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usedbooks on April 15, 2009
I rewrote the dialogue on the top half of the page –twice. The first rewrite was because thoughts didn't flow well, and it didn't get enough closure on the Mina thing. The second time I rewrote it was because it lost Mike's fatalistic attitude, the reason he's not fighting back. (Like when he confronted Kaida and when he dealt with the psycho bank robber.)
–1st draft–
Mike: Mina had nothing to do with this; did she? How dare you use her like that!
Meredith: I'm all torn up about it. Really. Heartbroken.
Mike: You have every right to kill me. Just do it already.
Meredith: Oh, I plan to. But don't deny me my fun.
–2nd draft–
Mike: *same as final draft*
Meredith: *same as final draft*
Mike: She thinks I hate her… And now I can't apologize. At least she won't miss me when I'm gone.
Meredith: Aw. That's so touching. I think I'm gonna cry. Or you are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Warpedwenger: I'm not fluent in the language of art, so if you can follow the actions, that's a step in the right direction.
ghostrunner: -_-
Kristen: I was thinking the same thing about the fountain. I suffer from changing-proportions syndrome. ^_^;
DAJB: Last time she brought chains. XD Meredith is a real crowd-pleaser.
Peipei: Thanks. ^_^ Mike didn't really pass out, he was just dazed. Although he could have been out for a moment. It would make more sense then just coincidentally lading in a perfect handcuffing position.
n_y_japlander: Thanks. I don't notice much improvement these days, but maybe I am. If so, that's great! No one wants to plateau with their skills.
Tantz: He is. The kid can't catch a break.
amanda: Me too. -_- I have actually severely injured myself just getting out of bed and tripping.
Jonko: According to Meredith, *Mike* is the killer, but his exploits are far inferior to hers.
patrickdevine -)
LanceDanger: Interesting indeed.
blntmaker: You're right that I don't incorporate sound effects often. It's mostly because I don't feel confident enough to use them properly.
JustNoPoint at 4:02PM, April 17, 2009
For some reason I really really love the dialogue on this page XD Meredith's lines in general. And her body language. It's adding depth to the sadist. Sadistic depth, but depth none the less!
ttyler at 9:03PM, April 16, 2009
Lots of emotion on this page. Nice.
patrickdevine at 1:59PM, April 16, 2009
Hey! the other half of the title bar! I gotta say it's interesting to see how you go abou the writing process, one thing I will say is that Meredith sounds more cruel in the closing line in the previous versions of the script. She's a great character in how flat out mean she is!
LanceDanger at 12:26PM, April 16, 2009
0_0
Jonko at 9:43AM, April 16, 2009
Oh no, Mike can't die!? Are there any chances someone's going to pass by and stop this from happening!? (seems unlikely in a park at night...)
amanda at 7:53AM, April 16, 2009
Ew! First off, what a horrible way to die. Second, can you imagine what would happen when some poor kid finds a decimated Mike chained to a park water fountain? Ugh. Meredith is the worst. Let's punch her.
Peipei at 3:29AM, April 16, 2009
Wow x.x. This is awful...Gunshots to the head aren't always painless :s. Especially if it doesn't hit the head correctly x.x. Some people who actually lived from gunshot wounds to the head probably went through hell on the way to the hospital :x.
ghostrunner at 3:12AM, April 16, 2009
ouch
DAJB at 11:58PM, April 15, 2009
Wow - if he's going to get all maudlin on us, maybe she [i]should[/i] shoot him! ;-)
Tantz_Aerine at 11:27PM, April 15, 2009
I think she's just using that excuse to ensure Mike accepts whatever she dishes out.
patoborracho at 10:18PM, April 15, 2009
uh-oh...
blntmaker at 10:11PM, April 15, 2009
She's quite the sadist. Nice manicure by the way ;).
Warpedwenger at 10:09PM, April 15, 2009
Well you've improved considerably since you started you don't have anything to be ashamed of.