Artwork by ironhand (lineart) with a bit of retouch by myself.
Bonus: Please check out this forum thread for some exclusive bonus features (script, layouts, sketches, trivia…) corresponding to the latest comic page.
Commentary: David vs Goliath, the rematch.
As always, thanks a lot for reading and commenting!
Currently accepting applications for future HU chapters here and here!
Roar Comics: Thanks very much! And thanks for reminding me, I wouldn't even have noticed ^^;
ironhand: I really like the art here as it is, and I think the only thing I'll add is a bit of voice-over, as al suggested. The Flea DOES have a communicator, so it's quite easy to add some dialogue here.
A 5 to the storyline, not the art once again.
Alschroeder: That might be my fault, actually. I looked at the script and I feel like bits should change, and make the page look a little confusing but still pulse pounding. The Flea is just punching around (he's not the smartest man alive, he doesn't know what to hit), so I just felt like that should be portrayed in this, which explains why you can never properly see what he's hitting, as he has no idea as well as the reader. For the more lettering part, I think the only part needed would be some text on The Flea like muttering how annoying it she hasn't gone down yet, but all in all, I think the writing was perfect and I'm the one at fault here. If any of you would like, I could go back and do a redo of this page to make a little more sense.]
NickGuy: Yep, that's right. Her electricty powes are killing her from the inside out.
Wow.
According to the words beneath this comic's icon in my Recommended Comics box, this is HU's 100th strip.
(I realize that there was filler and pinups and such, but still...)
CONGRATS TO A GREAT COMIC!!
I got this....the flea punches her and makes shit come out of her. now, seeing as she has electricity powers, Im guessing its electricity. wrong? Im not going to check the script so someone correct me if i am.
I really love these pages by ironhand. Ive never seen his stuff before, and I love how abstract everything is. he has a very good sense of design and his colors are beautiful. panel 4 rocks.
I got the gist of it alright, it's no fault of abt nihils to leave something up to the art. It may have faltered here, but that comes with the nature of this project, and indeed any open to the community project.
You take the good and sometimes you take the bad, which must be difficult because I know how much you love to cry "bad!"
al: Thanks for your suggestions. There were some minimal changes which I'd already made to these pages, but of course there's nothing speaking against changing more and adding narration to clear up what's happening... so I'll just go back and add some.
Yes. Absolutely.
Look, I LIKE the idea of HEROES UNITE. As you know, I'll be contributing some in CHRONICLES. But there are a dozen ways a little narration could have been added to make this clearer. A headphone with Flea talking to Dasien, (who's the team leader, right?) saying, "A circuit board--in the EAR?" would have made all the difference. Or the Commander calling Dasien and asking what's happening. There could have been some narration added to the already-existing panels to make it clearer.
I'm trying not to read the script, so I'll be surprised. You don't have to overdo it a la Silver Age narration (and I know I overdo it in that direction--I have a failing the OTHER way) but this falls below the minimum needed by a casual reader to make sense of what's happening!
I know everyone here tends to do 5s no matter how it REALLY is, but try to reread the last few pages and imagine you're coming on it for the first time, reading it in a comic book. Would you be satisfied with it? Or would you think you had wasted your time?
I admire the round-robin approach, but you have to have the guts to ask for a redo if it's not working.
I'm not criticizing Ironhand. Sometimes the best writers and artists benefit from a good editor. Someone needed to either ask for more dialogue or add more dialogue or narration.
alschroeder: No, of course not (the script is not there for clarifying, but for those who are interested in seeing how exactly the artist interpreted it). Sorry it doesn't work for you.
My approach was that all artists are completely free in their interpretation of my script. Are you suggesting I should have added some sort of explanation after the art came in?
Okay, I went to the script, and it's a little clearer---but do you really want people to have to go to a SCRIPT to make sense of what they're seeing? Have to follow a link just to understand a storyline??
I'm sorry, I have NO idea what's going on here.
Obviously Flea punched something (never specified what in the storyline) inside, but...
smoke coming out?
Writing.
Narration.
Give us a CLUE.
ironhand at 8:19AM, Nov. 24, 2008
OK, sounds good to me. Its upto you on the script, I guess.
Abt_Nihil at 2:01AM, Nov. 24, 2008
Roar Comics: Thanks very much! And thanks for reminding me, I wouldn't even have noticed ^^; ironhand: I really like the art here as it is, and I think the only thing I'll add is a bit of voice-over, as al suggested. The Flea DOES have a communicator, so it's quite easy to add some dialogue here.
ironhand at 11:38PM, Nov. 23, 2008
A 5 to the storyline, not the art once again. Alschroeder: That might be my fault, actually. I looked at the script and I feel like bits should change, and make the page look a little confusing but still pulse pounding. The Flea is just punching around (he's not the smartest man alive, he doesn't know what to hit), so I just felt like that should be portrayed in this, which explains why you can never properly see what he's hitting, as he has no idea as well as the reader. For the more lettering part, I think the only part needed would be some text on The Flea like muttering how annoying it she hasn't gone down yet, but all in all, I think the writing was perfect and I'm the one at fault here. If any of you would like, I could go back and do a redo of this page to make a little more sense.] NickGuy: Yep, that's right. Her electricty powes are killing her from the inside out.
Roar Comics at 10:00PM, Nov. 23, 2008
Wow. According to the words beneath this comic's icon in my Recommended Comics box, this is HU's 100th strip. (I realize that there was filler and pinups and such, but still...) CONGRATS TO A GREAT COMIC!!
NickGuy at 10:56AM, Nov. 23, 2008
I got this....the flea punches her and makes shit come out of her. now, seeing as she has electricity powers, Im guessing its electricity. wrong? Im not going to check the script so someone correct me if i am. I really love these pages by ironhand. Ive never seen his stuff before, and I love how abstract everything is. he has a very good sense of design and his colors are beautiful. panel 4 rocks.
literacysuks1 at 10:43AM, Nov. 23, 2008
I got the gist of it alright, it's no fault of abt nihils to leave something up to the art. It may have faltered here, but that comes with the nature of this project, and indeed any open to the community project. You take the good and sometimes you take the bad, which must be difficult because I know how much you love to cry "bad!"
Abt_Nihil at 5:52AM, Nov. 23, 2008
al: Thanks for your suggestions. There were some minimal changes which I'd already made to these pages, but of course there's nothing speaking against changing more and adding narration to clear up what's happening... so I'll just go back and add some.
alschroeder at 5:14AM, Nov. 23, 2008
Yes. Absolutely. Look, I LIKE the idea of HEROES UNITE. As you know, I'll be contributing some in CHRONICLES. But there are a dozen ways a little narration could have been added to make this clearer. A headphone with Flea talking to Dasien, (who's the team leader, right?) saying, "A circuit board--in the EAR?" would have made all the difference. Or the Commander calling Dasien and asking what's happening. There could have been some narration added to the already-existing panels to make it clearer. I'm trying not to read the script, so I'll be surprised. You don't have to overdo it a la Silver Age narration (and I know I overdo it in that direction--I have a failing the OTHER way) but this falls below the minimum needed by a casual reader to make sense of what's happening! I know everyone here tends to do 5s no matter how it REALLY is, but try to reread the last few pages and imagine you're coming on it for the first time, reading it in a comic book. Would you be satisfied with it? Or would you think you had wasted your time? I admire the round-robin approach, but you have to have the guts to ask for a redo if it's not working. I'm not criticizing Ironhand. Sometimes the best writers and artists benefit from a good editor. Someone needed to either ask for more dialogue or add more dialogue or narration.
Abt_Nihil at 4:49AM, Nov. 23, 2008
alschroeder: No, of course not (the script is not there for clarifying, but for those who are interested in seeing how exactly the artist interpreted it). Sorry it doesn't work for you. My approach was that all artists are completely free in their interpretation of my script. Are you suggesting I should have added some sort of explanation after the art came in?
alschroeder at 4:40AM, Nov. 23, 2008
Okay, I went to the script, and it's a little clearer---but do you really want people to have to go to a SCRIPT to make sense of what they're seeing? Have to follow a link just to understand a storyline??
alschroeder at 4:36AM, Nov. 23, 2008
I'm sorry, I have NO idea what's going on here. Obviously Flea punched something (never specified what in the storyline) inside, but... smoke coming out? Writing. Narration. Give us a CLUE.
AzuJOD at 12:20AM, Nov. 23, 2008
Heh heh, hit her so hard, smoke came out!
legacyhero at 11:04PM, Nov. 22, 2008
Way to go, Flea! ironhand did a nice job on the action and layout.
melsr007 at 11:01PM, Nov. 22, 2008
Nice ;-)
Neilsama at 10:24PM, Nov. 22, 2008
Talk about an inside job!