MrSynnerster at 1:57PM, June 21, 2007

man, she just got there and there's already trouble.

Mark at 8:54AM, Sept. 30, 2006

well for the side by side panels, it would help with the pace and flow of the joke, but making us scroll side to side; that's just mean. If you wanna do it side by side, I suggest doing it vertically instead of horizontally.

Mark at 5:32AM, Sept. 29, 2006

I disagree with snake, I think your dialog's fine. It's definately above average

reboundcomic at 10:32PM, Sept. 28, 2006

I have taken some time to reflect on the writing comments. To be honest I think the writing is the strength of the strip. There are a few where I do not like the dialogue, but it is usually due to a size constraint. I consider myself a writer who draws. I experimented with this strip and for a few it failed. One of the things I did not like early on was that all of the jokes had the same rhythm. Here I tried for a double punchline and maybe it did not work. I like the joke, but it is not my favorite. Although I will be the sole writer of the strip, I did ask a friend who collaborates on some screenwriting projects with me and he feels the bigger problem is the panel lay out. He thinks the joke would work better with four side by side panels. Any thoughts on this?

BigFishComic at 7:44PM, Sept. 28, 2006

actually, the blank stare would've been just fine but whatever, this is a cute comic. nothing better than the annoying pursuit of the opposite sex.

kingofsnake at 4:11PM, Sept. 28, 2006

Glad I could help! Dialogue is often the hardest part of writing. I have two other writers help me get mine right.

reboundcomic at 3:22PM, Sept. 28, 2006

kingofsnake, you are the first to comment on the dialogue. I guess I have to take a look at that. The sad thing is that I am a professional writer, granted it is journalism. I was trying to play with the pacing of the strip. Originally I just had him with a blank look on his face, then the "you know meat tastes good line", but thought the explosion was fun. Thanks for the feedback.

lothar at 11:56AM, Sept. 28, 2006

i lik the BOOM !

kingofsnake at 10:30AM, Sept. 28, 2006

Your art isn't bad! But your dialogue isn't very smooth, maybe have a friend help you storyboard stuff? Also I agree with Mark

Mark at 4:13AM, Sept. 28, 2006

the boom in panel 3 seemed a bit anticlimatic though