Star Strip page 50
bravo1102 on Dec. 7, 2014
Page fifty of actual content which nearly coincides with the party for my fiftieth birthday yesterday. Jen gives her little pep talk to the women who'll be leading the way and Lon shows a slightly darker side.
The massive rewrite is done and the script ballooned out to 40 pages but it flows better. The reader must realize that a lot of this is happening quickly and often at the same time. I wish I oculd do a better job of showing that but it is something I'm working on.
jerrie at 9:34AM, Dec. 10, 2014
Happy birthday
plymayer at 9:03PM, Dec. 8, 2014
The beer I had in Russian might as well have been vodka.
Banes at 11:19AM, Dec. 8, 2014
Happy Birthday to you and to Tales, bravo!!
El Cid at 9:18AM, Dec. 8, 2014
And also, vodka is awesome. Beer's good, too, but if you're really trying to get drunk why mess around?
El Cid at 9:17AM, Dec. 8, 2014
"Perverted grey geek" it is, then. I mostly don't lose the sense of all this stuff happening at the same time. I think it's easier to notice reading it all through at once than post-by-post over several weeks, but nothing wrong with the way you've written it.
KimLuster at 8:50AM, Dec. 8, 2014
I haven't had any trouble knowing all these scenes are happening simultaneously. Yeah Lon feels a little meaner here but it's still funny funny how he catches the negatives, agrees with them, and adds to them!