member since September 09, 2012
I'm CGS, known as Kyra to my friends, and I welcome you to my humble profile!
Well… Here's the basics.
Gender: Female, obviously.
Writing interests: Sly Cooper, Ratchet and Clank, Doctor Who, Resident Evil, and most games/movies that I like.
Good or Evil: Well, I'm sadistic, insane, and a sociopath, what do you expect?
QUOTES TO LIVE BY:
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Vampires vs. Werewolves…It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler.
Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in ‘mother in law’, they come out to ‘Woman Hitler’?
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!
They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly I think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said “bang,” I don't think many people would be dead…
I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.
Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year…he died laughing.
'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
Heaven doesnt wan't me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
God made man, and then he said, “I can do better than that,” and made women.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings…I was aiming for your face.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.
Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls
MORE RANDOMNESS ON THE BEHALF OF MY SANITY :)
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call “a floor” - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
I once gave up Anime…It was the hardest 2 hours of my life.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Friends will always be like, “Well, you deserve better”, but best friends will prank call them whispering “Seven days…”
There is a fine line between genius and insanity… I have erased this line.
Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.
It's a battle between the bad, the ugly, and the - what the heck is that?!
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me!
What is this 'kindness' you speak of?
Siblings: can't live with them, can't sell them on eBay
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
If the opposite of ‘pro’ is ‘con’, then what's the opposite of ‘progress’?
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
You want to know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away… if well aimed.
They keep saying the right person will come along… I think mine… got hit by a truck.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off.
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
If Revenge is a dish best served cold, and Revenge is sweet, than wouldn't it be ice cream?
If “the pen is mightier than the sword”, how come “actions speak louder than words”?
When in doubt, shoot them, take their money, run and blame someone else.
Just when they think they have all the answers, I change the questions.
I have bad reflexes. I was knocked over by a car being pushed by two guys.
I talk to myself alot. It bothers some people as I use a megaphone.
Amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic.
I'm not insane and the voices in my head agree with me.
Well, that was fun. Illegal? Yes, of course, but that's beside the point. The point is, it was lots of fun!
When the phone rings and you want to screw with the caller, just answer saying, “Green's Funeral Home, you stab'em, we slab'em!”
General rule of thumb…Don't do anything you don't have bail money for.
Laughter is the best medicine, but high powered narcotic's do have their benefits!!!
I think that it's not fair they kicked me out of ninja school. Apparently clumsy is an automatic fail…And the word oops is heavily frowned upon…
Today is a beautiful day. Thank you Mother Nature for the sunshine. Now hopefully you won't go bi-polar on me and decide it's time to freeze tomorrow.
Try something different today: be thankful for the things you DON'T have. Like a head wound or burning urine.
Gone insane . . . back soon.
She’s my best friend. Break her heart and I’ll break your face.
I stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.
Not only do I fall down stairs, I trip up them as well. Now that takes talent!
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, “Oh, shit, she’s up!”
Me and you are friends. You smile, I smile, you cry, I cry, you jump off a bridge . . . well I’m gonna miss your stupid ass.
I don’t turn heads. I break necks.
Yes, you have the right to your opinion and I have the right to think you’re stupid.
Good morning. I see the assassins have failed.
Just so you know: I have a shovel . . . I have a basement . . . and A LOT of people who owe me a favor.
I did not hit you. . . . I simply hi-fived your face.
I tried being normal, but I didn’t like it.
I’d rather be a smart-ass than a dumb-ass.
Hell was full, so I’m back!
333 I’m only half evil.
They’re loud, crazy, random, weird, retarded, anything but boring and beautiful. They’re my friends.
You can’t fix stupid.
Bitch, I’m not conceited. I’m just awesome!
Celebrities walk on the red carpet cuz they’re famous, but me and my friends walk on toilet paper cuz we’re the shit.
22=6. I rock at math!
Sometimes I do things that make me think I’m insane. That’s when I talk to you . . . and realize we’re all pretty fucked up.
I say FUCK too much.
I’m selfish, impatient & a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times, hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.
Goodbye Drama. Hello, I don’t give a shit!
Sometimes it’s best not to question your friend; just help ‘em dump the body bag into the river.
The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.
When I smile, sane people run for their lives. But my friends are always up for it!
Nope, I can’t go to hell. Satan still has that restraining order against me.
Control your jealousy bitch because I can’t control my temper.
If you own 7 cats people will think you’re crazy. If you own 7 sharks, then fuck what people think. YOU’RE A BADASS!
The levels of insanity: 1. Talk to self, 2. Argues with self, 3. Loses argument with self, 4. Is no longer speaking to self.
I didn’t lose my mind. It’s at home sitting right next to my common sense.
Shhhh . . . I’m hiding from the stupid people
I’m not mean, I just say what most of people keep in their heads.
When I shut my mouth and turn to walk away, it doesn’t mean you’ve won. It simply means your stupid ass isn’t worth anymore of my time.
Warning: may change topics in mid-sentence.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you're going
to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. “ Because I said so, that's why.”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of that swing and
break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident.”
7. My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I'll give you something
to cry about.”
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth
and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at that dirt
on the back of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA“You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone.”
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if
a tornado went through it.”
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I've told
you a million times. Don't exaggerate!”
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out.”
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. “Stop acting like
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. “ There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.”
16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when
you get home!”
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don't stop crossing
your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
19. My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don't you think I
know when you are cold?”
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. “When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me. ”
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. “If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up.”
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. “You're just like your father.”
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do
you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you'll
And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you'll
have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”.
1. Do not introduce self as role-playing character in public.
2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5. Do not go out in public.
6. Disregard last note. Perform numbers 1-4
7. Note expressions.
8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9. Floor is slippery when wet.
10. Lake is slippery when dry.
11. Only talk to strangers you know.
12. Strangers you don't know are spies… Kill them all.
13. For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.
14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15. Kill them for security purposes.
16. Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
18. The men in white coats are not your friends.
19. Ask them for a room with lots of sharp pointy objects.
20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket instead.
21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24. Always remember… um… um… Damn!
25. Train army of flying monkeys.
26. Goldfish don't like milk.
27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28. Find out who invented the word “pianist”.
29. People are staring at you.
30. So act insane.
31. People are weird, but not as weird as me.
32. Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings… and teeth.
33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.
34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible.
35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry, it's only me… bonding.
36. Never pet a burning dog.
37. Never make eye contact with a naked man… especially if you are wearing a parka.
38. Naked men dig parkas.
39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
40. You know what would look good on you?
41. Immolated cockroaches.
42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.
43. The size of Danny DeVito.
44. Make an amusing facial expression, like this…
45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46. Stalking is fun. Do it more.
47. Make a large sign saying, “Look at me! I'm a Gummut Tree!”
48. No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.
49. That way is Rum.
50. Constipated people don't give a sh-t
51. You cannot kill the snow.
52. The snow can kill you.
53. Grass can also kill you.
54. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms…
55. Catch and castrate leprechaun.
56. HE is real… No matter what the men in white coats say.
57. Staple paper in the middle of the page.
58. In the case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
59. You are not ‘haxxor1337’ or an ubber-hacker or anything like that.
60. Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.
61. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.
62. Disregard last note.
63. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway.
64. Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.
65. Remember to kill HIM…
66. Tell the small children in Toys ‘R’ Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.
68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez… Test theory.
69. Scream. The doctors don't like it and they'll give you a shot of something nice.
70. Hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions.
71. Eat the evidence.
72. But not if it's broken glass.
73. When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, “Look a distraction!”. Then run.
74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.
75. Disregard last note.
76. Note Reactions.
77. On average, one hundred people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
78. Stock up on ball point pens.
79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.
80. The secret to flying is throwing oneself at the ground and missing.
81. Do not stick fingers into blender.
82. Blender… Bad… Ouch.
83. Blood loss is bad.
84. Find way to reattach fingers.
85. Scream as much as humanly possible at two in the morning.
86. Answer every question with a question.
87. Ask people what gender they are.
88. Note reactions.
89. Refer to people as “mortal”.
90. The Seagull from Hell is out to get me.
91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
92. Start by drowning them in fire ants.
93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.
94. Kill them.
96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.
97. Dunk head in boiling water.
98. Disregard last note. Was written by voice #7.
99. Castrate voice #7. Then run.
100. Gullible IS written on the ceiling!
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