708
usedbooks on April 13, 2009
My sister thought the action on this page was unclear. I'm the first to admit that any kind of action is not my forte, but my story requires some action and I'm the only artist I can afford. Anyway, I did my best. I hope the angle in panel 6 is apparent. I think the lighting effects helped some.
If I seem a little more sporadic (especially when visiting and commenting on other comics), it's because I started my new job last week and am getting used to the new schedule.
EDIT:
I uploaded a new version of this page with a couple minor touches that I think help. (Thanks to my readers for helping me figure out what was lacking.) You can see the original page here.
ghostrunner: Gotta keep 'em clean somehow.
blntmaker: There are a lot of characters to keep track of, so it's sort of necessary. And maybe it will help encourage new readers get past the way-too-many-pages phobia.
patoborracho: I've never been in a bar, but I think it would be less dangerous than alone in a park (maybe it depends on the bar).
Tantz: I'm afraid I cannot guarantee anyone's safety when Meredith is in the fray. -_-
DAJB: Sounds like a fun evening.
Peipei: Yep. Mina wouldn't wear those stilettos. They are not her kind of fashion.
amanda: I don't fear “the night” as long as at least one other person, or possibly a big dog, is with me. I don't mind any neighborhood as long as I'm not alone. (Women should travel in packs!)
LanceDanger: Lol. Snap.
JustNoPoint: She is quite the femme fatale; no? And I'm glad you take notice of the chapter titles. They hold mischievously playful hints and double meanings (whenever I can be clever with them). ^_~
Jonko: Alas, not Mina. We can feel bad for Mike, but he walks right into these things…
patrickdevine: At least he's running and yelling, right? Clumsiness will kill us all. -_-
kaitia at 5:01PM, Nov. 20, 2009
oh you have room to talk bitch(mrss neace for those who are wondering) XP
blntmaker at 5:01PM, April 15, 2009
There is movement in the panels and art, which allow for the action to be a mystery within itself. You don't use anamatopoeia often, so the point is made that he did fall and hurt himself (*crack* - that sounds painful...and I hear its addicting - don't do it). Seriously, all the best to you on the new job.
LanceDanger at 2:18PM, April 15, 2009
Lol, oh, Mike! XD This should be interesting =0
ttyler at 9:39PM, April 14, 2009
Handcuffs aren't always a bad thing.....but in this case, I'd say they were. lol
JustNoPoint at 2:46PM, April 14, 2009
Oh Patrick beat me... I should have refreshed to read newer comments :P Scene still looks good though. And I have done worse XD
JustNoPoint at 2:44PM, April 14, 2009
The only thing I see off is that he falls forward and hit the BACK of his head on the next panel. Other than that... if this is a set up and he's bait, I think it might be about time to real in the catch!
patrickdevine at 1:44PM, April 14, 2009
Yikes! There's not a whole lot that can improve this situation now. Maybe he could try a bluff like, "Oh hi, Fudo! Fancy seeing you here," The only thing I see here that's sort of confusing is that Mike is tripping and falling forward, but he appears to be falling *backwards* and hiting the back of his head in the panel immediately afterward. More of technicality to be fair. for the scene to work he really just needs to trip and hit his head.
Jonko at 10:59AM, April 14, 2009
Ahhh, poor Mike. I hope the killer doesn't end up killing him, although that may be too much to ask for... the action in this page was done very well. Good job, I must say...
usedbooks at 8:15AM, April 14, 2009
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I'm glad the actions came across okay, but it also lacked some of the "feeling," and your comments helped me figure out a couple more touches to emphasize it (and hide my misshapen fountain in panel 5 ^_^;). Shift-refresh for the new version. (You can see the original one [url=http://www.drunkduck.com/Used_Books/gfx/708orig.jpg]here[/url].)
amanda at 5:57AM, April 14, 2009
This is probably what would happen to me if I had to flee from someone. Ugh, poor Mike.
Tantz_Aerine at 5:32AM, April 14, 2009
He's unlucky, too. :(
n_y_japlander at 3:56AM, April 14, 2009
Nope... no confusion here.... Mike is a klutz, and this is not the first time he has aided his opponents.... Great job Vickie!!!! With every page I miss (and have to go back) I am noticing improvements!!! I wish I could get better as fast as you do!!!
Peipei at 2:36AM, April 14, 2009
Seems pretty clear to me xD. Seems like the sixth panel would have been delayed a bit but seeing a particular scene shouldn't be dwelled on for pages and pages, it's accurate. Also, I love the second panel a lot. :p
DAJB at 12:12AM, April 14, 2009
Nope - not confused! You really don't need to be so apologetic for your art! Now, just tell everyone the latest instalment features a cute blonde with handcuffs ... you'll have so many readers you won't know what to do with them all! ;-)
Kristen Gudsnuk at 11:36PM, April 13, 2009
I think it makes sense.. he tripped, hit his head, woke up and was cuffed to the water fountain? If indeed understand correctly, a small dark panel could give the impression of being in a momentary stupor. the water fountain seems a little too small in the panel where he hits his head-- maybe that's the confusing part? lol, why do I say "confusing part"-- I wasn't confused...
ghostrunner at 10:30PM, April 13, 2009
owww
Warpedwenger at 10:07PM, April 13, 2009
looks like he tripped and hit his head and thus was caught. It's not as clear as it could be as I had to think about it a bit but just maybe that's a good thing.