So I was writing my post at the worst decision topic (I'm unemployed currently so whole lotta free time), and someone called out the name tucker max. Then my brain got to thinking that I do have some funny stories to tell also, so I figured I'd ask everyone to post the funniest/stupidest things they did in life, I'll go first.

Back in I think 99' my good friend, lets call him Daniel, was released on bail after he was caught for selling drugs, he had a stash hidden away that the cops didn't find and was desperate to move it quick. So he offered to sell me a giant bag of crystal for pennies on the dollar…seriously this was like the highlight of my life back then, says a lot huh? I of course brought it for a few thousand bucks (biggest purchase of my life at that moment) and was happier than a kid in a candy shop. I had never done any “hard” drugs before in my life and wasn't planning to, see I was broke as fuck back then between the college and no financial support I figured flipping some drugs for money was a great idea, I could make a quick buck and survive for another week or so. But my gf at the time found out and started smoking it, and me with my weak will power and my willingness to do anything for a bit of ass at that time made me say yes and join her. Kids let me tell you this, you have never had sex in your life until you've had sex under the influence of drugs, we had the most amazing sex of my life without stopping for a good week and a half, we were like rabbits. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't tired, I'm not sure I slept I was just horny and having sex and getting high. I couldn't even come, I don't know why but I just couldn't, so it was like Viagra or something, stallion was the phrase she used. It was insane and most likely unhealthy but I was doing it, and I was doing it hard. It got to the point where the landlord of her apartment actually came to her place and told us to stop because “the other tenants are complaining about the noise and then again two days later because apparently the neighbors complained the smell from her apartment was overflowing into the hallways, they were referring the the stank from all those days.” It was hilarious, I mean eventually we ran out and stopped screwing and I had to leave, it was so weird leaving the apartment complex because everyone in the building knew who I was and kept on going me these weird awkward looks, the creepiest was this old lady who kept on smiling at me. I admit this was a terribly unhealthy thing to do but it was the funniest thing I've ever done, me and my mates laughed about it for the longest time. Hell, one of my friend's gf knew me solely as “Mr. Moaner”
Lol, good times

Sounds… a little sad in some ways. Well I hope it was great fun ^_^

I agree, a little sad, but an interesting story. Funniest thing I've ever done was smuggle a hamster from America to Japan (yes by plane). I put it in my pocket while I went through the metal detector. Imagine what woulda happened if he'd escaped! The whole ride my dad was going “if we get caught I didn't know!!”

When I was a kid, me and a friend of mine used to make rocket-cars, where we'd take old hotwheels and tonka toys and strap on model rocket engines and set up ramps and loops made of scrap metal in the backyard before launching them. There was one incident where after one engine failed to ignite, I put the ignition switch down so he could safely go over to check the connection. The moment he bent down to take a look at it, the whole thing exploded in his face. He turned out completely uninjured, but it scared the hell out of me at the time because before the smoke cleared, I thought his face must have been blown off. We had a good laugh about it later on, though.
There was a second time after that where we launched one and it did several backflips in the air before flying backwards and landing on the roof of his house. We then smelled something burning, and so we got the hose and a ladder and climbed up because we thought we had just set his roof on fire. Fortunately, it was just the smell of the plastic car melting under the extreme heat of the rocket.

I think me crashing my bike into a park car is probably the funnest thing I've ever done. Its funny cause I set off the alarm.

Perhaps I don't have a very universal sense of humour, but none of this sounds particularly funny…?

ozoneocean
Perhaps I don't have a very universal sense of humour, but none of this sounds particularly funny…?

Well I think it's more of silly things you've done. Not punchline funny.

ParkerFarker
Well I think it's more of silly things you've done. Not punchline funny.

Stupid things?

I played darts without a target once… Well, the target was a feather dropped by a friend. The dart missed the feather and embedded itself in his arm.

I don't have very good aim. :(

Last year I had to cut apart a teddy bear for a project. One of the girls who lived in my building saw me and started giving me a hard time about animal cruelty and bear abuse. At some point, I sarcastically asked, “Aw, do I need to get you a teddy bear to make you feel better?” To which she replied just as sarcastically, “Yeah. Yeah you do.” So, I decided I'd do just that to be a smartass. I found a teddy bear that was stuck up on the air vent in the commons of my floor and made a sign that said, “Save me!”. Later that night, I took the sign and bear up to the floor she lived on, and put them against the wall opposite her front door, with the bear holding the sign.

Next morning she stormed down to find me playing video games and the first words out of her mouth were, “I bet you think you're real funny!”. I just played innocent and said, “for what?”, which got, “you damn well know what!”. The person sitting next to me, who normally hates everything I do asked what was going on. I explained, and she said, “that's actually pretty funny.” Which prompted me to yell, "see? Even she thinks it's funny, and she doesn't think anything I do is funny!"


This girl still won't talk to me now, a year later, and she gets up and leaves when I talk to anyone who she's talking to.

^ What a bitch. I thought it was funny.

she's pissed at you for cutting up a teddy bear? if so then good fuckin show.

silly/stupid things?

i went to Mexico, drank, entered a shooting contest, lost, entered a drinking contest, was disqualified for being to drunk already, then swam in the ocean for a while.

PIT_FACE
she's pissed at you for cutting up a teddy bear? if so then good fuckin show.

Nah, if she's mad at me, it's for being me or for the pranks. In her defense at least, I did keep taunting her about it by putting up an WWF spoof poster for the World Teddybear Foundation ( WTF ) outside their door a day or two later. It was too funny to me not to.

Crap, for all I know, that's her way of telling people she thinks they're amusing or something.

ozoneocean
Perhaps I don't have a very universal sense of humour, but none of this sounds particularly funny…?

It sounds like “you had to be there” moments.

Hmmh… My mind is blank at the moment. I'll come back later when I remember some of my shenanigans.

Back in high school, my art class was having a huge party to commemorate some event, and everyone had brought food in. I brought in the 2 liters of soda. After a while the party had started to get going, and I figured it was time to open another 2 liter. I put it on the desk about waist high, and open it while standing up. The thing completely exploded shooting up like a fountain covering me and anything within 3 feet with soda. Almost immediately after it happened, I blankly respond with an audible “Huh.” Cue whole class laughing.

Back in those middle school days, one time I went to the resident rich girl's house for a party. There, I jumped into her pool fully clothed, then sang “Eye of the Tiger” on Rock Band, all before I got stoned in the basement.

I beat a man to death with his own thigh bone, then I ate the body to cover my trail.

I've done a lot of funny stuff. But the most recent funny thing I did was last thursday on my second day of my new college.

We were playing pictionary and I somehow got confused about the rules. The tutor wrote down on a piece of paper that I was to draw Pong. Thinking that the opposing team had a chance to guess first I tried otmake it as hard for them as possible. And did a very abstract way of drawing it.

A guy holding his nose and a puddle of piss or something else that stinks.

That, combined with the fact that I drew a giant stone man (a titan) to describe Titanic earlier on that lesson hammered the nail of hilarity home.

It definitely cancelled out the awkward questions I got asked by the other students when we were given tasks by the tutor as icebreakers.

You'd probably have to ask one of my friends. I don't really remember any of the funny stuff I've done that specifically.

But if I really thought about it, maybe with a few beers, I could probably tell you some of the funniest things my friends have ever done.

One day, my college rooommate and I came home from class, and there was an envelope nailed to our door. Inside were pictures (burned around the edges) of a tube sock with a forlorn face drawn on it being tortured in various ways: poked with a stick, stuck in the microwave, threatened with detergent, etc.

Also with the pictures was a note that read, “If you ever want to see your beloved sock again, you will leave one unopened roll of toilet paper under the sofa in the 7th floor common room by 10p tonight.” We lived on the 2nd floor, and neither of us owned tube socks.

My roommate and I were entertained enough to purchase a single roll of toilet paper, and I took it up to the 7th floor common room. Apparently, there was a meeting going on for everyone who lived on that floor, and they just stopped talking and stared as us as we stashed a roll of toilet paper under the sofa and left.

The next day, we got an envelope with more pictures and a note saying something about them not liking the ply and softness of the toilet paper and demanding more. At this point, we gave up the tube sock for dead and held a dorm-wide memorial service and requested, in lieu of flowers, non-perishable food donations. We donated the collected three boxes worth of food to a homeless shelter “with love from an unnamed, lost sock.”

I'm a 5'3“ 104 pound teenage girl who smiles a lot and wears pig tails with ribbons sometimes(Eharmony.com description?) Everything funny I do automatically falls in the the ”cute" category. I ran into the tennis net a couple days ago while trying to make a volley and this girl called me cute. We're both sophomores.

Yeah, I try to be funny but only succeed on occasion. Most of the funny stuff I do is very subtle. Why can't I be funny?!

Amanda
We donated the collected three boxes worth of food to a homeless shelter “with love from an unnamed, lost sock.”

That's so sweet!

I farted.

Hmmm. Well, this was both funny and terrible at the same time. In 2007 I was describing to a friend a “wrestling move” I did on a trampoline. I was so excited about the story that I sort of did it, and ended up throwing myself onto the asphalt. I landed on my right knee. It hurt so bad that I just froze on the ground in the fetal position until my friend's brother carried me back to the house… lol. Yeah, my knee ended up swelling to the size of a grapefruit, and there was purple hemotoma all around it (little pin-prick sized bruising). I wasn't able to walk the same again until pretty recently, so I was regretting that fall for almost 2 years.

That doesn't sound like a funny story but it would have been funny if you saw the fall.

I've probably done funnier things but this story is memorable.

kyupol
I farted.

I LOL'D. =D