One of the world's oldest bit of sequential art (which people like Scott McCloud and Will Eisner tell us are just comics in a proto-form) was in the news recently. The Bayeux tapestry is a 70 metre long, 50cm wide embodied cloth that while not containing the panel divisions and other trappings we associate with comics, is still recognisable as a piece of graphic art that tells a story. In this case the tale of the Battle of Hastings in 1066.



Now historians have long argued about the specifics of that embodied story–how much of it is accurate, and how much was added later. For example, the famous arrow in the eye that ends the life of Harold II is thought by many to have been snuck in some time after the original was made in an effort to recast the Anglo-Saxon king as an oath-breaker, since a weapon through the eye was a sort of medieval shorthand for such an offense. There is evidence that earlier viewers of the tapestry did not record seeing an arrow there, but rather a spear or a lance, and there are needle holes that suggest some unpicking may have occurred. Also, in the next ‘panel’ it shows Harold being slain by a sword.

The latest piece of academic debate that made the rounds of the media was on the number of penises the tapestry contains. Is it 93 or 94? The possible penis is in this section …



One scholar claims the dangling black appendage that the figure on the right is ‘wielding’ is a dagger, another says it is male genitalia. They assure us this is serious scholarship, and reveals something important about the medieval mindset.

Someone had to specifically stitch in 93 (or 94) penises. Perhaps there was a phallus expert or enthusiast who specialised in such details?

“What are you working on, Beatrice?”
“I'm adding in a horse.”
“And you, Mary?”
“Another phallus.”
“That will be the 93rd you've done, dear. Isn't it time to give it a rest?”
“94th actually. There's this one here.”
“Oh, that's never a male member. That's a dagger.”
“Look's more like a frightened gerbil to me.”
“You're all wrong; it's a frying pan.”

The debated object is, for now, sort of a Schrödinger's penis. Both a dagger and a phallus that may never collapse into the one state, no matter how much it is observed. You can decide for yourself. Let us know what you think below.

— Gunwallace

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