he searched for a way down…

Kroatz stared intensely at the ladder that was conveniently placed on the other side of the street. Maybe if he jumped as hard as he could he would reach the ladder and easily make his way down to the unidentified noise he had heard a few seconds earlier.

Frustrated Ayesinback wandered to the window, half expecting lightning to spontaneously sprout from the clouds just to add extra strength to her words. She put her hands against the cool glass and in a dramatic voice she shouted: “Why would I EVER drink INSTANT coffee?!!!”.

Ayesinback smashed her hand against the glass and just when she had decided to grab herself a bottle of wine, a plate of cheese and a spoon to eat both she heard a fain scream coming from up the tower, getting louder and louder.

Kroatz did not have legs strong enough to help him jump to the other side of the street. His fingers reached out for the ladder but missed it by just a few meters. Panic spread through his mind as he dropped down faster and faster. Bright windows he passed quickly turned into yellow blurs as Kroatz's vision became unclear. He thought he was having a heart attack as he saw the ground getting closer.

Ayesinback saw a fat guy in a batman suit falling down the sky. The only thing she said before she went to get her wine was: “Again..?”

What happens when an immovable object meets a fat guy in a batman suit? The guy in the batman suit hurts himself… A lot…

Kroatz's 10th near fatal plummet to the ground left him in a deep comer, which left Call Me TOM's poorly spelled crime wave to go unstopped thru out Duckam city!

In his lair of perfect evil Ironscarf rubbed his hands in glee.

(Insert maniacal laughter here)

“Perfect, that idiot Kroatz didn't see the ladder right next to him again!” He said, “and all you did was throw a pillow case over it and a bright yellow one at that!”

Call me TOM smiled. “'nd niw of too spell baddly acros the sity!”

Ayesinback was about to go outside to check on the poor guy in the batman suit wiggling on the gorund all those stories below when she noticed her favorite bright yellow pillow case was missing.

Pit_face's beeper started going off as sheblew upoff another mountain top. “GOD-DARN-it! An emergency call NOW! Forgot I was on call today.” She slung her huge weapon across her back and took off her Wendy O Williams bald/mohawk headpiece (Available on ebay along with camouflage snuggies!) and shrugged on her EMT/fire fighter uniform revealing her to be one of the Duckam City's BRAVEST!

(If you dear reader are so inclined you could insert ascene of her in her frilly lingerie here as she doffs her tight leather outfit fora crisp fire fighter uniform. The scene will be on the direct to DVD chronicle of this if we ever get the budget together)

As the heavily bleeding Kroatz tried to decide whether to get up and go to a doctor's office or stay face down on the ground and bleed some more he noticed the crimminol that kept insisting to call him Tom walking by, paying no attention to the bleeding pile of bat in the corner.

Meanwhile PIT_FACE made her way to Duckham City Central using her Awesome Fire Powers.

Kroatz Bled some more and passed out.

Ayesinback had almost reached the secret bathroom elevator when suddenly she saw a glimpse of her favorite yellow pillowcase flopping just outside her window. After only seconds of thought she concluded that the pillowcase was more important than guys falling in Batman suits and jumped through the window in a dramatic fashion, grabbing hold of the ladder outside of her window in slow motion.

Bugs and rodents had begun to slowly make their way towards the injured guy lying in the street. Even though the prospect of eating him and spreading germs was very appealing they were hesitant because he WAS wearing a BATMAN suit.

Ayesinback swung heroically back into her window looking every inch the Empress of all the Radio Plays she was. Unpon landing she adjusted her tiara. “So glad to have gotten it back,and Niccea took such good care of it.” One ear perked up as it heard the siren of an approaching emergency vehicle.

Pit-face slammed on the brakes upon noticing the bleeding lump in a batman suit. She sprang into action doing all those great and wonderous things that Emergency Medical Technitions do to save the lives of would-be Darwin Award winners who like to lurk on rooftops in bat-suits. Bones wer set and injuries dressed as Pit-face smiled to herself over just howbig of an idiot this guy was. It was obvious he had missed the ladder above on the roof and had thought to jump to the other roof. Thismust havebeen thesixth time in the past two weeks.

All Kroatz could think to do was moan in pain. He was in so much pain all he could think about was how much pain he was in.

Bravo wiggled out of his camouflage snuggie and took the DVD out of the drive. “Scrooge, Albert Finney, really good” He crawled back into the snuggie and brought out a small silver tesseract. The Flux oscellator interceptor capacitor, the secret of time travel. Now he just had to find a way to build the rest of the time machine so he could go back andwin the love ofSkoolmonkee, stop his evil twinand stop so much pain from occuring.

Kroatz moaned in pain as the gurney was wheeled into the hospital. Every soap needs a hospital. And ascrap through agoose these are the days of the duck…

Bravo zipped through the swirly, shining, glowing liquid metal vortex of hyper accelerated backwards time, with the classic Dr Who music blaring in the background-
Dun-d-dun-dun-d-dun-d-dun-weeee-wooooo-weeee-whooo-whoooweeeeeeeeee…

Emerging from his blue police box, he plonked a broad brimmed brown felt hat on his curly locks, swept back his burgundy frock coat, and looped a long scarf several times around his neck.

“Hang on! This doesn't look like Skoolmunkee's boudoir! Where are the satin cushions? The sunken jacuzzi? the overly ornamented bamboo furniture? Her enormous shirtless eunuchs with their ostrich feather fans?”

Instead he was greeted with the sight of a cloudy overcast sky, dull green heathland, and a huge, rambling grey stone castle silhouetted broodingly on the crest of a low hill.

“Well, I think I'll head up there and see what's what!”

Suddenly, a blare of trumpets cut the silence, followed by the sound of thundering hooves…
A knight in shining plate armour riding a huge white warhorse cantered up to him, followed by severely brightly garbed people on smaller horses, carrying trumpets and big green banners bearing the symbol of a duck and three cups.

The knight reined up next to Bravo, and took of the gleaming steel helmet to reveal a mass of long sweaty blonde hair.
Her cold blue eyes locked on to Bravo in confused recognition.

“Do I know you, comically dressed knave? Your bearded visage stirs a memory… and yet I cannot quite place it…”

“Hallo Pit Face! Fancy meeting you here. What's with the getup and the silly act? You great yellow-haired narna!”

Incensed at this impertinent familiarity, one of her retainers, a huge orange cat in heavy armour, spurred forward and struck Bravo across the face with the flat of his sword.

“This is the Holy Pit D'Arc! Show some respect. She talks to angels you know!”

It was then that Bravo recognised a silver communicator device attached to the side of Pit's neck, it was a kind only used by one people… The Cybermen!

Pit's eyes went unfocussed for a second while she seemed to be listening to something.

“Bring him to the castle!” She said in mechanically flat voice.

As the brightly coloured retinue of oddballs trussed him to the back of a stinking donkey, Bravo thought to himself that he had quite a mystery to solve!"

Meanwhile in General Duck hospital…

Dr. Product placement steard down at the broken body of Kroatz lying on the operating table. “We can rebuild him, we have the technology and the skill” he monologued at a wall. “What I lack is the funding and/or motivation.” He spat as he turned to storm out of the room, just as nurse Rokulily burst thru the door!
“Oh Product placement someone stolen your car with poor spelling! again.” She wimped in an unnaturally cute voice.
“WHAT THAT HAS TO BE THE 3RD TIME THIS MONTH!!!! This criminal retard must be stopped!” Product Shouted as he turned on his left foot. Storming over to Kroatz and pulling on a new pear of rubber gloves. “As I was saying, We can rebuild him, we have the technology, the skill and now the motivation… the funding I'll just bill you later.”

But Dr. Product Placement COULDN'T bill him later. Kroatz' primary health insurance provider, “B.A.S.O. Care,” had filed for bankruptcy and otherwise went out of business. Which means, unbeknownst to Dr. PP, Kroatz' surgery would be out-of-pocket! DUN DUN DUNNN!

Bravo offered a bag of gummy candy to the orange feline in armor riding next to him. He was surprised when it wasn't the feline who answered him but the donkey.

“Hey don't mind if I do. Yumm-ee” said the donkey in an oddly familar streetwise voice.

Bravo didn't care much for jelly babies so he let the donkey finish them. He took the bag away and said in a mock Scottish brogue “Tha's enough Don-ke”

“Hey you know the big green guy too?”

Bravo did a double take. Just what had his time traveling gotten him into?

Did somebody call for a doctor?

They did, but what they really got was product placement and his medical degree that came in a box of golden grahams.

Genejoke wrote:
They did, but what they really got was product placement and his medical degree that came in a box of golden grahams.

No no, that wasn'tthe medical degree. That was a certificate in anesthesiology. In order to get the medical degree, you had to send in 15 proofs of purchase and a check for $8.

Product Placement sent in 20 proofs of purchase and a check for $12. Not only did he get the degree, but now he's board certified too.

Realising that she soon is going to run out of ouzo, Tantz gets out of the tank, hefting her trusty old, extremely rare and extremely deadly EPK Machine Gunhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EPK_(Pyrkal)_Machine_gunjust in case she runs into any annoyances or BATTLE GOATS.

She decides that Dr. Product Placement's advice to wait Pit-Face's amnestitis out was not correct, since Pit-Face doesn't look to have snapped out of it to meet her at their designated rendez vous, where they were supposed to regroup for the resistance against the evil Ironscarf and destroy the time travelling machine before everyone ended up meeting up their mothers and ran over their grandparents or something.

Tantz grumbles to herself. “Who knows where she might have gone to… and I have lost my comm link to her too in the whole BATTLE GOAT fray…”

But determined to complete the mission AND find Pit-Face (mostly because she had the rest of the ouzo on her), she makes way along where the BATTLE GOATS are going, figuring there is going to be some sort of shed that way. And surely enough, a city appears in the horizon.
“Well what do you know? It has to be Duckam City…”

She gets out her communicator and tries to get Bravo to respond. “Where the hell is everyone?”