Telemarketers. You either hate them, or you -really- hate them. I'm fitting in the latter category right now. I was asleep on my couch, and got two phone calls within a five-minute time frame. I decided to answer the second time, and got this.

Me: Hello?

TM: Hello, sir. Are you the man of the house?

Me: I guess. Look, I'm not interested.

TM: No, No, I'm with Direct Marketing _______blah blah, and we're starting a new promotion.

Me: I'm not interested, sorry.

TM: No, don't hang up. Don't you want an all expenses-paid trip?

Me: No. I live in my basement.

Then he hung up. What a bum.

Anyway, does anyone have some funny techniques to throw these guys off?

“can you please give me your home phone number, so I can call you back when your on the can?” (make fart noise, of flush toilet) works for me….

I say whatever comes into my head…

TM: “Hello are you happy with your phone service sir?”
Me: “No, sorry, I don't use phones.” Hang up.

I liked that one. Usually I just say something embarrassing about needing to go to the toilet really badly. The poor guys are just doing their job, but sometimes you can't help but chuckle at the earnest young Indian person trying to imitate a garrulous American accent… Bombay cowboy on the phone. Poor guys and gals. It'd be a crap way to make a living. :(

Usually I just hang up, if I'm bored though, I'll sometimes play them along for a bit.

Me: Are you sure? That's amazingly cheap sir.

Guy: Uh yeah. . .

Me: That is surely is.

Guy: (sounding hopeful) So, you're interested?

Me: Nope, bye.

I try and sell them luxury timeshares in Iraq.

I tell them that I am extemely busy at the moment, and I will have to call them back, later that night. I then ask for their home numbers, preferably, their home bedroom phone numbers. They usually say…“well…I can't do that….” I ask them why not? They usually don't have an answer, or they get frustrated.
…If that doesn't work, check your caller Id, and pick up, and talk like your tongue has been cut out by pirates………..They usually hang up.

I just say nothing and hang up. Actually, I haven't been solicited by a real person in a long time – mostly just recordings.

Slightly off-topic, but my dad used to invite in those door-to-door evangelists and try to get them to join our church. They always look so uncomfortable to be discussing someone else's religion.

Usually, I can't tell what they're saying, I just hear a “Cun i spok tuh thu mun of thu horse?”
me - “Umm..Nooo….”
Then I hang up…

The really hilarious thing is that they make more than most of the people posting in this thread.

lefarce
The really hilarious thing is that they make more than most of the people posting in this thread.

They should. It's the worst job ever. There's no way I'd want to do that. I see nothing hilarious about it.

usedbooks
Slightly off-topic, but my dad used to invite in those door-to-door evangelists and try to get them to join our church. They always look so uncomfortable to be discussing someone else's religion.

That's awesome. XD

We used to get a lot of telemarketers trying to sell us some better/cheaper/whatEVER phone service. My brother got so fed up with them once that the conversation went something like this.

“Hello, my name is X and I'm calling from X company, to offer you better phone service. Would you like to be able to call anyone, anywhere, for really cheap every month?”
“No. I don't have a phone.” *click*

… They never called back. :P

Here's a youtube video of an awesome prank on a telemarketer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un_PjRXV5l8


As for me though, even though I've got the deepest voice in the world, telemarketers always refer to me as “Ma'am”, until I correct them. Never really pranked them though.

I haven't gotten a call from a telemarketer since… well, I guess since I had a phone with a landline. I wonder if the business is dwindling with most advertising being on the internet now?

Anyway, I wasn't as bad as this friend I had. I'd usually just say not interested and hang up, but he would always find a different way to piss them off every time. Once when he picked up he pretended he was ordering a pizza, and started yelling at them when they wouldn't give him a large pepperoni with cheese bread. They hung up pretty quick. XD

Speak jibberish. Seriously, just say about anything you want BUT don't forget to put some english nouns in there so that they think you're actually speaking a real language.

I usually answer my phone in a different language(hallo?/tag, hola, moshi moshi, oui?/bonjour, saluton, salve, etc.) everytime I pick it up because I hate talking on the phone no matter who is on the other end.

That's not to say that I can speak any other languages fluently *cough*, although I know enough German and Spanish to babble incoherently about the weather and that's usually enough to get them off the phone.

Most of my friends know better though, so they don't hang up anymore, although my mom hasn't caught on yet. I answered “moshi-moshi” once and she was like “sorry! wrong number!”

A lot of telemarketers call for my dad and grossly mispronounce his name, so it sounds like he's a viking: “May I speak to ”Von Wilhelm“ please?”

“Hold on, I'll have to go get the horn of summoning.” And then I hang up.

usedbooks
Slightly off-topic, but my dad used to invite in those door-to-door evangelists and try to get them to join our church. They always look so uncomfortable to be discussing someone else's religion.

Aaahhh! I love door to door religous bookers!

Man: Would you like to be saved by God today?

Ninny: No.

Man: Why not?

Ninny: Becuase he'd find out that the voices in my head aren't him.

Or, my favorite.

Little Girl: *Holds out a poorly written God book made by someone that makes over $20000000 a year.* Would you like to be saved?

Ninny: No, I'm a Buddist.

Little Girl: Well… I hope that goes well with you.

Ninny: WHAT THE!?!?! O_o?!?!?

After actually being a telemarketer briefly I try to be more polite, (I got fired from that job…) After getting the same calls I start getting really annoyed, especially as they're getting progressively more unpleasant. The one I keep getting is a notification that the factory warranty on my vehicle has expired. Even though I keep asking to be taken off the list and that I don't even own a car (my vehicle is a clapped-out old bicycle whose warranty probably expired before I was born!) Lately they've switched to using recordings so I can't even ask for the number to the national do not call registry. Dammit.

usedbooks

lefarce
The really hilarious thing is that they make more than most of the people posting in this thread.

They should. It's the worst job ever. There's no way I'd want to do that. I see nothing hilarious about it.

No I was saying it's hilarious that people usually get bothered while they're sleeping mid-day or being lazy, but yell at people who are doing their jobs.

My contribution: I just tell them that I'm not willing to buy anything from them, ask to be removed from any list, and then hang up. I don't prank them or try to be a dick, because I know how hard of a job they have, despite it being a “sit on your ass and call people” position. They get a lot of shit. :/

I usually just hang up after telling them I'm not interested and hopefully they find someone else who might be. Usually they're not pushy on any of their products or marketing techniques, and are pretty polite.

Tell them you would be interested if it weren't because:
You are legally on bankruptcy.
Your parole officer doesn't want you to (If they ask, tell them you committed something sexual).
You need to follow the yellow brick road and down the rabbit hole.
Your religion won't allow it.

Also:
You can try hitting on him/her.
You already have one(remember to say thank you).

I screen all my calls. If they want to talk until my machine shuts them off automatically, that's fine with me… I just delete their message afterwards and that is that. Life's too short to let this minor stuff get on my nerves.

I always get robots, never a real person anymore. Those are even more annoying because you can't yell at them D:< What a terrible job to have, I'd feel useless just calling people, asking them to buy stuff. What a miserable existence :/

lefarce
No I was saying it's hilarious that people usually get bothered while they're sleeping mid-day or being lazy, but yell at people who are doing their jobs.

My contribution: I just tell them that I'm not willing to buy anything from them, ask to be removed from any list, and then hang up. I don't prank them or try to be a dick, because I know how hard of a job they have, despite it being a “sit on your ass and call people” position. They get a lot of shit. :/

Who said give them shit??? Pulling a prank just might bring a smile to their face and even brighten their day?!?!?

I would think the serious “I want nothing that you are selling, take me off your list.” would make for a very monotonous day, after 10 or so of the same…

(^U^)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRhJjdKkP7E

That's your solution right there. :P

Someone
How Do You Handle Telemarketers?

me:
hello
them:
Listen up!
you Have been preapproved …
me:
-Click-



I don't argue, I don't listen, I just hang up.
They are trained to get you to stay on the phone…it is their job and they are reading from a script.
A Corporate computer is telling them exactly what to say next after your response.


Its nothing personal, just business.

first thing i ask r u a tellamarker? and i wont stop saying stuff intill hes says it then i hang up what i hate more is the robots because they talk to fast!

I barely deal with any type of telemarketer since I never EVER answer any phone number that I don't know of. They usually call the house phone, which I have in another room and barely use. I make all my personal calls on my cell phone. :)

talk to them nicely.

Then tell them to call back in the year 2199

i tell them they are failures at life and that i just want them to leave me alone

usedbooks
I just say nothing and hang up.

Exactly. I don't know why anybody talks to a telemarketer. Once I know it's a phone solicitation, I hang up. They usually don't even get to finish their opening pitch.

You don't have to be polite with these people. They're the ones interupting you.