Most of all, I'd like to hear any suggestions you may have on how to be a jerk without ruffling too many feathers. Is that possible, or is creating offence the very essence of jerkdom?
Well you're not really being a jerk if people still like you now, are you? Generally, I like to kick people in the teeth then refer them to my webcomic. It's a very sound technique, and certainly grabs attention much better than any banner.