The Duck Webcomics

Jealousy

Andreas_Helixfinger at 12:00AM, Oct. 15, 2023

7 likes!

This is gonna be sort of a follow up on the last article newspost I made. I’ve been trying to follow the advice that was given to me last time and I feel like it has already yielded some promising results. Problem is I’m still frustrated. Still conflicted on wether I should focus on one comic like I’ve been doing these last weeks and try to be effective, or if I really should try to revive the anything goes mentality I ran with before.

Because I can’t decide if these frustrations before was built upon not getting the results that I truly wanted out of it all, or if it was all just—well—jealousy. By the time a wrote that article and even the following weeks I’ve been struggling with feelings of jealousy towards my fellow creators. I’ve been committing the sin of comparing myself to other creators, particularly in the light of the soon to be concluded DD Awards.

Feelings like “why can’t I be that productive and be recogniced for it!” and “How long was it since I started my first comic? Four years! And I still haven’t reached a 100 pages yet! Wuuut!”. Emotions and thoughts like that. It’s kind of a new experience for me, because before non of it was that much of a factor—or at least I don’t remember it being that. For the most part I was able to just focus on my passion, not worry too much about progress and just do it for the fun of it all. After all we’re all just making webcomics on our free time - for the fun of it mostly - not Hollywood cinema. So what is there to be jealous about?

But then I’m hit with this overwhelming sense of insecurity and fear. What if I’m “failing” in this! What if I’ve wasted too much time on the worldbuilding stuff and now I’ve lost too much time to actually complete the stories! But at the same time I feel like time shouldn’t be too much of an issue. Progress shouldn’t be too much of an issue. I mean suppose you got it all done tomorrow and then you don’t know what to create next. It’s over! That would be a huge bummer for me. I would feel like I’ve lost my one and truly form of escapism, as all other forms of escapisms just doesn’t really do it for me anymore.

So! This has been yet another little vent. I would love to hear if anyone of you have ever struggled with feelings of jealousy at one point? It’s embarrassing to admit, I know, but it’s a thing that can happen even in a relatively small venue like ours, I think. Whenever and wherever you have people that is doing the same thing you do to compare yourself to, it can be a mistake easily made. Especially if you happen to have a bit of an ego about what you do like I do.

As always feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments below and have a good Sunday.

Andreas_Helixfinger at 7:35PM, Oct. 16, 2023

@Ironscarf - I am trying to turn into something positive. Seems like I'm just so anxious trying to commit to one story when I have so many stories battling inside my head for attention all at the same time. So when it comes to focusing on one comic alone it feels like it can't just be cheer will, it has to be an obligation. Something I MUST do. Otherwise my mind is just gonna fly away to some other shiny, bright new story idea again:P

Ironscarf at 9:17AM, Oct. 16, 2023

I've won DD Awards in the past and I've never been an award winning kind of person, so it was nice to bask in the glow of success for a few minutes, but then it's back to making your comic/s, just the same as before. That's why you need to be making the thing, or things you love, or you'll never be happy. I wouldn't recommend making several at once - aside from work involved they could all start to feel similar, in which case you might as well combine them all into one story. As for reaching and end point, that not how creativity works. When you finish the last idea you have now, there will be ten new ones tapping on your shoulder. Treat jealousy in a positive way as Skyangel suggests: when you see work that you aspire to, steal from... I mean take inspiration from it. That's how we all get better after all.

Andreas_Helixfinger at 2:43AM, Oct. 16, 2023

@davidxolukoga - Yeah, you're right. My mind's just been out of wack, for quite some time it feels. But I wanna get my shit together and I feel like sharing this and talk with you guys about it helps me do that.

davidxolukoga at 1:44AM, Oct. 16, 2023

Dude just be like water flow and don’t think. This isn’t webtoons where everyone is super competitive and out for blood. This is the drunk duck, where you can draw boobies and talk about the craziest shit in your comics.

Andreas_Helixfinger at 7:36PM, Oct. 15, 2023

@memo333 - I will try. Maybe I'm just scared of committment. Maybe I'ce just been fatigued. I've asked myself again and again "if you had to pick one comic to complete, which one would it be?" And the answer is "Molly Lusc". It's gotta be. Maybe if I just keep at it, my scatttery brain will finally settle.

memo333 at 12:15PM, Oct. 15, 2023

Andreas_Helixfinger at 11:03AM, Oct. 15, 2023

skyangel@ - The thing about me is that what I want always changes. For a couple of weeks it was Molly Lusc I wanted do, or perhaps more correctly, felt like I SHOULD do. This week I didn't really want to do Molly Lusc, but I forced myself to draw a page for it. This very afternoon though I began penciling a page for Endtide instead and I had a blast doing that instead. Right now, I don't know which comic I could stick with from start to finnish. I feel like I have the will to see anyone of my comics to the end as I daydream about each one of them from time to time and constantly pop ideas for each one to write down, but my hunger for each one keeps swapping:P

skyangel at 9:42AM, Oct. 15, 2023

I always say the comic you should be working on is the one you WANT to! If you have several comics on the go and feel divided about which to do then it sounds like your heart probably isn't in any of them at the moment or else you would be enthusiastically working on that one now. And you've said it's your escape but feel worried you will feel lost without it which says a lot about the value of that world you have created! --I took a long break after my comic ended and in that time I've finally had the chance to play around more and explore writing different types of story and doing different art for Genejokes 'Lite Bites'to avoid any long term commitment yet still satisfy my desire to make comics, which you could also try. And being away from your original world might also help build the excitement you need to come back to it later on. Instead of feeling jealous try feeling inspired! Lastly,the awards should not be taken too seriously for the very reasons listed below! XD

Andreas_Helixfinger at 6:16AM, Oct. 15, 2023

Heck! I could instead of looking at the comcis page number seperately, look at their page numbers collectively instead. With that logic I'm way past the 100 pages mark:P

Andreas_Helixfinger at 5:57AM, Oct. 15, 2023

@PaulEberhardt & @marcorossi - As always, very, very good and very true feedback from both of you. Indeed I think one really just have to realize that there is, by the very nature of what we're all doing here, no objective standard to abide to and with that realization keep those feelings of insecurity and jealousy at bay. I really should just wholeheartadly embrace my collection of creative works as a niche in of itself. Following its own subjective rulebook, its own subjective standard, its own subjective truth, and nothing else. I think that's the mentality existentialist philosoper Soren Kirkegaard was trying to convey. And it is a mentality I am hoping to embrace one of these days.

PaulEberhardt at 3:24AM, Oct. 15, 2023

@marcorossi: Exactly! We're thinking very much along the same lines here.

Once I realised this many years ago, my own jealousies just vanished in thin air and never came back. This, and the other realisation that when I let my creativity run free, as most of us Duckers do, what I end up with is a niche product, the biggest fan of which might be myself. Whenever it turns out someone else likes it as well, I feel flattered and grateful I found some other people just as crazy as you and me here on the Duck. I hope this doesn't sound too much like Jantelagen; that's not what I mean. I draw my stuff mainly because it's fun, but also because it's one of the things that makes me special. And although I know I do so way too irregularly and slowly and out of line with anything sellable, I've found time and again to my surprise that this makes some of the so-called "normal" people jealous of me, you know the kind that's rarely seen here but actually exists in large numbers. That's the other thing that effectively keeps jealousy and related feelings from bothering me.

marcorossi at 3:09AM, Oct. 15, 2023

I think that most people who do webcomics put a lot of emotional investiment on it (because webcomics are hard and long to do), and therefore have a natural sense of insecurity because one fears that this project, subjectively very valuable, might not realli "succeed". However the comcept of "succeeding" for a webcomic is very ambiguous: we already are publishing for free so the normal parameter for success, sales, is out of the window; and we all do this knowingly, so what really is "success"? I think that for me "success" mean reaching a certain subjectively perceived level of quality, readers response might at best be an indicator, also because readers will have different tastes from me so something that is cool for me might be uninteresting for the readers.

PaulEberhardt at 3:05AM, Oct. 15, 2023

Jealousy... well, it proves you're human, better than any Captcha. Let me tell you this: you're certainly not failing! Perhaps there were one or two occasions when you didn't reach your goals, but that, too, just means you're human. I'll bet there is no one here who didn't have the same thoughts at some point. The thing is, while we do have awards as a friendly sporting fun event, you can't really compare one creator to another - it might be vaguely possible when confining it to a standardised field like professionally drawn manga, but perhaps not even there. We all have very different approaches, techniques and ideas where we want to go, and that is bound to produce very different speeds. Some things just take their time. It doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is doing your own thing.