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Art and Relationships
Largominus2004 at 1:48PM, Feb. 10, 2008
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I am going through a real big life crisis. My wife of nine years has left me. I try to be a great father and husband but my work usually gets in the way. I end up trying to make deadlines and squeeze as much time I can for my son and wife. Its not as much I would prefer. Now its too late. I am moving to my new job on the west coast and leaving my family here in the Midwest. Believe me, I tried to everything but she hasn't felt the same way about me for two years now. I just wish she would have said something earlier. Has any of you been through the same situation or is this super rare? I am having a hard time with the focus and really don't want this to happen. I love her and my son so much but I am out of her life now. Nothing to do but go away now…
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:27PM
Mashed at 8:14PM, Feb. 10, 2008
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That's awful, I wish I could help you.
Did you tell her what you just told us here at the forums?
Or was it more like a no-excuses-i-leave-you-now kinda thing?
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:54PM
Aurora Moon at 11:10PM, Feb. 10, 2008
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what I don't get is that she felt this way for a long time (2 years) and she never even once told you.

Now, most of this may have been your fault partially… but it also sounded to me like she was expecting you to be a mind-reader, which is completely stupid.

of course, I don't know the full story so I could be wrong.
I'm on hitatus while I redo one of my webcomics. Be sure to check it out when I'n done! :)
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:10AM
seventy2 at 11:12PM, Feb. 10, 2008
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i'm in a situation…

my job requires me to be gone….alot….in 2007 i was only in the states for 5 months…of those five, i was only at my residence for 3-1/2…my wife left me because our problems compounded, and i was never home to work them out. and there was absolutly nothing i could do about it. I let her know i love her, and that i want us together still. but really, there's nothing you can do to force her. It's tough. but i still work hard on letting her know that i'm doing my best to be there for her.

if you need to talk (which has helped me) you can go ahead and pq me.
facara
Running Anew an exercise blog.
I'm gonna love you till the money comes, half of it's gonna be mine someday.
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:28PM
TheFallen at 12:39PM, Feb. 11, 2008
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wow, that sounds horrible. but i find it odd that she didn't say anything to you for two whole years, did she? were there any signs? women usually want their husbands and boyfriends to be mind readers. trust me, i do the same thing to my bf. was she acting wierd at all for these past years? did u try to change ur work schedule so you can spend more time with her?

what happens in most relationships is that the guy feels more comfortable/secure in the relationship. they forget to do all the things they did at first to win the girl over in the first place. while the women look at the past and remember how their partner first treated them. it happens a lot in relationships. to have love, you have to work for it first. u cant just expect someone to love you if you barley pay any attention to them! but this is just what i think. im guessing that your wife was understanding at first about your job, but it probably was eating away at her for all those years. i hope there is a chance to make up with her somehow. just give her some space for a bit and maybe try to plan something romantic or something.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:16PM
kyupol at 1:45PM, Feb. 11, 2008
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I dated a girl who was a reptilian shapeshifter. Because I am human and she is a reptoid, she decided not to get it on with me. Otherwise we'd have had a reptilian-human hybrid as a kid.

Besides I loved her. In spite of the fact that she's different and likes to eat different kinds of food all the time.

That is why she became very uneasy and clumsy around me because I radiate the power of pure love that transcends boundaries of species.

Finally she became totally upset and angry that she had to hiss and snarl all the time on the phone.

Revealing her true nature.


So there. My reptilian girlfriend. I better make a comic about her quick!!! :)

About the time I got so depressed and felt so stupid. Stupid enough to fall in love with a reptoid posing as a human. :(

NOW UPDATING!!!
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:25PM
fazz33 at 4:48PM, Feb. 11, 2008
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I can tell you this situation is not a rare occurance. I haven't been directly involved but from watching other people I know that sometime when people don't feel the way they do about each other they withhold it, thinking in time the original feelings will come back(or things will fix themselves). This seems to be the case especially if their is a child involved, as the parents both want the kid to grow up with their original parents.

Now about the work part, this too is very very common, and again not from direct experience but a lot of my friends have divorced parents and they tell me some stuff. But the end conclusion I made was that when you enter a job that requires long term leaves both spouses need to know what they are getting into because like it or not jobs are very important and if you can't get around that, theres a problem.

The best thing I can suggest is make some time right now and get some professional marital help.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:25PM
ozoneocean at 6:20PM, Feb. 11, 2008
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kyupol
I dated a girl who was a reptilian shapeshifter.
Well at least you're tolerant and integrationalist enough to get together with her in the first place. We reptoids face enough discrimination. lol!

Largominus2004, art is a demanding mistress… :(
You just have to decide which is more important to you: cutting back on work to have more time with the loved ones, or going full tilt on the art and fitting things in around it. Looks like you're set on your path now though. :/
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:30PM
lastcall at 3:36AM, Feb. 12, 2008
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Sorry to hear about your situation, Largominus. I don't know the whole story, but that's not fair to you that she didn't communicate her feelings from the get-go and bottled them in for two years. Communication is the key to any good relationship…I guess she forgot that somewhere along the line.

In terms of art and a relationship, I have the good fortune of having a patient husband. When I work on my comic, I kind of “blip out” for several hours on my computer. But our computers are in the same room, so he just sits in the study with me and plays video games or surfs the Internet. He just likes keeping me company, and he enjoys the fact that I'm keeping up with my drawing skills.

…I'm also one of those people who think that everything happens for a reason, no matter how crappy or harsh it seems right now. I guess you would call that Fate or Karma. So yeah, it's shitty now, but all this is happening for a reason, to set you on a better path that will make you happier in the end.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:27PM
kyupol at 6:34AM, Feb. 12, 2008
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Seriously though, this is one of the reasons why I refuse to get into any relationship.

Its just extra problems in the long run.

NOW UPDATING!!!
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:25PM
Largominus2004 at 9:38AM, Feb. 21, 2008
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Thanks everyone, I will say that this is obviously my fault, or at least part of it. I admit that she did show signs but never talked to me about it. I would only work hard to get her to open up and it appears that it did not work. I would spend time with my family, but not enough to save my marriage. My son on the other hand loves me to death and really isn't that what counts? So in the end my reptile “V” gal left me and I am sure it was for selfish reasons. Now I am at a new game company, in a new state and I am starting my life over. This time I have more lessons under my belt and I will use my new wisdom going forward. Thank you DrunkDuckers I really appreciate the feedback ^^
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:27PM
trevoramueller at 2:02PM, Feb. 21, 2008
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My sympathies, friend. I fear having a situation like that pop up in my life sometime down the road, because I am what you might call a “work-a-holic.”

Im not even married yet, but it takes a tole with the girlfriend.
My Drunk Duck Comics:


Nominated for numerous web awards, see more news at My Website
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:33PM
Nicol3 at 7:30PM, Feb. 21, 2008
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Jeeze luhweeze. And to think, I've always thought of the magic of art and human craft to be the only purely innocent things in this world. But this just makes the paid investment in talent seem damned evil and cursed.

But it's good to hear you're piecing together a plan B. Honestly, this story is a real tear-jerker; I guess no gushy movie can beat the heart-breaking aches and pains of real life.

I totally wish you the best, man. :)
My comics. Take a whiff!
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:16PM
TheMidge28 at 8:54PM, Feb. 21, 2008
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Ozone mentioned the choice, but I think the choice is made for you before you even got to this point. You chose work over your wife and had been for some time. If you are married and have kids..they need to come first. I don't mean to be a jerk but I hate to see a relationship fail and hear about what could have been and regret, when it would have been so easy to resolve by saying no.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:24PM
mlai at 5:21AM, Feb. 22, 2008
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Fazz
because like it or not jobs are very important and if you can't get around that, theres a problem.
Fazz is right, Midge. Love (and kids) doesn't conquer all.

FIGHT current chapter: Filling In The Gaps
FIGHT_2 current chapter: Light Years of Gold
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:06PM
TheMidge28 at 1:44PM, Feb. 22, 2008
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mlai
Fazz
because like it or not jobs are very important and if you can't get around that, theres a problem.
Fazz is right, Midge. Love (and kids) doesn't conquer all.

I am the romantic! :)
But the point still remains if your career is precident over anything else or anything which could be, even the prospect of being married or having a family, the best decision, don't pursue marriage or have children.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:24PM
HalJones at 2:39PM, Feb. 22, 2008
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It's a very tough situation; one that would crush me for awhile.

But then, I've never met the job I loved more than my wife. I would have stayed in the Mid-West and made what living I could there.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:42PM
Nicol3 at 2:40PM, Feb. 22, 2008
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TheMidge28
But the point still remains if your career is precident over anything else or anything which could be, even the prospect of being married or having a family, the best decision, don't pursue marriage or have children.

Exactly what I was thinking. Marraige is not just all frill and lace- it's an bond of two individuals by law. People aren't required by law to stay at their jobs; despite the benefits and money to be made. I could be making millions of dollars a year and just decide to walk out of a job in about a day.

A long-term marriage.. and children.. should always come first. That's farther from opinion and closer to fact. But I'm not trying to scold anyone who does put work first; there's nothing wrong with that.. I'm just saying.
My comics. Take a whiff!
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:16PM
JustNoPoint at 3:15PM, Feb. 22, 2008
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Exactly why I most likely will never marry or even get involved in an intimate relationship! I have much less important priorities that I wish to attend to in my own selfish accord!
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:12PM
mlai at 3:44PM, Feb. 22, 2008
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JustNoPoint
Exactly why I most likely will never marry or even get involved in an intimate relationship! I have much less important priorities that I wish to attend to in my own selfish accord!
Yeah, well, often it's not up to you and your logic, sonny boy.

(lolk you're prolly not too much younger than me)

FIGHT current chapter: Filling In The Gaps
FIGHT_2 current chapter: Light Years of Gold
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:06PM
TheMidge28 at 5:55PM, Feb. 22, 2008
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JustNoPoint
Exactly why I most likely will never marry or even get involved in an intimate relationship! I have much less important priorities that I wish to attend to in my own selfish accord!

sounds like a definite opener to a romance comedy from the eighties!
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:24PM
Puff_Of_Smoke at 6:32PM, Feb. 22, 2008
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I can't even pretend to know what you're feeling right now, but I do know it's probably very terrible…

Look on the bright side though, if something that bad has happened to you, it just means something good is just itching to happen to you :D
I
I have a gun. It's really powerful. Especially against living things.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:55PM
kyupol at 6:48AM, Feb. 23, 2008
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…my own selfish accord!

No you're not selfish. You are just intelligent enough to arrive at that conclusion. :)




NOW UPDATING!!!
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:25PM
HybridLemonade at 12:44PM, Feb. 25, 2008
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Im sorry that happened to you D:
though I am young, and have not been in that kind of sitiuation, I can say that
its best just to move on. sounds like you have a kid, and are trying to do your
best for him/her. which is wonderful especially with the work your always dealing with.
because they ALWAYS come first.

I wish you lots of luck.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:52PM
Ailorn at 9:19AM, March 2, 2008
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It really is awful that this happend. I'm glad to hear that you are picking yourself up and moving on. Hopefully things will be better in the future. I do agree with what everyone has been saying about putting your family before work. You are so lucky that you have something good to come from the situation. Your son who loves you. If anything this can be a learning experience. good luck.
last edited on July 14, 2011 10:47AM

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