edit 8-30-07: updated this comic with carrollhach's suggested dialog. I think it's a definitely improvement. Also changed the angle in panel 3 per Dantheman's comment. Thanks guys!
———————-
Still not 100% happy with the art, but.. eh.. getting there. Slowly. Colors are less assaulting, no?
hey! Guess what? The remixes are up in Comic Remix Land! Go see all the goodies- my remix and Neilak20's remix of a Z&F comic! Neilak20 of Soapbox Hill http://www.drunkduck.com/Soapbox_Hill/index.php
——————– Hey, guess what, guess what? I have this great idea. Y'know those numbers you choose from when leaving a comment? There's other numbers besides 5's. Seems like no matter what everyone gives a “5” everywhere, and I understand the habit and just “being nice” and all… but in my case, I'd love for you guys to really RATE my writing/humor for each comic. If you think it's some of the best from Z&F, leave a 5. If not, leave a 1-4. Explain why if you want… it'd help me get more of an idea what my fans LIKE and DON'T like when it comes to punchlines and storylines. After all, it's the writing that needs improvement!
Thanks all. I appreciate the extra support and help I've been getting lately, you guys ROCK.
carrollhach: I guess I'd rather try all my life than give up and accept the fact that I'm just a designer who typesets nutrition panels on packaging for a living. Bleah.
Funny thing is that I have ALWAYS written my comics with newspaper editors' guidelines in mind, so if I had to add "sex drugs and rock and roll" into my comics, I don't think I could!
Yeah, Dawn... that was why I quit. I started doing some really heavy and very weird stuff (go look at [url=http://www.drunkduck.com/Short_Stories/index.php?p=119618] Mark's Short Stories[/url] to see what I mean. I way jumped to the other realm right quick because I was tired of trying to tone down my humor. The other thing to keep in mind is that only the very most successful syndicated cartoonists are able to quit their day jobs. It seemed to me a losing proposition.
I really like that you want to be as good as you can be and are so dedicated. I dig, and share, that notion... old fashioned as it is ;)
that's cool tweebus! Well, I certainly hope that Z&F is clean enough and PC-enough that syndicates & editors wouldn't destroy it. Hell, if they're cool with aliens in dog suits as a concept, how tiresome could they make it?
I probably spoke too soon ;0)
I'm not going to analyze it. That's not why I come here.
I enjoy it for what it is.
Very few times has a comic knocked me on my ass laughing.
And that was usually not only the comic but the interaction of some of the comments to the comic.
You don't get that in a news paper strip. Most of those comics I find tiresome which is why I feel that if you ever got syndicated, much of the great things about this strip might be lost.
As for the rating of comics I find it pretty much pointless.
The comments say it all.
definitely sounds better than mine, carrollhach. Sometimes I try too hard to be funny... thus the reason I tacked on the extra punchline, that in my opinion, isn't all that great anyway. Maybe Fred could say at the end, "Zorphie? You coulda waited for me!"
Maybe Friday there'll be a DOUBLE update... with this one fixed. If I can find time.
Nice drawing, but the script needs reworking.
For example:
Panel One:
Z:(looking out window) Ok, they're off to their "jobs."
Let's try out the teleporter!
Where shall we go?
Panel Two:
F:I know! Let's follow 'em to work!
Z:(shocked) FOLLOW them? Why?
Panel three:
F: Don't you wonder what they DO all day?
Z: I guess. (crawling in) Now where's that manual? (KZAAAP)
Panel four:
F: (peers into obviously empty box)Zorphie?
You kinda leave 'em guessing, use your main joke and also crack on the humans for having "jobs." This is the sort of thing that legal pads are good for. Get the timing of the script all tweaked and then use your considerable skill to draw a tight little strip around it.
good point, Dan the man.. I had a hard time showing fred reaching for the sock, bumping the switch, and Z heading inside the doghouse, all in 1 panel. I should have taken more time.
all in all I love the art. The only problem I have with this one is the third frame. I would have changed the angle to make it more clear that Fred bumped the switch sending zorphbert away. The switch kinda gets lost in the pic
p.s. feel free to critique me more honestly as well
thanks guys! always appreciate honesty!
mbz0rz: right, I'd love for Z&F to be fall-out-of-your seat funny.. although, I've never fell out of my seat laughing either at another comic... even if it's a rated-M comic with all the fun curse words and adult humor. Maybe a chuckle, but that's it. I go back for the characters and the stories, maybe get a smile out of it. I agree it could be better, but I doubt I can make a static 4-panel comic THAT funny. Maybe that'll have to wait for when Z&F have an animated series!
What does everyone else think? It it possible for a newspaper comic strip to be HILARIOUS?
P.R.: that was a new technique I tried, actually. I thought some of the strips looked way too busy, so I tried to make the background "fade". It's really just the line- it's brown instead of black. Maybe I'll try something else, then.
Well, the only problem I can honestly see is how Z and F look like they were literally cut and pasted in front (and behind in Zorberts case) the dog house. I think its because their colours are vibrant and the dog house's colours aren't.
I dunno...maybe it's just cuz I'm not really into the comic strip scene but...most of your comics never really seem "funny" to me. Sometimes I might chuckle a tad inside, but that's about it. Otherwise, it's just like you're reading a story. But some comics in the newspaper are like that anyway I guess? But it seems like you want to aim for funny, and I don't think it's really heading in that direction.
Sorry, not trying to be offensive or anything. :x
However, I do like the vibrant colors. ^^ And I think the art is just fine too!
dgriff13 at 5:14PM, Aug. 30, 2007
carrollhach: I guess I'd rather try all my life than give up and accept the fact that I'm just a designer who typesets nutrition panels on packaging for a living. Bleah. Funny thing is that I have ALWAYS written my comics with newspaper editors' guidelines in mind, so if I had to add "sex drugs and rock and roll" into my comics, I don't think I could!
carrollhach at 2:39PM, Aug. 30, 2007
Yeah, Dawn... that was why I quit. I started doing some really heavy and very weird stuff (go look at [url=http://www.drunkduck.com/Short_Stories/index.php?p=119618] Mark's Short Stories[/url] to see what I mean. I way jumped to the other realm right quick because I was tired of trying to tone down my humor. The other thing to keep in mind is that only the very most successful syndicated cartoonists are able to quit their day jobs. It seemed to me a losing proposition. I really like that you want to be as good as you can be and are so dedicated. I dig, and share, that notion... old fashioned as it is ;)
dgriff13 at 11:45AM, Aug. 30, 2007
that's cool tweebus! Well, I certainly hope that Z&F is clean enough and PC-enough that syndicates & editors wouldn't destroy it. Hell, if they're cool with aliens in dog suits as a concept, how tiresome could they make it? I probably spoke too soon ;0)
tweebus at 11:02AM, Aug. 30, 2007
I'm not going to analyze it. That's not why I come here. I enjoy it for what it is. Very few times has a comic knocked me on my ass laughing. And that was usually not only the comic but the interaction of some of the comments to the comic. You don't get that in a news paper strip. Most of those comics I find tiresome which is why I feel that if you ever got syndicated, much of the great things about this strip might be lost. As for the rating of comics I find it pretty much pointless. The comments say it all.
man in black at 9:04AM, Aug. 30, 2007
i'm not a good critic
dgriff13 at 9:03PM, Aug. 29, 2007
definitely sounds better than mine, carrollhach. Sometimes I try too hard to be funny... thus the reason I tacked on the extra punchline, that in my opinion, isn't all that great anyway. Maybe Fred could say at the end, "Zorphie? You coulda waited for me!" Maybe Friday there'll be a DOUBLE update... with this one fixed. If I can find time.
carrollhach at 8:36PM, Aug. 29, 2007
Nice drawing, but the script needs reworking. For example: Panel One: Z:(looking out window) Ok, they're off to their "jobs." Let's try out the teleporter! Where shall we go? Panel Two: F:I know! Let's follow 'em to work! Z:(shocked) FOLLOW them? Why? Panel three: F: Don't you wonder what they DO all day? Z: I guess. (crawling in) Now where's that manual? (KZAAAP) Panel four: F: (peers into obviously empty box)Zorphie? You kinda leave 'em guessing, use your main joke and also crack on the humans for having "jobs." This is the sort of thing that legal pads are good for. Get the timing of the script all tweaked and then use your considerable skill to draw a tight little strip around it.
dgriff13 at 6:29PM, Aug. 29, 2007
good point, Dan the man.. I had a hard time showing fred reaching for the sock, bumping the switch, and Z heading inside the doghouse, all in 1 panel. I should have taken more time.
dantheman at 3:38PM, Aug. 29, 2007
all in all I love the art. The only problem I have with this one is the third frame. I would have changed the angle to make it more clear that Fred bumped the switch sending zorphbert away. The switch kinda gets lost in the pic p.s. feel free to critique me more honestly as well
ToonmanAZ at 9:54AM, Aug. 29, 2007
I'd love to see a Z&F animated show!
slimredninja at 9:48AM, Aug. 29, 2007
lol can't wait to see where he wound up
dgriff13 at 8:34AM, Aug. 29, 2007
thanks guys! always appreciate honesty! mbz0rz: right, I'd love for Z&F to be fall-out-of-your seat funny.. although, I've never fell out of my seat laughing either at another comic... even if it's a rated-M comic with all the fun curse words and adult humor. Maybe a chuckle, but that's it. I go back for the characters and the stories, maybe get a smile out of it. I agree it could be better, but I doubt I can make a static 4-panel comic THAT funny. Maybe that'll have to wait for when Z&F have an animated series! What does everyone else think? It it possible for a newspaper comic strip to be HILARIOUS? P.R.: that was a new technique I tried, actually. I thought some of the strips looked way too busy, so I tried to make the background "fade". It's really just the line- it's brown instead of black. Maybe I'll try something else, then.
Priest_Revan at 7:56AM, Aug. 29, 2007
Well, the only problem I can honestly see is how Z and F look like they were literally cut and pasted in front (and behind in Zorberts case) the dog house. I think its because their colours are vibrant and the dog house's colours aren't.
2ndwnd at 7:24AM, Aug. 29, 2007
Never thought of what I do as a "job thingy" LOL!
Mbz0rz at 5:13AM, Aug. 29, 2007
I dunno...maybe it's just cuz I'm not really into the comic strip scene but...most of your comics never really seem "funny" to me. Sometimes I might chuckle a tad inside, but that's about it. Otherwise, it's just like you're reading a story. But some comics in the newspaper are like that anyway I guess? But it seems like you want to aim for funny, and I don't think it's really heading in that direction. Sorry, not trying to be offensive or anything. :x However, I do like the vibrant colors. ^^ And I think the art is just fine too!
n_y_japlander at 12:42AM, Aug. 29, 2007
Always GREAT stuff here... Yea, where did he go?
Ersatz at 12:10AM, Aug. 29, 2007
Oooooo!!!! I'm so excited! Here's he ended up??? And those Remixes were supercool!