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Pammertime 1: Everdeen vs. Can la Can

Andreas_Helixfinger at 12:00AM, July 30, 2023

Everdeen (To the left) Can la Can (On the right)

Welcome dear readers to this humble first match report on the world of Pammering Sports called Pammertime. Pammering is traditionally performed in a 15 bout run between six Pammers called a Derby, but we’re going to pick a single bout from a random Derby. This one being an Everdeen versus Can la Can match taking place during a Derby in the Pammerfall of the Triple Toucan casino, located in Dominoes, Port Hommerond, Isles of Helix.

Everdeen had kept a streak of good energy and high spirit throughout the Derby, but Can la Can looked a bit deflated here. From what I’d gathered she hadn’t been in her best sporting health the months prior. Had been diverging from the traditional Pammering diet quite a bit and had also suffered a bit of insomnia.

Right off the unleashing we get a charging clash between the two and a loud “Poomf” kind of sound can be heard throughout the casino basement as the two lock treaks on impact.

Everdeen overpowers Can la Can hurling her towards the north side, but Can la Can stands her ground while slipping out of the grapple lock. She then follows up with an air-stomp towards Everdeen’s face which hits Everdeens shoulder staggering her right leg. Can la Can follows up with more stomps - Everdeen receiving two powerful stomps to her back. You can then clearly hear her Libaneur shout:
“Chest!! Now!!”
And swiftly, like a fired rocket, pushes herself up on her back legs with a staggering blow of power chesting to Can la Cans face – Can la Can not paying enough heed to her Libaneur who was shouting “back off–back off” to her.

The blow is so impactful it sends Can la Can falling on her back with a light-headed look in her eyes. As Everdeen is about to bring her own stomping to a floored Can la Can the referee shouts “check” – as Can la Cans damper-gates are now visibly open in her knees shining red. Everdeen hurries back to her starting side as Can la Can gently turns herself over on her belly – her back colored brown now of all the mud – and then slowly begins the careful procedure of trying to stand upright without damping out.

And for a moment it looks like she is getting there, about to pass her check, when—“ploof”—her crimson red dampers pop out of their gates full swoll – Can la Can squeezing her eyes shut in clear frustration, knowing what word she’s going to hear next from the ref.
The ref shouts. Can la Can has lost the match to Everdeen who is jumping on her front legs in childlike giddyness.

Can la Can leaves the fall in defeat as Everdeens Pammer theme is being played by the Zcords and she catches her victory rose that is thrown down to her by the ref in the crow nest.
“The winner is Everdeeeeeen!!!”
The ref shouts as Everdeen does her victory lap around the fall before leaving its mud floor in triumph.

It goes to show that sometimes it pays off for a Pammer to pay notice to her Libaneur’s helping directions. Had Can la Can backed off and gone for a stronger follow up of attack instead of trying to D.O-minate – while clearly leaving too much of a window between her stomps that Everdeen could, and did, turn the tables on – she may have held out longer. Also it could have helped if she’d gotten proper sleep and laid off those Grillcastle burgers. They are not part of a healthy Pammering diet.

And that was this Sunday’s match report. Here's a link below to a forum thread that explains the Pammering sport rules and the Pammering game rules and the scoring of the Pammer game session that I used as the groundwork for this here today's weird little sports narrative.

Join us coming Sundays for more Pammertime! Have a good one.

Green dice is Everdeen's dice. Red is Can la Can's.



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