Monkey should like this one.

hwisprian
Monkey should like this one.

Cute


another light bulb joke!

How many Mafia Men does it take to change a light bulb ?

Two. One to change the bulb and the other to shoot any witnesses !

Wow. That's random.
:P

or



or



or



or



or



or



or various others to come.

one of those had to have made you laugh. for me it's the first.

I got a good one. So thread necromancy again!

A couple crazy guys are in a mental institute, when they decide they don't like being there anymore. So they decide to escape. They trap the doors of their room, so that it doesn't actually close. In the night they go out, get on the rooftop, and one of them jumps to the next building, but the other doesn't dare make the jump. The first guy has a lamp, so he turns it on and says:
Come on, its fine. You can cross walking over the beam of light.
And the other guy answers:
What do you think I am, crazy? You'd turn it off when I was halfway there!

And if you know where I got it from, that's even awesomer!

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first and second order a mug of blood while the third orders a cup of hot water.
The bartender is confused and asks “Hey, why didn't you get blood like the other two?”
The vampire pulls out a tampon and stirs it in.
“I'm making tea!”

KABOOM.

I just remembered a nice one.

Q: How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb.
A: All of them. And an electricist.

blergness

Sea_Cow
A black guy, a Jew and an Asian walk into a bar. The bartender says “Get the fuck out.”

ALMOST got me!

Heaven is getting over-populated, so God decides to only let people who had a REALLY good reason in.
St Peter is standing at the gate when the first man walks up. “How did you die?”
“I thought that my wife was cheating on me, so I got home from work early and found my wife naked in bed. i searched the whole apartment but didn't find anyone. I went out onto the balcony of our 24th floor apartment and saw a man hanging from the balcony. I shoved him over, then, to make sure he was dead, I threw the refrigerator on him. Unfortunatly, I got caught onto the cord and flew over with it.”
St Peter say, “It's a sin of love, so go on in.” Then the next man comes up. “How did you die?”
“I was doing arobics on my 25th floor apartment balcony when I fell off. Luckily, I caught the balcony the next floor down. Then a maniac comes out and shoves me off, then throws a refrigorator on me!”
St Peter lets him in and thinks to himself, “Thing are getting interesting!” The next man comes out and St Peter askes, “How did you die?”
“Picture this, i'm hiding naked in a refrigerator…”

That made me laugh, nice one!
Q: How do detectives like their eggs?
A: Hard-Boiled.

Mettaur
Q: How do detectives like their eggs?
A: Hard-Boiled.

(Ooh, the pain!)

True story, just friggin happened to me.

I'm in the parking lot at Walmart after doing a little late night grocery shopping. Just as I'm about to start my truck an leave a woman approaches me. I figure she wants to use my cell phone or maybe she's a hooker, so I roll down the window. She gives me this sob story about her friend stranding her there and not having a way back home to Boston, blah, blah, blah. At this point I know she's a hooker, but I let her go through the spiel anyway. So it turns out she's desperate, she tells me “I'll give you the best head you ever had for 40$, which is half of what I usually charge.”

Without missing a beat, I said “Oh, wow! Is that the rollback price?”

Someone
Without missing a beat, I said “Oh, wow! Is that the rollback price?”

Made me chuckle, I have had similar experiences by a local asda, the Uk leg of walmart, I will remember that one. I usually say you will have to pay me more than that love.


A blond goes for a pregnancy scan, and find out her baby will be a boy, and the doctor asks her if she knows what she will name it.

She answers ‘yes, Dave, just like my seven other boys.’ and the doctor asks her if this will be confusing.

So she tells him 'no, I just call them by their surname.

Cutest thing I've ever seen. I somehow want to make this my ring tone.

I present the worst report ever written.