What do you do when you go through a bad breakup?

I had this discussion at work…and then we showed off our breakup piercings. I got my ears pierced a third time after my last breakup and my coworker pierced her bellybutton for one of hers.

so how do you respond to a bad breakup? Haircut? burn their stuff? Just curious.

Hmm, I did the haircut thing once because the guy really really liked it long - and I hacked it off when we broke up. That was pretty silly because then I missed it and had to deal with the awkward growing-out part. XD

Normally, though, I'm much more relieved than anything - but I'll feel like a big part of my social life disappeared - so I go find some new and fun social things to do - like dance or haunt coffee shops or something.

I've never had that many breakups and stuff. in fact, I just had two that was about it.

luckly for me, I've never gone though an breakup where it emtionally hit me and stuff. it was mostly mutual on both ends, and we ended it in a rather civil manner. It went something like:

Me: “Is it me, or is this not working at all despite all the muplite chances we gave it?”
Him: “If you're reffering to the dating thing and the attempts at an relationship, then I agree. You're very attractive and all, but for some reason when the suferical attraction wears off there's nothing we have much in common…”
Me: “Yes, I know what you mean. I feel the same exact way. You're very nice looking, but…”
Him: “So you're cool with breaking it off?”
Me: “Yeah, it's cool with me. I'll give back you all your stuff you lent me. I'll see you around then.”
Him. “Alright. :)”

Okay, it wasn't said in those exact words but it was more or less simlar. :P
In fact, I even recommeded one of my friends for him like an month later when he told me that the dating scene got harder here thanks to the new surge of couples.

The other one was an guy I actually didn't like too much in high school. I dated him as an favor to one of my friends, actually… I'd have to basically date him every now and then when my friend was out on double dates and stuff. then somehow it turned into an “relationship”. needless to say it didn't last very long… a month at best. so there was no feelings there at all, on both ends… because he wanted an girl who was more… “loose”, if you know what I mean. :P and I thought he was a little bit of a jerk.

This isn't proably very helpful to you though… =\

read comics!

I haven't ever had a break-up. (The secret is… never date.) But I did lose a close friend. She actually “dumped” me, called and said we had nothing in common. She said she had matured (meaning, she was smoking, going to beer parties, having sex) and I hadn't. – Anyway, I found that pretty devastating since we had been inseparable for years. My reaction was to immerse myself in writing. I had written a lot before, but my writing took a decidedly violent turn at that point. I started writing murder mysteries. Killing a few fake people really relieves stress…

Cry a lot and wait for you heart to regrow in your chest. It will eventually. A friend espoused the 18 month rule. It takes 18 months for the heart to grow back and for the hurt to totally go away.

Denial, anger, guilt, acceptance cycle also applies, usually mixed up and all at once.

I've tried dating almost immediately and the women admitted at the end of the date that I wasn't over it yet and was in a lot of pain. So I waited a few months and then used the shotgun approach. Put up enough buckshot you're sure to bring down something and had fun, something I had believed I had forgotten how to do.

It's a learning experience. Conduct an after actions report: Tally up what you did right as well as your mistakes and do it better next time. There was the one where I was too immature, another where we were plotted against by mutual friends, the blind dates, the shy dates, letting go too soon, just using each other, mutual dissatisfaction, bipolar redheads and so on. Learning experiences all and there are certain skills that are necessary for a successful relationship and they ain't easy to learn.

But you won't learn unless you date and experience the great first dates and the painful break-ups. It's not worth it to be lonely and miserable because guess what? In the future you'll see just how many opportunites you missed and that you would never have been lonely. And then you mire yourself in regret and the shoulda, woulda, coulda's Get out the shotgun and go into that target rich enviornment. Put up enough buckshot and you'll bring down something.

That shotgun thing is great. Rejection stops mattering because the worst thing he/she can say is “yes” because then you gotta come up with the first date and that's when the fun begins.

Broke up in 2005.
It was a painful experience.
But it had a good effect in the long run.
as The truth shall set you free.


Breakup therapy?

For me it worked basing a character of her. I just changed things like made her look prettier, change her name, hairstyle, ethnicity, etc. Though I make a serious comic, I still find it funny. The fact that I emphasized her rather reptilian characteristics. lol!

I generally just shrug my shoulders and say ‘oh well’.

Apparently that sort of attitude is what made her break up with me in the first place.

I used to (read: jr high school) think you were supposed to get all devastated after a break up, so I when I would kind of pretend to be so people wouldn't think I was weird.

In high school, I really stopped giving a shit big time and even stopped pretending to be upset.

Not getting into relationships helps avoid all of that, but even when I did decide to stick with one female, when she would break up with me, I would always just say, “Well, okay.” Talk about hearing a female get pissed off…geez. Like I'm supposed to be ruined they broke up with me or something.

I think the best breakup therapy is to just simply move on. Do something you like to do and be happy you're single again. Go bang some floozy just because you can. Go shooting with friends or by yourself because it's fun. Buy some shit you couldn't before, but wanted, because you were in a relationship and had to take someone else into consideration, but now you don't have to.

Never had a girlfriend myself. I've seen a few friends who broke up, but all they did was move on. Well, except for one who was near the point of being suicidal. He managed to get some counseling.

I guess I'd move on if I ended up in a breakup. Then again, what I say now and what may happen later could be two different things…

Break-ups are bad when they're long and drawn out… Over weeks and weeks…

It's funny that we talk about “painful” in emotional terms, but you do feel physical pain. Which isn't so strange at all since its the same brain that interprets all the same sensations ;)
And when hormones or chemicals are caused to be released into the system, physical changes obviously happen: speeded up heartbeat, or slowed heart beat, constricting muscles or whatever, just for starters.

Personally, sometimes I'll get a pain in the chest and one down into my right arm. It's horrible.

————-
But to get over it: just work away, do your stuff well, get into things, have fun doing other activities. Don't dwell on it.

Personally i get rid of anything that reminds me of that person, and with that i try to erase her out of my life and existence in general. The burning of photos and stuff is a classic, but something that actually kinda works. Ultimately though you just have to sit it all out and wait. It is almost as if the body needs to clean itself up from some kind of drug. A love drug.

Croi Dhubh
I used to (read: jr high school) think you were supposed to get all devastated after a break up, so I when I would kind of pretend to be so people wouldn't think I was weird.

Custard Trout
I generally just shrug my shoulders and say ‘oh well’.

I'm not attacking you or anything, but i doubt you really where IN LOVE if you have that kind of reaction to a break up. Seriously, if you can just shrug the whole thing off and move on right away it probably wasn't anything to begin with.

If you REALLY experienced love it is NOT something you can just say “oh well” to if you are being dumped. It just doesn't work that way, no matter how cool or macho you are. Chances are you just liked her cute behind.

VegaX
If you REALLY experienced love it is NOT something you can just say “oh well” to if you are being dumped. It just doesn't work that way, no matter how cool or macho you are. Chances are you just liked her cute behind.

Or are one of those stupid insensitive jerks that I got more women on the rebound from once upon a time. At times I didn't know whether to thank them or to curse them.

I have a rather unhealthy way of dealing with them. I stop eating. My stomach gets all messed up when I get too excited or nervous or whatever. It's all sorts of suckage.

The worst was with my last breakup. I hardly ate for a month. I'm still feeling the effects of it. I'm not back to my old, overeating self yet anyway.

It doesn't really help at all, besides from keeping me from puking on someone, but that's what happens.

SeriousQuiche
What do you do when you go through a bad breakup?

Does ‘get really fat’ count?

Actually the worst part of the breakup, as ozone and vega said, is the part where you keep having contact with the person (either directly, or through things that remind you of them). It keeps bringing things to the surface and it means you're always thinking of them, things that went wrong, etc. I had a terrible time lately until I realized that… then I broke off all contact, got rid of anything they'd given me, etc. Then I found some time-consuming stuff to do and kept at them.

Custard Trout
I generally just shrug my shoulders and say ‘oh well’.

Apparently that sort of attitude is what made her break up with me in the first place.

Nothin' says lovin' like ‘eh, I don’t really care if you're around or not' :)

VegaX
I'm not attacking you or anything, but i doubt you really where IN LOVE if you have that kind of reaction to a break up. Seriously, if you can just shrug the whole thing off and move on right away it probably wasn't anything to begin with.

If you REALLY experienced love it is NOT something you can just say “oh well” to if you are being dumped. It just doesn't work that way, no matter how cool or macho you are. Chances are you just liked her cute behind.

Probably not.

In my defence though, it's how I react to pretty much everything now.

The reason why its painful to break up with someone you love is because there is something more than the physical aspect of it.

Both of your souls sort of combine to become one.

There is a spiritual bond between man and woman that happens when both feel true love for one another.

Breaking the spiritual bond feels really painful. Different people have different pain tolerance. Both physically and spiritually. If breaking up with someone has made you cease to function properly for a period of time, its either one (or both) of two things:

- you don't have that much pain tolerance.
- the spiritual bond is really strong. Imagine your hand being stuck on a table using super glue. Removing it would be a pain. But if your hand is on a table with nothing on it, removing it off the table is not a pain.


That's why these days I just break it off right away at the slightest moment I feel a connection on a spiritual level.

SeriousQuiche
What do you do when you go through a bad breakup?

Ummm….cry for awhile and than just run it off and take time for yourself. SeriousQuiche, >:) i know who you are talking about, and in his case i would set him on fire. Or trash his car, OH WAIT HE DOESNT HAVE ONE! Hahahahha![\\

VegaX
I'm not attacking you or anything, but i doubt you really where IN LOVE if you have that kind of reaction to a break up. Seriously, if you can just shrug the whole thing off and move on right away it probably wasn't anything to begin with.

If you REALLY experienced love it is NOT something you can just say “oh well” to if you are being dumped. It just doesn't work that way, no matter how cool or macho you are. Chances are you just liked her cute behind.

Sure it is, especially when you've learned to shut your emotions of when and where appropriate. You don't always have to be running on your emotions even in the slightest bit.

Things are either meant to be or not meant to be. If they aren't meant to be, then why be all super depressed about it? Come on and move on; Who cares? To me, it's like getting upset at dropping a fry on the ground when you're eating. Just weren't supposed to eat that fry. There's others. If it was your last one, still, who cares? You've eaten some before that and there's still the chance of ordering some more in the future.

Just because you get all emotional and dig yourself too deep into it, doesn't mean your idea of love or relationships is any more correct than what mine or someone else's is.

Someone
To me, it's like getting upset at dropping a fry on the ground when you're eating. Just weren't supposed to eat that fry. There's others. If it was your last one, still, who cares? You've eaten some before that and there's still the chance of ordering some more in the future.

Heh, that is just silly, I can't take you seriously anymore. But you get 10 macho-player points. ;)

VegaX

Someone
To me, it's like getting upset at dropping a fry on the ground when you're eating. Just weren't supposed to eat that fry. There's others. If it was your last one, still, who cares? You've eaten some before that and there's still the chance of ordering some more in the future.

Heh, that is just silly, I can't take you seriously anymore. But you get 10 macho-player points. ;)

“That guy in the next foxhole, you'll feel closer to them then any other person in your life, even your wife and you'll never quite be able to explain it to her.”

A girlfriend/boyfriend is not part of “That Band of Brothers” so therefore they're disposable. It's like how the old squaddies treat the FNG (fucking new guy) He's disposable like that fry on the floor when he's only a smear after the IED goes off. (Dead man walking or a corpse with temporary use of his arms and legs. So the girl not-meant-to-be is just a (Fill in the blank)

10 more macho points and your drinks are on me.

All that said I'd want you in that foxhole next to me. ;)

I may not agree, but it's a coping mechanism. You'll let him/her go and the pain won't matter. I wish that could work for me.

If you find your soulmate never let him/her go, because it's meant to be. Even if it doesn't last you'll always have those memories. After the pain fades when you're reminded of him/her that nostalgic smile crosses your face. You'll hear that song and the tears eventually change from ones of pain and loss to ones of nostalgia and sweet memories of your time together. I won't bore anyone with the story that goes with that self-discovery.

bravo1102
“That guy in the next foxhole, you'll feel closer to them then any other person in your life, even your wife and you'll never quite be able to explain it to her.”

The sex is better too. :)

-Sorry, had to get that in.

VegaX

Someone
To me, it's like getting upset at dropping a fry on the ground when you're eating. Just weren't supposed to eat that fry. There's others. If it was your last one, still, who cares? You've eaten some before that and there's still the chance of ordering some more in the future.

Heh, that is just silly, I can't take you seriously anymore. But you get 10 macho-player points. ;)

There's nothing macho about it. It's just life and the way things are.

Change “fry” to a “glass of milk” if you prefer if it helps you understand.

SeriousQuiche
What do you do when you go through a bad breakup?

Set the a-hole on fire. Always makes me feel much better.

Hippie Van
Set the a-hole on fire. Always makes me feel much better.

Eat a really hot curry you mean? :)
Yeah, I suppose that could be a distraction…

ozoneocean

Hippie Van
Set the a-hole on fire. Always makes me feel much better.

Eat a really hot curry you mean? :)
Yeah, I suppose that could be a distraction…

No, I mean I stick a lighter up my ex's…you know.

I started a comic. lol!

I'm in the boat with VegaX and skool though. The worst breakups are those in which you allow it to get dragged out and don't end it quickly. Whatever it is you do, the two things you have to make sure of is that it's completely over and you're not going to keep reopening old emotions and wounds and learn to forgive them. I never quite understood the second one until recently a year after me and my ex-“fiancee” ( I choose not to think of it as a real engagement since those are supposed to succeed. ) broke apart. you don't necessarily have to forgive them in the conventional sense of the word, but you have to accept that they did what they felt was in their best interest and do what you know is in yours, namely moving on to bigger and better things. It was helpful to me to think of all the progress in my work and career I've made since I finally got rid of her.


I personally would not advocate the shotgun approach right after a break up though. It's kind of like drinking while depressed, it has a bad tendency to end up causing you more trouble and problems in the end than it's worth.

Everything before a break up had much to do with your investment in someone else or investing time as a couple, and not much time really investing in yourself which is why you hear so many, “I can't go on without you” songs. Ewww!

If you fell hard for that other person, there's a good chance that's the case. Once you break up, you're now left with trying to fill that time with something else. You'll go through those initial grief stages, just like anything else: Denial, anger, depression, bargaining your way back into the relationship, until you reach acceptance.

Once you get there, you'll need to start investing time in yourself. Many people here have used writing or drawing as a method, I like the humanitarian approach of helping others in need or in a worse place than you. Exercise is also a good one because the chemicals you produce while working out act as a natural anti-depressant. Plus, it keeps you healthy, strong and looking great XD!

Finally, whether you believe in this sort of thing or not, its good to re-connect yourself spiritually. Whether you're Catholic, Baptist, Agnostic or even something simple as doing yoga, your soul needs to be feed positive enegry and thus, your heart will be healed.

It's all what you do in the time after you break up that counts. Take things one day at a time, move forward, breathe and think positive.

well kind of roke up unmmm…dumped for an internet friend, what I did, well, doing plans to snatch her again …and meanwhile searching for a new love huhuhuhu…and doing the comics xD

Croi Dhubh
There's nothing macho about it. It's just life and the way things are.

Change “fry” to a “glass of milk” if you prefer if it helps you understand.

Whatever floats your boat man, but i can't help but feel if you can just drop it that easily it wasn't much to begin with? If you don't feel sad and miss someone you loved to hang around with and talk to it's pretty odd. Unless your actually a robot or Mr Spock. :)

Perhaps one day you'll meet that special someone that makes you a little bit more human. Someone that makes you go all depressed when you break up. Something to look forward to eh? ;)