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Crispiest Fortune

member since April 04, 2007

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62 Things to Do After Sex: A Practical Guide For Any Situation


1 - Go home.

2 - Call her a cab.

3 - Apologize. And explain how you almost never "finish" that quickly.

4 - Unlock the men's room door and get back to your desk.

5 - Pay the lady.

6 - Try to locate Maui on the map of Hawaii you just left on her stomach.

7 - Roll over and go to sleep.

8 - Take a shower.

9 - Compliment her on her dancing skills as she leaves for the main stage.

10 - Spoon.

11 - Ask her her name.

12 - Turn the video camera off.

13 - Make yourself a sandwich.

14 - Tell her to make you a sandwich.

15 - Two words: Sports. Center.

16 - Tip Mai Ling the extra $25.

17 - Change the sheets.

18 - Put the whip back in the freezer.

19 - Clean up the condom wrappers.

20 - Hang up the phone and put your credit card back in your wallet.

21 - Check for sores.

22 - Ask the waiter for the check.

23 - Take off the wig and fishnets.

24 - Return to your seats and pretend to enjoy the in-flight movie.

25 - Remove the beads from your ass.

26 - Remove the beads from her ass.

27 - Put another log on the fire.

28 - Pee.

29 - Ask if they are in the same sorority.

30 - Bask in the afterglow.

31 - Act like you're actually putting her number in your phone.

32 - Try hard not to look so surprised you actually had sex with a woman.

33 - Engage in some obligatory pillow talk.

34 - Sneak her back to the reception to before the other bridesmaids miss her.

35 - Climb out the window before her father comes home.

36 - Climb out the window before her husband comes home.

37 - Reload for round two.

38 - Put the sock in the hamper.

39 - Tip the washroom attendant for not seeing/hearing anything.

40 - Remove your ball gag and release The Gimp.

41 - Defog the windshield so you can drive her home.

42 - Let the dog back in the room.

43 - Turn off Cinemax and go to sleep.

44 - Get her a towel.

45 - Take the rubber bands off your wrist and let the blood flow back into your hand.

46 - Uncuff her.

47 - Beg her to uncuff you.

48 - Chew your arm off to get away without waking her up.

49 - Tell the cabdriver he can turn the rearview mirror back to where it belongs.

50 - Deflate your girlfriend and put her back under the bed.

51 - Try not to laugh when she tells you she's "never done anything like that before."

52 - Wipe off the clown makeup.

53 - Hold her. That's right. Hold. Her.

54 - Turn off the Barry White/Marvin Gaye/Righteous Brothers/Sting mix.

55 - Blow out the candles.

56 - Shut down the hot tub jets and grab a towel.

57 - Try to convince yourself you didn't see an Adam's Apple.

58 - Put the cap back on the lube.

59 - Fluff up the coat pile and get back to the party.

60 - Tell Paris it's ok to turn her cell phone back on.

61 - Drop the keys at the front desk.

62 - Log off and wipe down your keyboard.

Comics By Crispiest Fortune

M
  • Fantasy |
  • 99 pages |
  • last: July 6 2011 |
  • 0 likes
no description
E
  • Fantasy |
  • 7 pages |
  • last: July 6 2011 |
  • 1 like
How you see yourself may not be necessarily the same way that others see you.
M
  • Fantasy |
  • 12 pages |
  • last: July 6 2011 |
  • 1 like
If you are familiar with the Clerks movies and the short-lived animated show, you know what to expect here. (And just as a heads-up, there will be a lot of vulgar language.)

Comics Assisted By Crispiest Fortune

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A bit cheesy comic, you might say. On top of always being beaten down by Ryan, now Mick has fallen in love with a girl. Quite the tragedy for the shy guy that he is. But THAT is not his biggest problem. There's... something else...

A girl. Some cameras. The Internet.

Warren Ellis has nothing on me. He stole my ideas. The Warren Ellis we know is not from this spatial membrane, but an alternative one. Those idea he has were stolen from a future timeline. Garth Ennis should be bowing down to me and counting his pennies.

Follow Eskimo Dave and a wise cracking polar bear named Steve on their quest to save Dave's village from the forces of evil. New episodes of the series go up every Wednesday.

Ethereal Legacies is a fantasy-themed comic set in an alternate past Earth. The story line follows two Elven sisters, Bianka and Gatan, set against a backdrop of war between Light and Dark Elves.

Black & white & cute all over. The story of how pandas became they way they are. And other animal folk tales.

Champagne comedy served in two half pints. The completely random adventures of Campbell and Henderson. *WARNING - may contain zombies, aliens, acorns, jellyfish, anti cloud sentiments and possibly a punchline or two.

Larry is a somewhat awkward guy, who wanders off to the woods one night and encounters a meteor which gives him super powers. His friends are a little surprised and awestruck, to say the least! A Platinum Studios comic!

A time tripping tale of a vivacious faerie, her reincarnated champion, and how they try to save the world one era at a time.

2 Aliens. Disguised as dogs. Here to study human life. Hilarity ensues. Updates Mon-Wed-Fri. Check back for monthly fill-in-the-bubble CONTESTS, too.

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anonymous?

dgriff13 at 2:36PM, June 8, 2008

Love LOVE LOOOVE the new avatar. LOL.

dgriff13 at 10:30PM, Dec. 24, 2007

[img]http://www.drunkduck.com/Zorphbert_and_Fred/gfx/XmasCard07.jpg[/img]

F_Allen at 6:29AM, Nov. 14, 2007

cheers for the add, wicked stuff. [url=http://www.drunkduck.com/Dream_Music]Dream Music[/url] check it out if your got the time. - Frank

Beaums at 5:31PM, Oct. 26, 2007

I gotta say man, you have a killer taste in music. ROCK OOOONNN!!

Inidas at 6:56AM, Oct. 22, 2007

Still trying to figure out why you changed your username, but thanks for the add! I do enjoy a good Confetti Surprise.

Exzachly at 1:06AM, Oct. 22, 2007

*stares creepily* ....... hello O_O

Ersatz at 12:49PM, Oct. 21, 2007

It's about time you added me, you lazy git! ;)

Thirdperiodlunch at 6:43PM, Oct. 19, 2007

Ah! :D Thanks for the add~

GTLB at 4:54PM, Oct. 19, 2007

Thanks for the add!

jurbas at 12:58AM, Oct. 19, 2007

bout time u added me. Any thoughts about my idea

Chaz McRich at 10:41PM, Oct. 18, 2007

Thanks for the add chum!


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