cool guy
Blergness you will be taken down….





Digeridoos

NO FAIR!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHA YOU'RE THE ONE PERSON WHO READS MY COMIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD
but yes, you win.

ps: I will now love you forever.

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a “bitch” and the women called the man a “bastard”.

Their son walked in and said “What does bitch and bastard mean?” and the parents replied “ladies and gentlemen”.

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said “feel my titties” and the man said “feel my dick”.

Their son walked in and asked “What does titties and dick mean?” and the parents replied “hats and coats”.

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, “Shit” he said, the kid came in and asked “What's that mean” and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, “Fuck” she said. Once again the kid asked “What's that mean” the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

pun attack!
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. Apparently the crews were marooned.
He said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of your trouser leg and put it in a library' I thought ‘hey now that’s a turn up for the books.'
A good pun is it's own reword.

waff
He said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of your trouser leg and put it in a library' I thought ‘hey now that’s a turn up for the books.'

I do not understand…..


2 men walk into a bar *thunk**thunk*

*rimshot*

a turn up is the bootom of a trouser leg which can be turned up.
…MORE PUNS!
The ashes of a famous general are due to be flown home for burial but it's discovered that all the airlines are fully booked. Eventually a helicopter is found to the urn home. Next day the newspapers read, 'The Whirley Bird Gets the Urn'.
Why was the Irish folksinger unable to perform? Because she'd left her harp in sam frank's disco.

OH! ok I get it now.

So a brunette is jumping on railroad tracks saying “41, 41, 41”
A blonde walks up to her and asks “What are you doing?”
The brunette continues, “41, 41, 41”
The blonde asks, “Can I join you?”
“41, 41, 41”
So the blonde jumps on the railroad tracks and starts jumping and saying, “41, 41, 41”
A train starts to come and the brunette jumps off the tracks, but the blonde continues to jump and say, “41, 41, 41”

Once the train passes the brunette gets back on the tracks, alone again, and says, “42, 42, 42”

A jew, a black man, and an asian walk into a bar and the bartender says “Get the fuck out!”

Dead baby jokes!

What's the difference between a dead baby and a porcha?
I don't have a porcha in my garage.

what's worst than a dead baby nailed to a tree?
a dead baby nailed to 10 trees.

how do you get a baby out of a blender?
with a straw.

what's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You don't pick up a bowling ball with a pitchfork.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw.



….i hate dead baby jokes……..
I hate my friends.

A husband comes home from a long day of work to see his wife out front with some luggage in her hand. “Where the hell do you thing you're going?” said the husband. “Vegas” said the wife. “Why?” said the husband. “cuz I heard I can make $400 a night for what I give you for free”
the husband then ran passed her and went in the house only to come out with a suitcase himself.
“And where the hell do you think you're going?” said the wife. “Vegas” said the husband. “Why?” said the wife. "Because I wanna see how the fuck you're gonna survive off $800 a year!'

cool guy
A husband comes home from a long day of work to see his wife out front with some luggage in her hand. “Where the hell do you thing you're going?” said the husband. “Vegas” said the wife. “Why?” said the husband. “cuz I heard I can make $400 a night for what I give you for free”
the husband then ran passed her and went in the house only to come out with a suitcase himself.
“And where the hell do you think you're going?” said the wife. “Vegas” said the husband. “Why?” said the wife. "Because I wanna see how the fuck you're gonna survive off $800 a year!'

HAHAHA I GET IT

uh…. penis.
that still makes people laugh, right?

Aw Shit…

Ghost Shit
That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.

Clean Shit
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Second Wave Shit
It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realise that you have to shit some more.

Brain Hemorrage Shit
Also known as “Pop a vein in your forehead ” shit. the kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.

Sweetcorn shit
Self Explanatory

Log shit
The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush

Drinkers shit
That is the kind of shit that you have the morning after a long night of drinking - its most noticeable trait is the skid marks left on the bottom of the toilet .

“Gee I wish I could shit” shit
Its the kind of shit where you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the toilet with cramps and fart a few times.

blergness
that still makes people laugh, right?

Not so much

blergness
Dead baby jokes!

Dead baby jokes?

What's pink and red and is getting smaller by the minute?

A spastic child with a cheese grater.

(oh, and if it hadn't been for the fact that I've seen every lolrush joke under the sun, I would have lost on the first picture)

Also:

More Aw Shit…



Spinal Tap Shit
That's the one where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Shit Also known as “The Power dump”
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

Liquid Shit
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, spashes all over the inside of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

Mexican Food Shit
A class all its own

The Crowd Pleaser
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone.

Mood Enhancer
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, allowing you to be your old self again.

The Ritual
This shit occurs at the same time time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper

Guiness Book of Records Shit
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations

The aftershock shit
This shit has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is effected.

The Honeymoons over shit
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.

Groaner
Ashit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance

Floater
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushes

Deadbabyjoke.
What's worse than 7 babies in 7 garbage dumps?

1babyin7garbagedumps.

TheFlyingGreenMonkey

God damn it, Monkey…

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
-
Because he was stapled to the chicken.

——————————————————————————-

What's the difference between your girlfriend and a bucket full of crap?
-
The bucket.


——————————————————————————-

Three men are walking on the street when a genie appears. The genie says:
“Each one of you will get one wish.”
The first man says:
“I wish for a giant castle to appear right here, filled with riches and beautiful women.”
The second man says:
“I wish all the men on this planet would turn into women, except for us three.”
After some careful thought the third man says:
“I wish I had a beer.”

——————————————————————————-

If an elephant sits down on your dog, what time is it then?
-
Time to buy a new dog.

nuff said

How do you get a baby out of a blender?

-

With a straw.

—————————

Whats sadder than a dead baby?

-

A pile of dead babies!

—————————

Whats sadder than a pile of dead babies?

-

One still alive at the bottom.

—————————

Whats worse than one still being alive at the bottom?

-

It has to eat its way to the top.

—————————-

Whats worse?

-

He goes back for seconds.

Kroatz
……………….
After some careful thought the third man says:
“I wish I had a beer.”

I don't get it…

It's a special kind of humour. people either think it's really funny or not fun at all.

Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, “Pass the soap.” The other one says, “What do I look like, a typewriter?”

Whiteboards are remarkable.

hwisprian
Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, “Pass the soap.” The other one says, “What do I look like, a typewriter?”

It's all about the build-up. In your case it should be:
“Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, ”Pass the soap.“ The other one says, ”What do I look like, a teacher?“”
That would actually make it funny.

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
—–
Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree?
It couldn't stop laughing at the first squirrel.
—–
Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree?
It thought the other two were playing a game.
—–
Why did the tree fall down?
It thought it was a squirrel.

hwisprian
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
—–
Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree?
It couldn't stop laughing at the first squirrel.
—–
Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree?
It thought the other two were playing a game.
—–
Why did the tree fall down?
It thought it was a squirrel.

Hehe.

Mind if I ressurrect this thing?

—————-

An irish, a scottish and a british enter a bar. The bartender looks at them and says “What's this, some kinda joke?!”.

Buddha, Mahoma and George W. Bush enter a bar together. Bush looks at the other two and says “Damn, I'm in the wrong joke again!”.

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one asks for a beer. The second asks for half a beer. The next asks for one quarter of beer. The next asks for 1/8 of beer. The next asks for 1/16 of beer. The bartender says “Screw you!” and pours two beers.

How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

15. 14 to chip one out of ice and one to screw it in.

How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.

How many Irish does it take to screw in a light bulb?

5. One to hold the bulb and 4 to turn the ladder.

How many Italians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan.

How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say “Good on yer, mate!”

How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hey! Thats not funny! We're sueing!