General Discussion

Tell us your favourite riddle/joke
GOD_OF_DEATH at 6:33AM, Nov. 19, 2007
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Fenn
GOD_OF_DEATH
Favorite Riddle:

Saint Ive's

As i was going to Saint Ive's I meet a man with seven wives
Each wive a seven sacks
Each Sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cat, sacks and wives,
How many were going to saint Ive's?

Die Hard with a Vengeance
Zeus: Wait a minute, wait a minute, it's a trick! I forgot about the man.
John McClane: Man? What man? Fuck the man! I got ten seconds here!
Zeus: The riddle begins, “As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives!”
John McClane: So?
Zeus: So, the guy and his wives aren't going anywhere.
John McClane: What are they doing?
Zeus: Sitting in the fucking road! Waiting on the moors! How the hell should I know?
Just that one guy, dude.
Nice
I miss BABAARS NINJAAR house, great memories, Ah, APPLES to APPLES
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:38PM
Rutger at 6:35AM, Nov. 19, 2007
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You, God, go read the stuff on useless posting. nao.

K.A.L.A.-dan! rutGAR desu!
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:14PM
jagular at 11:42PM, Nov. 19, 2007
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here's one. there was a messenger who had to deliver a gift to a town one day away by monday. he needed rest so he waited 6 days (monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday,)and left on friday. how is this possible
If anything bad happens,I'm blaming Global Warming.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:06PM
Rutger at 9:51AM, Nov. 20, 2007
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He got to the other town, rested again and left from there on Friday?

K.A.L.A.-dan! rutGAR desu!
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:14PM
Sidwarrious at 11:46AM, Nov. 20, 2007
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harryq
For Ozoneocean:

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full.

THANK YOU FOR THIS JOKE!

I have used it several times since hearing it. Ah the cries of “OH GROSS” still fill my ears. I love you.
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:36PM
Sidwarrious at 11:53AM, Nov. 20, 2007
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jagular
here's one. there was a messenger who had to deliver a gift to a town one day away by monday. he needed rest so he waited 6 days (monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday,)and left on friday. how is this possible
]Monday is his horse.
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:36PM
jagular at 12:00AM, Nov. 21, 2007
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Sidwarrious
jagular
here's one. there was a messenger who had to deliver a gift to a town one day away by monday. he needed rest so he waited 6 days (monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday,)and left on friday. how is this possible
]Monday is his horse.
friday's his horse not monday but youre very close
If anything bad happens,I'm blaming Global Warming.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:06PM
Sidwarrious at 9:39AM, Nov. 21, 2007
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I've heard that one many times. But the days are always different. X__x.
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:36PM
harryq at 4:53AM, Nov. 24, 2007
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Sidwarrious
harryq
For Ozoneocean:

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full.
I now love you forever.

And I you… that'll be 20 bucks! Please come again, and often.
Pugnuggle Tales; zen farce in a bucket!
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:45PM
harryq at 4:56AM, Nov. 24, 2007
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Sidwarrious
harryq
For Ozoneocean:

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full.

THANK YOU FOR THIS JOKE!

I have used it several times since hearing it. Ah the cries of “OH GROSS” still fill my ears. I love you.

That's 20 more! You're very energetic!
Pugnuggle Tales; zen farce in a bucket!
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:45PM
Mizukane at 5:35AM, Nov. 24, 2007
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Walrus
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.

Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree?

He was holding onto the first monkey.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

He thought it was a game.
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:05PM
jurbas at 5:12AM, Nov. 26, 2007
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Just to continue it!

Why'd the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?



someone threw a fridge at it!!.
Everyone's a tosser…but you slightly more
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:12PM
jurbas at 5:25AM, Nov. 26, 2007
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A man comes home to find his wife naked in his bed, panting as if she has just been having sex with another man.

He runs to the window to see a man running down the street, he grabs the fridge from the kitchen and throws it at him.

Two men arrive at the gates of heaven. St Peter asks the first man how he died.

'I dont know, I was going for a run around the block when I got hit by a fridge and ended up here' He replied

St Peter asked the second man how he died

His reply was ‘I was hiding in the fridge’
Everyone's a tosser…but you slightly more
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:12PM
Insanity at 5:36PM, Dec. 2, 2007
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GOD_OF_DEATH
Favorite Riddle:

Saint Ive's

As i was going to Saint Ive's I meet a man with seven wives
Each wive a seven sacks
Each Sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cat, sacks and wives,
How many were going to saint Ive's?

2401, or a lot.

Flip Wilson Joke:

There's a lady on this train, and a drunk guy comes on and says the truth.

“Lady, you have an ugly baby!”

So, an imminent conflict occurs,
and the conductor comes back to the car,
and asks what's wrong. The woman says,

“This man insulted me,” pointing to the drunkard.

The conductor says, “Well, I'm sorry for your troubles, but here's a ticket to the dinner car. And maybe we can get a banana for your monkey.”

AwesomeUnicorn
I feel a little bit like Hitler right now, too.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:01PM
Fenn at 1:17AM, Dec. 3, 2007
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Insanity
GOD_OF_DEATH
As i was going to Saint Ive's I meet a man with seven wives
Each wive a seven sacks
Each Sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cat, sacks and wives,
How many were going to saint Ive's?

2401, or a lot.
No. As previously stated, the answer is 1. The first sentence gives it away… "As I was going to St. Ives." Everything else is just window dressing, the other people mentioned are irrelevant.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:26PM
Izzy11 at 12:00PM, Dec. 11, 2007
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My favourite joke is:
It was the happiest day of his life, he was at church with his wife at the alter, he walked down the isle and kissed her on the cheek, then closed the freakin lid!
Kero kero kero kero! >:3
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:05PM
Croi Dhubh at 7:06PM, Dec. 11, 2007
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Here's one of my favorite jokes:

Heaven was getting a bit full and so St. Peter informed the group standing before him that to get into Heaven, you needed to have a great story. So, the first man stepped up to him and said,

“I had just come home late one night and went up to the third story master bedroom where I saw my wife covered in sweat, naked on the bed, and panting heavily. I saw the balcony window was open, so I rushed out and saw a man hanging on to the ledge. I smashed his fingers, causing him to drop, and just to make sure that he was dead, I dropped my large safe down on him, but in the process, I slipped and died.”

St. Peter thought it was a pretty good story, and so he granted the man entrance. The second man stepped forward and told him,

“Well, I was with my girlfriend and doing aerobics naked, when I spun too quickly, stumbled out to the balcony, slipped, and grabbed the railing. Out of nowhere, some crazy idiot smashed my fingers and I fell. By the grace of God, I survived, but then a safe landed on my head, killing me!”

St. Peter thought that was a pretty good story, and so he granted the man entrance as well. The third man come to him and started,

“Picture this…I'm sweaty, naked, and hiding in a safe…”



Here's one of my favorite riddles:

Ten fish I caught without an eye
Nine without a tail
Six had no head, and half of eight
I weighed upon the scale;
No one who can tell me when I ask it,
How many fish are in my basket?
Liberate Tutemae Ex Inferis
Moderatio est Figmentum: Educatio est Omnium Efficacissima Forma Rebellionis

http://weblog.xanga.com/CroiDhubh - Home to the “Chuck E. Cheese Terror” stories
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:54AM
seventy2 at 8:57PM, Dec. 11, 2007
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Two guys walk into a bar……


the third man ducks….
facara
Running Anew an exercise blog.
I'm gonna love you till the money comes, half of it's gonna be mine someday.
last edited on July 14, 2011 3:28PM
beautifully_demonic at 3:06AM, Dec. 17, 2007
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this is something my father wroter once

once upon a time, Jonas was at work and his cellphone rang, this being a very casual every day thing he answered the cellphone and his wife was on the other line !
Wife: Jonas I´m tring to do this puzzle, but I can´t do it ! nothing fits together and I can´t see what I am suposed to do !
Jonas: calm down honey, now tell me, what is on the box ? is there a picture?
Wife: yes !
Jonas: ok, now tell me what is on the picture!
Wife: it´s a big rooster
Jonas : … honey, put the cornflakes back into the box
(\__/) | This is Bunny.
(O.o ) | Copy Bunny into your signature to help
(> < ) | him on his way to world domination!

1f u c4n r34d 7h1s u r34lly n33d 2 g3t l41d
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:16AM
Insane Video Gamer at 11:49AM, Dec. 17, 2007
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GOD_OF_DEATH
Favorite Riddle:

Saint Ive's

As i was going to Saint Ive's I meet a man with seven wives
Each wive a seven sacks
Each Sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cat, sacks and wives,
How many were going to saint Ive's?

I already knew that one, and I was going to answer it but I see that you already told everyone.

Okay, so my favorite riddle:
In marble halls as white as milk,
Lined with skin soft as silk,
Within a fountain crystal clear,
A golden apple does appear.
No doors are there to this stronghold —
Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.

My favorite joke:
So Joe got home from work one day and told his wife, Sue, “I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer.”
“Why did you do that?” His wife asked, and he shrugged. She dropped the subject.
The next day Joe came home and said, “I got fired because I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer.”
“What happened to the pickle slicer?” Sue asked.
“Oh, she got fired, too.”
My comic link is:
Random Insane Sprite Comic
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:00PM
Chernobog at 12:11PM, Dec. 17, 2007
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My favorite riddles are from childhood.

“What do you call a room with no windows or doors?”

And similarly,

“What kind of house has has no windows or doors?”
 
 
“You tell yourself to just
enjoy the process,” he added. “That whether you succeed or fail, win or
lose, it will be fine. You pretend to be Zen. You adopt detachment, and
ironic humor, while secretly praying for a miracle.”
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:41AM
Croi Dhubh at 12:38PM, Dec. 19, 2007
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Insane Video Gamer
Okay, so my favorite riddle:
In marble halls as white as milk,
Lined with skin soft as silk,
Within a fountain crystal clear,
A golden apple does appear.
No doors are there to this stronghold —
Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.
An egg
Liberate Tutemae Ex Inferis
Moderatio est Figmentum: Educatio est Omnium Efficacissima Forma Rebellionis

http://weblog.xanga.com/CroiDhubh - Home to the “Chuck E. Cheese Terror” stories
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:54AM
Insane Video Gamer at 7:37AM, Dec. 21, 2007
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Dang, you're too smart for me, Croi. (did you get that from the dragonology book?)


Oh, I have another joke: I got it from my friend's brother
It's a blonde joke, so blondes, look away!

There's a blonde, a redhead and a brunette. They are climbing up a magical mountain that can grant your every wish, and they get to the top.
The brunette went to the edge and said “I wish I could be a butterfly, so I could fly far, far away.” He turned into a butterfly and fly away.
The redhead went to the edge and said “I wish I was a bird, so I could fly through the clouds.” He turned into a bird and soared into the sky.
The blonde tried going up the edge but tripped over a rock and said “Oh crap!”
Then he turned into a piece of crap and fell down the mountain.
My comic link is:
Random Insane Sprite Comic
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:00PM
Inkmonkey at 8:36AM, Dec. 21, 2007
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Insane Video Gamer
Dang, you're too smart for me, Croi. (did you get that from the dragonology book?)


Actually, the egg riddle is one of the riddles from The Hobbit.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:00PM
KomradeDave at 6:42PM, Dec. 25, 2007
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A man dies and goes straight to Hell. Upon arrival he is told that he can go to Capitalist Hell or socialist Hell. Wanting to make an informed decision, he convinces Satan to let him speak to the doorman of each. First he goes to Capitalist Hell and is greeted by Ronald Reagan. After looking over the line of people waiting to get in he asks, “What do they do to you in there?” Reagan replies, “First they skin you, then they pour boiling salt water into wounds for all of eternity.” Satisfied, the man goes to Socialist Hell and is greeted by Lenin. He notices the line is at least three times as long and asks, “What do they do to you in there?” Lenin responds, “First they skin you, then they pour boiling salt water into wounds for all of eternity.” The man is confused and so asks, “Why is this line so much longer?” Lenin replies, “There another razor shortage and the gas is out again.”

Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
Because your mom's a filthy whore
Handshakes and mustaches are the only ways to know how much you can truly trust a man.
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:20PM
Ziffy88 at 11:16PM, Dec. 25, 2007
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only a sith deals with absolute values

Vote Palpatine

Anakin is a flip-flopper


some Star Wars joke

The = crap

f(me)=aweso*me
last edited on July 14, 2011 5:01PM
ozoneocean at 4:58AM, Dec. 27, 2007
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I just heard a good one:

Why do communists drink herbal tea?

-Because all proper tea is theft.
 
last edited on July 14, 2011 2:29PM
BlueFlame_Studios at 12:25PM, Dec. 28, 2007
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Here, I have one for ya'll:

Today is Friday, all you have to do is figure out what day it is in the riddle.

''The day after tomorrow is the night before the morning after.''

Solve it, I dare ya.

A Comic by Habilis_Orian

Autumn Blood Forums

My deviantArt Page
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:28AM
veritan at 2:54PM, Dec. 28, 2007
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Sunday, maybe? If not, I shall pick at random for six more times.

Screaming, soaring, seeking sky
Flowers of fire flying high
Eastern art of ancient time
Name me now and solve this rhyme.
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:40PM
Croi Dhubh at 3:40PM, Dec. 28, 2007
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BlueFlame_Studios
Here, I have one for ya'll:

Today is Friday, all you have to do is figure out what day it is in the riddle.

''The day after tomorrow is the night before the morning after.''

Solve it, I dare ya.
Isn't that just, you know…tomorrow? Doesn't matter what today is…


veritan
Sunday, maybe? If not, I shall pick at random for six more times.

Screaming, soaring, seeking sky
Flowers of fire flying high
Eastern art of ancient time
Name me now and solve this rhyme.
Fireworks, FTW!!!!


Inkmonkey
Insane Video Gamer
Dang, you're too smart for me, Croi. (did you get that from the dragonology book?)


Actually, the egg riddle is one of the riddles from The Hobbit.
Thank you for helping me not feel as nerdy B)





———
At death a man stands before St Peter and is welcomed. St Peter informs him that all new arrivals get a tour of Heaven before being shown into their own respective faith's idea of Heaven.

The man walks with an angel to a door that says “Catholics”. Peeking in, the man sees a bunch of people laughing and dancing. The angel tells the man, “Because they were so strict in life, they get it easier here.”

The next door they arrived at was marked “Amish”. Inside people were drinking and having wild orgies, going totally wild! “Because they couldn't do anything when they were alive, they get to do whatever they want up here.”

Walking down a bit further, the man and angel come to a door that says “Christians”. Looking in the man sees they are all sitting around quietly, not saying much. “Because they got to do nearly whatever they wanted when alive, they don't do a lot here.”

The last door they get to is marked “Mormons”. “Shhh, we have to be quiet,” the angel informs him, "They think they're the only ones here!




Here we go:

Because I am by nature blind,
I wisely choose to walk behind;
However, to avoid disgrace,
I let no creature see my face.
My words are few, but spoke with sense;
And yet my speaking gives offense:
Or if to whisper I presume
The company will fly the room.
By all the world I am oppressed;
And my oppression gives them rest.
Liberate Tutemae Ex Inferis
Moderatio est Figmentum: Educatio est Omnium Efficacissima Forma Rebellionis

http://weblog.xanga.com/CroiDhubh - Home to the “Chuck E. Cheese Terror” stories
last edited on July 14, 2011 11:54AM

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