Soooo…there we have it. On the one hand I can see that Lucy was too ignorant of how badly Laura felt about being at Carlingford and especially how much she missed her real mother but Lucy was just fifteen at the time so should we make allowances for that? But I'll leave it to each reader to judge how guilty Lucy should feel about what happened to Laura that night.
Worth noting though is that this is Lucy's perspective on what happened in the room and if Laura were still around she may have had more to say about the events in panel 2! ;)
Next week: Sarah has a new nightmare to deal with!
As I rapidly approach 50 years old, I can think back on how I felt and acted at 15. (Heck, I can look back on myself at 25 and remember how I felt about myself at 15...)
I can honestly say that feel regret and shame and even horror about my behavior at certain points of my life. (Relived embarrassment is a certainty if I let nostalgia take too much of a hold. :) ) The thing is, I have finally, at this late date, realized that I can't hold the myself-of-the-past to the same standards that I hold the myself-of-today. I know more, I've experienced 3 times as much life.
It's hard to do, but cutting yourself a break generally is...
Denof: Hii, I don't believe we have had the pleasure of your company before have we? Anyway, intriguing post for sure! I'm mighty curious now as to what hijinks and bad behaviour you did get up to in your early years.:) I guess we must all have moments we would rather forget. I think my list is about four off the top of my head but if I think harder it would probably grow. Good point though anyway, we have to let go and move on unless we can make a change worth making even after so long.
So...I had to go back a bit to review the Lucy/Laura pre-story. First of all I had forgotten that we never really got the full story, mostly just Sarah's dream of the story "with differences" (SS5 p.134 & ff). Thanks to our trickster authoress! Also, tight as the two were for a long time, it seems odd that Lucy didn't know about Laura's epilepsy. And guilt is a complex thing: we often feel it even if we did nothing at all wrong. We can't tolerate the thought that we are completely powerless over life and death, so we make up things we "could/should have done" that would have prevented the inevitable.
Fred: My you have been busy! :) I know it must be hard to piece the story together as it's been spread over such a long time and leapfrogs other peoples storylines too. When this whole thing is complete I might well go back over it to add a few extra pages that help clarify details better, such as Laura's epilepsy. In my very original version of the script I had Laura play down her symptoms because she felt too inferior to Lucy whom she viewed as perfection but for my final version I decided this could be something that was only just starting to manifest and not so apparent to Lucy. I had a dear friend some years ago who had epilepsy and she said many people today are still very ignorant of what to do to help someone who is having a seizure, mostly because we are just never taught such things in school.
Mo: Laura actually dies on the way to the hospital but at this stage I imagine she has bitten her tongue and maybe even passed out if she was having trouble breathing.
Dear Sky, Lucy has every right to feel guilty! How could Lucy think Laura was possessed, by the Devil? Instead of pounding on the door and screaming Lucy curls up into a ball while her friend Laura lay dying. 15 years old is old enough to have common sense. Even someone "possessed by the Devil" should be getting help. If I were in trouble I much rather be with Sarah than Lucy tommym
Tommym: Harsh words my friend! :) Interestingly enough, back in medieval times epilepsy was often mistaken as witchcraft and someone having a siezure seen to be possessed. Lucy should be more enlightened of course but Laura had only just started to show symptoms, which will come out in more detail later on, so I wanted Lucy to be confused about what was going on for this very reason.
Wow... Well I can say Lucy 'shouldn't' feel guilty, but I can totally understand why she does... I'd probably still be crushing myself if I did something that inadvertently led to this! Heck I know I would... I still think about circumstantial things I've done that led to a bad domino chain!! So, this rings very true!! Maybe...maybe now that it's out in the open some healing can begin! Heavy hitting and wonderful page!
Kim: It's a strange thing isn't it. You get some people who are guilty that fail to see it and others who are not, yet choose to feel it anyway! I tend to be the latter unless there's someone standing next to me who I can blame instead! :)
No. NO guilt. You don't have long to react in these situations: sometimes you do the right thing; sometimes you don't; sometimes it's instinctive and you don't even consciously think. An older mate once did a Heimlich manoeuvre on a diner, when I was about 17. At over twice that age, I automatically did one myself for someone at work - probably only thanks to him, I couldn't even say it was "quick thinking", I just did it.
Bear: When I was fifteen I was very easily spooked and I always had two big fears, one was being locked in a cupboard and the other just being in a dark room, so I can't imagine how I'd have coped in Lucy's situation.
What a heartbreaking downward spiral. Yes, Lucy was very young, but she was also out of luck with the door handle breaking and all. I understand how terrified she was and I understand her freezing. Can't and won't judge her.
IB: It occurred to me while writing this that it must be much easier to break open a door that opens away from you as you can put your whole body behind, but when it opens towards you the handle is the only thing you can really get a grip on to pull it.
DenofIsolation at 3:16PM, May 21, 2017
As I rapidly approach 50 years old, I can think back on how I felt and acted at 15. (Heck, I can look back on myself at 25 and remember how I felt about myself at 15...) I can honestly say that feel regret and shame and even horror about my behavior at certain points of my life. (Relived embarrassment is a certainty if I let nostalgia take too much of a hold. :) ) The thing is, I have finally, at this late date, realized that I can't hold the myself-of-the-past to the same standards that I hold the myself-of-today. I know more, I've experienced 3 times as much life. It's hard to do, but cutting yourself a break generally is...
skyangel at 4:14PM, May 23, 2017
Denof: Hii, I don't believe we have had the pleasure of your company before have we? Anyway, intriguing post for sure! I'm mighty curious now as to what hijinks and bad behaviour you did get up to in your early years.:) I guess we must all have moments we would rather forget. I think my list is about four off the top of my head but if I think harder it would probably grow. Good point though anyway, we have to let go and move on unless we can make a change worth making even after so long.
fredhedges at 12:59PM, May 21, 2017
So...I had to go back a bit to review the Lucy/Laura pre-story. First of all I had forgotten that we never really got the full story, mostly just Sarah's dream of the story "with differences" (SS5 p.134 & ff). Thanks to our trickster authoress! Also, tight as the two were for a long time, it seems odd that Lucy didn't know about Laura's epilepsy. And guilt is a complex thing: we often feel it even if we did nothing at all wrong. We can't tolerate the thought that we are completely powerless over life and death, so we make up things we "could/should have done" that would have prevented the inevitable.
skyangel at 4:08PM, May 23, 2017
Fred: My you have been busy! :) I know it must be hard to piece the story together as it's been spread over such a long time and leapfrogs other peoples storylines too. When this whole thing is complete I might well go back over it to add a few extra pages that help clarify details better, such as Laura's epilepsy. In my very original version of the script I had Laura play down her symptoms because she felt too inferior to Lucy whom she viewed as perfection but for my final version I decided this could be something that was only just starting to manifest and not so apparent to Lucy. I had a dear friend some years ago who had epilepsy and she said many people today are still very ignorant of what to do to help someone who is having a seizure, mostly because we are just never taught such things in school.
Phantomduck at 7:50PM, May 20, 2017
She'll judge herself far more harshly than any outside observer ever could.
skyangel at 3:55PM, May 23, 2017
Phantom: That's how I feel. Despite what anyone else thinks, I think anyone in her situation would look back and wish they had done more at the time.
moizmad at 1:30PM, May 20, 2017
Something haywire with Laura's neuro-transmitters, not Lucy's fault. So was she actually dead?
skyangel at 3:54PM, May 23, 2017
Mo: Laura actually dies on the way to the hospital but at this stage I imagine she has bitten her tongue and maybe even passed out if she was having trouble breathing.
tommym at 6:36AM, May 20, 2017
Dear Sky, Lucy has every right to feel guilty! How could Lucy think Laura was possessed, by the Devil? Instead of pounding on the door and screaming Lucy curls up into a ball while her friend Laura lay dying. 15 years old is old enough to have common sense. Even someone "possessed by the Devil" should be getting help. If I were in trouble I much rather be with Sarah than Lucy tommym
skyangel at 3:52PM, May 23, 2017
Tommym: Harsh words my friend! :) Interestingly enough, back in medieval times epilepsy was often mistaken as witchcraft and someone having a siezure seen to be possessed. Lucy should be more enlightened of course but Laura had only just started to show symptoms, which will come out in more detail later on, so I wanted Lucy to be confused about what was going on for this very reason.
KimLuster at 6:33AM, May 20, 2017
Wow... Well I can say Lucy 'shouldn't' feel guilty, but I can totally understand why she does... I'd probably still be crushing myself if I did something that inadvertently led to this! Heck I know I would... I still think about circumstantial things I've done that led to a bad domino chain!! So, this rings very true!! Maybe...maybe now that it's out in the open some healing can begin! Heavy hitting and wonderful page!
skyangel at 3:44PM, May 23, 2017
Kim: It's a strange thing isn't it. You get some people who are guilty that fail to see it and others who are not, yet choose to feel it anyway! I tend to be the latter unless there's someone standing next to me who I can blame instead! :)
BearinOz at 5:51AM, May 20, 2017
No. NO guilt. You don't have long to react in these situations: sometimes you do the right thing; sometimes you don't; sometimes it's instinctive and you don't even consciously think. An older mate once did a Heimlich manoeuvre on a diner, when I was about 17. At over twice that age, I automatically did one myself for someone at work - probably only thanks to him, I couldn't even say it was "quick thinking", I just did it.
skyangel at 1:31PM, May 23, 2017
Bear: When I was fifteen I was very easily spooked and I always had two big fears, one was being locked in a cupboard and the other just being in a dark room, so I can't imagine how I'd have coped in Lucy's situation.
Infected Blood at 5:07AM, May 20, 2017
What a heartbreaking downward spiral. Yes, Lucy was very young, but she was also out of luck with the door handle breaking and all. I understand how terrified she was and I understand her freezing. Can't and won't judge her.
skyangel at 1:25PM, May 23, 2017
IB: It occurred to me while writing this that it must be much easier to break open a door that opens away from you as you can put your whole body behind, but when it opens towards you the handle is the only thing you can really get a grip on to pull it.