I will admit to this, I am not good at script writing, but I tried my best on this and I think it sorta works, so I thought I would post it here to kinda get some feedback on it.




Page 1:

Panel One (Top Rectangle, 1/3rd of the page): View from above. It is of Newhavens Cementery, the tombstones look as if they are being lighted by an unknown source more powerful than the moon.
Text Box: Newhaven Cementery, a place where those who have passed on can rest in eternal slumber, or so some would wish…


Panel Two: View from behind, an unknown figure dressed in a tattered cloak is floating toward some graves, there seems to be some sort of strange energy coming from the mysterious figure, some trees inside the cementery begins to move from the energy, making the sound they would make in the breeze

Sound FX: whoooosh
Sound FX: Creaaakkk


Panel Three: A close up profile of the figure, we can see that it is a womans face, a woman with deep, sunken eyes but yet they show off a dark beauty about this woman, but they glow a sickening yellow, her skin is grey yet it looks so smooth as a living persons skin would be, her mouth is curled up in some sort of sadistic and yet Aristocratic smirk.

Zombie Queen: Yes, This city is ripe with negative energy, the perfect place to begin.


Panel Four: View from in-front of the woman who was named Zombie Queen,Her oufit is a tattered outfit, a cloak and hood covering her face, a scar on the right side of her face from her eye to her mouth. her arms are stretched in front, her hands glowing with a strange fire from them, this seems to be some sort of spell.

Sound FX: Whooosssshhhhmmmm
Zombie Queen: Arise those who have passed on, Arise my beautiful undead minions , Rise up and take your vengence upon the living !!!

Panel Five : A close up of a grave and the dirt in front of it, slowly rumbling as two hands burst out, one decaying and almost bone, a sickening and yet mournful noise comes from the dirt as a zombie slowly crawls from its grave, the zombie itself is a male, it cannot be known how old he was from the decay itself, being that he looked almost bone, a few rotting pieces of clothing show that he had been dead for at least the 1960's.

Sound FX: Groooooooooaaaaaaaannnnn

sux
I will admit to this, I am not good at script writing…

On the contrary, I like it. My only suggestion would be to use a full-stop every once in a while in your longer panel descriptions.

Full Stop?

I think what Abt means is like with this panel…

sux
Panel Five : A close up of a grave and the dirt in front of it, slowly rumbling as two hands burst out, one decaying and almost bone, a sickening and yet mournful noise comes from the dirt as a zombie slowly crawls from its grave, the zombie itself is a male, it cannot be known how old he was from the decay itself, being that he looked almost bone, a few rotting pieces of clothing show that he had been dead for at least the 1960's.

Sound FX: Groooooooooaaaaaaaannnnn

… an artist is more likely to need a minimum of two panels to execute. I'd use three myself just for this part despite it's being written for one panel. So I think what Abt's saying is that if a panel description is describing more than one action, it'd probably have to be split into several so that the artist doesn't have to come back and ask if s/he can deviate from the script.

Ah I see now, I'm still learning how to do scriptwork, I'm more of a “Write it out like an actual story” sort of writer, but practice right?

Oh! My dictionary just taught me that “full stop” is a British idiom, and that the US equivalent would be “period”. So, just a misunderstanding.

What I really meant was, inserting, um, periods like this:

Panel Five : A close up of a grave and the dirt in front of it, slowly rumbling as two hands burst out, one decaying and almost bone. (=PERIOD) A sickening and yet mournful noise comes from the dirt as a zombie slowly crawls from its grave. (=PERIOD) The zombie itself is a male, it cannot be known how old he was from the decay itself, being that he looked almost bone, a few rotting pieces of clothing show that he had been dead for at least the 1960's.

This is obviously by no means a dramatic change, it just helps me to keep track of where a sentence ends… I find visualizing longer descriptions far easier that way :)

But fukujinzuke's right too, you could split that panel into two. Personally, I like to let the artist make some of these decisions, so I always include a remark like “artists can expand or compress pages/panels as they see fit”. I think the relationship between writer and artist is one of collaboration. But again, that's just my personal preference.

Gotcha, I looked into dividing it into three small panels of the grave, the ground and then the hands bursting out, and I think it works, when I finish it up, I'll show Abt and we can see from there.

Abt:I have a 2 part story in mind probably involving Archangel and Clockwork as one of the main problems in the part (wouldn't like to say villain…as I can most likely guess that both are misguided after things that have happened to them before) But obviously, it's only an idea so I'm still not sure. I am happy to work with seb on this, as I am aware he mentioned he'd like to work on Clockwork later on.
Let me know, it's only a thought, but if I could work on this, I'd more than likely would want to do it with a partner (seb, yourself, or any in the experience of the two I mentioned before) just so I don't get it wrong. Just let me know, if you need a quick synopsis, you can have one, its all just in my head at the minute

mind_reader: Working with Archangel will probably be less difficult than working with Clockwork - there might be a conflict of interests. It really depends on where you'd wanna take the character, since I do have rough plans of my own.

Abt has a better idea of what to do with Clockwork than I have. While I have more time on my hands, he's the one with all the answers.

abt: Basically, as it stands from my perspective, the hero is still a kid, and he's just lost a father figure. My idea was some sort of misguided attempt to bring this hero back, but obviously going the wrong way about it, the entire encounter seeming to have broken him, but he's still doing what he believes is right. I mean, he's just a kid…he'd be doing this sort of stuff.
Is totally up to you lot, I have a few ideas in where this would go and things, so just let me know.

mind_reader: Of course, that would absolutely make sense. Anything expressing his grief (coupled with the “he's just a kid” thing) would define his character and thus make my work easier ^_^ Let's keep in touch about this.

Sure thing. Via PQ or just on here?
I have ideas in my mind just now that I think might work for this story.

I've just completed the script for HA #3. Anybody who needs to know details for continuity reasons, please PQ me or post here.

I wouldn't mind seeing it :)

I'm assuming that for the foreseeable future*, HA will not cross over into Energize: Hunted territory. Or are there good reasons against this assumption? (See also my post in the timeline thread.)

In a similar vein, Nepath has PQ'd me the following:

Nepath
I have one request regarding the scripting of the HU Commander if that's okay.

Her brush with Darkness has brought out her more obsessive side to her personality. It has made her a more volatile character (which will be touched upon further in Hunted). It would be nice for continuity if this change in personality could be reflected upon. Your call though, this is your comic!

I'm not sure whether I can accommodate this change of personality in HA #3, but there's the possibility that it will affect future chapters.


*There's the separate question about "what's the foreseeable future“. For now, I'm talking about HA #3, HA #4 (= fan-service chapter), HA #5 (ZannanIV's story), some which we haven't discussed yet (#6-8 possibly? I wouldn't want to stretch this ”season“ out too far, even though previously I've vaguely assumed we'll have 13 chapters), and the ”Villains Unite" season finale.

Just had a little idea of what could possibly work as a good starter for the second series, obviously kicking it off with a bang. basically the members get picked off one by one (most likely a two parter)…some new villain who could be like one of the mainstream villains of that series, possibly having a close, hidden tie to one of the members…to have the more scary factor involved?

mind_reader: I find this sort of concept interesting if it tells us something about the characters. So we'd have to find something that ties this concept specifically to the characters in question… including the villain.
There's also the danger that you'd have a lot of repetition… scene 1: A gets picked off, scene 2: B gets picked off, and so on. So, this needs some interesting idea/motivation to hold it all together, I think.

Question to everyone:

With ZannanIV's and mind_reader's stories underway, the issue about which hero is introduced when has been coming up. Which leads to the questions…

1) …out of the characters which have been submitted so far, who should be on the team and who should be treated like a crossover character? I'd like to make this distinction between a “core team” and characters who might appear in a chapter, but wouldn't be official team members.

2) …out of the team members, who needs an official introduction, and who can just join off-screen, inbetween chapters? (For example, I'm assuming that Peligroso and Mr Imp have joined between #2 and #3, while Bleeder joins “on-screen” in #3.) Or, in other words: Whose joining should be an “event”?

I'll probably edit my first post in the “team building” thread and change it to a who's who… but I thought I should first ask for your opinions. Obviously, these questions don't have to be answered right away for every single character.


BTW, the answer I gave to mind_reader (via PQ) was:

After HA #3, the following will definitely be on the team:

Relik
Shell
Vora
Titan
Bombshell
Virtus
Comet Kid
Azumorph
Mr Imp
Blue Jay
Peligroso
Bleeder

And you could probably pick a few more from (the team building) thread, because we don't need to explicitly introduce everyone. We can just assume that some of them have been introduced inbetween chapters - especially those who have appeared on HU chapters before.

Kain The White Shadow and Shadow Fox are offered a spot at the end of my story. Whether or not they accepted it is up to the creators, I'd think.

I've got Dr Destiny at the end of HA#4 in the current draft. I've also got Amalgam in a one-liner role in the beginning.

ZannanIV & fukujinzuke: I think these four would definitely make sense as the next team members. I almost included Dr Destiny in HA #3 already.

ZannanIV: I'm assuming that their creators would be okay with their joining, given they've submitted them in the team building thread (I just looked at their posts again, and they both seem to agree with their joining the team, or at least they don't explicitly disagree). Of course, specifics can and should be worked out with the creators.

I am certain that Kaine's creator would be more than OK with him joining! He said to me himself that he would post in the forums more if his character got a more permanent spot.

How about we start discussing what comes after HA #4?

I've heard from several people that they'd write something, but so far, the placement of these stories has been more or less vague. Also, I'm not sure who's really committed to writing something, and who's just been tossing ideas around.

So, to those who are working on something: please state your current plans and/or writing stage.

And to those who have ideas about where HA season 1 should be going, please post here as well.

We'll also still have to figure out how to best set up “Psychosis Wave” and “Villains Alliance”, if I'm not mistaken.

I should also add that there's gonna be some big HU/HA cross-over in the middle of the season (written by Nepath and myself), but I can't say anything about that, except that when it's over, HA will *really* be an independent team. There is an era “before” and there is an era “after”, and we should savor both. If possible, I'd like to have some explicit HU connections in the stories “before” (which won't be too many), so it's very clear that there's a change between the before and after.

Abt_Nihil
How about we start discussing what comes after HA #4?

I've heard from several people that they'd write something, but so far, the placement of these stories has been more or less vague. Also, I'm not sure who's really committed to writing something, and who's just been tossing ideas around.

So, to those who are working on something: please state your current plans and/or writing stage.

I am writing a story featuring Azumorph, Peligroso and Kaine, fighting Zombie Queen, I am at the fighting scenes, so I am about half-way done with my basic script, editing it will commence when it is completed and approved by those involved and of course our Lord and Master's Abt's approval :P

Isn't Step 1 after HA 4?

Definitely. But it could still be #5… or #6… or…

Well, I'm ALWAYS (almost) up for penning another script.

I've been playing around with whether I should be adressing why Virtus is acting so distant in HA #4 compared to HA #1-2, but I'm waiting for the right story proposal to come along where that would fit in. Been wondering if I could tie it into Nepath's request to portray the Commander as more of a control freak…

That being said, I'm not much for creating a story from scratch when there are so many great suggestions being thrown around.

Since I co-wrote the ‘season premiere’ it feels as if I should have some, if only slight, input into the season finale, which if I'm not mistaken is the self-explanatory Villains Alliance arc we've already planted hints for. (Which I still withold should be titled Villains Unite for it's similarities with the HU Initiative rather than the smaller Alliance.)

My personal vision, if I'm allowed to be a bit of a dreamer, is to keep the first season as open as possible for new talents, while still capable of following through with the plot threads planted by previous writers. We've already managed to weave together the entrance of my character as the first HA member that wasn't previously associated with any HU business, Abt's “Sudden Sidekick Orphans” side-plot and we're slowly moving forward towards the split from the soon to be defunct in-universe Heroes Unite.

HA #1-2 - PILOT
HA #3
HA #4 - Fanservice issue
???
HA #?- Mid-season HU/HA Crossover
???
HA #?- Season Finale (Villains Unite/Union/Alliance?)

I thought about it, and I think something we'd need before the HU/HA cross-over is a scene like this one:
The HU Commander orders Bombshell to do something, which goes against Bombshell's own judgment, so she refuses to do it. This would be either: (1) The HA team is on a mission, and the HU Commanders gets intel about it and disagrees with the way it's being handled, or (2) The HU Commander requests the HA team to help in an HU affair, which Bombshell won't do, either because she disagrees with what the Commander would order them to do, or because she won't abandon their current mission for what the Commander orders them to do.
So, the Commander orders Relik to sabotage the mission, or something. This has to be something that makes sense to Relik though - he shouldn't end up being the bad guy in this. Thus, there's a more or less open conflict between Bombshell and Relik for the time being, and this conflict isn't resolved until the HU/HA cross-over. The HA team may come out stronger in the end, but there's still that basic conflict. We may have a schism between members who favor Bombshell and others who favor Relik. Not an all-out Civil War, but something which keeps team dynamics interesting. And even after HU is done with, there would still be the issue of outside forces (politics, economics) trying to influence super heroes. For now, HA might be the “secret ops” team mind_reader suggested it could be, but they won't be acting in a political void.

On another note, the side plots I introduced are mainly to have options in the long run. Neither the sidekick thing nor the mole plot will reach their climax anytime soon. I do have ideas for how these could play out, but they're something for me to have long-term options. If I'll be able to stick around for that long, that is.

And yes, I agree that we should stick with “Villains Unite” instead of “Villains Alliance”, even though I might refer to it as one or the other at different times :P

Hmm… I could probably work with something like that. Not quite enough pieces to put a story pitch together yet, but it's a start.

Relik sabotaging a mission and yet try to keep him away from the villain role could be tricky. The simplest solution in my opinion is to follow the story centered from his point of view. That being said, I draw a blank on what kind of sabotage he would agree to do, so we'll have to think about that as well.

Let's also not forget the not confirmed yet plausible third party that stands neutral between Relik and Bombshell rather than picking sides.

Another piece might be about a key difference between Azu and V mentioned in the group dynamics topic. The first time Azujod mentioned Azumorph questioning Virtus on why he doesn't trust HU. When Energize: Hunted entered a hot spot and the end of Heroes Unite was announced, I had such a strong sense of Virtus going “I thought so.” at least in silence. XD

Politics and economics are an angle I'm always willing to get behind.

One one-shot idea I just remembered was a short story around Virtus and Titan that's been brewing a while below the surface. But it is more on a philosophical “talking heads” discussion on the nature of time travel and whether if Titan's mission is doomed to failure which starts off cold and logical but twists at the end towards the idealistic end. That, and I don't know how many people knows why Titan has come here from the future, even if V at least trusts her whether he has a choice or not about his secret identity as revealed in HA #4. So it would probably fit better as a break episode similar to the HA #0 issue or the soon to be released Halloween special or an epilogue sequence if greenlit.

Villains Unite it is then. ^^

As you can probably tell by now, it is very few moments when my mind isn't active. XD