I have to give major credit to fukujinzuke for getting this page done so fast! And at the usual great quality that we've come to expect from his comics SHELL and Omega Justice.
DAJB: Thanks for clearing that up, I might change the word later on. "Pet" is probably a better replacement, it goes with the Commander's sarcasm. Still, I'll continue looking for now... I think I've had something very specific in mind which somehow eludes my grasp.
@ Abt: I think that is a rather unusual use of the word "keepsake". Depending on what you were trying to convey, maybe "pet" would be better. Or "responsibility"? Otherwise, it reads fine to me.
@ Braindonor: Three things I have learned from working with Germans over the years:
(1) Yes, they do use long, very structured sentences. German lends itself to that, and so it carries over into their English.
(2) Their English is usually far better than that of most native speakers!
(3) In common with Scandinavians (and [i]unlike[/i] most other nationalities!), they do actually mean it when they invite you to correct the (very few) mistakes they make!
Oh, and lest I forget ... nice page, by the way!
Braindonor: I like to learn from my mistakes, so don't be afraid to point them out. You're right, I may have used the word keepsake in an unusual way, usually I pick words up somewhere and they just stick. As for the health spa thing, I guess it would be correctly phrased as a question if it were "would you consider...", but my line of thought was that the guy saying it would shorten the "would" if he could. So that's what he does, even if it results in something which would be awkward in written language.
My apologies, I didn't mean to sound like a picker of nits, but I can't make anything out of the phrase "you'd consider disrupting government operations some kind of superhuman health spa?" (It's a question?). Also, I've never heard the word "keepsake" used in that context before. Guess you learn something every day.
To tell the truth, I'M a native English speaker, and fancy myself a fairly good writer (better than artist, anyway) and have corresponded with Abt, and I had no idea that Abt Nihil had English as a second language, and I could follow his English just fine. The only real error I see in the second panel, for instance, is where "to" and "undergoing" should have had a space between them, and I assumed it was just a typo. The idiom flows reasonably well.
I'm one of the nitpickiest readers out there, Braindonor, but I just don't see it here.
fuku: That's Blue Jay, right? I spotted him when I added the U to the H :-)
Braindonor: English's indeed a second language to me. So while I realize that my using it might not sound like your average native speaker's idiom, I wasn't aware of not making sense. Other opinions on this?
lit: You'll find my German to be just as wordy as my English.
Braindonor: Is it YOUR second language? While it is a bit wordy, it makes sense.
Abt Nihil wrote the script, and I'm pretty sure english is his second language, but the guy seems to have a better grasp of it than I do.
Abt_Nihil at 2:07AM, March 23, 2009
DAJB: Thanks for clearing that up, I might change the word later on. "Pet" is probably a better replacement, it goes with the Commander's sarcasm. Still, I'll continue looking for now... I think I've had something very specific in mind which somehow eludes my grasp.
DAJB at 12:24AM, March 23, 2009
@ Abt: I think that is a rather unusual use of the word "keepsake". Depending on what you were trying to convey, maybe "pet" would be better. Or "responsibility"? Otherwise, it reads fine to me. @ Braindonor: Three things I have learned from working with Germans over the years: (1) Yes, they do use long, very structured sentences. German lends itself to that, and so it carries over into their English. (2) Their English is usually far better than that of most native speakers! (3) In common with Scandinavians (and [i]unlike[/i] most other nationalities!), they do actually mean it when they invite you to correct the (very few) mistakes they make! Oh, and lest I forget ... nice page, by the way!
Abt_Nihil at 2:42PM, March 22, 2009
Braindonor: I like to learn from my mistakes, so don't be afraid to point them out. You're right, I may have used the word keepsake in an unusual way, usually I pick words up somewhere and they just stick. As for the health spa thing, I guess it would be correctly phrased as a question if it were "would you consider...", but my line of thought was that the guy saying it would shorten the "would" if he could. So that's what he does, even if it results in something which would be awkward in written language.
Braindonor at 8:59PM, March 21, 2009
My apologies, I didn't mean to sound like a picker of nits, but I can't make anything out of the phrase "you'd consider disrupting government operations some kind of superhuman health spa?" (It's a question?). Also, I've never heard the word "keepsake" used in that context before. Guess you learn something every day.
Stig Hemmer at 4:06PM, March 21, 2009
For some reason, the words "power corrupts" comes to mind when I see that government fellow.
AzuJOD at 3:20PM, March 21, 2009
Great page, and cameo.
ironhand at 2:03PM, March 21, 2009
fukujinzuke: I was looking for ages...and I've only just realised who it is! Is it a certain food delivery?
Abt_Nihil at 10:58AM, March 21, 2009
Al & lit: Thanks for coming to my rescue :-)
Wes_Nero123 at 8:06AM, March 21, 2009
Ah, nice cameo slipped in there!
Brad at 7:17AM, March 21, 2009
Nice work fukujinzuke! That was fast!
Blue jay at 6:45AM, March 21, 2009
Nice page and cameo fukujinzuke!
alschroeder at 4:55AM, March 21, 2009
To tell the truth, I'M a native English speaker, and fancy myself a fairly good writer (better than artist, anyway) and have corresponded with Abt, and I had no idea that Abt Nihil had English as a second language, and I could follow his English just fine. The only real error I see in the second panel, for instance, is where "to" and "undergoing" should have had a space between them, and I assumed it was just a typo. The idiom flows reasonably well. I'm one of the nitpickiest readers out there, Braindonor, but I just don't see it here.
SympleSymon at 4:09AM, March 21, 2009
Looking good! English or no, it's still a great scene.
Abt_Nihil at 2:50AM, March 21, 2009
fuku: That's Blue Jay, right? I spotted him when I added the U to the H :-) Braindonor: English's indeed a second language to me. So while I realize that my using it might not sound like your average native speaker's idiom, I wasn't aware of not making sense. Other opinions on this? lit: You'll find my German to be just as wordy as my English.
MonkeyMafia at 1:15AM, March 21, 2009
Schweet
literacysuks1 at 11:59PM, March 20, 2009
Braindonor: Is it YOUR second language? While it is a bit wordy, it makes sense. Abt Nihil wrote the script, and I'm pretty sure english is his second language, but the guy seems to have a better grasp of it than I do.
Braindonor at 10:55PM, March 20, 2009
The art totally soars, as usual, but the dialog doesn't make any sense, especially in panel 2. Is English a second language for Mr. Fukujinzuke
fukujinzuke at 10:53PM, March 20, 2009
I slipped in a cameo in there as props to HU Adventures.
melsr007 at 10:05PM, March 20, 2009
Nice!