Zorphbert & Freds comments and critques!

From a previous guestbook
dgriff13 at 7:59PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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I forwarded all the comments I had from another guestbook, as they offered some helpful advice. They will follow with the person's name. Please feel free to repsond/debate/add on to them!
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 7:59PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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Great Job, Dawnie! From someone who can only draw stick people, I am in awe of your talent, both artistically and creatively. I hope you remember me when you become rich and famous!!!

-Rae Rae
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 7:59PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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Looks good to me so far. I think they'd look better colored on line, but that's just me. I like the name Zorphbert. How in the world did you come up with that? XD Also gotta love all the sound effects!<3

-Bizzle
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 8:00PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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Dawn, you did an AWESOME JOB with your comic strip.. and the presentation in this flash site is outstanding!!! Im totally impressed with your work!!! DAWN=ARTIST OF MULTI MEDIA EXTROIDINAIRE!

-Allison
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 8:01PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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Wow! Dawn. This strip is AWESOME! It's REALLY funny! I mean, I like Leftovers, but this…it just feels like you have something! Like “lightning in a bottle” (I think that's the saying…I mean I know it is, but it doesn't look wrtite after I typed it.)

'm thinking of some alternitive name suggestions for the strip. The characters' names seem fine (as does their names for the title of the strip), but you are right that it may be a good idea if you had a name that kinda sums up the idea of the strip. How about ‘Astro-mutts’? No? Ok. I'll keep thinking. LOL!

The regular humans are tough. Whatever the case, I'd suggest having at least one character who knows they're aliens. Some one they can ask questions to. A kid comes to mind, or you can go totally the opposite and have it be a slacker who is trying to convince them that they should invade earth or that'd it's cool if that's why they're there. Maybe he could actually be telling people they're aliens, but he's such a stoner no one belives him. Or a kid who's imagination is so hyper no one beleives him.

I'd say, except if you have one person know who they are, have the animals not talk to other humans, just act like regular dogs. That way when they act like themselves, it's more alien.

s for they're ‘manager’, I was thinking just have a lightning bolt strike various things and then whatever it strikes the their boss's voice come through. That way he can speak through a lamp one strip, a squirrle the next, etc. I think it also has a good ‘punch’ that if they're doing something stupid, suddenly the lighning can hit something right next to them, and…BOOM!…they're in trouble. Plus, if you find soemthing that you like permanently, you can keep that.

Also, if you're going to have aliens, you need an alien hunter. I was thinking…what if they get caught by a dog cather who realizes they're aliens as they escape, then he becomes obessessed with proving they're aliens and becoming rich and famous?

Ummmm….I think that's all I got for you, but I really think you're onto something here! Excellent work.

-Ed
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 8:03PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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1. The name Zorphbert really isn't working for me. It looks cool but it's annoying to pronounce. Maybe shorten it? Zorf? Zork? If you're trying to sell this to someone somewhere down the line, having to say ‘Zorphbert’ over and over may start to grate on your nerves. It also doesn't really ‘stick’ in one's memory since it's so weird… imho.
2. The whole ‘weird outlandish name + normal generic name’ is an obvious rip off of MIB… sorry. If you're gonna do it you'll have to tone down the outlandish name, methinks.
3. The ‘cat next door’ reminds me of a splicing of Nermal (sp)? and Arlene (was that her name? Garfield's girlfriend?). Maybe make it a different animal?
4. As for the humans understanding them… maybe they can try to communicate with everyone but nobody will understand them *except* for some random person.. a 5-6-7-year old kid who's already been labeled as having an active imagination, or an old homeless guy, or some outcast bookworm high-schooler, or a crazy bag lady, etc… someone whose opinion doesn't hold a lot of water in the town so they can proclaim up and down ‘these dogs are aliens and they’re talking to me!' and everyone just goes.. riiiiight. Sorta like Dib in Invader Zim. So the dogs stick around to try to get information out of that one human, whether the human likes it or not, since he/she is their only hope of communication.
5. Get me drunk one of these weekends and I'll think up some more stuff. The concept gets me excited because I think if it ultimately ended up being along the same lines of Third Rock meets Get Fuzzy meets Invader Zim meets Garfield, with your own personal twist on everything, it would kick much ass…


-Heather
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 8:03PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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- DO NOT have aliens communicate with human owners. Humans should see the dogs as realistic dogs/pets.
- Alternative to dog suits: aliens use mind control to make themselves look like dogs to humans… only around humans will they be shown as dogs…? Mirror images occasionally until concept is embedded with readers.
- Not buying the role reversal with Zorphbert being the panicy one.
- Using shadows (sillouettes) for the human characters instead of showing them in full may work.
- Without communication through language, the jokes between the humans and the aliens will have to remain as visual jokes…
- A young couple adopting the 2 aliens may work, and can “grow” if the strip lives long enough
- Aliens should walk like dogs around humans to maintain their disguise, but upright when not “seen”.
- Don't do away with human characters all together. If you want the “3rd Rock” bit, you need human characters to set up jokes, mislead the dogs, etc.
- Any lead-in to the story will only be for readers who are there from the beginning… or buy the 1st collection.
- Where/how did the aliens learn english? US vs Britian vs Canada vs Austraila? 1950's TV? Online dictionary? Brilliant! Right, mate?

Just some ideas…

-Dad
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 8:03PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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Lots of good ideas, guys! Here's my returned thoughts:
- Absoutely LOVE the idea of having some hyperactive 7 year old kid on ridalin or something who knows these dogs are aliens, but no one believes him. Totally opens up the strip, and fixes the problem I was having about human interaction. Plus, seeing the world through a hyperactive kids' eyes is almost the same as through aliens eyes.. so that should be fun to poke around with. Definitely stealing this idea! Mine Mine Mine! ;0)
-I like the idea of “mind control”… but not sacrificing the dogs suits, as I don't want to show what the aliens look like. My representation of an alien will never hold up to the reader's imagination. Maybe I could use “mind control” as a repeating gag between the aliens and the human owners.. like how the aliens THINK their “scheduled feeding time” is controlled by their so-called mind control powers….
- Through your opinions and just by starting to draw more strips, I think I figured out a few things: aliens walk like dogs, upright when alone. Human adults will treat them as dogs, and I'll probably only show the owners as sillouettes and from the knee down. Aliens may “talk” to humans, but humans don't respond– implying humans only either hear barking noises, or just don't hear them.
- As for names, I'm open to suggestions. If Zorphbert is too outlandish (although I refer to him more as Zorphie, or at least Fred calls him that.. a little easier to say), then maybe a alien-sounding HUMAN name.. something we've all heard of, but it's really odd anyway. I had a classmate named “Verles Sponoza Eppinger” once. If that's not an alien-sounding name, what is? I mean, really…
- Keep in mind that I want a new title, NOT with the aliens' names. Just “Pet Aliens” may work… simple, and to the point.. explains the strip. Whatcha think?

Damn, I'm all inspired now. Thanks people! It's coming together more now!:spring:

-Dawn
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 8:04PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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Hey Dawn! Nice job! The website and the whole way you've presented it is great! I kinda liked the style of the hand coloring with marker, but the higher contrast of the computer coloring is a definite plus. Would be cool if you could meet them both in the middle somehow.

For the human characters, I like the idea of them being only bit players with the exception of the one who knows their identity. I don't think they should be only “shadows” though, or only shown from the waist down, as the whole concept of the strip is to poke fun at their actions and eccentricities; you don't want to limit your ability to do that in any way.

I also like the idea of their owners being a young couple because there are endless ways you could poke fun at the way couples act.

I feel like there's gotta be a better name for it though. Something catchier and more directly related to the theme of aliens… Maybe not their names.

I like that they're wearing costumes too. The visible zippers are great. Would be funny to play that up more, visually I mean. I feel like they're not alien enough. In a couple of the early strips it's easy to forget they're aliens and just see a couple mischievous dogs looking for a home.

Well I hope I could be of some assistance Looks like you're off to a great start! I'll keep checkin back… can't wait to see how it evolves!

-Black Mike
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 8:04PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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The new strips are great.

If you don't like the dog-catcher turned alien hunter, how about a government alien hunter (MIB) disguised (badly) as a neighborhood dog catcher? Kind of a cross between Fox Mulder and Puddy from Sienfeld.

The hyperactive kid idea is awesome. You said ‘mine, mine, mine’ but I didn't see anyone suggest it. I said ‘a kid’, but that's it. Did I miss something?

DO NOT LOSE THE DOG SUITS! The tentacle shooting out the costume is too funny. I don't like the mind control thing, but do like the idea they THINK they have it (maybe temporarily).

I like the names of the characters, but I like my one suggestion of ‘Notanalien’ (I know, I'm an egotist ) Maybe you can have there alien names be alien but have the hyper active kid introduce them to his parents as "This is…um…Spot and…um, um…Notanalien“ and Z & F can be like ”Wow! This kid is good!“

I like ”Pet Aliens"…a better name my come to you, but it's good enough for a proposal. It fits and it's sticks with you.

As for your friends thing about the cat, hell..introduce a cat…and if Z&F find out all animals can talk, introduce other characters too…like maybe a lazy squirrel who tries to get Z&F to do his work for him (like bury nuts and stuff).

You should think of some things dogs actually go through for adventures too. Imagine them having to go to a vet for an exam!

I like the ‘rules’ you came up with for interacting with humans too.

Later!
-Ed
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 8:05PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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It occurred to me the last two letters in pet are E and T. E.T. Extra Terrestrial.

So maybe the name could be something like:

P.E.T.S. (Professional Extra Terrestrial Spies)

Just a thought.

Good to see you on Online comics.

You amy want to consider putting the option to start at the newest strip to make it easier for people to follow regularly.

-Ed
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 8:09PM, Feb. 13, 2007
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Just got this passed on by a friend and I must say, it's quite cool :-D Nothing much constructive to say, I'm afraid ;-)

-John
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
dgriff13 at 8:24PM, Feb. 26, 2007
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Dawn,

LOVE the kid. I L'd MAO when I read the ritialin line.

Hope everything is going well.

-Ed
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM
Ersatz at 7:25PM, April 15, 2007
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Well looky here! Never realised you had a forum, and it's been up for 2 months! I'm terrible, I know!

Keep up the great work, Dawn. And if you ask me (although I'm sure that you've come to the same conclusion by now), Zorphbert and Fred are perfect names for your characters.

Now hurry up and write more, I'm bored.

Rich.
The Unitary Authority of Ersatz: Not so much a place as a waste of time.
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:31AM

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