Chapter 2 Page 14 - Hat Attack

Evil Emperor Nick on July 8, 2008

I admite I got the idea for today's story from TV Tropes, not that you need to read it to enjoy the story but some of their entries are pretty amusing unto themselves particularly ones with quotes and pictures.

Link of the Week

Drulcenia
Written by: E.E. Nick
Edited by: Amelius

“The Senate of Mages will now consider the application of sorceress Eva Valentine to join our ranks.” Senator Krade Lancer said.

Eva stepped forward in front of the senators. Her familiar flapped and fussed as she stood but then came to rest on the head of her staff which she had had especially made for the occasion. The bird's long black and white feathers complimented her very rich black and white outfit, also made for the occasion. With a small smirk of self confidence Eva addressed the senate.

“Thank you Senator Lancer.” Eva said. “I come before you today to submit my humble work before you as proof of my master and achievements in magic, and I hope to show you without any shadow of doubt that I am ready and deserve a place among the ranks of this venerable body of mages. I believe some of your are familiar with my masterpiece already as I've made no secret about it. It has been a bold and trying endeavor but it is now complete, and I think you'll agree it is an impressive display of our mystical craft”

Eva waited a moment for dramatic effect and noticed some quiet harrumphing amount some of the senators.

“Behold my achiveement, a whole world!” Eva said, holding out her arms wide as an illusionary copy of her world appeared in the room. Eva then added somewhat less dramatically. “I call it Drulcenia after my familiar Drucilla.”

Eva then stood silent, basking in her moment of glory before the elderly wizards, however much to her surprised there was not the thunder of applause she has expected. Indeed the senate was silent and mostly a sea of frowning face. The stillness only broken when one of the senator's familiars sneezed.

“What?” Eva said at last.

“Miz Valentine,” Krade began in a very dry tone. “While this council respects that time, effort, sorcerous power etc. etc. I'm afraid entry into this body requires more then just an egregious display of power.”

“E-egregious?” Eva sputtered. “Sentantor Lancer explain yourself!”

“Egregious, extraordinary in some bad way, glaring, flagrant….” Krade explained.

“I know what egregious means!” Eva shouted. “I mean what is wrong with Drulcenia!”

“Well Miz Valentine, however you achieved it, calling for a large round rock while indeed an achievement is hardly a masterpiece.” Krade lectured. “This Drulcenia is a sad shadow of a planet as is your attempt to join this Senate I'm afraid.”

“I'll have you know Senator, Drulcenia is far more then a mear hunk of ROCK in space!” Eva shouted. “Drulcenia has a fully functioning eco system, a tidal system, a stable geological make up, three stable moons, a standard day night & year system, a habitable climate, a sentient culture….”

“Yes but all you did was replicate your home planet's conditions, save for the moons, and transplated said eco system from your homeworld. You didn't actually create a new eco system at all.” Krade lectured.

“You can't deny I created a unique culture of sentients!” Eva countered while Krade stopped for breath.

“Yes and there we come to the worst part of it all.” Krade replied. “You created but one culture and people for the whole planet. A culture it seems to be entirely based upon hats. Are we to assume this is supposed to be the planet of the alps?”

“Senator Lancer I admit I somewhat created a simplified culture for them but I was rather busy doing things like integrating their gravity field into a pre-existing system of planets which I thought was rather more important and far more relevant to displaying my skills….” Eva said.

“Exactly my point.” Kraid said. “You were so obsessed with your over reaching, heavy-handed displays the you totally forgot about all the finer details and have created nothing but a bland uninspired world with a grandious name. Do you have any idea how many planets of hats mages have created over the years? Everyone is so obsessed with things like making the largest planetary mass or gimics like putting it in perfect solar syncronous orbit or making a continent that looks like their head that they totally ignore the details.”

“But sentator…” Eva protested.

“Further, what is to become for your planet now that have finished it? Which do you think is more likely? It will grow to become a meaningful place of interest to anyone aside from yourself, or will it simply become another piece of the plane's junk who's inhabitents simply make more and more hats until they over run your whole new world?” Kraid asked.

“Well, perhaps I could create a hat business or position myself as the goddess of hats….” Eva said.

“Yes and perhaps you would be more suited to a future in hats than as a senator.” Kraid responded.

“I….I'm sorry.” Eva said tearing up. “I just thought…I spent so many years….”

“Yes I know what you thought Miz Valetine. You thought that we would be so impressed that you made a planet you that wouldn't even bother to examine it. I hope that isn't a habit you continue in your hat business. Now Miz Valetine this Senate has some serious work to do so we wish you and your planet good day.”

Eva choked back tears as she left the council defeated, her familiar whispering words of comfort as she fled the chamber. After she was gone Senator Kraid Lancer reach down and petted his own familiar on the head.

“A whole planet.” Kraid said to his fellow senator. “That was hard one to say no to. We're going to have to find better ways to keep these young upstart mages out of the Senate at this rate. She had the right idea with a planet of hats you know. I mean a whole planet making hats? You get mass production, constant development, cheap labor, it is a good setup really. Now if only she had made it something useful like the World of Warcraft or the World of Beer. No on second thought I don't think much would get done on that world. It would just become the World of Addicts.. Maybe a Pleasure Planet instead? Hmmmmmm……”