Hey guys, It's actually Emi here today. This page broke my heart. There is nothing worse than feeling low and in so much hurt, to the point where you can't feel or know what to do. Next week: Sarah tries to deal with the hurt oh Janey cheating.
Sure, I've cheated too, with someone I'd been friends with (online) for years and about whom my girlfriend was already nervous - so not that dissimilar to what Janey did here. And I'll tell you what, it worked out _great_ for me - I've been with the girl I cheated with (who was cheating too, on her husband) for four and a half years, we have a civil partnership and two cats, and we're idyllically happy. But I didn't make excuses for it. It was still the wrong thing to do - and it most certainly, and quite rightly, signalled the end of my relationship.
I don't understand the appeal of polygamy so I may be biased and I might be considered cruel for this but I honestly think infidelity should never be forgiven. Ever. I'm an open-minded person and I always try to understand everyone's perspective but I absolutely refuse to believe you can love someone and do that to them. To cheat on someone you must think so little of them to be able to tell yourself it's OK. If you're no longer happy or your needs aren't being satisfied or whatever just sack up and end it instead of dragging your partner's feelings through the dirt. I can't fathom how you could enjoy being with someone when you know there's another someone else where who believes they're your world.
The world certainly isn't simple and unexpected things happen but, for some things, a line must be drawn. It sounds stubborn to say but "fuck cheaters" is one of my very few life rules I'm not willing to compromise on.
That's true. Life isn't that simple, no matter how much we wish.
I'll admit I don't understand. I've only witnessed it through others. Most everyone in my fam has experienced some form of it or another. And perhaps this is because I've only ever witnessed negatives. No one made up or reconciled and there's still bad blood. So I'll be honest too and admit I'm oh so very biased. And I'm about 70/30 against them making up. I've also become a regular lurker on this surviving cheating site that's also probably affected me.
As it is... I can't really think of anything new to add that hasn't already been said so I'll follow DarkVisor's lead here and just sit back, relax and see what goes down.
@Udyr Some of us have been on both sides of the spectrum. I'm big enough to admit I did it, and I know I was wrong. I also know that unless you've done it you really can't understand how tough it can be from both sides. Those who have only been cheated on, or who have never been cheated on, really can only empathize with one side. I'm just saying there are two sides. It's never a simple affair. Give Janey some credit, too, for not denying it or making some stupid excuse. Life is never all that simple. ~Liz
She did refuse the threesome, which puts one stick against things. She only toyed with the idea of exhibitionism...in webcomic form. She refused to even discuss the idea of anal. Yeah, it's a do or not thing, but not to even talk and explain why...it's frustrating. I can't fully blame Janey if she gave up on the notion of exploring sexually with Sarah. And as I've pointed out below, it's not the only problem that can be linked back to Sarah. She's a busybody, and would often neglect her own relationship to interfere with and try to help those of others. Including a person who, let's not forget, tried to kill Janey. And also a person she shared a kiss with. And with Sarah on Janey's case about spending and budgets, and Janey not having the most foresight out there, she probably felt like she needed a breath of fresh air. I've no doubt she loves Sarah, and didn't want her to hurt. I just doubt she thought this through to that extent. :/ Janey isn't that gifted. ~Liz
I'm interested in this idea that Sarah's uncompromising. The big (!) sticking point at one time was the dildo, and she got on board with that in the end and had a lot of fun with it. Other than refusing a threesome (which, in fairness, isn't really something you can 'compromise' on - you'll go there of you won't) I'm not seeing where she was uncompromising...
Once again, agreeing with LV. Something like this will always draw lines, and it seems the vast majority are firmly entrenched with Camp Sarah (will let this discusion end now; bring on Sarah: The Single Year{s})
Not saying it's any sort of excuse, but Janey is a bit...short-sighted with things. I could easily see it being a reason in her eyes. That, and Claire is her first crush. As for not talking about it with Sarah, I think Sarah made it fairly clear a number of times that she was not open to debate on any of the subjects. You won't hear me, or anyone, say that Janey didn't screw up royally. Cheating is fairly indefensible like that. All I'm saying is that it's rarely as simple as it's made out to be. Janey is narrow-sighted and a bit frivolous. Sarah is a busy-body who was negligent with Janey in favor of her circle of friends was closed on a lot of subjects. Even if she was open on one or two, it's not unfair to think Janey might've seen it as a fully-closed book. It's easy to point the finger and level the blame at Janey, but I think it took two in order to wreck this relationship. And I still don't think it's beyond repair, but both Sarah and Janey do need to grow a bit. ~Liz
I don't want to continue the debate so close to a new page but I could NEVER see Sarah not wanting to explore her sexuality the same way Janey does as a valid 'reason' for Janey cheating. Sexual frustration is bad, yeah. But since sexual experience is something unique to everyone, if your partner isn't comfortable with what you want to do, that is no reason to find that experience elsewhere without your partner's consent. If having *whatever* desire fulfilled is worth more to someone that what their partner is comfortable with, then it's clearly not a relationship worth pursuing. I'm sorry but I really can't see "you didn't want to do X, Y, Z so I'm going to cheat on you rather than talk to you about it" to ever be acceptable. Sorry Sarah! Didn't mean to continue things on (only just read your latest comment). I still look forward to more pages as usual!
Comic_didi: Yeah, I will tell you that this wasn't a one off. It seemed too corny to suggest that Sarah happened to stumble on a one off lapse of morality so I put the glasses and the bottle there to hint at pre-planning as many of you picked up on. Janey's dug a big hole and I will not defend her. Thanx again for the comments. I have to turn my back on this now or I'll never get any more pages done! :)
Marrog: Hi! :) Thanks for joining in and I loved all of your really interesting posts here. You're quite right about the mental impairment to Janey's brain. I know certain types of head injury can be character changing and we all know that Janey has problems with thinking clearly now, but neither she or I will use that as an excuse for infidelity. She's always had a pretty selfish streak which she sometimes makes up for with her random acts of kindness but at the end of the day she knows she has done wrong and will try to persuade Sarah and us of her remorse.
@DV: Well, they're both equally bad, imo. Preplanned is bad for obvious reasons, of course. But if it wasn't planned, that just means someone didn't have the willpower, restraint or thought that maybe it was a bad idea. Honestly, there's no softening this situation.
Way to much for me to comment on here individually, but jeez I'm listening to all of you and trying to learn as much from this as possible. I've never cheated or been cheated on so in many ways in going down this path is risky considering I have no first hand experience. I know how I would feel in Sarah's position right now so for the most part I'm basing it on incidents that have left me feeling similarly betrayed or rejected etc. and one thing I've always done is to listen to others and try to see their experiences from their perspective which is why in this case I'll be greatly guided by the feedback. I think the beauty of this is that it's really all hanging on Sarah from now on. Janey's screwed up and knows it and is going to try to save the relationship, but you guys are looking through Sarah's eyes with me and 'we' are digesting all of your comments, so at the end of the day the decision wont be based on popular opinion but the comments that have moved me the most. cont...
....Those like Royce who have been through this and either forgave or moved on, are obviously the most crucial responders who will guide me on Sarah and Janey's future, but it will also be interesting to see if Janey's remorse actually has some effect on those who are the most opposed to forgiveness now. As Royce points out too, forgiveness is a small part of the acceptance and Sarah will still have issues of trust and disgust as well as her sadness to deal with as well, so this isn't something that's going to blow over easily.
'Excuses' is, along with the word 'sorry', something personally don't believe in. Was giving possible _reasons_ for Janeys behaviour, but ultimately only Skye can answer them (and if she did, would make less what she has written {it's similar to how you should never have to explain a joke}). People see a bottle and 2 glasses and automatically assume the sleeping was pre-planned, as though one can never share a bottle with a friend without it turning sexual
It's interesting reading the comments for the first time and seeing how people feel about characters! I sort of always assumed Janey was _meant_ to be the girl you watched the protagonist getting involved with through the gaps between your fingers, praying every time they broke up that it would be the last time and sighing as Sarah was, as ever, drawn inexorably toward her once more. But apparently some folk actually _want_ them to be together and _like_ Janey? Weird! I guess for me I feel like when you get together with someone while you both still have so much growing up to do, you tend end up either growing up and (unless you're very lucky) ending up too incompatible to stay together, or holding onto the parts of yourself that keep you together. Seems to me like Sarah's been stalling finishing growing up for years for Janey's sake. Brain damage or no, the girl's a millstone around her neck.
@sky: I am intrigued that you are putting the fate of their relationship into our hands! Part of me is excited yet wary. It's a bit of proof that I've come a ways from when I was younger. I'd not hesitate to say that I'm voting for permanent separation. But now... I don't know. I guess I'll truly decide when the story continues. See if Janey is sorry for getting caught or truly remorseful... whether that is enough or not.
But yeah, sometimes cheating is a total dealbreaker. That's just the way the cards fall. Sometimes being remorseful or extenuating circumstances just isn't enough. If they stay together, Janey will be one lucky bitch and she'd better never forget. And if they don't... welll... consequences and all that.
I, again, state that there is absolutely no acceptable excuse for cheating. I've been there myself and other than being a total douchbag I don't agree with any explanation. If you have a problem - talk to the person and don't fuck them over. I also agree with marrog that the person involved here also plays a major role.
Started reading a few years ago, & finished up these past couple of days. I quite enjoy the overblown, melodramatic style of the comic - anything goes! Thing is though, @DarkVisor, having any sort of injury isn't an excuse for bad behaviour. She didn't go off and shag some random girl out of desperation and loneliness; this is obviously an affair that's been going on, if not for long, certainly for a wee while. Janey may well need more care than Sarah's able to give (or at least, that Sarah's able to give exclusively; she puts a LOT of time into helping folk), but the response to that being to cheat with your best friend who you've always fancied? That's a crappy thing to do, and there's no excuse for it, no justification. It's not just about what she did, it's about who she did it with. She's going to have to live with the consequences of that and if Sarah's smart she'll stay away. Permanently. ~marrog
A person can forgive cheating, but forgetting is another matter. It never really goes away. It's been 18 years and I am still jealous, still feel inadequate, still sometimes cry. Should I have dumped him? I'm glad I didn't. We have had a wonderful, grand adventure together. I am where I want to be in life. That said, I feel never, never in your partner's and your bed. That is just nasty.
marrog at 1:39PM, Oct. 20, 2012
Sure, I've cheated too, with someone I'd been friends with (online) for years and about whom my girlfriend was already nervous - so not that dissimilar to what Janey did here. And I'll tell you what, it worked out _great_ for me - I've been with the girl I cheated with (who was cheating too, on her husband) for four and a half years, we have a civil partnership and two cats, and we're idyllically happy. But I didn't make excuses for it. It was still the wrong thing to do - and it most certainly, and quite rightly, signalled the end of my relationship.
BearinOz at 12:58AM, Oct. 20, 2012
Come on, come ON ! - where IS the next page !??/ B-)
Stripeyhat at 4:41PM, Oct. 19, 2012
I don't understand the appeal of polygamy so I may be biased and I might be considered cruel for this but I honestly think infidelity should never be forgiven. Ever. I'm an open-minded person and I always try to understand everyone's perspective but I absolutely refuse to believe you can love someone and do that to them. To cheat on someone you must think so little of them to be able to tell yourself it's OK. If you're no longer happy or your needs aren't being satisfied or whatever just sack up and end it instead of dragging your partner's feelings through the dirt. I can't fathom how you could enjoy being with someone when you know there's another someone else where who believes they're your world. The world certainly isn't simple and unexpected things happen but, for some things, a line must be drawn. It sounds stubborn to say but "fuck cheaters" is one of my very few life rules I'm not willing to compromise on.
comic_didi at 2:45PM, Oct. 19, 2012
That's true. Life isn't that simple, no matter how much we wish. I'll admit I don't understand. I've only witnessed it through others. Most everyone in my fam has experienced some form of it or another. And perhaps this is because I've only ever witnessed negatives. No one made up or reconciled and there's still bad blood. So I'll be honest too and admit I'm oh so very biased. And I'm about 70/30 against them making up. I've also become a regular lurker on this surviving cheating site that's also probably affected me. As it is... I can't really think of anything new to add that hasn't already been said so I'll follow DarkVisor's lead here and just sit back, relax and see what goes down.
Lunaris Victoria at 1:20PM, Oct. 19, 2012
@Udyr Some of us have been on both sides of the spectrum. I'm big enough to admit I did it, and I know I was wrong. I also know that unless you've done it you really can't understand how tough it can be from both sides. Those who have only been cheated on, or who have never been cheated on, really can only empathize with one side. I'm just saying there are two sides. It's never a simple affair. Give Janey some credit, too, for not denying it or making some stupid excuse. Life is never all that simple. ~Liz
Udyr at 12:52PM, Oct. 19, 2012
No matter what, there's absolutely NO reason to cheat on someone. I don't understand why people defend Janey for cheating, what the hell?
Lunaris Victoria at 11:35AM, Oct. 19, 2012
She did refuse the threesome, which puts one stick against things. She only toyed with the idea of exhibitionism...in webcomic form. She refused to even discuss the idea of anal. Yeah, it's a do or not thing, but not to even talk and explain why...it's frustrating. I can't fully blame Janey if she gave up on the notion of exploring sexually with Sarah. And as I've pointed out below, it's not the only problem that can be linked back to Sarah. She's a busybody, and would often neglect her own relationship to interfere with and try to help those of others. Including a person who, let's not forget, tried to kill Janey. And also a person she shared a kiss with. And with Sarah on Janey's case about spending and budgets, and Janey not having the most foresight out there, she probably felt like she needed a breath of fresh air. I've no doubt she loves Sarah, and didn't want her to hurt. I just doubt she thought this through to that extent. :/ Janey isn't that gifted. ~Liz
marrog at 10:47AM, Oct. 19, 2012
I'm interested in this idea that Sarah's uncompromising. The big (!) sticking point at one time was the dildo, and she got on board with that in the end and had a lot of fun with it. Other than refusing a threesome (which, in fairness, isn't really something you can 'compromise' on - you'll go there of you won't) I'm not seeing where she was uncompromising...
DarkVisor at 4:55AM, Oct. 19, 2012
Once again, agreeing with LV. Something like this will always draw lines, and it seems the vast majority are firmly entrenched with Camp Sarah (will let this discusion end now; bring on Sarah: The Single Year{s})
Lunaris Victoria at 5:26PM, Oct. 18, 2012
Not saying it's any sort of excuse, but Janey is a bit...short-sighted with things. I could easily see it being a reason in her eyes. That, and Claire is her first crush. As for not talking about it with Sarah, I think Sarah made it fairly clear a number of times that she was not open to debate on any of the subjects. You won't hear me, or anyone, say that Janey didn't screw up royally. Cheating is fairly indefensible like that. All I'm saying is that it's rarely as simple as it's made out to be. Janey is narrow-sighted and a bit frivolous. Sarah is a busy-body who was negligent with Janey in favor of her circle of friends was closed on a lot of subjects. Even if she was open on one or two, it's not unfair to think Janey might've seen it as a fully-closed book. It's easy to point the finger and level the blame at Janey, but I think it took two in order to wreck this relationship. And I still don't think it's beyond repair, but both Sarah and Janey do need to grow a bit. ~Liz
Little Swan at 3:56PM, Oct. 18, 2012
I don't want to continue the debate so close to a new page but I could NEVER see Sarah not wanting to explore her sexuality the same way Janey does as a valid 'reason' for Janey cheating. Sexual frustration is bad, yeah. But since sexual experience is something unique to everyone, if your partner isn't comfortable with what you want to do, that is no reason to find that experience elsewhere without your partner's consent. If having *whatever* desire fulfilled is worth more to someone that what their partner is comfortable with, then it's clearly not a relationship worth pursuing. I'm sorry but I really can't see "you didn't want to do X, Y, Z so I'm going to cheat on you rather than talk to you about it" to ever be acceptable. Sorry Sarah! Didn't mean to continue things on (only just read your latest comment). I still look forward to more pages as usual!
skyangel at 9:17AM, Oct. 18, 2012
Comic_didi: Yeah, I will tell you that this wasn't a one off. It seemed too corny to suggest that Sarah happened to stumble on a one off lapse of morality so I put the glasses and the bottle there to hint at pre-planning as many of you picked up on. Janey's dug a big hole and I will not defend her. Thanx again for the comments. I have to turn my back on this now or I'll never get any more pages done! :)
skyangel at 8:49AM, Oct. 18, 2012
Marrog: Hi! :) Thanks for joining in and I loved all of your really interesting posts here. You're quite right about the mental impairment to Janey's brain. I know certain types of head injury can be character changing and we all know that Janey has problems with thinking clearly now, but neither she or I will use that as an excuse for infidelity. She's always had a pretty selfish streak which she sometimes makes up for with her random acts of kindness but at the end of the day she knows she has done wrong and will try to persuade Sarah and us of her remorse.
comic_didi at 8:41AM, Oct. 18, 2012
@DV: Well, they're both equally bad, imo. Preplanned is bad for obvious reasons, of course. But if it wasn't planned, that just means someone didn't have the willpower, restraint or thought that maybe it was a bad idea. Honestly, there's no softening this situation.
skyangel at 8:36AM, Oct. 18, 2012
Way to much for me to comment on here individually, but jeez I'm listening to all of you and trying to learn as much from this as possible. I've never cheated or been cheated on so in many ways in going down this path is risky considering I have no first hand experience. I know how I would feel in Sarah's position right now so for the most part I'm basing it on incidents that have left me feeling similarly betrayed or rejected etc. and one thing I've always done is to listen to others and try to see their experiences from their perspective which is why in this case I'll be greatly guided by the feedback. I think the beauty of this is that it's really all hanging on Sarah from now on. Janey's screwed up and knows it and is going to try to save the relationship, but you guys are looking through Sarah's eyes with me and 'we' are digesting all of your comments, so at the end of the day the decision wont be based on popular opinion but the comments that have moved me the most. cont...
skyangel at 8:35AM, Oct. 18, 2012
....Those like Royce who have been through this and either forgave or moved on, are obviously the most crucial responders who will guide me on Sarah and Janey's future, but it will also be interesting to see if Janey's remorse actually has some effect on those who are the most opposed to forgiveness now. As Royce points out too, forgiveness is a small part of the acceptance and Sarah will still have issues of trust and disgust as well as her sadness to deal with as well, so this isn't something that's going to blow over easily.
marrog at 7:30AM, Oct. 18, 2012
@DV - I can't say that I often invite friends to come drink wine with me _in my bedroom_...
DarkVisor at 4:43AM, Oct. 18, 2012
'Excuses' is, along with the word 'sorry', something personally don't believe in. Was giving possible _reasons_ for Janeys behaviour, but ultimately only Skye can answer them (and if she did, would make less what she has written {it's similar to how you should never have to explain a joke}). People see a bottle and 2 glasses and automatically assume the sleeping was pre-planned, as though one can never share a bottle with a friend without it turning sexual
oldironside at 3:27AM, Oct. 18, 2012
@LV: Good luck. There's a lot of baggage there.
marrog at 2:44AM, Oct. 18, 2012
It's interesting reading the comments for the first time and seeing how people feel about characters! I sort of always assumed Janey was _meant_ to be the girl you watched the protagonist getting involved with through the gaps between your fingers, praying every time they broke up that it would be the last time and sighing as Sarah was, as ever, drawn inexorably toward her once more. But apparently some folk actually _want_ them to be together and _like_ Janey? Weird! I guess for me I feel like when you get together with someone while you both still have so much growing up to do, you tend end up either growing up and (unless you're very lucky) ending up too incompatible to stay together, or holding onto the parts of yourself that keep you together. Seems to me like Sarah's been stalling finishing growing up for years for Janey's sake. Brain damage or no, the girl's a millstone around her neck.
Lunaris Victoria at 12:39AM, Oct. 18, 2012
If they split permanent, I'll take Janey in. :/
comic_didi at 10:44PM, Oct. 17, 2012
@sky: I am intrigued that you are putting the fate of their relationship into our hands! Part of me is excited yet wary. It's a bit of proof that I've come a ways from when I was younger. I'd not hesitate to say that I'm voting for permanent separation. But now... I don't know. I guess I'll truly decide when the story continues. See if Janey is sorry for getting caught or truly remorseful... whether that is enough or not. But yeah, sometimes cheating is a total dealbreaker. That's just the way the cards fall. Sometimes being remorseful or extenuating circumstances just isn't enough. If they stay together, Janey will be one lucky bitch and she'd better never forget. And if they don't... welll... consequences and all that.
arici at 3:35PM, Oct. 17, 2012
I, again, state that there is absolutely no acceptable excuse for cheating. I've been there myself and other than being a total douchbag I don't agree with any explanation. If you have a problem - talk to the person and don't fuck them over. I also agree with marrog that the person involved here also plays a major role.
marrog at 2:50PM, Oct. 17, 2012
Started reading a few years ago, & finished up these past couple of days. I quite enjoy the overblown, melodramatic style of the comic - anything goes! Thing is though, @DarkVisor, having any sort of injury isn't an excuse for bad behaviour. She didn't go off and shag some random girl out of desperation and loneliness; this is obviously an affair that's been going on, if not for long, certainly for a wee while. Janey may well need more care than Sarah's able to give (or at least, that Sarah's able to give exclusively; she puts a LOT of time into helping folk), but the response to that being to cheat with your best friend who you've always fancied? That's a crappy thing to do, and there's no excuse for it, no justification. It's not just about what she did, it's about who she did it with. She's going to have to live with the consequences of that and if Sarah's smart she'll stay away. Permanently. ~marrog
roycemarie at 2:36PM, Oct. 17, 2012
A person can forgive cheating, but forgetting is another matter. It never really goes away. It's been 18 years and I am still jealous, still feel inadequate, still sometimes cry. Should I have dumped him? I'm glad I didn't. We have had a wonderful, grand adventure together. I am where I want to be in life. That said, I feel never, never in your partner's and your bed. That is just nasty.