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Conflict
If you're anything like me (you poor soul), you may have learned about conflict in English or Creative Writing classes, and they told you that stories could either be

Man vs. Himself,
Man vs. Man, or
Man vs. Nature.

So a character would be either ...

Oh man, have I got a dumptruck full of news for you! I mean, I'm not saying that the news is garbage or anything. Just that there's a lot of it. THERE IS A LOT OF NEWS OKAY

I hope I got all this formatting right…

El Cid ...