Coveinant
Here's my favorite joke

the over-done repeating gag

Funny thing is, you're the one making it over-done.

This is a puzzle of sorts so I hope you enjoy.

You are in a room.
The room contains 3 light switches(currently in the OFF position) and 1 closed door.
The door leads to a long hallway which then opens into a room with 3 lightbulbs, each corresponding to a lightswith from the previous room.
You are only allowed to open the door once; it closes after you pass through.
You must find out which light corresponds with which switch.
There is no time limit.

Note:
This is a logic puzzle. There are absolutely no ‘tricks’. So it's not a matter of propping the door somehow or anything like that.


Answer

You turn two of the switches on and wait for 5 minutes. After the time has passed, you turn one of the switches off then head to the room. The light that is on will correspond to the switch in the on position, the one that is off and cool to the touch corresponds to the switch that you never turned on and the one that is off and still warm to the touch would be the last one you turned on then off.

easy huh? =D

draxenn
This is a puzzle of sorts so I hope you enjoy.

You are in a room.
The room contains 3 light switches(currently in the OFF position) and 1 closed door.
The door leads to a long hallway which then opens into a room with 3 lightbulbs, each corresponding to a lightswith from the previous room.
You are only allowed to open the door once; it closes after you pass through.
You must find out which light corresponds with which switch.
There is no time limit.

Note:
This is a logic puzzle. There are absolutely no ‘tricks’. So it's not a matter of propping the door somehow or anything like that.


Answer

You turn two of the switches on and wait for 5 minutes. After the time has passed, you turn one of the switches off then head to the room. The light that is on will correspond to the switch in the on position, the one that is off and cool to the touch corresponds to the switch that you never turned on and the one that is off and still warm to the touch would be the last one you turned on then off.


easy huh? =D

Very good. I wish I had thought of that answer, it's so obvious. But I missed it (sad face using keyboard strokes)

A pirate walks into a bar with the ships wheel attatched to his belt buckle. The bartender says “Wow, that's an awkward belt.” The pirate replys “Yarr it's driving me nuts”



How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of icecream and a dead baby.

That was a strange but funny joke.

For kingofsnake:

How long does it take to paint a room?

Depends on how hard you throw the babies.

Rutger
For kingofsnake:

How long does it take to paint a room?

Depends on how hard you throw the babies.

Rofl.

you are in a room with a locked door and no windows. the only things in the room is a piano, a calender and a couch. how do you eat, drink and get out?

jagular
you are in a room with a locked door and no windows. the only things in the room is a piano, a calender and a couch. how do you eat, drink and get out?

You don't?

Or you use the piano to ram through the door and escape…

jagular
you are in a room with a locked door and no windows. the only things in the room is a piano, a calender and a couch. how do you eat, drink and get out?

If I could get out, I'd just eat and drink at home.

But, since this is a silly riddle, I'll just drink from the springs in the couch, eat the dates off the calendar, and use the keys from the piano to unlock the door and escape. ;)

cartoonprofessor
Here's mine…
see if you can work it out/know it…

What's old, grey and wrinkly, and hangs out Grandpa's pants?

(If no-one gets it I'll give you the answer next time I log on)

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.

Some of these aren't jokes or riddles. Just….insane.

You guys hear the one about the 12-inch pianist? ;)

Heres a story my sister told me: So there's a guy driving in his car through the country and he hits a rabbit. He stops and gets out to see if he's accidently killed it, only to find that he has. This guy likes animals so he's really upset that he killed this rabbit… later this blonde lady pulls up in her car and asks, “Is everything OK? Can I help?”
the guy says “No, I don't think so. I just killed this rabbit.”
“Oh!” the blonde replies, “I can help with that!”
So she gets a spray can from her car an sprays it on the rabbit. The rabbit gets up, waves its paw, hops off turns around and waves again and continues hopping off.
“What was in that can?” the guy asks
The blond shows him the can and the label says: “Hair Spray, restores life to dead hare, adds permanent wave.”

That was dumber then killing the Golgathan with a can of breath spray.

The 12 inch pianist-He could only play the footnotes?

I have a joke called the Pensioners Day Out.

What you do is select some random old person sounding names (I usually use Mildred, Maud, Frank and Bill) and then you tell a story about them, starting with one pensioner and adding more on as you go along. Nothing exciting is meant to happen during the story, just ramble on and on and on about them. If you do it right (try pretending you're building up to something exciting, or make it sound like you're near the end) and get a good amount of names in, you can keep going for days.

The joke is that there is no punchline and you've just wasted the listeners time by forcing him to listen to your ‘joke’.

That's really cruel.




Sounds like fun!

Custard Trout
I have a joke called the Pensioners Day Out.

What you do is select some random old person sounding names (I usually use Mildred, Maud, Frank and Bill) and then you tell a story about them, starting with one pensioner and adding more on as you go along. Nothing exciting is meant to happen during the story, just ramble on and on and on about them. If you do it right (try pretending you're building up to something exciting, or make it sound like you're near the end) and get a good amount of names in, you can keep going for days.

The joke is that there is no punchline and you've just wasted the listeners time by forcing him to listen to your ‘joke’.

My mom does that. But not with jokes – with stories. Real stories. Stories that probably had points when she began them but pretty soon we've taken so many detours into other stories about people in side stories to that story that we never return, and often the only ending is an interruption, like a phone call or Mom gets distracted by something. (If on the phone, I pretend I have something cooking that needs my attention, so I can hang up.)

Walrus
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.

I said that one on the first page.

It's still my favorite, though.

For Ozoneocean:

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full.

^^ funny

Fenn

jagular
I'll just drink from the springs in the couch, eat the dates off the calendar, and use the keys from the piano to unlock the door and escape. ;)

that's right.
i'm not sure if this counts as a riddle but,

there is an animal in here:

in the pan dairy butter is laid.

name the animal.
hint: read it without spaces

jagular

Fenn

jagular
I'll just drink from the springs in the couch, eat the dates off the calendar, and use the keys from the piano to unlock the door and escape. ;)

that's right.
i'm not sure if this counts as a riddle but,

there is an animal in here:

in the pan dairy butter is laid.

name the animal.
hint: read it without spaces

Is it a panda?

harryq
For Ozoneocean:

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full.

I now love you forever.

Favorite Riddle:

Saint Ive's

As i was going to Saint Ive's I meet a man with seven wives
Each wive a seven sacks
Each Sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cat, sacks and wives,
How many were going to saint Ive's?

GOD_OF_DEATH
Favorite Riddle:

Saint Ive's

As i was going to Saint Ive's I meet a man with seven wives
Each wive a seven sacks
Each Sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cat, sacks and wives,
How many were going to saint Ive's?

Die Hard with a Vengeance
Zeus: Wait a minute, wait a minute, it's a trick! I forgot about the man.
John McClane: Man? What man? Fuck the man! I got ten seconds here!
Zeus: The riddle begins, “As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives!”
John McClane: So?
Zeus: So, the guy and his wives aren't going anywhere.
John McClane: What are they doing?
Zeus: Sitting in the fucking road! Waiting on the moors! How the hell should I know?

Just that one guy, dude.

Custard Trout

jagular

Fenn

jagular
I'll just drink from the springs in the couch, eat the dates off the calendar, and use the keys from the piano to unlock the door and escape. ;)

that's right.
i'm not sure if this counts as a riddle but,

there is an animal in here:

in the pan dairy butter is laid.

name the animal.
hint: read it without spaces

Is it a panda?

yep!

in the (panda)iry butter is laid

Was that actually in DHWV Fenn? If it was I should go see it lol.

Sidwarrious
Was that actually in DHWV Fenn? If it was I should go see it lol.

Yes, yes it was.

The sarcastic repition of yes makes me believe you lie. But I admire your candor and choose to believe you tell me the truth cuz you love me.

See I made a funny.