The rules are as follows:

I will name an object the first poster will write how this will kill me (be creative), then they will name a random object. The next person will write about how that will kill the previous poster. Name a new object and so on.



Watermelon

As you prepare to split open the watermelon with a hacksaw, a midget in a fire suit bursts out and clubs you to death with a rolled up Auto Trader magazine.

A Belt

You are getting ready for work, going to a job you don't have. You put on your belt and while you are Justin Bieber comes out of nowhere and takes the belt from your waist and starts to beat you with the belt buckle that reads “I Love Men” then he Kills you with a table saw blade.

Beer Bottle

You succumb to alcoholism and drive your family away, you die on the street alone in a puddle of your own urine and vomit.

An iPad

(Also, this should be in forum games, I'm sure a mod will move it soon.)

The iceman cometh…

That is how the kill it will do you to.

Your own bad jokes cause you to choke on your own tongue.

A sponge.

You start cutting up a pineapple to make a tropical smoothie, but then the sponge gets pissed off for you destroying his home. He grabs the knife, jams it into your chest, then smashes a urinal over your head. Game over.

A cucumber.

a cucumber? I think not. It is a pipe bomb painted like a cucumber. But you don't notice and eat it anyway. And then you explode into a cloud of red mist and eyeballs.

A single strand of mammoth hair.

While you are admiring this beautiful strand of hair, Mettuar invites two of his family and one of his high-school friends over to the site to gang up on you and kill you. So two hold you down, and the friend and Mettaur throw a wild destructive party in your house. You die of despair.

Inviting two family members and a friend to drunkduck.com.

They commit homi-suicide while you're in the room and looking annoying to them in their last few minutes with four bullets.

touching my nose

You are picking your nose so vigorously, your finger shoots through the thin membrane and plunges into your brain. You die with a dirty, dirty mind.

Some guy saying,“The south will riiiise again!” And he's in a wheel chair, and his arms are paralyzed.

You go to whip him cause you're uber white and he's supporting black people in some way. He kicks you in the balls and then you laugh so you die.

I touch my friend's nose.

Your friend gets pissed, and shoots you with a staple gun claiming,“you uber fail, haxorz!”

A bucket of jello.

It eats you. Doi.

I touch my mom's nose. (I have a really good one for this. Or I think it's good.)

Your mom tells you to go to your room for acting goofy, so you jump of a cliif. “How could this happen to meeeee-”Pff, perfectionist, something bad and you just throw it away!

A 40k book. The Eineinstein one, or whatever that was called. It was a gunship, just an escort to a flagship.

You're playing 40k with someone, and you roll 15 6's on an attack. Your opponent gets pissed off and kills you with a pencil sharpener.

Rollerskates.

Your girlfriend becomes nervous you might leave her for the next hottie that walks by, so she tries neutering you with roller blades. She isn't a doctor, not even a nurse, so she fails horribly, and you die of blood loss. If not blood loss, of shame. SHAME!

A Hello-Kitty Lamp.

A good friend see's you have just purchased a hello kitty lamp, he explains that he is sorry but it is for your own good before beating you to within an inch of your life with it. he then feeds you to the starving midgets he has in his basement.


A magnum, the ice cream/lolly thing, not the gun.

Diabetes.

An eraser.

Your comic gets erased and you tear out your hair in grief. Unfortuetly, this also tears out some of your skin, and you die from your brain getting exposed to the air.

Me trying to help my sister make a comic.

you hep her greatly ans she shows no appreciation, when called up on it she denies all knowledge of your help. Enraged you beat her over the head with the base unit of your computer and end up doing time for assaulting your sister.

Once you are inside she unleashes her true revenge, she gets a rumour started that you are a paedophile and pretty soon you get beaten to death and then raped by other inmates for being a paedophile. even though you aren't.
As a final insult she lets slip the rumour at your funeral forever tainting your name.


man that's grim.


Okay.
A nasel hair.

You sneeze, a hair goes out your nose, but when you breath back in it gets sucked into your mouth. You choke to death on your own hair.

A flash-drive.

Easy, when the police come knocking you try to swallow the flash drive with all the really incriminating stuff on it. I say try because you choke to death on it and the coroner gets it out for a rather unpleasant headline to tomorrows paper.

Hilary Clintons toe nail clippings.

You steal the clippings for your collection because you have a really disgusting hobby and take them home, only you don't know that one of the clippings has a microscopic GPS locator device inserted into it by the Secret Service, should Hilary Clinton ever be kidnapped. Thinking that you've kidnapped her, a crack team of specially-trained, genetically-engineered super-soldiers breaks into your house at night in a daring rescue operation. When they realize that she's not there, they begin torturing you for where she is and then accidentally drown you via waterboarding. When Hilary Clinton comes back from an unannounced vacation, they realize their mistake, and they then kill your family, friends, acquaintances and everyone you've ever met and hide their bodies to cover up their mistake.

Dr. Who's pet kitten.

That's not a pet kitten! It's a Dalek! There's of course no way you could survive.

The entire nuclear arsenal of the United States.

My cat finds the beer I brought home unguarded, as I just jumped on teh couch to watch deadliest warriors. He drinks all 18 bottles of beer, all booze in teh fridge, the fancy liquor in the cabinets, and the beer in the cooler. HE is super drunk and pissed off. Hell, he is so drunk, he's eating the box the booze came in, hoping osme alcohol seeped into it!

So, he hears you talking about nukes, and his drunken mind thinks you are the Commie Of North Korea. So then he rakes your face off with his claws, fillets your brain, then pisses on your corpse.

A Band-Aid.

It's really a band-aid contaminated with drug-resistant super-AIDS that accidentally got recycled back into into the product line at the factory. You use it to cover up a small cut, only to die a slow, painful, horrible death over the course of the next four years.

A Russian cosmonaut.

When old Viktor randomnameobolov and old russian cosmonaut dies aboard the mir spacestation the eject his body in a pod into space. However they didn't check which way he was ejected and he ended up heading to earth. The pod was mostly burned up on entry but his slightly charred body made it through. You sadly were standing int he wrong place at the wrong time.

SPLAT!!!!








scooby doo's tongue.

Scooby doo finds osme of Shaggy's shrooms, and snacks on a few. Then he eats all of the ones hidden around the van, and I mean all of them. $50,000 dollars worth. This really gave the already monstrous eater scooby a case of the munchies. HE saw you eating a ice-cream, so he ate the ice-cream whole. Sadly, this included your hand holding the ice-cream cone. He decided he liked hte taste of you, and ate the rest. You somehow are still alive through the digestion, even when your done going through the intestines. After you…“exit”, you live a few moments in unimaginable agony as a living turd before you die.

A Kit-Kat Bar.